VOD Review- Grand Piano (2014)

Grand Piano is the best Brian De Palma movie made by someone who isn't Brian De Palma.

I say that because I somehow got it in my head that this was De Palma's new film. When I realized that it wasn't, I was sure that he must have produced it or something, but I was wrong on that account too.

In the end, I suppose that it's a pretty good compliment for a small film like Grand Piano to be mistaken for (or even compared to) the work of a director who made an art form out of making excellent movies that featured frantic cat-and-mouse games and masterful, long tracking shots.


Aside from the De Palma comparison, Grand Piano even feels a bit Hitchcockian in parts, which again, speaks well of the movie.

No matter what comparisons you make in regards to Grand Piano, it's safe to say that it's an effective little flick that continues Elijah Wood's recent hot streak of picking great roles in great movies.

After Tom Failznick saved The Shire (but not for him), he became quite the accomplished piano player; a phenom, if you will, and some say even the best of his generation. All of that makes the fact that he's been in seclusion for the past five years -crippled by stage fright due to a botched performance- all the more tragic. The world has missed his talent, and it needs his brilliance!

Well, maybe not the whole world.

With the death of his musical mentor, Tom has decided to once again return to the stage to play what I am guessing is some sort of tribute concert, using former master's Grand Piano. The thought of performing again has him feeling as nervous as a small, tender boy in a basement full of Priests, but he is determined to let nothing deter him from his comeback...

...except for the guy in the balcony with the sniper rifle.

It seems that Lloyd Dobbler is hell-bent on making Tom's return performance one for the ages, so much so that he's made all sorts of helpful notes in his score, such as: "Play one wrong note and you die," "I will shoot you in the face if you suck," and "Don't screw this up, Failznick! lol." This of course only adds to Tom's level of stress, but it also sets him on a course to discover just who is doing this to him, and why... which he does... with a cellphone... while playing a concert. Don't ask.

"I miss The Shire."

Can Tom pull off the complicated number that sent him into shameful hiding so many years ago? Will Lloyd Dobbler shoot him in the face? Will the ending leave you vaguely dissatisfied as as it did us? Far be it from me to spoil anything for you here, but suffice it to say that sometimes even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

Failznick will find you, Lloyd Dobbler!

 

Grand Piano is a solid little Thriller that manages to make the most of its small trappings. It definitely smacks of other movies like Buried or Phonebooth in that the movie's plot unfolds in one central location, and involves a protagonist who is trapped and desperately trying to find a way out of a hopeless situation.

Grand Piano feels a lot like it could be a Brian De Palma movie, even if it doesn't hit a lot of the beats that the typical De Palma Thriller does. It maintains a palpable amount of tension throughout, and since Elijah Wood is so likable in just about every movie he's in, we were genuinely concerned with his character's well being here.

Can you guess which one of these people in the balcony is the creeper with the rapey stare?

Elijah Wood is good here as per usual. He's always so earnest and likable in his movies (Maniac aside), which makes it easy for us to feel his plight and root for him. John Cusack is solid here too, even if his character is a bit on the one-dimensional side of things, as we spend most of the movie only hearing his voice rather than seeing him.

It was also nice to see Alex Winter in something again. I honestly don't think we've seen him in a movie since the heyday of such classics as The Lost Boys or the Bill & Ted movies.

No one stole your piano, it's right there behind you. Calm down.

As for the negatives, the bit with the couple bickering and tussling in the audience was annoying, because how can grown adults act so foolish in such a quiet and classy setting? that whole sequence felt like a plot device that was shoehorned into the movie for no other reason than to add to the body count. It felt out of place in comparison to the way the rest of the movie played out.

If Grand Piano truly drops the ball in any respect though, it with its resolution; once we found out what the point of the whole "play perfectly or die!" thing was, it kind of killed a bit of the momentum for us. Without spoiling anything specific, we would have much preferred to see the "bad guy" be more of a flat out maniac rather than a calculating criminal. 

The ending was passable, but it just felt overly-elaborate and contrived.

You can't put your hands up, you have to play!

Though its climax is nowhere near as thrilling as what comes before it, Grand Piano is a tension-filled effort that hits most of its notes quite admirably. This is a polished and classy Thriller, that despite a misstep or two, works as it was designed to. It's not a perfect Thriller, but it is one hell of a solid effort

Grand Piano is available on VOD now, and in Theaters (Limited) on March 7th.

B-

Kerry Bishe and Tamsin Egerton are the loveliest keys on this Grand Piano... unless of course you're more partial to Frobo Bagglins, then he's probably the loveliest of them. Either way, I suppose they're all lovely in their own way.

The Digital Dread Report for the week of February 4th

Sure, most of us may have another crazy Winter Storm bearing down on us, but at least there are some good movies coming out this week for us to watch while curse Mother Nature!

As far as Must Own titles go this week, Night of the Demons is the one for us. We can't wait to see what sort of magic that Scream Factory worked on this classic 80's flick, as it really is one of the decades best.

The other Scream Factory release this week, Witchboard, does not have us jumping for joy. We're sure that the folks over at SF made this one look and sound great, but it's just such a bad movie that we probably will not be revisiting it again. Ever. Check our Witchboard Review HERE.

As for everything else; we're curious to see Scorned and The Banshee Chapter, but we'll rent those just to play it safe; the classic Charles Bronson flick, Deathwish, just may find its way into our collection one of these days; The White Queen and Midsomer Murders are both solid shows, and well worth a watch, if not exactly a buy.

That's about it for this week, at least for us. You, however, can click below and order yourself a copy of whatever you like, because maybe you want to own Escape Plan!

