It's coming!!!!!!!!

Good god I can't describe how bad I need to see this movie right now.

Sure it isn't horror, but still it must be praised.

The new rumor is that Miley Cyrus has a bit part in the movie... Well, I guess her having the joker smeared all over her face means that her part is "Streetwhore #1"

#3- American Psycho (2000)

American Psycho (2000)
Sub-Genre- Serial Killer/Slasher

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

What's it about?- Patrick Bateman, avid 80's music collector, divides his time educating people on the social implications of the music of such bands as Huey Lewis and the News and Phil Collins. He is also bat-shit nuts, and like to kill hookers, homeless people, and small kittens.

Lucky for him that he lives and kills in the 80's; possibly the most self indulgent and ignorant decade that we as humans have ever survived. While everyone else is talking about their portfolios and bone colored business cards, Patrick is spreading the message of utter insanity and the benefits of apricot facial scrubs. Hell no he isn't smarmy! He will ask a street hooker to was her vagina only to turn around and ask a high priced call girl to "Eat it." If that isn't blurring the socio economical lines of the class war, I don't know what is.

So he kills all sorts of people, all of them deserving (save for the dumb-as-a-sack-of-hammers model), doing so with a flair unmatched amongst the ranks of serial killers:


Bat-shit crazy.
I wont ruin the ending, but I will say that it shows us that most people are clueless lemmings and definitely deserve to die.

The Good- Brilliant from start to finish, American Psycho blends disturbing imagery with a more than fitting social commentary about 80's excess. Christian Bale proves once again, that he is one of the most talented and diverse actors to ever grace the screen.

The Bad- Christian Bale's ass. This movie needed more of the ladies getting naked, especially Reese Witherspoon. Also, The habitrail scene, one of the nastiest scenes in the book, was omitted from the film. Think Starved rodent, a habitrail tube, and a hooker that deserves to be punished. Tell me that wouldn't be twisted and brilliant to see on the dvd.

Thats just wrong.
The Downright Horrendous- I cant believe he was going to feed the ATM machine a kitten!

What did we learn?- 80's music has something to say, and in fact, can change the world if only we'd listen closer.

Rating- A+ A Modern Day classic that you must own if you truly love horror. Also, Batman is in it.

Vanilla Gorilla's Raspberry's (5 being the worst)- He stayed mum on this one... methinks he was scared.

Reese Witherspoon is in this. Yum.

C.Y.P. Daily

C.Y.P. (Crap Your Pants) Daily presents the following creepy bit:


If that's not creepy, I don't know what is.

The Review Grade Archive

Keep in mind that these reviews are based off on things such as; overall quality of film, scare factor, plot, fun factor, gore factor/FX, originality, atmosphere/mood, impact that the film had at it's time of release, did it endure over time, acting, direction, music...

Some movies are brought up in score by one or more of the aforementioned items, some are brought down. A C movie doesn't mean it sucked; it means it was average/decent/had flaws but also had good points. Each rating (other than Do Not Want!) has a certain flexibility, and possibility of different reasoning behind them. Some examples:

A (9/10-10/10)- Classic/Masterpiece/Fun as all hell/Creepy as all hell/Visually stunning/Gorefest/Sentimental favorite/Groundbreaking.
B (7/10-8/10)- Near Classic/Great movie/Fun/Creepy/Well made/Gory/Sentimental favorite/Not quite groundbreaking.
C (5/10-6/10)- Good genre film/Average/Fun moments/Has some scares/Decent production/Bloody/Watchable/Fairly average overall.
D (3/10-4/10)- Not quite good/Sub par/Not so fun/Boring/Poor production values/Poor FX/Barely watchable/Missed the mark.
Do Not Want!- Too many issues to list, just avoid them. I'm not always going to waste the time and effort to post a review about them either...

+/- added to the rating means it was that close to the next letter grade...

