Blu-ray & DVD: The Digital Dread Report for June 30th

The last week in June may be a little light on the Horror releases, but at the same time, it is rich in other Genre offerings that are absolutely worth a look.

If you like watching bad movies along the lines of something that MST3K or Rifftrax would rip to shreds, then this week's Blu-ray & DVD releases have got you more than covered. Between the awesome 2-Pack from Scream Factory, and the trio of Post-Apocalyptic movies being released by Blue Underground, you've got some of the best Bad Movies of the 80's at your fingertips.

Hell, you could almost argue that Road House is a good Bad Movie. It's not bad at all, but you could argue the point.

*Be sure to click the pics to order yourself some flicks, because let's face it, you deserve to spoil yourself.

"Clown dolls. Witches. Hasselhoff. What more could you want? Prepare yourself for one of the most bizarre double bills imaginable with Ghosthouse and Witchery! Released in Italy as part of the infamous La Casa series, these two highly unusual horror films are essential viewing for fans of Cult Cinema."

Ghosthouse is one of our favorite 80's Horror flicks for the simple reason that it's as creepy as it is ridiculous; it's definitely a so-bad-it's-good type of movie, but then there's that creepy kid with that creepy clown doll, and that hypnotically creepy nursery rhyme that plays every time they kill someone... We just love it. In fact it's so bad, and we love it so much, that we bought the Rifftrax version of it just to hear the gang goof on it. You can check out that version out HERE.

Witchery is one that we don't really remember, but any sleazy Italian Horror movie from the 80's that stars David Hasselhoff and Linda Blair just has to be entertaining on some level. Plus it comes with Ghosthouse, so even if we end up hating it, it's like a fun bonus.

The bottom line is that this 2-Pack from Scream Factory (yes, they strike again), is one that we've been anxiously awaiting for months now, and we can't wait to give it a spin in our Blu-ray player.

"It's 1990 and the Bronx has officially been declared a "No Man's Land." The authorities have given up all attempts to restore law and order. When a beautiful young woman runs away from Manhattan into this wasteland of motorcycle gangs and marauding warriors, her corrupt father sends a ruthless mercenary to bring her back at all costs. But gang leader Trash has other plans, uniting the rival outlaws to wage an all-out guerrilla war against their corporate oppressors."

The Road Warrior spawned a countless number of shitty Post-Apocalyptic rip-offs in the 80's, which was both a bad and a good thing. It was bad because most of them were cheap and awful, but it was also a good thing because as awful as they were, they were every bit as enjoyable to watch as Bad Movie Club material.

Whether it's this one, or the two below, each of these releases from Blue Underground will have you cringing while you're laughing your asses off. Good times.

"Patrick Swayze stars in this sexy, tough-guy thriller from the producer of Die Hard and The Matrix. Swayze is Dalton, a legendary bouncer who comes to Jasper, Missouri, for a special purpose: to restore order at the notorious Double Deuce bar. In one spectacular fight after another, Dalton rids the bar of thugs and henchmen. But when he runs afoul of a ruthless crime boss (Gazzara) who controls the town, the stage is set for a blistering showdown that'll leave only one man standing!"

If we have to explain to you why this movie is so great, then we feel bad for you. If you do know this movie, and you don't love the hell out of it, then we kind of hate you. I know that sounds harsh, but how can you hate Patrick Swayze and his fantastic hairdo kicking ass like he does in this movie?

It's just not possible.

• Much like 1990: The Bronx Warriors (above), Escape From the Bronx and The New Barbarians are two cheesy slices of early 80's Post-Apocalyptic bliss... if you love Bad Movies, that is.
• Critics were not kind at all to Sean Penn's newest effort, The Gunman, and we don't get it, because as espionage Thrillers go, it was an enjoyable ride. It's definitely worthy of a watch.
• Everything else, as always, is a crap-shoot. 

