Review: The Reeds (2010)

"Not as bad as The Final, but nowhere near as good as Dread, this Horrorfest entry falls... sideways?"

Cast Members of Note- Anna Brewster, OT Fagbenie, Scarlett Johnson, Emma Catherwood, Will Mellor, Danny Caltagirone, and Geoff Bell.

A group of twenty-something folks from London (England, not Canada) head off on a boating trip to what may be the lamest vacation spot on the planet; a group of shallow, narrow channels of water lined with little more than reeds (hence the title.) There's not really even a lake at the end of their journey, just a wider space in between the reeds which I suppose is meant to be tranquil and gorgeous? I've never pretended to understand The British. 

"I don't understand us either. Wait... what?"

After repeatedly running into some a gang of homeless creepy kids, hearing "strange" noises, and seeing "odd" things, the haphazard boat crew ends up hitting something and becoming stranded (as if you didn't see that one coming.) With one of them injured, and all of them scared like a bunch of pansies, they head off into the reeds to find help. Of course there is something dark and sinister lurking in the reeds, which not only adds to their problems, but adds to my problems figuring out just what the hell is going on in this movie...

The Children of the Reeds?

What is lurking in the reeds? What's up with that creepy old man? Will anyone survive the lamest boat trip ever? I won't reveal the answers to those questions or tell you what happens next, but suffice it to say that the ending will leave you feeling cheated, beaten and dazed; a victim of poor writing and lame plotting.

This is a victim. This will be you.

 

As After Dark Horrorfest movies go, this one was par-for-the-course; mostly passable, but truly underwhelming and not very good. The Reeds is basically another direct-to-video quality, run-of-the-mill Horror yarn, that will be entertaining enough for some, but forgettable to most.

None of that really qualifies as "The Good" does it? Well, I will say that the acting was pretty good. The characters were mostly annoying, and all stupid, but the actors did their job admirably. The movie also had some creepy moments throughout, as the setting was bland and isolated, which did make us feel uneasy at times. That's it though. No more good.

She looks good with a gun.

Why did this movie seem like such a confusing jumble of bad writing? What's up with the dog? Why were the creepy kids sacrificing animals? Don't ask, because you will never get an answer. Why did the movie seem to have no clue what it wanted to be where it was going? I can't bitch about much more without giving plot elements away, but the movie just felt disjointed and forced in some spots, which really hurt it in the end.

What happened?

Are you even kidding me with that ending? Why do Horror filmmakers these days feel compelled to end their movies with lame twists and surprises, even though most of them totally suck, and feel as if they've been forced into the story just for the sake of having a twisty surprise? It was a pretty big "roll your eyes" moment for me, as I really do hate plot devices. REALLY.

Oh. How twisty.

 

We get some impaling, shotgun violence, and your standard animal sacrifice scenes, but most of the movie was not a gore lover's dream.

 

Yes, we get a naked dude jumping into the water... and we see his bum.

Never vacation in a swamp.

Because you'll die there.

This movie felt a bit unorganized and haphazard, and didn't make a lot of realistic sense. It was passable, but could have been much better had it decided on what kind of Horror flick it was early on, and just went with it. Its only saving grace was the acting, which in most cases was solid, but it just wasn't enough to make this movie good. I'm sure some people will like this one, and it's not awful, but having seen it once I can absolutely say with confidence that I'll never watch it again.

Skip this one and go rent Lake Mungo or Dread instead.

C+

Anna Brewster and Scarlett Alice Johnson... aren't they cute?