A+
American Psycho (2000)
Audition (1999)
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
The Brood (1979)
Haute Tension (2003)
Inside (A L'interieur) (2007)
Let the Right One In (2008)
Martyrs (2008)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Zodiac (2007)

A
Acolytes (2009)
Amityville Horror, The (1979)
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Angel Heart (1987)
Black Christmas (1974)
The Blob (1988)
The Children (2009)
Christine (1983)
Drag Me to Hell (2009)
The Entity (1981)
From Beyond (1986)
Dario Argento's Inferno (1980)
Dead Snow (a.k.a. Dod Sno) (2009)
The Last House on the Left (2009)
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
The Ruins (2008)
Scream (1996)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)
Them (Ils) (2006)
Tokyo Gore Police (2008)
The Tourist Trap (1979)
Tremors (1990)
Wolf Creek (2005)

A-
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006/2008)
Baby Blood (1990)
Below (2002)
Burial Ground (1981)
Friday the 13th (2009)
Frontiere(s) (2008)
Killer Movie (2009)
Orphan (2009)
Phenomena (a.k.a Creepers) (1985)
Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
Underworld (2003)

B+
30 Days of Night (2007)
28 Days Later (2002)
Baby Blues (2008)
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
The Breed (2006)
Darkness Falls (2003)
Home Movie (2009)
Hush (2009)
Kill Theory (2009)
Laid to Rest (2009)
Midnight Meat Train (2008)
Mum and Dad (2009)
My Name is Bruce (2008)
Naboer (2005)
One Eyed Monster (2009)
Pontypool (2009)
Rec (2007)
Red Mist (a.k.a. Freakdog) (2009)
Sauna (2009)
Severance (2006)
The Strangers (2008)
Surveillance (2008)
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009)
John Carpenter's Vampires (1998)
Wrong Turn (2003)
Lucio Fulci's Zombie (1979)

B
A Blade in the Dark (1983)
Black Christmas (2006)
Coming Soon (2008)
The Devil's Tomb (2009)
Don't Look Now (1973)
Eyes of Crystal (2004)
Gozu (2003)
Malefique (2002)
Mirrors (2008)
Rovdyr (2008)
Sam's Lake (2005)
Screm 2 (1997)
Splinter (2008)
Tears of Kali (2004)
Undead (2003)
Vikaren (The Substitute) (2008)

B-
Amityville Horror, The (2005)
The Broken (2009)
The Burrowers (2009)
Calvaire (The Ordeal) (2004)
Children of the Corn (1984)
The Devil's Chair (2006)
Dolan's Cadillac (2009)
Embodiment of Evil (2008)
Gnaw (2009)
Last House in the Woods (2006)
The Lodger (2009)
Outpost (2008)
Quarantine (2008)
Sick Nurses (2008)
Teeth (2007)
The Uninvited (2009)

C+
4bia (See Prang) (2008)
Amusement (2009)
April Fool's Day (1986)
The Burning (1981)
The Cottage (2008)
Dance of the Dead (2008)
Dario Argento's Tenebrae (1982)
Dead in 3 Days (2006/2009)
Donkey Punch (2008)
Dying Breed (2009)
Fritt Vilt (Cold Prey) (2007/2008))
Fritt Vilt II (2008/2009)
The Horsemen (2009)
Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)
Plague Town (2009)
The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2009)
Thir13een Ghosts (2001)
Waz (2008)

C
7eventy 5ive (2007)
Babysitter Wanted (2009)
Backwoods (2009)
Beyond the Darkness (Buio Omega) (1979)
The Bunker (2001)
Clive Barker's Book of Blood (2009)
Cry Wolf (2005)
Deadgirl (2009)
Dorothy Mills (2009)
Eden Lake (2008)
Elsewhere (2009)
From Within (2009)
The Grapes of Death (1978)
The Grudge 3 (2009)
Joy Ride 2: Dead Ahead (2008)
Scar 3-D (2007)
Scream 3 (2000)
Shiver (Eskalofrio) (2008)
Trailer Park of Terror (2008)

C-
Autopsy (2009)
Cannibal Ferox (1981)
The Chaos Experiment (2009)
Farmhouse (2008)
Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds (2008)
Hit and Run (2009)
Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008)
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008)
Macabre (1980)
Pieces (1982)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Trick or Treat (1986)
The Unborn (2009)
Valentine (2001)
Walled In (2009)
Wishmaster (1997)

C-/D+
Against the Dark (2009) ... I can't decide!