VOD Review: These Final Hours (2015)

We really want to start this review by saying that there's something about Post-Apocalyptic movies that we just can't get enough of. To be fair though, These Final Hours isn't Post Apocalyptic at all; it's an "Apocalyptic" movie, because there's nothing "Post" about it. The movie is about the final hours before the world ends, so us categorizing this movie as Post Apocalyptic isn't particularly accurate.

Then again, much of the world in which the movie is set already feels as if it's Post Apocalyptic, as many people have killed themselves, become lawless, and in many instances, the dead litter the already-ravaged landscape.

So, maybe Pre-Apocalyptic would be a better term to use here, but we're not creating a new Genre label for it. Not sure why we felt the need to explain all of that. but there it is.

10 minutes ago, a meteor crashed into the North Atlantic, unleashing a fiery death storm upon the world. Europe and most of the Northern Hemisphere have no time to react to their annihilation, but the lucky folks of Australia have about 12 hours to live until they meet the same fate, so, party time, I guess?

IT'S COMING.

James is a douchey scumbag who leaves his pregnant girlfriend to face the impending doom alone, so that he can go to a party with his other girlfriend, and I guess do a bunch of cocaine and stuff before the end. Yeah, he's a peach. On the way to the party though, James spots two creepers dragging a screaming little girl into a house, presumably so that they can spend that last 12 hours of their miserable lives taking turns raping her. Not quite the scumbag that we had originally thought, James rescues the girl, and takes her with him.

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO GO TO THAT PARTY? A TERRIFIED KID, THAT'S WHO.

The girl's name is Rose, and she's been separated from her Father. James, still wanting to party, at least promises her that he'll find someone responsible to leave her with while he heads for Skank-a-Palooza. Try as he might though, he begins to realize that there's really no one decent to leave the girl with, and slowly... ever so slowly... he begins to think that looking after Rose and helping her get to safety might be a better way to spend his last hours on Earth than partying like an asshole would be.

He's still an asshole, but at least he's trying. The quest for redemption ensues. 

TRY HARDER, JAMES. THERE'S A CLOCK ON THIS SHIT.

These Final Hours truly blew us away with both its intensity and its emotional depth. This is a quick movie that wastes no time getting to the "Impending Doom" portion of its story, and the ride that it took us on was both terrifying and depressing. This is definitely a bleak movie that played with our emotions. From the start, we knew that the world was ending, and that there was basically no hope that any of the characters would survive, and yet there we were, pulling for them to make it to safety... which was really us pulling for them to find some sort of peace before the inevitable end.

THEY FOUND IT.

These Final Hours will inevitably be compared to other "End of the World" movies like 4:44 Last Day on Earth, Miracle Mile, or even Melancholia, but for us it was more like The Road (2009) than anything else. Sure, it's about the world ending, but it's really more about a the relationship between self-absorbed James and sweet little Rose that anchors this movie, and that was what ultimately made us love it. Whereas the movie starts off with James trying to get to a party to be with his 2nd girlfriend (what a dick), it turns into him taking on the role of protector for a little girl who is all alone in a world-gone-mad, and him doing his best to get her to safety. So on a deeper level, it's really about a man's redemption, and how it's never too late to change for the better.

SHE LOOK LIKE SHE WANTS TO KILL HIM.

We've seen Nathan Phillips before in Genre fare like Wolf Creek, and the U.S. version of The Bridge, but here he really gets to prove how good of an actor he is. James' transition from a selfish asshole into someone who gives a shit about something besides himself felt real to us; that's due to solid writing, but even more so to Phillips' performance. He was really great in this, and we hope it leads to bigger roles for him in the future.

Even better was Angourie Rice's phenomenal performance as Rose. Much like Rose did to James in the movie, Angourie managed to tug at our heartstrings throughout this one. She's honestly one of the better child actors to come along in some time, and if she wants it, she has a bright future ahead of her in front of the camera.

Jessica De Gouw and Sarah Snook were solid in their roles as well, even if they were smaller ones. 

DAMMIT GIRL, STOP MAKING US FEEL THINGS!

