September 16, 2011

Creature (2011)

This is definitely a direct to DVD movie, so how in the hell did it get into theaters?

Creature was one of those flicks that was kinda fun and could have been a whole lot better -hell, it needed to be a hell of a lot better- but was mostly a jumbled mess that left us feeling cold and a bit pissy by the end.

It was an odd watch for us.

For as "not good" as the movie is, it's amazing to us that it got a Theatrical Release at all, when so many great indie Horror flicks barely ever see the light of day aside from being dumped on DVD.

We do not understand.

"Aw hell no, here come the script!"
Creature tells the all-too-familiar story of a group of twenty-somethings that head into the backwoods to party, piss-off some locals, get duped into a bad situation, lose cell phone service, get drunk and high, have sex, wander off alone, and end up being picked off one at a time by a... Creature. When I say Creature here, I mean a guy in a funny rubber suit, who kinda looks like Louis Gosset Jr. from Enemy Mine.

That's the plot. You've seen it tons of times before, and done tons better. It was very reminiscent of House of 1000 Corpses plot-wise, except this one has a crazy inbred family guiding a group of morons to a Creature, instead of a Dr. Satan.

It even has Sid Haig basically reprising his Captain Spaulding gig, sans make-up...
The problem with Creature is that it has no clue where its own plot is going by the 2nd half of the movie, and aside from some good T&A, it doesn't give us much else to chew on along the way. It tries to be witty, but it's not. We see very little blood and gore on camera, which could have been its saving grace had they bloodied things up a bit. Or a lot. As bloodless as they were, the "fight" scenes were on the cheesy side too.

The cast is a mixed bag; Sid Haig is always fun as hell to watch. The guy was born in 1939, and he's still on screen kicking ass, and looking nowhere near 72 years old. Eggs from True Blood (Mehcad Brooks) was good here too as a bad-ass Navy Seal who actually kinda saves the day. The girls were hot, and they all played their parts pretty well... the rest were all fair to middlin'. I still can't figure out what Pruitt Taylor Vince was doing in this movie. Maybe his Nephew was the key grip or something.
 
He could be a marine, but I swear I heard them say Navy Seal.
There were a few scenes that delivered, such as the opening scene which gave us the only good gore of the movie. The slut tied to the chair was interesting too, but that's about it. If the movie got one thing right, it's that the nudity was plentiful; we get one chick fully naked (bush and all) taking a swim in a swamp; the group slut flashing her goods, the group slut getting the group goody-goody naked and trying to bang her, the group slut giving a hand job to some guy while they watch another couple bang... so there's no shortage on the T&A. At least there was that.

Don't even get us started on the ending(s)... One of which happened in a hole, off camera, and another which was meant to surprise, but just made no sense.

At least she's handy... zing!
The only reason that this movie wasn't a "Do Not Want" was because of the naked chicks, Sid Haig and Eggs. Aside from those positives, the rest of the affair was bland, mostly bloodless, confusing and uneventful.

Pay for it in Theaters if you want -some Horror peeps will probably have fun with it- but for most of us this is a "wait for cable" kind of movie. Even then, you will most likely flip the channel.

D+

More Hotties from Creature can be found below...
http://thehorrorclub.blogspot.com/2011/09/hotties-of-creature-2011.html

3 comments :

  1. Hmmmm,so terror has teeth does it.Then maybe it's just needs a toothbrush and some floss.It could be the new terror coupling,first we had Freddy vs Jason and now we could have Creature vs The Dentist!

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  2. When are you guys putting up the 'Julia's Eyes' review? Curious as to what THC thought's were!

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  3. Just watched Julia's Eyes, anon, and the review will be along shortly.

    FYI, we liked it, aside from one or two little issues.

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