September 8, 2011

Review: Bereavement (2011)

"Bereave it when we say that this movie is the goods..."
Cast Members of Note- Alexandra Daddario, Michael Biehn, Spencer List, Brett Rickaby and John Savage.

Bereavement is the story of little Martin Bristol (Malevolence's maniac), who was kidnapped out of his backyard at the tender age of 6 and forced to watch his creepy new "mentor" do some sick things to innocent girls. It's kinda like a Torture Porn training program.

This whore obviously has to pay for her sins.
Martin has a rare disorder which doesn't allow his body to feel any pain, so when "New Daddy" Mr. Creep kills his slutty, sinner victims, Martin assumes that they feel no pain either, so it's alright to stab them? Not sure about that one, but it makes some kind of weird sense to us. Whatever the case, Martin is a creeper in training, though he does seem to be reluctant when it comes to hurting others.

Luckily, Mr. Creep has no issue with bringing the pain.
Enter sexy little Allison; with her sexy eyes and sexy sheer tank-top that shows off her sexy, massive cans. She's just moved to South Hooterville to live with her Uncle after her Parents' tragic and untimely deaths. There's not much to do in the country aside from jog the creepy, deserted back roads, which of course lead her right past the deserted old meat-packing plant where Martin and Mr. Creep live... you see where this is going, don't you?

Yeah. This is pretty much where it's going.
If you remember 2004's Malevolence, then you may remember it as being a pretty decent little cheapo Slasher flick; cheapo is a fact, not a put down, and in all reality it's a compliment, because it managed to be fairly effective despite its budget and technical limitations. Bereavement is a prequel to Malevolence, and it is its polar opposite; it's a gorgeous, expensive-looking movie that boasts some truly amazing Cinematography. We were really wowed by how crisp and tight it looked and played out. Stevan Mena truly has a great eye, and he pulled off some amazing shots in this one.

It's also got a tight little narrative going for it, which aside from one major flaw (see below), kept us engaged and even managed to creep us out here and there. The acting is above board too, with good to great performances all around. Spencer List and Brett Rickaby were as chilling in their roles as Alexandra Daddario was sexy and compelling in hers.

And the bits with this creepy thing in it were great, especially when it moved...
Let us not forget the classic awesomeness that is Michael Biehn either; the guy is Kyle Reese, Corporal Hicks, Johnny Ringo, not to mention his awesome (if not widely known by name) roles in The Abyss, Navy Seals, and The Rock. He's done his share of Horror work too, with Cherry Falls, The Seventh Sign, Planet Terror, Psych:9, and now, Bereavement. It was great to see him in a good, major role again.

An all-time great.
Alexandra Daddario needs to make with the mammario's!

For the love of all that is holy!
As good as the movie was on the whole, once plot device made us punch the air in anger; explain it any way you like, but there is no reason at all for her to have gone into that creepy-ass, abandoned meat-packing plant. Furthermore, once inside, it was ludicrously insane for her to follow some kid she didn't even know deeper and deeper into the basement levels, uttering "I'm here to help you" over and over again. If you think the kid needs help, jog your happy ass home and call the Police. Or, be a fucking moron and get what you deserve. Ugh!

Don't look at us like that, just hang there and look delicious!
Plenty o' gore is on display in this one, most of it involving the stabbing and slashing of nubile young Hotties. Also, there's a meat hook. And a shotgun. Let's not forget the always classic knife-through-the-hand bit too. Bereavement is pure Slasher flick goodness.

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Aside from a quick shot of some corpse's boobs, there's not much skin on display here... but... we do get to see Alexandra Daddario parade around in a white tank top, which shows plenty of cleavage and a few glimpses of her pokies. Shame she didn't get naked, as she has some of the best Horror boobs of all time; and we're talking Julianna Guill-level boobage here, kids.

They're like small children crammed in a sack; soft, magnificent children in a dirty, skimpy sack.
Michael Biehn will never not be awesome. Also, girls are dumb.

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Bereavement is a good flick. Sure that sounds kinda plain and simple as compliments go, but we do solidly mean it. It's pretty too look at, creepy, bloody and it gives us a chance to stare at Alexandra Daddario for an hour an a half, so there's no way we couldn't enjoy this one. Had it not been for the one really awful plot device, it would have easily been deserving of an A grade.

Check out Malevolence before you see Bereavement; you don't need to see it to enjoy its prequel, but it makes for a nice twofer, and will give you even more appreciation for the steps the director took with his follow-up effort. Check it y'all.


Honestly, we don't know what to look at first with this girl; the eyes or the tittahs.

We'll just try to do both at once.



  1. A prequel to Malevolence? I never knew! I'll be sure to track this one down, as I thought Malevolence was a very effective, creepy little thriller.