Jennifer Connelly, or "JC" as she has asked me to call her in my dreams, is the hottest woman on Earth who has ever had a vagina. If you don't believe me, just ask me, I'll tell you. In fact, I just did. See what I did there?
Sure, she may have only starred in a few "Horror" movies over the span of her career, and one of them really "sucked", but I mean look at her:
|Restraining order or not, I'll always love her...|
|Everybody is fucked.|
|Why she stayed away from horror, I can't say... Maybe she actually wanted a career.|
|She is why I used to work at Target.|
|She has no idea that rape is imminent.|
JC shed her innocent image after that movie, and got kind of slutty. She started smoking, having sex, and showing her boobs in every movie she could. It only served to make my love for her grow. It wasn't all rainbows and unicorns though; her worst moment on film came when she had sex with Sonny Crockett in the movie The Hot Spot. What was she thinking?
|Fuck you, Don Johnson.|
|... at least she brushed her teeth afterwards.|
Finally she returned to horror in 2005's Dark Water. Ugh. She was great as usual, but the movie was another sad J-Horror remake, which epically failed. Let's move on.
She went on to make a few more movies until someone eventually killed her, but being the Horror Hottie that she is, she rose from the dead to live on a sexy zombie. True story. Some say it was my love for her that wouldn't let her die; some say it was only a scene in a movie. I know the truth though. I think we all do.
|Turns out it was a scene in a movie.|
|Like you wouldn't go there if you knew where it was.|