The Paranormal Activity 2 teaser hits...

We knew it was coming after the success of the first one, and now Paranormal Activity 2 has a teaser trailer. It looks like more of the same, whichis either good or bad depending on what you thought about the first one.

Either way, We will be spending our money on this instead of Saw XVII This October.

I'm not going to embed it here, due to the fact that it would look tiny and sad. Click the link below and head over to the site to check it out.

OFFICIAL SITE
What do you think?

A quick word on The Wolfman (2010)...

Not much to say on this one, so it's a quickie...


There's not much to say about this one, other than... It's The Wolfman.

I was never personally a huge fan of the original Wolfman story, as it always seemed a little tame and stale to me, and even a bit lame. I know tons of classic movie monster lovers would flay me at hearing that, but it's just not my taste is all. You can keep The Mummy and Frankenstein too. Just sayin'.

The new 2010 version of The Wolfman, despite my personal predilections, is a stunning film to look at and a fun one to watch. The sets, locations, scenery, costumes, and even the dreaded CGI is all spot on. It's well written, and directed more than competently too, which just makes it all the more technically and creatively sound.

This is why I avoid crypt's.
Surprisingly, there was a good amount of action throughout, from chases and multiple fight scenes, to a dream sequence that was pretty damned amazing. It's a bloody flick too, which surprised me for a bigger budget Hollywood project. Claws tear, entrails drop, and blood flows in copious amounts, which is always a good thing. I'm guessing the Unrated DVD version is going to be bloodier than the theatrical (I know, I'm Captain Obvious), so be sure to grab that one if you love the gore.

Calista Flockhart's Cameo.
The best part of the whole thing for me were the great performances, most notably from Sir Anthony Hopkins. The guy is just always stellar, and here, he's all kinds of intense and awesome. It's worth seeing the movie jsut to watch him emote and act creepy. Add to that the always great Hugo Weaving, the vastly underused Benicio DelToro, and the way hot Emily Blunt (who can act her ass off too), and we have an absolutely solid cast knocking it out of the park... but in the end, it's still just The Wolfman. Meh.

Oh shit, it's agent Smith!
The OG.B+ It drags a bit in the start (though I like the quiet character stuff), and there's really only so much you can do with this story, but it's a fun watch, filled with blood and action. You probably already know if you'd like this one or not, and you're probably right.

In parting, here's some Emily Blunt for you to enjoy. You can never have too much Emily Blunt.

Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre (2010)

"Iceland makes what I believe is their first horror flick... and they obviously came to represent"

Harpoon: Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre
Sub-Genre- Slasher/Icelandic Horror

Cast Members of Note- Pihla Viitala, Terrence Anderson, Miranda Hennessy, and Leatherface himself, Gunnar Hansen.

What's it About?- Leatherface is now a retired movie maniac, and spends his white haired days captaining a boat that offers whale watching tours in Iceland. These days, he's all silver haired and wise looking, and seems as if he's left his murderous past behind. Good for him!

Gunnar!
With Leatherface's boat full of tourists from a bunch of different nations, they set out on an idyllic trip to find some of natures most majestic mammals, and watch them. Instead they find a crazy, inbred Icelandic family (led by a guy that looks suspiciously like crab boat Captain Phil Harris) that hates Greenpeace and whales, and really seem to enjoy killing tree-hugging hippies/tourists. Especially the tree hugging American hippie/tourists.

Phil Harris?
I won't spoil what happens next here, mainly because it's a slasher and there isn't much to spoil, but suffice it to say that once it hits the fan, shit get's seriously frigging crazy aboard the death boat. Iceland could be re-named "Bloodland" and it would somehow be fitting after this movie.

Ouch.
The Good- Had this been an American horror film, I think my overall verdict would be something along the lines of "meh." It's fairly simple, a bit slow to start, and really brings nothing new to the horror table. But... for a country that has produced less than 100 films in their entire history as a nation, Iceland has managed to come up with a pretty good horror flick.

It's a bit choppy and awkward throughout, and most of the plot elements and characters were borrowed from other genre movies (TCM, Wrong Turn, etc...), but it was bloody enough and fun enough to make me happy in the end. There's even a part that made me laugh pretty hard; be on the lookout for the "I'll be right back, don't you move!" scene involving the rapist deckhand... Oh no he didn't! Oh yes he did, and I LOL'd. Hard.

It's also of note to mention that horror legend Gunnar Hansen (TCM's original Leatherface), makes an appearance in this movie as the tour boat Captain. I never realized he was from Iceland, but it was a neat little surprise to see him show up in this one.

... and random lesbian snogging is always a bonus, no?
The Bad- One of the film's killers reminded me a lot of the late, great Captain Phil Harris from the Discovery Channel show, Deadliest Catch. A great show and a great guy, this movie just made me think about him and his recent death, and it bummed me out a little.

