Picturebook Review: Land of Smiles (2017)

"Well, at least it looks pretty."

Originally titled Thai-Sanity (what were they even thinking with that one?), Land of Smiles is a movie that begins with a lot of promise, but never really delivers much other than a bunch of attractive tourists drinking beer and fretting over mysterious emails and videos.

Now, that may seem like a short-sighted view of the movie, which is impressively shot and offers up some really pretty visuals, but it just never really got going Lek it should have. Given the plot, we were expecting some Hostel-like bloodletting, but instead got more of a slow burn mystery that even when solved, left us scratching our heads.

Let's take a look through the Picture Book for Land of Smiles, and see if the movie's visuals can't paint a picture of what the movie has to offer.

Land of Smiles is the story of the gorgeous Alexandra, whose gorgeous best friend, Penny, has gone missing in the gorgeous country of Thailand, aka the Land of Smiles. It seems as if some clown (literally) has abducted Penny, and he's going to kill her if Alexandra doesn't go out and drink herself into a coma. He's instructed her via video emails to go out and have fun and loosen up a bit, so Alexandra, along with some random strangers who join her party posse, hit the town and drink, dance, and have fun!

Because that's what vacation is all about.

SHE WANTS TO TAKE HER TO THE LAND OF VERTICAL SMILES.

GET A ROOM ALREADY.

BUT HE'S ALREADY HAVING A CUPCAKE...

DRINK UP, AMERICAN TOURIST IN A DANGEROUS FOREIGN CITY!

MAYBE EVEN MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS AND DRINK WITH THEM!

SKIN BREAK.

AND NOW THE TERROR BEGINS!

"OH NO, PENNY! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?"

"WAIT, THIS LOOKS LIKE A MAP TO THE PLACE WHERE..."

"...WE CAN DRINK SOME MORE!"

SHE HAS PREFECT TANK TOP WEARING SKILLS.

AMID CRISIS, THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR A DRINK.

SWEET JESUS, THEY'RE EVEN DRINKING IN A PICTURE FLASHBACK!

MEANWHILE. DRUNKO THE CLOWN'S NEFARIOUS PLAN CONTINUES TO UNRAVEL.

"ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO JUST LET THAT BEER SIT THERE?"

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DRINK 437 BEERS IN THREE DAYS!

THAT'S ABOUT WHERE WE'RE AT.

DON'T WORRY THOUGH, THIS GUY IS GOING TO SAVE THE DAY... BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS ABOUT TO DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING.

Land of Smiles is a gorgeous movie to behold, both in its locale and the way it's presented visually, but man is it frustrating in just about every other way. The plot, and especially its resolution, are not only silly, but we don't even get an overabundance of gory kill scenes to make it all worthwhile.

Not horrible, just not very good.

D+

Land of Smiles is available now on import DVD.

These ladies make us smile for sure.