DVD Review: Heartless (2010)

"Beware of spoilers, as we have to comment on this movie's ending... because it kinda sucked."

Cast Members of Note- Jim Sturgess and the ever gorgeous, Clemence Poesy.
 

Heartless is about a socially-inept geek who can't get laid because he has a heart-shaped mole on his face that freaks people out, especially the ladies. He lives with his mum, his best friend is a camera, and he sees Demons roaming the streets at night causing all sorts of mayhem. Who doesn't, right?

I see this every night.

One evening, after getting a mysterious call from Satan's 8-year-old concubine, heart-face boy heads over to some skeevy tenement, and quite literally ends up making a deal with the Devil; in exchange for having his face made all pretty, he will kill a random person or two at ole' Lucifer's whim. To seal the deal properly, Satan sets him on fire.

Satan kinda looks Russian to me. Maybe Albanian.

Once he's sexy and facial deformity-free, heart-face boy starts banging Fleur DeLacour on the reg, which is really the point of the whole movie. That and Satan making him his bitch and forcing him to de-heart random, innocent people on command. So Heartless... see? Because he takes people hearts out... and his heart shaped face-thing gets removed which has always been his biggest dream. And maybe because it's rather heartless to kill innocent people for payment... multiple meanings make things deep.

Chicks dig beauty marks, don't they?

Does Fleur really love him or is she just a dirty whore? Is heart-face boy smart enough to outsmart the Devil and survive the constant badgering by his pesky Chav minions? How many people from Harry Potter are actually in this movie? All I will say is this; I hate, hate, hate endings like this. A lot.

Yep, she's a whore.

What an odd little movie. At first I thought it was about Demons, then a guy who just has to be the Devil comes into the picture, and then it becomes more of a Faustian serial killer thing... but at its heart it's really a story about losing a parent, finding love, and being alright with how you look? Odd indeed.

Heartless, ironically, has a lot of heart. It's a great premise, it's well made and the actors do their jobs wonderfully, it's dark, a bit creepy in parts, bloody in others, and it has a lead character that you can't help but feel for... so then why am I underwhelmed by it all?  

Heartless also had a Clive Barker-ish vibe going on, and I liked that.

Clemence Poesy has a face worth mentioning in The Good section.

***ENDING SPOILERS, BEWARE!*** Yet another movie that draws me in, keeps me intrigued and entertained, made me care about the characters, then at the end yells "just kidding!", kicks me in the nuts, and runs away laughing. Endings that negate most or all of what you just sat through really frustrate me. It was all in his head? Again? Shutter Island anyone? The Village? Not Haute Tension though; I like the dupe in that one.

Up in flames, I say!

What is it with Chavs? White, British kids with their hats cocked sideways, pretending to be rappers, roaming around in gangs, doing nothing but hurting good innocent folk? With movies like Eden Lake and Heartless showing us why, they seem to be more of a problem than I had ever realized. It should be legal to put Chavs in a sack, and drown them just like it is with kittens...

I'm pretty sure that's legal. If not, forget I said anything.

Huh?

There are definitely some bloody and nasty moments in this movie, most of which involve hearts being cut out of chests.
 

Oh, he is so screwed.

Not really. We get a tiny bit of skin, but it should have been far more considering Clemence Poesy isn't afraid to bare it all. Sigh. 

Do not ever trust Satan. Also, Clemence Poesy needs to be in more Horror flicks.

More, please.

***ENDING SPOILERS, BEWARE*** Heartless is a great little movie in most ways, hindered only by the all too common (at least to me) and crappy "It was all in his head" type of ending. Had they played it straight and just let it be what it seemed to be throughout the whole thing, I think it would have felt more "right." Aside from the fact that most of the movie didn't actually happen the way we thought it did, it's definitely worth checking out.

B

Heartless is available now on DVD and VOD.

Good lord just look at her. Look!