On the negative side, the worst part of the movie for us was knowing that there would be no happy ending for anyone involved. Catharsis, sure, but there would be no last minute, life-saving Deus Ex Machina for the characters, and that sucked because we grew to like them quite a bit. There was one scene in particular that killed us, making us yell "No!" at the screen (we also yelled some other words which we can't mention here, lest we spoil things for you.) It was a great scene, but it killed us. You'll know it when you see it.

OH, YOU'LL KNOW.

These Final Hours is a fantastic, bold movie that we genuinely loved, despite the fact that its story was one steeped in sorrowful hopelessness. I know that makes it sound like it's horrible to sit through, but there's a beauty and emotional depth to the movie that makes enduring its sadder aspects absolutely worth enduring.

If you really want to have yourself a fun Double Feature, watch this one back-to-back with Maggie; just make sure you have some Kleenex handy. And maybe some whiskey.

A

These Final Hours is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

We'd gladly spend our final hours with any of these lovely ladies.

What's Coming & Going on TV This Week?

Most of the Summer's big shows are set to premiere in July, but June still has a few surprises up her sleeve before she goes.

We're not sure which one is a bigger deal for Horror fans: Salem ending its 2nd Season, or the Scream series premiering on MTV. Probably Scream, because it was such a beloved movie series. Either way though, they are both huge.

SALEM (10 P.M. SUNDAY, WGN)

The Witching Hour: With her mission seemingly accomplished, the Countess Marburg revels in the apparent completion of her plans, unaware that the object of her devotion has desires which may be in direct conflict to hers. Emotionally drained by recent events, an all-but-defeated Mary stages a last-ditch effort against the Countess. Meanwhile, John is visited by a pair of unexpected allies who deliver a fateful message; Mercy comes to learn a stark reality, leaving her to face an uncertain future; an unrepentant and increasingly powerful Anne faces the personal consequences of her duplicitous actions, leading her down an even darker path; and when Cotton learns an unwelcome truth, his reaction is initially mixed, until a startling confession strengthens his resolve… but it may already be too late.

Much like Vikings on The History Channel, we never really expected Salem to be any good. I mean, who does WGN America think they are, producing a solid, entertaining show on their first try?

Well Salem has been pretty good up to this point, and its 2nd Season has gotten darker and more twisted with each episode. We can't wait to see how the Season Finale will play out tonight:

• What is Satan's plan, now that he walks the Earth?
• Who will live, and who will die?
• How will Cotton react to Anne now, knowing that she's a witch?
• Will Mary Sibley bitch-slap Countess Marburg into the netherworld?

Whatever happens, we know that we'll be tuning in to see how it all goes down, and gladly eating it up.

HUMANS (9 P.M. SUNDAY, AMC)

Episdoe 1: The Hawkins family acquire Anita, a Synth. But instead of making life easier for Laura it creates new tensions. Leo is on the run with his Synth, Max. Pete feels pushed aside by his wife's Synth and George won't part with his.

Having already seen the first episode of AMC's new Sci-Fi series, Humans, we can honestly say that we're curious to see where the series goes from there. A very solid start.

SCREAM (10 P.M. TUESDAY, MTV)

Pilot: After a viral video of Audrey and another girl kissing goes viral, high school mean girl Nina and her boyfriend Tyler are brutally murdered which soon rattles Lakewood to its troubled past of a similar murder that occurred 20 years ago.

Is it too much to hope that a Horror show airing on MTV might actually be good? The Network isn't exactly known for its quality programming, but with Wes Craven producing, we'll give it a go and hope for the best.

The preview of the First 8-Minutes was decent enough, although we have to say that replacing the phone calls from the movies with texts takes a little bit of the fun and creep factor out of things. It was bloody though, and Bella Thorne looked good in a bikini. We remain optimistic.