D+
Perkins 14 (2009)
Plaguers (2009)
Shadow Puppets (2007)
Slaughter (2009)
Sorority House Massacre (1986)

D
Amityville 2: The Possession (1982)
The Boogeyman (1980)
Boogeyman 3 (2009)
Cheerleader Camp (1988)
Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972)
Perkins 14 (2009)
Pulse 2: Afterlife (2008)
The Toolbox Murders (2003)
The Tribe (2009)
Vacancy 2:The First Cut (2009)
Vinyan (2009)

And the lowest grade possible...















The Children (1980)
Cheerleader Camp (1987)
Dard Divorce (2006) NO REVIEW- (Horrible acting, lame plot, bad script, crap production value...)
The Fog (2005)- NO REVIEW (People deserve to be beaten for this movie.)
G.P.S. (2009)- NO REVIEW (Awesome premise, horrible execution.)
The Happening (2008)
The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008)
Salvage (2006)- NO REVIEW
Seed (2008)- NO REVIEW (Be thankful.)
Shutter (2008)- NO REVIEW (Shitter.)
The Vanguard (2008) NO REVIEW (They tried, but it was just BAD.)
Wes Craven Presents: They (2002)
When a Stranger Calls (2006) NO REVIEW (Worst remake ever. Ever.)
Witchboard (1986)


It's not a perfect system, but we think we hit the mark for the most part.

#1 & 2- 28 Days Later and 30 Days of Night

So we have officially kicked off the club with our first night of horror DVD's. Here begin the reviews!


28 Days Later (2002) Sub-Genre- Post-Apocalyptic Monkey Zombie Mania!
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

What's it about?- A bunch of angry monkeys get out of their cages and bite someone, thus beginning the spread of a virus that makes everyone else angry too. Soon enough, everyone in the United Kingdom is pissed off and red-eyed, and the country is populated by "sort of zombies."

Jim (Cillian Murphy), wakes up from a coma, unaware that all of this has happened, and we see his penis. He sets off in search of Bangers and Mash, but finds only deserted streets and angry "Sort of Zombies" that apparently hate him and would like to smack him in the mouth.

He meets a hot black chick, and vows to take up break dancing. Along the way, they meet up with a few other people, and they all end up finding the army... I'll say no more. I wont ruin the surprise.

The Good- An overall effective horror effort, 28 Days Later makes you feel despair from the word go, and doesn't let up on you until the end. The washed out look of it all inspires dread, and the music backs the feeling up quite well.

There are a few great scares to be had here, and the general unease that the movie achieves should keep you creeped out for the entire runtime.

The Bad- Cillian Murphy's penis and ass. Also, for people who are terrified and desperately trying to sneak around and avoid the Infected at any cost, they talked/yelled really loud.
The Downright Horrendous- Cillian Murphy's penis and ass.

No, Cillian. No!
What did we learn?- Never trust angry monkeys. Also, hippies cause more problems than they solve.
 
 Rating- B+ A good buy, or at least a rent. You wont be wasting time with this one, so give it a shot.
Vanilla Gorilla's Raspberry's (5 being the worst)- 2 Raspberries of 5! He didn't hate this one that much!!!


30 Days of Night (2007)

Sub-Genre- Vampires

In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

What's it about?- As the town of Barrow, Alaska, prepares for it's annual 30 days without sunlight, a group of Yiddish vampires descend upon the town and proceed to make it's residents their bitches.

