The Orphan Killer (2011)

THE ORPHAN KILLER
Sub-Genre- Slasher

Cast Members of Note- Diane Foster, John Savage, Karen Young, and James McCaffrey.

What's it About?- The Orphan Killer is the story of Marcus and Audrey Miller. As kids they were the closest of siblings, until they witnessed their parents being brutally murdered. Afterwards, they see themselves promptly shipped off to the local orphanage where Audrey is a perfect little lady, sweet and loveable, while Marcus turns out to be a creepy little fucker; after pretty much beating a fat kid to death with a baseball bat, the pious nuns of St. Nobody Wants You try to drown him, beat him endlessly, and force him to wear some nasty looking skeleton mask, because he's a sinner. But they're orphans, so it makes sense, right? Happens all the time in orphanages.

All he needs is love.
Anywho, Audrey gets adopted, and Marcus gets all pissy about it, because he's a family man kid. Marcus is locked in the attic and left there, and I'm pretty sure they eventually forget he's there. Of course that just serves to warp him more than he already is, and years later he emerges in search of his long lost sister, and looking to hack anyone who works for God into bloody little pieces...

The Good- As a gorefest, this movie absolutely nails it; It's bloody, messy, wet, and really graphic. If you love unrelenting gore and endless kill scenes, this is your flick. It definitely harkens back to the lost slashers of the 80's, where plot and acting meant nothing, because skin and viscera was the draw.

Movies like this serve their purpose.

On the flip side of this particular coin is everything other than the gore, which isn't anything to write home about. If you'd believe most of the 23"Reviewers" that have posted their thoughts about The Orphan Killer on IMDB, it's "the best slasher flick of all time!" It's not even the best slasher movie of this year, let alone ever, so grains of salt must be taken.

The shots of young Marcus standing around in his mask were really creepy, and made us wish we had seen more of his childhood carnage.

Gore Galore.
The Bad-As a film, The Orphan Killer isn't winning any awards. When I first heard about TOK, it was called Marcus Miller: The Orphan Killer. Catchy title. I thought maybe it would surprise me like Leslie Vernon did, or even Malevolence. Both were low budget slashers, and both were pretty fun.

TOK is fun, insofar as the blood and gore goes. Most everything else that surrounds it though is painful to endure. Save for the female lead, most of the acting is abysmal. At one point during the movie I was convinced that the director had grabbed a homeless person off the street, dressed them in a nun costume, and told them "Just keep saying "We have to leave!" over and over again." It was bewildering. Then again, this movie exists to shock, not dazzle.

The Downright Horrendous- When someone watches a movie and decides to post a review about it, they should be able to. Love it, hate it, it's their right. If you happen to frequent the IMDB pages for your favorite flicks, you may notice that it's an open forum for opinion, good or bad. We personally love to opine. We do not love when opinions are censored because someone doesn't agree with them. We don't censor comments here, and we were once told that we should shoot ourselves. True story. It's all in the Megan is Missing comment section. Point is, we let them say it.

To see that actual reviews were taken down off of TOK's IMDB page is alarming. If someone doesn't like your film, it's not the end of the world. Maybe you listen to what they say and try to be objective, because feedback is always good, even if what you've done is perfect. Don't like the review? Ignore it. If someone has the right to pimp their movie to the ends of the earth as the best thing ever, then someone else has the right to say "No, I don't agree."

Man up and take the feedback.

The Gory- Gore f'ing galore. If you're in it for the kills, and if you like them extra messy, you will adore this movie. In fact, this will become one of your instant faves.

The Naked- Not only can Diane Foster act, but she's also good at taking a shower, which we were pleased to be able to watch. There was all kinds of wet and willing flesh on display, and for that we are truly thankful.

Wunderbar!
The Master Says- I don't know who proclaimed Marcus Miller to be the 2011's new horror icon, aside from the director, but I'm not convinced of it. TOK gets an A+ for gore, a D+ for everything else. If you want to check this movie out, head over to the Orphan Killer Facebook Page and pick up a copy.


A piece of awesome Orphan Killer art.