VOD Review: Starry Eyes (2014)

(aka Worst Casting Couch Ever.)
Release Date: November 14th.
Country: USA. 
Rating: Unrated.
Written & Directed by: Kevin Kolsch and Dennis Widmyer.
Starring: Alex Essoe, Amanda Fuller, Noah Segan, Fabianne Therese, and Pat Healy.

Aspiring actors & actresses face plenty of real-life horrors in their day-to-day quest for fame & fortune, most of which would make for a compelling story on their own, let alone adding to them the idea that Hollywood is run by Devil Worshippers.

Starry Eyes is as much a bleak satire of Hollywood as it is a pure Horror movie, and maybe that's why it worked so well for us.

Sarah is a young & beautiful aspiring actress who will stop at nothing to make it in Hollywood. While her actor friends waste their time partying and making their own crappy Indie movies, she's going on audition after audition, hoping to land a big role. Of course none of those auditions ever go well for her, which makes her want to pull out her own hair in frustration. So she does. In clumps.

"THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD NEWS. I JUST GOT A PERM."

Most of her wannabe actor friends support her in her quest for fame, in various ways: some by keeping her in a job (Pat Healy rules); others by offering her roles in their self-produced Indie movies; and all of them by telling her how pretty she is. Of course they're all a bunch of go-nowhere losers, but hey, so is she... she just doesn't want to admit it to herself. Because she's a special, unique snowflake, just like everyone else.

SHE DOESN'T NEED THEM. SHE DOESN'T NEED ANYBODY!

Sarah goes to audition for a Horror movie called The Silver Scream, which ends up going horribly, as per usual. The audition ends with her in the bathroom, pulling her hair out and crying, because that's just how she copes. The casting agents apparently like this dark side of her though, and so Sarah earns herself a series of callbacks, during which she's asked to abuse herself, get naked, and blow a 70-year-old man. That's Hollywood!

"MAYBE YOU ZUCK MY DICK, YES?"

To say anymore about the plot here would spoil the bulk of the movie for you, but suffice it to say that Hollywood is run by Satanists, there's always one backstabber in the crowd, and the end of the movie gets pretty messy for everyone.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SARAH.

For the most part, Starry Eyes is a moody, nuanced movie, that at many times felt like we were watching someone's surreal nightmares unfold onscreen. It's also a movie that takes its time getting where it needs to go, taking great care to show us the everyday travails and pitfalls of the average wannabe Hollywood actress, and the price that they must pay to achieve their dreams of stardom. Then, almost out of nowhere, the movie explodes into a twisted and violent final act that hit us like a right hook to the puss, and left us feeling a bit shell-shocked.

It was all pretty impressive and unsettling. Creepy, even.

Starry Eyes is anchored by the standout performance of Alex Essoe as the starry-eyed actress Sarah, who quite literally sells her soul to make it in Hollywood. Essoe goes to about 20 different places with her performance in this one, all of which she played perfectly.  Amanda Fuller and Noah Segan were also solid as Sarah's caring friends, and even though his part was a bit smaller than the rest, it's always good to see Pat Healy in anything. We also have to give a special shout out to Fabianne Therese for making us truly despise her character; we've always been a big fan of Fabianne's, so for her to make us hate her and wish her off of our screen is a testament to just how well she nailed her role in this one.

A SPECIAL SHOUT ALSO GOES OUT TO ALEX ESSOE'S TANK TOP, WHICH LOOKED SPECTACULAR ON HER.

We're pretty sure that Fabianne Therese's insufferable, catty, insecure, fake, shitty, backstabbing character was a generic representation of plenty of struggling actresses in Hollywood, but we really want to know who. Like, we want names.

OH MAN, SHE WAS SUCH A SNOTTY BITCH.

 

As a metaphor for selling your soul to achieve stardom, Starry Eyes really makes you look at Hollywood, and the lives that it has destroyed, in a far creepier light. We're pretty sure Tinseltown isn't run by Satanists or anything, but we're equally sure that it is run by a lot of skeevy bastards who may as well be The Devil, for what they make pretty young things do to jump-start their careers.

"IN HARVEY WEINSTEIN'S NAME, PRAISE SATAN!"