It's up to the town sheriff (Josh Hartnett) to keep everyone alive, and he does a pretty crap job of it. Those blood suckers are fast, strong, and really not pleasant at all. They also seem to be hungrier than Rosie O'Donnell most of the time. It doesn't help that the chick who recently dumped him tags along the whole time, because she wont let him use his karate skills to help. Women.

So basically they spend the bulk of the 30 days hiding, which really exposes them for the cowards they are. I mean , cant a bunch of chicks, a teenage kid, a 90 year old man and a burly truck driver kill 20 or so immortal vampires?

In the end, only the sheriff can save them, but does he?


Fuck that, Let's wait until morning.
The Good- A fun, bloody and aggressively violent vampire film, I don't see how this wont please most fans of the genre. The atmosphere is right, and the cinematography is clean and crisp... I loved this one.

The Bad- I can see how some people may have issues with the vampires differing from the traditional vampire mold a bit, but it's not a huge issue. The end was a bit of a "Huh?" moment as well.

The Downright Horrendous- I didn't know that vampires spoke Yiddish.

What did we learn?- Vampires always ruin threesomes.
Rating- B+ A definite own for me.
Vanilla Gorilla's Raspberry's (5 being the worst)- 1 Raspberry of 5! He almost liked it!!!


Melissa George is in this.

Group 3

We have a big family, and a few more have just recently decided to get in on The Horror Club madness!

There will be no A-Z or Z-A order; When this group meets, it will be random movies at random times (mostly I'll be bringing movies that they have'nt seen.)

Me- I'm always there...
Dave- Machine's brother; has a love for all things horror.
Karrie- The Chick; pees her pants when scared; scared all the time.
Michaela & Adrianna- Can they handle the pure terror that we have to offer? Yeah, probably.

Group 2

Group 1 started at Z, and is happily making their way to A, watching everything in our horror collections reverse-alphabetically.

Me- The Constant. (LOST reference!)
Machine- The Lifeblood; no Horror Club exists without his madcap tomfoolery!
Chris- The unflappable one; nothing scares this man!
Geo- Mr. "Stuck in the 70's."; still rocks the 8-track in his car.
Michelle- Mr. "Stuck in the 70's" wife/back-up plan; she'll always be my #1 :)

*James- Part time as he has an hour drive to attend; always there in spirit.
*Christian/Amanda- Part time, as they think taking care of a newborn is more important than horror... priorities people! Geesh.

Group 1

The group that "Started it all!"

Group 1 started at A, and is happily making their way to Z, watching everything in our horror collections alphabetically.

Me- A legend in my own mind.
Eryn- Thought she was tough until she watched Inside; horror is in her veins. Loves it all, in some fashion or the other.
The Vanilla Gorilla- The Skeptic; he is quickly becoming a horror loving fool (though he hates the Amityville movies.) Haute Tension is his all-time fave so far.
Cherrie- The rookie; her enthusiasm is fierce. She too loves the Haute Tension goodness.

*Sometimes we get random walk-on's here, and list them accordingly.

Rules and Ratings

It's pretty simple how the club and ratings work.

A- A horror classic (This is the same as 9/10 or 10/10)
B- A near classic, still great (7/10 or 8/10)
C- Average. Has certain issues that push it one way or the other (5/10 or 6/10)
D- Not so good. Were most likely never watching this again. (3/10 or 4/10)
DO NOT WANT- Utter garbage; We'd rather set kittens of fire and try to put them out with spiked baseball bats that waste our time on these.

How we do it?:

0- We are all friends that get together once or twice a week.
1- We watch horror movies from our collections.
2- We start with A, and work through them in order, until we reach Z.
3- Ok, so we really start with titles beginning with numbers, but #-Z sounds pretty wrong to me.
4- We post about them, and all things horror, here on our happy Lil' blog.

Since all of us can't get together in the same place at once to participate, we have divided ourselves into two groups; Group 1 will start at A and work through to Z, while Group 2 will begin at Z and work backwards to A. Trust me, it's easier for me this way... I'd go mad sitting through the same flicks over and over...

