April 30, 2008

It's coming!!!!!!!!

Good god I can't describe how bad I need to see this movie right now. Sure it isn't horror, but still it must be praised. The new rumor is that Miley Cyrus has a bit part in the movie... Well, I guess her having the joker smeared all over her face means that her part is "Streetwhore #1"

April 28, 2008

#3- American Psycho (2000)

Sub-Genre- Serial Killer/Slasher  
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

Patrick Bateman, avid 80's music collector, spends his free time educating people on the social implications of the music of such bands as Huey Lewis and the News and Phil Collins. He is also bat-shit nuts, and likes to kill hookers, homeless people, and small kittens. Lucky for him that he lives and kills in the 80's; possibly the most self-indulgent and ignorant decade that we as humans have ever survived.

Huey Lewis & The News... check 'em!
While everyone else is talking about their portfolios and bone colored business cards, Patrick is spreading the message of utter insanity and the benefits of apricot facial scrubs. Hell no he isn't smarmy! He will ask a street hooker to was her vagina only to turn around and ask a high priced call girl to "eat it." If that isn't blurring the socio-economical lines of the class war, I don't know what is.

So he kills all sorts of people, all of them deserving (save for the dumb-as-a-sack-of-hammers model), doing so with a flair unmatched amongst the ranks of serial killers. I wont ruin the ending here, but I will say that it shows us that most people are clueless lemmings and definitely deserve to die. It also gives us a new fondness for 80's pop music.

Apparently, he's a messy eater.
Brilliant from start to finish, American Psycho blends disturbing imagery with a more than fitting social commentary about 80's excess. Christian Bale proves once again, that he is one of the most talented and diverse actors to ever grace the screen.

This movie is perfect for first dates.

Christian Bale's ass. This movie needed more of the ladies getting naked, especially Reese Witherspoon. Also, The Habitrail scene, one of the nastiest scenes in the book, was omitted from the film. Think starved rodent, a habitrail tube, and a hooker that deserves to be punished. Tell me that wouldn't be twisted and brilliant to see as a deleted scene...

Tube City.
I cant believe he was going to feed the ATM machine a kitten!

Gore galore in this one. It's not as nasty and graphic as the book, but American Psycho (the Unrated version, of course), is still pretty disturbing and violent.

She's the one he actually likes.
Hookers having a threesome with Patrick Bateman, and various debutantes having sex... so, yes.

"Hey paul!" or "My pain is constant and sharp, and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis; my punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."

Who doesn't do that during sex?
80's music has something to say, and in fact, can change the world if only we'd listen closer.

A+ American Psycho is a modern day classic that you must own if you truly love Horror. There's so much at work in the narrative, that you could dissect it for hours, and not even touch but a fraction of it. Also, it's blood and wicked, and full of great moments and lines.

Also, Batman is in it.

Reese Witherspoon is looking good in this one, though her character was insufferable. Chloe Sevigny too. Let's not forget her.

April 24, 2008

C.Y.P. Daily

C.Y.P. (Crap Your Pants) Daily presents the following creepy bit:

If that's not creepy, I don't know what is.

April 23, 2008

#1 & 2- 28 Days Later and 30 Days of Night

So we have officially kicked off the club with our first night of horror DVD's. Here begin the reviews!

28 Days Later (2002)  
Sub-Genre- Post-Apocalyptic Monkey Zombie Mania!
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

A bunch of angry monkeys get out of their cages and bite someone, thus beginning the spread of a virus that makes everyone else angry too. Soon enough, everyone in the United Kingdom is pissed off and red-eyed, and the country becomes populated by "Sort of Zombies."

Jim (Cillian Murphy), wakes up from a coma, unaware that all of this has happened, and we see his penis. He sets off in search of Bangers and Mash, but finds only deserted streets and angry "Sort of Zombies" that apparently hate him and would like to smack him in the mouth.

He meets a hot black chick, and vows to take up break dancing. Along the way, they meet up with a few other people, and they all end up finding the army... I'll say no more. I wont ruin the surprise.

An overall effective Horror effort, 28 Days Later makes you feel despair from the word go, and doesn't let up on you until the end. The washed-out look of it all inspires dread, and the music backs the feeling up quite well. Danny Boyle is a good egg.

There are a few great scares to be had here, and the general unease that the movie achieves should keep you creeped out for the entire run time.

Cillian Murphy's penis and ass. Also, for people who are terrified and desperately trying to sneak around and avoid the Infected at any cost, they talked/yelled really loud.

Cillian Murphy's penis and ass
No, Cillian. No!
Never trust angry monkeys. Also, hippies cause more problems than they solve.

 B+ A good buy, or at least a rent. You wont be wasting time with this one, so give it a shot.

Vanilla Gorilla's Raspberry's (5 being the worst)- 2 Raspberries of 5! He didn't hate this one that much!!!

30 Days of Night (2007)
Sub-Genre- Vampires
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, and The Vanilla Gorilla (Nicknames are used to protect the innocent, bear with us folks.)

As the town of Barrow, Alaska, prepares for it's annual 30 days without sunlight, a group of Yiddish Vampires descend upon the town and proceed to make it's residents their bitches.

It's up to the town sheriff (Josh Hartnett) to keep everyone alive, and he does a pretty crap job of it, mainly because those blood suckers are fast, strong, and really not pleasant at all. They also seem to be hungrier than Rosie O'Donnell at a lesbian brunch mixer most of the time. It doesn't help that the chick who recently dumped him tags along the whole time, because she wont let him use his karate skills to help. Women.

So basically they spend the bulk of the 30 days hiding, which really exposes them for the cowards they are. I mean , cant a bunch of chicks, a teenage kid, a 90 year old man and a burly truck driver kill 20 or so immortal vampires?