As relatively bloodless as Starry Eyes was for the first half of its runtime, it turned on a dime, and quickly became a disturbingly visceral gorefest in its back half, offering up one of the greatest bloodbaths that we've seen in quite some time. It really surprised us how graphic and gory the movie got all of a sudden, as we figured that it would end having been more of a straight-up psychological Horror movie than a visceral one. It was genuinely good stuff.

WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD.

 

Alex Essoe gets naked and does some implied oral sex, and there's a disturbing kiss between two girls, but for the most part, Starry Eyes isn't very heavy on the sexy stuff.
 

WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER HAD THEY LOST THE BATHING SUITS.

The best part of the movie was when Sarah finally puts Fabianne Therese's asshole-of-a-human-being character, Erin, right in her place... which she does quite handily.

YOU HAD IT COMING!

Selling your soul to The Devil is absolutely worth it. Also, "Fallen Angel" by Poison would have been the perfect song to play over the closing credits.

FALLEN ANGEL INDEED.

Starry Eyes is one of those Horror movies that builds slowly and surely towards a climax that explodes with furious vengeance. It's also an interesting look into the Hollywood machine, and more importantly, into the mind of an aspiring starlet that will do anything to be a part of that machine.

If you're looking for a "smart" Horror film that delivers the gory goods while maintaining a certain level of sophistication, then give Starry Eyes a rent. It's definitely one of the better Horror movies of 2014, and it's a great watch.

B+

Starry Eyes is available now on VOD.

The ladies of Starry Eyes absolutely made us starry-eyed with their sassy sexiness.

Blu-ray & DVD: The Digital Dread Report for December 2nd!

Another week, another crop of high-profile Blu-ray & DVD releases to spend our $$$ on. This is why our wallets hate us.

With Christmas rapidly approaching, we're trying to be selective about what to buy for ourselves (because this is the time for giving, not buying things just for us), but there are just some titles that we can't pass up. We're only human, after all.

*Click on the titles below to order them from Amazon, and help keep this column afloat. Every click helps, we promise you.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is probably the "best" movie that is seeing release this week. Dawn was one of the most entertaining movies that we've seen in 2014, boasting both a solid story and some top-tier visuals. If you've seen the first movie (Rise), then this sequel is more of the same, only better. If you haven't, then do yourself a favor and see them both, back to back. You won't regret it. This is a really good flick.

We were surprised to have liked As Above, So Below as much as we did; critics almost universally panned it, and audiences didn't really flock to it in droves either, so we were expecting it to be nothing more than another in a long line of Found Footage/First Person stinkers. It wasn't bad at all though, and in fact, we found it to be enjoyable on a B+ level (review forthcoming.) If As Above, So Below sounds like something that you'd enjoy, then take the plunge and give it a chance, because you most likely will.

The only other truly notable movie release this week is Scream Factory's Tales From the Crypt/Vault of Horror 2-pk. To have two creepy anthology films from the 70's packed into one set that have been given the 1080p transfer treatment by Scream Factory, is a truly wonderful thing. Note that while there are basically no Special Features in this set, there are three different versions of Vault of Horror, which is a pretty cool Special Feature of its own: (most importantly) we get the completely Uncut & Uncensored widescreen version of the film; an Uncut, open-frame full matte version; and the widescreen theatrical version. This is a really great release for anyone who loves Classic Horror.

Justified has been one of our favorite TV Shows since it premiered back in 2010, and even though Season 5 was far from perfect, we still can't wait to add to to our collection. This set is coming out just in time for us to re-watch it so that we can be ready for the show's final season, which premieres in January. If you like good TV Drama with an ass-kicking twist, then you should grab a copy of Season 1 of Justified, kick back, and enjoy one of the best written, best acted shows on TV. This is excellent binge-watch material.

The Strain is a show that we found to be enjoyable in spite of its many issues. Having read and enjoyed the books, we felt that they dragged Season 1 out a bit too much for our tastes (which kind of killed the pacing a bit), but when The Strain was on point, it was one hell of an enjoyable watch. We'll be buying this set and hoping that they tighten up the writing and pacing a bit for Season 2. They almost have to.

This week's DVD releases aren't anything that we're crazy excited about, so we'll probably wait until Antidote and Speak No Evil hit Netflix to watch them.