ZOO (9 P.M. TUESDAY, CBS)

First Blood: ZOO, based on the #1 bestselling novel by James Patterson, is a global thriller about a wave of violent animal attacks against humans sweeping the planet. Jackson Oz is a young renegade American zoologist who spends his days running safaris in the wilds of Africa with his best friend Abraham, who has a deep understanding of wildlife. Shortly after the attacks begin, Oz begins to see a link between the strange animal attacks and his late father’s controversial theories about impending threats to the human race. In Los Angeles, news reporter Jamie Campbell is intent on being the first to break the story behind the mysterious animal behavior, and seeks the expertise of Mitch Morgan, an off-kilter veterinarian, who prefers the company of animals over people. Nora Arnezeder stars as Chloe Tousignant, a French investigator Oz meets in Africa. As the assaults occurring worldwide become more cunning, coordinated and ferocious, Oz and the others are thrust into the race to unlock the mystery of the pandemic before there’s no place left for people to hide.

It's CBS, so we're not expecting much (their dramas usually suck), but we'll be tuning into this one on Tuesday to see how well they've adapted the book. The 1st Episode was directed by Brad Anderson, so at least there's that.

Let Loose the Dogs of Horror!

We've done a few posts about the Cats of Horror movies, so why not give some love to the dogs?

Cujo up there may be the most famous Horror movie dog ever, but there are plenty of his canine pals who made their own impact on the movies that we love, whether in a good or bad way. So let's take a look at 10 of the best of them, and see what they brought to their respective movies.

BUDDY (THE ABCS OF DEATH)

D if for Dogfight was probably our favorite segment in The ABCs of Death, mainly because in the end, the dog had his day! I mean, any asshole who fight dogs for sport deserves to get his throat ripped out, which is exactly what happens in this one. Buddy was a good boy!

Read our review HERE.

Stream it for free!

GANGU (AUDITION)

Poor Gangu... he was a good boy who only wanted to be loved, and what did he get instead? A twisted neck, that's what! Being a Beagle is not easy in Japan.

Read our review HERE.

THE PACK (THE BREED)

These genetically-enhanced bitches do nothing but bite people and bark! And kill. And set shit on fire with the power of their minds. They'd probably rape too, but that's basically how dogs have sex in general, so we digress. These dogs are all bad!

Read our review HERE.

HELLHOUND (THE OMEN 1976)

This dog actually comes straight from Hell to protect The Antichrist himself, Damien. There's actually a pack of them running around in the movie, but this one is the alpha. We're pretty sure that this is the movie that gave Rottweilers a bad name.

HELLHOUND (THE OMEN 2006)

Same thing as above, just a different breed of dog for the remake. *And for the record, any dog that comes from Hell is bad!

Stream it for free!

BEAST (THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2006)

Finally, we get to a German Shepherd that isn't evil! Beast is one of the coolest dogs in any movie ever. He actually had a sister named Beauty, but she was killed by the mongoloid cannibals who live in the hills, so his only mission now is to help his humans survive, which he does admirably. 

Beast was one of the best boys ever!

THE RAPE SQUAD (LITTLE DEATHS)

These dogs aren't really bad, as they're just doing what dogs do naturally, but they sure do a bad thing to a woman tied to a bed (rape.) The fact that she's terrified of dogs to begin with makes it even worse. The guy who wrangles these poor dogs together and makes them rape his girlfriend is the bad one!

Read our review HERE.

NANOOK (THE LOST BOYS)

This beautiful Alaskan Malamute was not only Sam's best friend, but he eventually became his protector too. So bad-ass was Nanook, that he killed a vampire all by himself... alright, all he did was knock him into a tub full of holy water, but it still counts.

He was a good boy of the highest order.

THORN (THE LOST BOYS)

On the other hand, this white German Shepherd, Thorn, was a very, very bad boy; after all he served vampires, so he really can't be considered one of the good guys, now can he? Good watchdog though.

ZOLTAN (ZOLTAN: THE HOUND OF DRACULA)

As if the title isn't enough of a tip-off, this movie falls into the so-bad-it's-good category. We honestly can't remember whether he was actually Dracula's dog, or if he was Dracula incarnate, searching for a human host to jump into. Either way, this movie was just bad. Fun to laugh at, but bad.

Zoltan might be the baddest boy of them all!