The latest installment in the "
All West Virginian's are creepy, inbred Hillbillies" series takes us back to yesteryear, when our favorite mongoloid killers were younger and carefree. We find out that in
1974,
Three-Finger,
One-Eye and
Saw-Tooth were locked up in the retard ward of a local
Sanatorium, and were treated like monsters, mainly because they were retarded monsters. They got their revenge though; they pretty much kill everyone in the
Hospital, all slow and messy like.
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| Who's the retarded monster now, eh Doc? |
Flashing forward to present day at some random
College, we are treated to an orgy, which is promptly broken up by the movie's snotty bitch prude of a
Final Girl, because she and her gang of too-attractive
College friends are heading out on a snowmobile trip into the
W. Virginia hills. You knew that had to happen. Of course they get lost, and after night sets in, the blizzard begins. Luckily for them they find an old abandoned
Sanatorium to hole up in for the night which is bad news... because it's the same
Sanatorium, you see?
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| By all means, explore. That's usually when the killing starts. |
From here on out it's stalk-and-slash,
Mongoloid Hillbilly style. People are cut, chopped, sliced, flambeed, hung, decapitated, drill, peeled and eaten... there's no limit to the carnage! Will anyone survive the mutant onslaught? Will a black chick finally get to be a
Final Girl? Will there be a
Wrong Turn 5? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you here, but we will say that the movie is titled "
Bloody Beginnings" and not "
Happy Endings."
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| Stop daydreaming and run! |
Usually when you get to a "part 4" in a movie series, you kinda expect shit, and usually tend to get shit. (
F13th- The Final Chapter doesn't count, because it was awesome.)
Wrong Turn though, is an odd series; these movies may not be the pinnacle of filmmaking (even
Horror filmmaking), but damn us all to hell if they don't deliver the goods.
As you can tell by the title,
Wrong Turn 4 is a prequel. Now, in a series in which blood and gore is the draw, who cares about story, right? Right. Still, if you ever wanted to know where the mongoloid mountain cannibal men of the first 3 flicks came from, here's your chance. The acting and visuals are all above board here, but it's the gore that takes center stage and makes this one truly fun. Also, there's lots of hot chicks.
It's just generally pleasing all the way around.
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| This is why girls on their period are NOT invited to orgies... |
Why in these types of movies are there never groups of fat, ugly, handicapped
College friends that go on trips to isolated locales and die painfully, one by one? I mean, I prefer to stare at hot people for 90 minutes as opposed to ugly folk, but the ugly ones deserve to die too, don't they? Some would argue that ugly people deserve to die more than pretty people do. Like maybe have a really hot
Serial Killer offing ugly people because they are so far beneath her, or like ugly people raped her
Dad or something... it would be different at least.
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| Not an ugly bitch in the bunch. |
Why does there always have to be one snotty bitch in every group of partiers? You know the one; the prude that gives dirty looks and makes shitty comments to anyone not doing what she thinks they should be doing. Good girls with party-killing attitudes should just stay home and stop spoiling all of the bad kids' fun. Even if they're hot. The one in this movie is really hot, but seriously, we wanted her to die first.
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| Die, prudes! |
The first 11 minutes of this movie is basically a gang-bang of gore and explicit violence. Sound good? Well the rest of the movie gets even bloodier. This honestly may be the goriest flick we've seen all year. Of particular note is the long, take-your-time-with-it scene where the cannibals flay someone alive, make fondue out of their skin, and eat them as if it were a dinner party. Seriously, this movie is jam-packed with nastiness.
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| Awesomeness. |
The second scene in the movie is a gang bang. Literally. 3 chicks, 1 dude. It's not often that you see a
Black chick and an
Asian chick in a pretty lengthy box eating scene, so hats off to the filmmakers for being so diverse in their gratuitous and stereotypical exploitation of lesbianism! Seriously, we dig it. We also get some other sex and nudity throughout the rest of the movie, but the bulk of it is at the beginning. Good stuff.
Never snowmobile in the dark while in
West Virginia. Also, all
Hillbillies are sadistic killers... and mongoloids.
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| This is why we do not back up in scary situations. |
Not bad, 4th installment in a
Direct-to-DVD Torture Porn series, not bad at all. Tits, ass and gallons of blood;
Wrong Turn 4 delivers the goods that any movie of its kind needs to, and for that it's a winner. It's actually not a bad movie either, aside from all of the gratuitous exploitation. If you loved its predecessors, you'll love this one too. Even if you didn't, it's bloody good fun.
B+
This movie was a veritable buffet of poon, and all of it was of the quality variety.
