I didn't even want to do this review, but if my warning can save even one person, then it was all worth it. If you don't believe me, and think I'm being snarky with what follows, just watch the movie. I really mean that. No pictures, no attempted humor, all you'll find below is the review. UGH!
Sub-Genre- Nature Attacks
In Attendance- Me... Unfortunately.
Cast Members of Note- Why was Mark Wahlberg in this? Also, John Leguizamo and Zooey Deschanel? Shame on them.
What's it about?- Plants hate us as much as M. Night loves himself; that means immeasurably.
M.Night Shaymalananan is so clever! Wanna know why come? Because of these clever things he slips into the movie; he gives us the witty play on words "Kiladelphia." Instead of Philadelphia, get it!?!
He makes mood rings an indicator of danger; He schools us about 435 times how plants react to human stimulus and do stuff; math riddles calm hysterical people down during a "Happening"; plants, trees and grass can communicate with each other; wind is really scary; plants release co-transporters in the air; this movie makes little sense.
Once Marky Mark screams "Get scientific, douche bag!" at himself, seriously, he figures it all out; Stay ahead of the wind, and stay in a big group , and the plants cant kill us. The wind chase is on! Luckily, it cant catch 20 milling city folk, because obviously wind is slow.
Marky Mark finds a little tree in the den of a farmhouse they hide out in and says the following (looking terrified all the while); "Hello? My name is Elliot Moore, I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes... were just here to use the bathroom, I hope that's ok." The tree turns out to be plastic. Wow, that's funny... almost as funny as 9 year old cancer patients with aids being mauled by lions. Less funny even.
So now they decide that they have to stay away from large groups of people... whatever. At least they find a radio tied to a fence in the middle of nowhere. Then during another inane speech and delivery by Marky, Zooey delivers the most ironic line of the movie; "Are you joking?" That part was actually perfect.
The ending is about as anti climactic as it gets, and it sucks ass as much as the rest did.
The Good- It ended.
The Bad- The worst part of this whole mess is that the guy, M. Night of course, thinks that he is making social commentary, and teaching us something. He also thinks he is relevant.
The Downright Horrendous- The script. The acting. The premise. The plot. I'm seriously wondering if Shaymalananan made this movie as a joke, or if he has seriously gone insane. I'm being serious.
What did we learn?- That this sucked worse than his last two movies.
Rating- F uck you M. Night Shayamalanananan.
Final Thoughts- Fuck M. Night Shaymalananan, right in his ass.