November 17, 2013

10 Reasons that we loved Machete Kills (2013)
If you're sitting down to watch Machete Kills, you know that you're in for a cheesy, ridiculous, insanely over-the-top, and self-aware ride. You're not expecting it to be "good," and you know that you're going to be rolling your eyes in disbelief, more than a few times.

That's what it is though, so it's alright.

Sometimes we need the ridiculous movies of the world just to make us laugh and say "what the hell just happened?"

Machete Kills is nothing more than a bunch of friends getting together to make a silly movie, because it's fun for them to do, and fun for saps like us to watch.

As we did with the first Machete (back in 2010),we've thrown together 10 pictures that best summarize the reasons that we loved this movie.

And just so you know, Lady Gaga was NOT a reason that we loved this movie. She's an awful actress, and a mediocre Pop Star to boot, so, just no.

Danny Trejo is still the man- Dude is 69-years-old, rescues dogs in the snow, and would kick your ass if the mood struck him. He's our hero.
A foul-mouthed, leather-clad Sophia Vergara- TV's hottest housewife lets her freaky side show in this one, and good lord what a great thing that is to witness. Also, the titty guns were pretty neat.
The 4 minutes that Walton Goggins spent on screen- One of the best actors on TV, Walt Goggins is just brilliant to watch in anything he does. Especially in The Shield and Justified.
El Mariachi- If El Hefe (Robert Rodriguez) had a personal El Hefe, it would be Antonio Banderas... which I guess makes him the El Hefe of El Hefe's?
Amber Heard- If I have to explain this one to you, I don't want to know you anymore.
Charlie Sheen as President Rathcock- So much winning. Rathcock, LOL.
Michelle Rodriguez- Even with one eye, she sees into our soul. She's a fine specimen, folks, and a bro too.
Damian Bichir- Hot off of his great work on FX's The Bridge, Damian Bichir goes off of the edge of insanity cliff in this one. Fun times.
The armored El Camino- Because why not take one of the biggest Mexican stereotypes and make it truly bad-ass. P.S. I want one.
Danny Trejo and Mel Gibson in a Landspeeder- Because it doesn't get much more surreal that that.
For the record, we didn't think that Machete Kills was a s good as the first one. It was still goofy, escapist fun, but it felt a bit forced at times, and more polished overall.

That being said, we had a good time with this one, and yes, we'd absolutely put our money down to see Machete Kills: In Space. Because that is quite possibly going to be a thing.


The hot chicks still love Machete.


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