February 14, 2011

Quick Review: F (2011)

***There are ENDING SPOILERS within, so read at your own risk***

To put it plainly, I really think the brain trust behind F saw Them (Ils), and decided to rip it off a little. I mean it's a bunch of mysterious, hooded kids (Hoodies) creeping around a near-empty building, scaring people and killing them, all like it's some sort of game. Just like Ils.

Too bad F is nowhere near the movie that Ils is.

F is the story of Robert; a teacher at a British College (High School?) whom is attacked by a student and becomes a sheepish coward as a result. It doesn't help hat the School Board tells him just to roll with it and not to hand out any more F grades, because that doesn't encourage kids. Yeah.

He basically falls apart and becomes a ball of nerves, which I'm guessing cost him his marriage (they never say), and is about to cost him his job.

"Shoulda given me an A, Bruv!"
One night after school, a bunch of Hoodies show up and begin terrorizing everyone still inside of the building. Okay, could get interesting. A revenge flick in the making... but no. For most of the 1 hour, 15 minute running time, we don't get any kind of revenge at all. What do we get, you ask? Well, we get a bunch of unlikable characters doing horribly stupid things, and basically standing around while they get bumped off. Literally.

There really isn't one likable character in this movie. David Schofield's Robert is almost sympathetic, but he's such a sniveling coward that he never really had me pulling for him. His daughter Kate is a snotty brat who pretty much deserved the smack he gave her about halfway through the movie. The other Teachers and School staff? Save for the librarian, whom was actually likable (so there was one), they are all either inept, bitchy, or just plain stupid. No one really reacts to anything.

Much like this.
And the Hoodies/Chavs? They are apparently ninjas. They jump. leap, climb, barrel roll, and I think fly around the school, absolutely silently, and have the ability to show up wherever they wish, like ghosts. Maybe they're more like cats, because they really do pounce around like felines, and land silently on their feet, and have 9 lives. Ninja Ghost Cats.... that's perfect! You don't really know why they are doing what they're doing, save for seeing a few clippings about how "British kids are murderous animals out of control."

And are you telling me that not one person could stand up to these kids to any effect? Are you kidding me? Even the Cops are useless when they show up. One gets pushed down some stairs, and the other stands there and watches a hooded figure run at them from the other end of the hallway, and does nothing but get his ass handed to him. It's a joke.
While enduring all of this, I kept thinking to myself, "Robert's gonna snap, and kill every one of these little bastards for threatening his baby girl!" But no. Not even close.

Later in the film, when father and daughter are reunited, they just stand there and hug with their eyes closed for a prolonged period of time, despite the fact that there are murderous kids lurking about that clearly want everyone dead. Because that makes any sense whatsoever.

With 7 minutes left in the movie... 7 frigging minutes... Robert starts fighting back against the TEENAGERS. One of them at least. So what happens? Robert leaves his wife in the building to die and drives off with his daughter. Despite his valid reasoning, it was just lame.

There was basically no ending, as far as wrapping up the story goes. There was no redemption for the Dad, and there was really no rhyme or reason to anything else...

Was there anything good about it? Yeah. It looked good. The chicks were pretty hot. The gore was pretty cool, even though it mostly happened off-screen, and we only got to see the end results.

Here's at least one good thing about the movie...
...and another.
That's it. F is truly an F. Unless you love the constant feeling of frustration, skip it. (F=DO NOT WANT in this case, because it's clever. Because the movie is called F. Get it? Heh.)

Eliza Bennett and Roxanne McKee are in this.

1 comment :

  1. The teacher is the killer. Think about it.