*For the record, no locals really warned anyone about anything.
At 5:29 in, when one of the already annoying characters announces "I'm addicted to piss videos," any and all hope of this movie not sucking on a large scale went right out the window. And let's just forget that absolutely nothing Horror-related even comes close to happening until around the 28:00 mark (of a less than 80 minute movie), because when the "action" finally begins, it's so bad that it inspires sadness rather than any sort of fear, dread or tension.
Here's what must have happened: The director of this movie must have been stoned one day, and thought, "Hey, I can make a Horror movie that's witty and awesome!" Randomly, just like that. So he went and pawned his Playstation 3, found a group of people that couldn't act to save their lives (save for maybe one or two), took 20 minutes to write what may be one of the lamest scripts filled with some of the worst dialogue of all time, and said, "Action!"
"Hey dog-fucker, I bet you wish you finished high school now."
"Do you like a little moonshizzy, dog-fucker?"
Pelt isn't kitschy, clever or witty, even though it looks as if it the filmmakers thought otherwise. I'm not even sure why movies like this get made. Be as cheap as you want to be while making a Horror flick, but at least try your damnedest to make it good. Decent even. Low budget writers and directors need to stop thinking themselves more clever than they truly are. Save the humor for the professionals, and stick to the basic tenants of Horror movies; you know, like making us give a shit what happens on screen, give us an interesting character or two, build some tension, make a story that's either interesting or at the very least, visually compelling.
|Now that could have been visually compelling...|
It really goes without saying that this movie is awful, and there's really no reason to even waste a post talking about it, save for one, and her name is Amber Bollinger. She deserves a little bit of love.
|Take it all, Amber, take all of our love.|
See, she's cute, no? And she has certain "thing" about her, right? Let's hope we see more of her in the future, and that it involves a decent level of nudity when we do. Don't be a prude, Amber Bamber, and show us your Twitter!
|Yes, that's what we mean by "Twitter."|