Our go-between, who constantly refers to himself as Machine, can attend either at his leisure. That's only because no one makes rules for him. Ever. I'm sure as fuck not starting here.

Machine is always watching.
I from time to time will catch a horror movie without anyone else around and that isn't from my collection, and thus will do a solo review on it. The solo's tend to be newer movies, which usually make me cry if I watch them alone. Lately I've been wetting myself too. The poop is next, I'm sure.

Our club is a cool way for friends to get together and have some fun. You should try it.

Our Mission Statement. Esentially.

Welcome. We do things a bit differently here, but I'll be damned if it doesn't work!

We here at The Horror Club love horror movies; we love them so much in fact, that we started a club about them. Hence the name of the blog.

Above all else, we are here to experience the beauty (and sometimes misery) of the horror film, both old and new. We want to roll around and bask in the filthy taint of celluloid terror as Rosie O'Donnell rolls around on piles of shaved ham, basking in her ravenous hunger. In other words, we REALLY love horror.

We watch, discuss, then review horror flicks; then we pretty much discuss the reviews we have just written. We like to think of what we do as giving you the tools that you may need, to walk the poisoned path along side of us. We do try to do that with a twist though: You may notice, from time to time, here and there, a bit of sarcasm and/or some random inappropriate humor thrown into the mix... I'll explain really quick...

The style of the blog is simply the way we all, as a group of friends, sit and discuss movies on a Friday night (sometimes on Saturday too, if Geo doesn't have to go cut his mom's grass or something.)

We really do sit around every week and watch movies; more importantly, we like to fancy ourselves witty and in the know, discussing what we watch, and trying our best to out-funny each other in the process. We do get to the crux of the movies we discuss for sure, but we like to laugh and dazzle ourselves with our crazy humor and wit along the way.

I know, it is kind of sad. It's who we are though. To me, it's a neat twist on a blog; most are so dull and technically oriented... Who cares what the aspect ratio of the DVD is? A true film geek like me already knows that crap; now tell me exactly why David Hasselhoff is scared of Bologna... and I'm hooked. Also, who doesn't enjoy funny pics of cats dong crazy thing, or pics of hot chicks being hot? (Fine, so it's mostly the men like that last one...)

This is how our club works in real life... seriously, we really do this:

Gather your friends, cram them all in a room with a TV, and the person with the biggest horror DVD collection supplies the goods; Then you just watch a movie or two, crap your pants, crap each others pants, maybe laugh a little here or there, and then discuss it all before you drive home. Alone. And yes, whatever you just watched may in fact kill you in the car, but that's all a part of the fun!

It's nearly guaranteed that everyone you know hasn't seen every horror movie you own, unless you only have 6 of them. It's like making someone a mixed tape of music that you love, and that they've never heard before; you absolutely owe it to them to share. If they don't end up loving the mixed tape like you do, they just can't be your friend anymore. They suck anyways, so why keep them hanging around?

Me being as anal as I am about my DVD collection (All of my movies are sorted by genre, and are arranged alphabetically within each genre), gave me the brilliant idea "Horror movies... Let's watch them all! We can go in order, A-Z!" All 250+ of them.

I get to share Argento and Bava, early Craven, and plenty of Cronenberg. I get to show my friends why the original is almost always much better than the remake. Same with the Japanese horror. I get to let someone experience exactly what Giallo is firsthand instead of trying to explain it when we talk.

We get to go through a horror history lesson. Together. Also, we get to hide on people when they go to the bathroom, and try our best to give them a massive coronary or a stroke when they come back. At very least, you should be going for tears. Good times, good times.

So this blog will document our A-Z journey through horrors hallowed halls. You know there will be lists too; Top 10 this, the 10 worst that, and anything else I need to preach about involving horror movies... or chicks from horror movies. Those are always nice too.

You should listen closely, I'm really good at this.


Also, I reserve the right to discuss anything that I'd like to, horror related or not. Deal with it.