DVD Review- Graduation Day (1981)

Between 1980 and 1989, the Horror Genre gave us more than 250 Slasher Flicks; most of them were cheap, a lot of them mostly sucked, and very few of them had much of a lasting impact on audiences (aside from rabid Horror fans like us, that is.)

Flaws and all though, we loved most of these flicks.

1981 is widely considered the pinnacle of the Golden Age of the Slasher Flick, with such quality efforts as F13th Part 2, My Bloody Valentine, The Burning, The Prowler, Happy Birthday to Me, The Funhouse, Bloody Moon, and a slew of others seeing release.

Then there's this masterpiece.

Graduation Day is a Troma film, so to say that it's bad is pretty unfair, and totally misses the point of what constitutes a Troma film. Conversely, calling it good isn't exactly fair either, because it's not.

Graduation Day (and most Troma Films) is cheap, cheesy, and exploitative; you know, the kind of movies where you crack a beer (or twelve of them), sit back, and just enjoy the schlock.

A demanding Track Coach pushes one of his hot little runners (Laura) so hard that she has a heart attack and dies as she crosses the finish line. At least they won though, right? Well, they may have won the big Track Meet, but they're all about to lose... their lives!

Someone is out for revenge you see, killing off everyone on the Track Team, because they're obviously to blame for Laura's heart defect. One by one they are dispatched by an unknown killer, who at times shows up in full fencing garb... because running shorts, a mesh shirt, and a head band aren't really all that terrifying?

You know, you're a Track star... you could have run!

More Track Team members (as well as a few random whores) keep getting offed, and their parents freak out because, where are their kids? The inept Principal of the School concludes that the missing kids are just out raising hell. None of it really makes much logical sense.

Typical 80's Horror tropes and cliches ensue, followed by an ending that will leave you saying "Oh, I guess that's over, huh?"

Nothing is over until Christopher George says it is!

 

Graduation Day is basically nothing more than a fun, harmless little Slasher Flick. Aside from the technical flaws on display here, and the obvious lack of visceral gore, the movie manages to be entertaining enough.

Christopher George was one hell of a B-movie actor, wasn't he? A heart attack sadly took him from us at the far-too-early age of 54, but in the last years of his career he gave us some great Genre flicks to remember him by; Mortuary, Pieces, Graduation Day, City of the Living Dead, amongst them. He had charisma to spare, and never took his Horror roles too seriously, which for us, always made for a good time.

Did you know that Vanna White (who is in this movie) was his niece? Or that he posed in Playgirl? He didn't give a shit, he did what he wanted! The scene in this movie where he's watching a chick do her routine on the uneven bars, while licking his lips and appearing to be getting off, was a creepy/funny thing of beauty.

We miss the guy, and we'll gladly watch flicks like Graduation Day (be they good or bad) to get the chance to see him do his thing.

An all-time classic.

Nothing is more frustrating that a decent Slasher Flick that doesn't show the kills on screen, and in their full glory. I get that back in the early 80's, violence was scrutinized much harsher by the MPAA than it is now, and there wasn't a big Home Video market in which directors could release an Unrated Version of their films, but come on. It's a Horror flick, it's supposed to be nasty and terrifying!

The MPAA can truly suck it.

Why has this movie never been cleaned up and released with a proper transfer? We're not asking for the world here, and this movie definitely doesn't deserve the world, but a decent looking transfer would be nice, you know? This movie is so dark in places, that you can barely make out what's going on at times.

Most of the kills in this one either happen off screen, or are too dark too properly see. We do get to see the after-effects of a throat slashing, some deadly fencing hi-jinks, a death by football, and pole-vaulter meeting a spiky end.

For the most part, the gore in this one is rather disappointing.

You could actually see the dead guy breathing in this scene.

Linnea Quigley shows her boobies twice, and dies painfully because of it! Well, maybe not "because of," but it certainly didn't help things.

Not all Slasher Flicks are created equal. Also, Linnea Quigley gets naked in everything.

You shouldn't have bought that vowel!

Graduation Day is a serviceable Slasher Flick, which is definitely worth a look, especially for fans of retro Slasher Flicks. It's not the greatest example of a good Slasher, but hell, it's fun enough to give it a go, especially since Christopher George and Linnea Quigley are a part of the cast.

You can get this one on DVD via Amazon, but beware; the print is old and isn't the best looking.

C-

Graduation Day boasts some 80's-hot chicks, including a young Linnea Quigley, and a pre-Wheel of Fortune Vanna White. Not easy finding good, hot pics of either of those girls, I tell ya.

In brilliant Hannibal casting news: Michael Pitt is cast as Mason Verger!

Remember when Jimmy died on Boardwalk Empire, and you stopped watching, because fuck them? We do (and we surely did), and that's why we're so frigging pleased to see that Michael Pitt has been cast as Mason Verger in the upcoming 2nd Season of Hannibal.

Mason Verger was played masterfully by Gary Oldman in  the 2001 movie, Hannibal, where he was Hannibal's main nemesis; you remember, the creepy guy who dribbled when he drank, because he had no face?

"Cordell, more children's tears, please."

For those of you unfamiliar with Verger's back story:

Verger is the only surviving victim of Hannibal Lecter, who was high on drugs when Hannibal convinced him to simultaneously hang himself and cut off most of his own face with a knife ("It seemed like a good idea at the time") leaving him crippled and horrifically deformed. He is also a sickening, sadistic pedophile who enjoys watching children suffer, and even after being crippled by Lecter he continues to torment children emotionally. Verger also drinks martinis with children's tears in them. 

The novel of Hannibal was way different from the movie, and it looks like we'll be able to see Verger's story play out closer to the way that it did in the book. That of course will involve an eel... and a cattle prod used for anal-rape... and Katharine Isabelle as his Lesbian sister.

This is just excellent casting news, and February 28th cant get here quick enough.