In the end, only the sheriff can save them, but does he?

Fuck that, Let's wait 30 days until morning.
A fun, bloody and aggressively violent Vampire film, I don't see how this wont please most fans of the genre. The atmosphere is right, and the cinematography is clean and crisp... I loved this one.

I can see how some people may have issues with the Vampires differing a bit from the traditional Vampire mold, but it's not a huge issue. The end was a bit of a "Huh?" moment as well.

I didn't know that vampires spoke Yiddish.

Vampires always ruin threesomes.

B+ 30 Days of Night is a solid entry to the Vampire genre, and it's one of the better Vampire flicks we've seen in a while. A definite own for us.

Vanilla Gorilla's Raspberry's (5 being the worst)- 1 Raspberry of 5! He almost liked it!!!

Melissa George is in this.

April 22, 2008

Rules and Ratings

It's pretty simple how the club and ratings work. A- A horror classic (This is the same as 9/10 or 10/10) B- A near classic, still great (7/10 or 8/10) C- Average. Has certain issues that push it one way or the other (5/10 or 6/10) D- Not so good. Were most likely never watching this again. (3/10 or 4/10) DO NOT WANT- Utter garbage; We'd rather set kittens of fire and try to put them out with spiked baseball bats that waste our time on these. How we do it?: 0- We are all friends that get together once or twice a week. 1- We watch horror movies from our collections. 2- We start with A, and work through them in order, until we reach Z. 3- Ok, so we really start with titles beginning with numbers, but #-Z sounds pretty wrong to me. 4- We post about them, and all things horror, here on our happy Lil' blog. Since all of us can't get together in the same place at once to participate, we have divided ourselves into two groups; Group 1 will start at A and work through to Z, while Group 2 will begin at Z and work backwards to A. Trust me, it's easier for me this way... I'd go mad sitting through the same flicks over and over... Our go-between, who constantly refers to himself as Machine, can attend either at his leisure. That's only because no one makes rules for him. Ever. I'm sure as fuck not starting here.
Machine is always watching.
I from time to time will catch a horror movie without anyone else around and that isn't from my collection, and thus will do a solo review on it. The solo's tend to be newer movies, which usually make me cry if I watch them alone. Lately I've been wetting myself too. The poop is next, I'm sure. Our club is a cool way for friends to get together and have some fun. You should try it.

April 21, 2008

Our Mission Statement. Esentially.

Welcome. We do things a bit differently here, but I'll be damned if it doesn't work! We here at The Horror Club love horror movies; we love them so much in fact, that we started a club about them. Hence the name of the blog. Above all else, we are here to experience the beauty (and sometimes misery) of the horror film, both old and new. We want to roll around and bask in the filthy taint of celluloid terror as Rosie O'Donnell rolls around on piles of shaved ham, basking in her ravenous hunger. In other words, we REALLY love horror. We watch, discuss, then review horror flicks; then we pretty much discuss the reviews we have just written. We like to think of what we do as giving you the tools that you may need, to walk the poisoned path along side of us. We do try to do that with a twist though: You may notice, from time to time, here and there, a bit of sarcasm and/or some random inappropriate humor thrown into the mix... I'll explain really quick... The style of the blog is simply the way we all, as a group of friends, sit and discuss movies on a Friday night (sometimes on Saturday too, if Geo doesn't have to go cut his mom's grass or something.) We really do sit around every week and watch movies; more importantly, we like to fancy ourselves witty and in the know, discussing what we watch, and trying our best to out-funny each other in the process. We do get to the crux of the movies we discuss for sure, but we like to laugh and dazzle ourselves with our crazy humor and wit along the way. I know, it is kind of sad. It's who we are though. To me, it's a neat twist on a blog; most are so dull and technically oriented... Who cares what the aspect ratio of the DVD is? A true film geek like me already knows that crap; now tell me exactly why David Hasselhoff is scared of Bologna... and I'm hooked. Also, who doesn't enjoy funny pics of cats dong crazy thing, or pics of hot chicks being hot? (Fine, so it's mostly the men like that last one...) This is how our club works in real life... seriously, we really do this: Gather your friends, cram them all in a room with a TV, and the person with the biggest horror DVD collection supplies the goods; Then you just watch a movie or two, crap your pants, crap each others pants, maybe laugh a little here or there, and then discuss it all before you drive home. Alone. And yes, whatever you just watched may in fact kill you in the car, but that's all a part of the fun! It's nearly guaranteed that everyone you know hasn't seen every horror movie you own, unless you only have 6 of them. It's like making someone a mixed tape of music that you love, and that they've never heard before; you absolutely owe it to them to share. If they don't end up loving the mixed tape like you do, they just can't be your friend anymore. They suck anyways, so why keep them hanging around? Me being as anal as I am about my DVD collection (All of my movies are sorted by genre, and are arranged alphabetically within each genre), gave me the brilliant idea "Horror movies... Let's watch them all! We can go in order, A-Z!" All 250+ of them. I get to share Argento and Bava, early Craven, and plenty of Cronenberg. I get to show my friends why the original is almost always much better than the remake. Same with the Japanese horror. I get to let someone experience exactly what Giallo is firsthand instead of trying to explain it when we talk. We get to go through a horror history lesson. Together. Also, we get to hide on people when they go to the bathroom, and try our best to give them a massive coronary or a stroke when they come back. At very least, you should be going for tears. Good times, good times. So this blog will document our A-Z journey through horrors hallowed halls. You know there will be lists too; Top 10 this, the 10 worst that, and anything else I need to preach about involving horror movies... or chicks from horror movies. Those are always nice too. You should listen closely, I'm really good at this. Also, I reserve the right to discuss anything that I'd like to, horror related or not. Deal with it.