R.I.P. Capt. Phil. Thanks for being awesome.

The Downright Horrendous- I just knew there couldn't be a horror flick with a gay, black hero that didn't involve some sort of racist B.S. going on... even in Iceland the man is always there to keep a brotha down! All I'm sayin' is if I ever go on a creepy boat trip through the waters of Iceland, I'm bringing a gay black dude with me... because he took care of business!

"Sorry baby, you ain't my type."
The Gory- The gore factor in this movie is pretty high, as we get all sorts of nastiness including, but not limited to; vomit, eye violence, throat slashing, impalement, axe violence, exploding heads, blood body paint, people burning alive, rape, and yes, we do get some pretty awesome harpoon violence! The kind you mount on a boat, not carry.

Oh yeah, that's the good stuff.
The Naked- There's a fair amount of nudity and some sexual situations in this movie, but almost all of it involves near-rape. Once scene at the beginning was nice, but the rest was just downright creepy. Nothing fun here.

What did we learn?- People in Iceland hate whales. They seem to hate American Hippies too. Also, never fuck with the quiet Asian chick, or she will teach you a harsh lesson.

The Master Says- B- (7.0/10) For many of you, this will be your average run of the mill slasher, albeit set in an interesting locale. For the rest of you, this will be a bloody, disturbing, fun, hell of an effort by a country that basically has no history when it comes to making horror flicks. The beginning lagged a bit, but once the "massacre" begins, it was a fun ride that didn't make a ton of sense, but delivered the goods. Not bad Iceland. Not bad at all.

Final Thoughts- She's in this.

We cant pronounce your name, Pihla Viitala, but that doesn't mean we don't love you.

Maybe the best movie title ever...

Sure, it may be crude, but how can you not love the title (and premise) of this movie? Take a second, and say it out loud: Big Tits Zombie. Now let it settle for a moment, and then say it again. See what I mean?

I'm thinking Tokyo Gore Police meets Zombie Strippers here, and I am intrigued. When we get a copy of the DVD, we will be happy campers.

True Blood: Season, Ep 1

After watching the first episode of the new season of TB, I can honestly say that I liked it better than most of Season 2 as a whole.

The Good-
-Eric is still a bad ass.
-Bill is a bad ass rather than whiny in this episode.
-Lafayette is back to his bad ass self
-Jessica and Sophie Ann are both super hot. Sookie too, to a lesser degree.
-Pam is finally emerging from Eric's shadow and showing some personality.
-The wolves. Awesome.

Real wolves. You hear that, Twilight? REAL WOLVES.
The Bad-
-Sookie is slightly less annoying than she was before, but she's still annoying.
-Tara being all angry and inconsolable... again. Please take her character in a different direction, it's getting old. And let her date someone with a better name than Eggs this time. Please.
-Stop teasing us with hot near-lesbian coed action, and deliver.

I would let her bite me and become her human man-bitch for eternity.
The WTF?!?-
Ok Sam, what was with that erotic gay dream? For a moment there, I thought you were going to shape shift into Bill's butt plug. It came that close.

Yep.
Our hopes, questions, and demands-
- Please let the magister stick around this season. Zeljko Ivanek is a great actor.

T-r-o-u-b-l-e.
Awesome lines-
"And playin' with your own titties in a car full of dudes aint?"
"Bitch, you and me bridge.. that aint never gonna motherfuckin' happen."
"I should warn you, I've fed."


Overall, episode 1 rocked. This season is going to be great.

It's not what it looks like. I think.

True Blood returns this Sunday... don't forget!

True Blood, the other vampire phenomenon that has captured hearts and minds everywhere (the one that doesn't involve wispy, mopey tweens and glitter), returns to kick off its 3rd season this Sunday on HBO. We here at THC (especially Erin) can't wait to get another Sookie fix, and hopefully a naked one. We also desperately need some answers to a few questions...

Where is Bill?
Will Sookie whore it up with Bill, Eric and a werewolf?
Will Jessica find a way to break her everlasting-hymen?
Will they finally kiss?
Will Sophie-Ann show her lesbian side this season?
Will Eric get some of that Stackhouse booty? Will he let his hair grow back?
Will Lafayette finally be back to his old sassy self?
Will they finally kiss?
We have no idea what's going to happen, but I do know that we can't wait to find out.

Sunday. 9 P.M. Be there.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

"Nice job, Jackie Earle Haley. Robert Englund should be proud..."

A Nightmare on Elm Street
Sub-Genre- Slasher/Remake

In Attendance- Me, James, Chris and Susie. (The rest of us were MIA for this one... punks.)

Cast Members of Note- Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, Katie Cassidy, Kyle Gallner, Thomas Dekker, Clancy Brown, and Connie Britton.

