August 16, 2010

Burning Bright (2010)

"Tyger, Tyger, burning bright, we enjoyed your film tonight..."

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1244658/
Sub-Genre- Killer Tiger
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Geo, Little G, and Michelle.
Cast Members of Note- Briana Evigan, Charlie Tahan, Garrett Dillahunt, and Meat Loaf.

Ok, here goes... A girl and her autistic brother are trapped in a house with a ravenous tiger during a hurricane... Sure, that synopsis sounds pretty lame and nonsensical; why not just leave the house and take your chances in the hurricane, right? Add to the scenario the fact that the house is all boarded and sealed up tight in preparation for said hurricane, and it makes more sense. Although taking your chances with a hurricane makes no sense either. So really, it all seems fairly dumb.

I said "seems" dumb, Briana. Don't be mad, baby.
After their mom dies, Kelly and Tom are left in the care of their skeezy Step-Dad, who has a dream of spending all of his late wife's money by building an exotic Petting Zoo in the back yard. Sounds reasonable. Unfortunately, Kelly needs that money for beauty school, not to mention daycare for her artistic brother, and when she confronts Step-Daddy about it, he decides to kill them with a tiger.

Oh hai there.
With a hurricane bearing down on them, trapped in a inescapable house, and being stalked by a malnourished tiger, Briana Evigan proceeds to spend the entire rest of the movie skulking around the house either drenched in sweat or soaked with rain... wonderfully accentuating the short shorts and the white tank top she's wearing. She's like a glistening nanny with a gun.

Sweaty, scantily clad, anti-tiger vengeance!
Did Step-Daddy kill Mommy for the insurance money? Can a hot chick fight a tiger to keep herself and her artistic brother alive? Will we ever find out why the movie is called Burning Bright? I don't want to spoil anything for you here, so all I will say is that if I were that tiger, I'd lick Briana's sweat drippings too.

That tiger is a perv!
The title of this movie has intrigued the hell out of me since I first heard about it last summer. It conjures up thoughts of an autistic boy with a"gift" of some sort, that shines through in his greatest time of need. That all sounded plausible to me, although the end product was far from what I had imagined; as it turns out, the movie's title came from some old poem called Tyger,Tyger and had nothing to do with plot itself, which was a bummer. But, I digress.

This movie works within its limited trappings, and manages to deliver a tense, fun, and very satisfying 85 minutes of tiger/hurricane craziness. It's not reinventing the wheel or anything, but it does manage to put a little bit of air in the tire so as not to make the ride bumpy at all. You can't help but be on edge wondering if Kelly can keep she and her brother alive, running around a house that they can't escape from, with a starving tiger in hot pursuit. We were so wound up by the end, that we clapped and gave a little cheer at the outcome. It wasn't a magnum opus of Horror Thrillers by any means, but I'll be damned if it wasn't a helluva good time.

Our thoughts exactly.
Dear Briana Evigan; We here at THC have great respect for you, as your father (Greg Evigan) was on one of the best TV Shows of all time (B.J. and the Bear), but it's time to get naked already. You're young and hot, so make hay while the sun shines and show us what you've got. Slut it up a little, no one's going to judge you. I mean, don't you think you kinda owe us at least that for having to sit through Sorority Row? YOU. OWE. US.

This is the first move I've seen Briana Evigan in that was truly good, and it may be the one movie in her repertoire that will be least known. I'm sure tons of people saw Sorority Row and Step Up part 12, which is a sad statement for so many different reasons, but this one will most likely fly under the radar of most movie lovers. We just love to see little quirky movies like this get the love sometimes, you know?

There was VERY little gore in this movie, although we do get a few tiger-induced injuries and one pretty bloody scene towards the end. This movie was definitely more about suspense than it was  about the bloodshed.

See, there's some blood.
No naked stuff in this one, but we did get to see Brianna Evigan all scantily-clad and wet throughout a good portion of the movie. Had this movie been exactly the same but added a plot element of the daughter being a nudist into the mix... Instant Classic.

Always have a will in place, in case of Evil Step-Father. Also, the title Burning Bright makes no sense at all. Neither does the poem.

Crazy premise and a title-pulled-from-an-obscure-poem aside, Burning Bright was a pleasant surprise for us all. The film manages to make its small setting work very well, and delivers the scares and edge-of-your-seat pacing that more suspense films need these days. While not perfect, this should be an enjoyable breath of fresh Horror air for most genre fans, especially those of the jaded variety. Check it out on DVD now.

B+

I have an idea for a new version of Briana Evigan's dad's classic TV Show, BJ and the Bear; I play a sexy and sassy truck driver named Bear, and Briana is BJ, the lot-lizard with a heart of gold, who spends each show truly earning her nickname... Tell me that wouldn't work. It would have to be on HBO or Showtime or something though, because, explicit sex.

 
 

7 comments :

  1. Will see this because your review has peaked my interest, as has Briana Evigan. You are right though, she owes us.

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  2. The poem's supposed to be an ode to how awesome and terrifying "Tygers" are, to the point where William Blake decides that god must be badass just for making them, and that's pretty much it. Considering it's a poem about how scary tigers are, serving as the title of a movie in which at tiger is...well, scary, it fits well enough. It's Blake's most famous poem (for some reason) so I was a little surprised you hadn't heard of it, but I chalk half of that feeling up to my being a Lit nerd.

    Anyway, I'm glad you reviewed this one, as I've been wanting to see it for a while ever since the poster showed up on Bloody-Disgusting a month ago. I'll try to check it out if I can find it.

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  3. Holy fuck! Where did I hear about this trapped in a house with a tiger (and a retard) before? Fangoria?

    The cover art with the tiger's maw is completely pissed-on by that shit title.

    I'm glad you liked it, but I'm gonna pass if there's no tiddies.

    This is just not good enough.

    I watch horror to see violence, blood, and tiddies; not tigers, teenagers, and cleavage.

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  4. I think you might like it, Muthai... or at very least you shouldn't dislike it.

    Thanks for the explanation Onryo. I've never been big on poetry, so that's most likely why I know nothing about that one.

    And Motorcycle Boy, you made me lol. We too love the blood and Tiddies, but every now and then, we like that subtle change of pace.

    We like to pretend we're well rounded ;)

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  5. Guys--been a while since I commented, and I know I haven't sent my book (long annoying story)--But I've been following along!

    Caught Fragile--didn't agree that it was worth a darn, but then again maybe it was after watching the other Fangoria stuff. I watched Burning Bright tonight, and you guys were spot on. Definitely worth seeing, and don't know why it didn't make it to theaters--it's a stand-out from the other stuff. Evigan is easy to watch, smart in the movie, and never gratuitously shot (though I wouldn't mind that in some other picture). I hope more of your readers take the plunge on this one!

    Mob

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  6. Also I quite love the classy title and the end credits rock!

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  7. Nice to see you still around Mob. I know the book will come eventually, no problem. And yeah, Burning Bright was impressive, I hope more people get a chance to check it out.

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