What's it About?- Dirty fedora, red and green striped sweater, burnt face and the finger knives... who in the world doesn't know and love Freddy Krueger to some degree? Freddy makes up one third of the holy trinity (Jason and Michael), whom are so iconic that they are recognized by first name alone. Freddy is the only one of them that really requires an actor to play them, and not just a stunt man in a mask. I guess what I'm saying is that he's the man.

1/3 of the horror-pimp triumvirate.
As horror fans, we all know this story though some of the details have changed since the 1984 version; A creepy Gardner molests/(possibly kills?) some kids, the local parents hunt him down and set him on fire, and he comes back years later, haunting the dreams of those same children, in search of some good old fashioned get back.

Man I love that scene. Both versions.
There's really nothing else to say in this section, as it's a remake and we all know what's going on. There are some questions to be answered though, like can Tina and her friends stay awake long enough to stop Freddy? Wills staying awake even keep them safe? Does anyone else remember how bad of an actress Ronee Blakley was?

One of Freddy's playthings.
The Good- A surprised as I was when I found my self excited by the trailer to this movie many months ago, I'm even more surprised that I liked the finished product better. The main reason that this movie even comes close to working, is the brilliance of Jackie Earle Haley's Freddy; that guy has been on a tear since returning to Hollywood a few years ago, and his version of Freddy is just superb. He feels more "real" than "monster" in the remake, which serves to makes him a bit more ominous than the original character. The new Freddy is more of a molester than child killer, and he's actually killing the kids that ratted him out rather than just the kids of the parents who burned him alive. they are his "special friends", and the whole thing is just creepy.

Another updated classic scene.
The melding of the real and dream worlds was handled in an interesting way here too, blurring in and out when the characters are merely sleepy/sleep deprived and not just fully asleep, which makes Freddy that much more menacing. He can get you while you're half awake! Freddy also has the ability to pull you into a dream to "show" you something, or keep you there even after you die in the waking world. the small changes added to the overall effect, which was a good thing.

Rooney Mara and Katie Cassidy did a nice job here too. Besides looking hot, they actually know how to act, especially Katie. And what can you say about Clancy Brown? The guy is hands down one of the best character guys in the business, and he does his thing here just as well. A great cast overall.

In my opinion, the original NOES series lost it's way when it became more about Freddy's one-liners and jokes than blood and mayhem. The original NOES, Dream Warriors and New Nightmare were about the only great ones in the series. The rest made me cringe more often than not. This remake brings back the coolness, the blood, and the menace. Nice job.

The Bad- Jackie Earle Haley played Freddy as well as Robert Englund did. Yeah, I just went there. I want to smack myself in the mouth for even saying that, but it's true. Both performances are a bit different, but both are also effective and fantastic in their own way. Sorry Robert, I never thought I would utter such horror blasphemy. We still love you too.


The Downright Horrendous- As good as this movie was, Hollywood needs to scale back on the remakes. Keep a few here and there, like this one or The Crazies, but we need new stories, new ideas and new directions. Hell, make more sequels, or maybe start remaking crappy old horror flicks like C.H.U.D. or Don't Go in the Basement or something. There aren't many horror holy grails left to remake after this one, and soon there will come a day when no classic genre movie will ever truly stand alone. Please stop the madness.

The Gory- Freddy got pretty bloody in this one, which surprised me. Of course there's no bed-geyser of blood in the remake, but the gloves definitely get a work out.

Band-aids are not in the mouthwash aisle!
The Naked- Rooney Mara's naked upper back is all that we get here. Connie Britton's boobs did an awesome job here too, even though it was from behind her shirt... the same with Katie Cassidy's ass/pants.

Best Line- "Wake up! ... You're bleedin'"

What did we learn?- Freddy's still comin' for you. Also, Don't let the janitor play with your kids.

The Master Says- A- (9.5/10) Sure it's a remake of a film that didn't need to be remade in any way, shape or form, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a great flick in it's own right. Jackie Earle Haley did Robert Englund's legacy proud and gave us a realistic, creepy Freddy. Remakes tend to suck, but some of them can be worthwhile, and this is one of them. Don't be biased. Check it out, and you may just have another Elm Street film to love alongside of the classic ones that you already do.

Final Thoughts- Let us not forget the bevy of beauties that starred in this movie. In fact, check below for some very attractive pics of the female cast members...

The Ladies of NOES 2010...

Connie, Rooney, and Katie.

The beginning of June brings... 10 Horror Eyes!

Mary's Eyes (Blood Night)
Sir Anthony's Eyes (The Wolfman)
Hot Fanny Eyes (Vertige)
Creepy British Eyes (Tony)
Sexy Eyes (Underworld)
Don't Fall Asleep Eyes (A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010)
Old School Zombie Eyes (Nightmare City)
Jack Bauer's Eyes (Lost Boys)
Reborn Eyes (Left Bank)
Poor Little Girl's Eyes (Daybreakers)