Book Review: The Scarlet Gospels

We don't usually review book around here, for a few different reasons, but I had to take a few minutes to talk about Clive Barker's new novel, The Scarlet Gospels. There will be mild plot spoilers blow, but we're keeping this one short and simple for the most part, so  we won't spoilt too much.

"The Scarlet Gospels takes readers back many years to the early days of two of Barker's most iconic characters in a battle of good and evil as old as time: The long beleaguered detective Harry D'Amour, investigator of all supernatural, magical, and malevolent crimes faces off against his formidable, and intensely evil rival, Pinhead, the priest of hell. Barker devotees have been waiting for The Scarlet Gospels with bated breath for years, and it's everything they've begged for and more. Bloody, terrifying, and brilliantly complex, fans and newcomers alike will not be disappointed by the epic, visionary tale that is The Scarlet Gospels. Barker's horror will make your worst nightmares seem like bedtime stories. The Gospels are coming. Are you ready?"

HE'S READY, THAT'S FOR SURE.

The final chapter in Pinhead's The Hell Priest's story has arrived. He's on a mission to take over hell and kill Lucifer himself, and it's up to Harry D'amour and friends to stop him... although they really can't, so it's basically up to Harry D'Amour and friends to survive if they can. *Oh, and for the record, Clive Barker hates the name Pinhead, and in fact he takes jabs at how stupid it sounds a few different times throughout this book.

The Scarlet Gospels was a fun read, at times a crazy read, and it truly went some places that I didn't expect it to. Once the story got to the point where everyone literally went to Hell, it felt like a non-stop fever dream come to life. The way that Hell was set up, its different inhabitants and hierarchy's, Lucifer, and the destruction of it all, is something that we're still trying to wrap our heads around.

HE'S HEEEEERREEEE!

Harry D'amour is a great character, and the small group of friends that he surrounds himself with are solid too, but it's really Pinhead's story that drove this book forward. He was on a mission in this book, and he cut his way through everything in his path to accomplish it. Along the way, things got messy, nasty, and downright twisted, which is par for the course for Clive Barker, so no surprise there.

SUCH A CHARACTER, THAT HARRY.

Where the book left characters like Harry, Pinhead, and even Lucifer, at the end was interesting too. I won't spoil anything other to say that some of it wasn't anywhere near what I had expected, and there could definitely be a continuation to the story... or at least, a part of it.

On the negative side, things do get a bit hammy at times. I expected sharper lines and quotes from Pinhead, and some of the dialogue from the others fell off at times. Not natural enough. I also expected most of the Demons in hell to be a bit more fearsome, but they were portrayed like they were just another group of people, trying to get through life as well as they could. I suppose overall, that I wanted things to come off as a bit more nefarious and dire, and a lot of it felt far too "normal" to me. It kinda felt like "Earth on Hell" to reverse the popular idiom.

In my opinion, HBO should grab this one up and make an 8 Episode mini-series out of it. The book was nothing if not cinematic, and would make for some jaw-dropping programming, if the right network went about producing it in the right way. It's all wishful thinking, but hey, dreams are what keep us going!

THAT SCENE THOUGH...

The Scarlet Gospels was not quite the book that we expected it to be, then again, we're not really sure what we expected from it to begin with. We enjoyed most of it, loved the hell out of some of it, and felt a little bit underwhelmed by the rest of it. It's a good one, it's just not perfect.

If it sounds like something that you'd want to read, just give it a go.It's definitely worth a read.

B

THANKS FOR THE CREEPY MEMORIES, PAL.

The Best Blu-ray & DVD Pre-Orders for June & July!

There are a ton of great titles hitting Blu-ray & DVD in June & July, and so we've updated our Pre-Order Widget to highlight the best of them. *The Pre-Order Widget can always be found on our Sidebar.

For us, The Wire, Scarecrows, Der Samurai, Kingsman: The Secret Service, Dog Soldiers, and Horsehead are the June releases that we absolutely must have.

In July it's Maggie, It Follows, Ex Machina, The Godsend/The Outing, Cellar Dweller/Catacombs, and I, Madman that will be taking our money.

Scroll through and take a look, and Pre-Order these great titles while the prices are at a reasonable level. *Prices usually tend to be cheaper Pre-Release, depending on the title. 

Blu-ray & DVD: The Digital Dread Report for May 26th

Whatever a ferox is, some ninjas, a new Arrow Video release, two new Scream Factory releases, a new Synapse release, and the best fixer in LA... this is The Digital Dread Report for May 19th!

May is nearly over, but before it goes, it's bestowing upon us some great Blu-ray releases, and after it's already given us such great ones all month long. May is such a thoughtful month. We love you, May.

*Read on, and be sure to click the pics to order whatever strikes your fancy.

"Banned in 31 countries, CANNIBAL FEROX assaults your senses as a group of Americans lost in the jungles of Amazonia experience brutal retribution at the hands of blood-crazed cannibals. Shot on location in the savage Amazon wilds of South America, CANNIBAL FEROX is one of the most violent and shocking films ever made. There are at least two dozen scenes of barbaric torture and sadistic cruelty graphically shown.  If the presentation of disgusting and repulsive subject matter upsets you, please do not view this film."

Easily one of the most controversial Horror movies of all-time, Cannibal Ferox is hitting Blu-ray this month in a jam-packed, 3-Disc edition, courtesy of Grindhouse Entertainment. We've always viewed this one as a fun Cult Classic that we have a ton of respect for, but I'm not sure if it's a movie that we'd sit down and re-visit that often. I'm pretty sure that we're in the minority with that comment, but hey, cannibal flicks aren't really our fave, you know?

Still, this release is probably the best one of the month, and will no doubt be one of the best of 2015, when all is said and done.

• Original UNRATED, UNCENSORED director's cut.
• Spectacular new 2K transfer - scanned from the original camera negative.
• SHOCKING deleted footage - lost for over 30 years and never-before-seen on home video.
• Breathtaking digital stereo re-mix by Academy Award winner Paul Ottosson.
• Optional Italian language soundtrack and original mono mix.
• Candid and shocking audio commentary by director Umberto Lenzi and star John Morghen.
• Provocative, in-depth interviews with director Umberto Lenzi, stars Giovanni Lombardo Radice, Danilo Mattei and Zora Kerowa, and special effects master Gino DeRossi.
• EATEN ALIVE! THE RISE AND FALL OF THE ITALIAN CANNIBAL FILM - all-new feature-length documentary containing interviews with Umberto Lenzi, Ruggero Deodato, Sergio Martino, Giovanni Lombardo Radice, and Robert Kerman.
• Original Italian, German and U.S. theatrical trailers.
• Extensive gallery of stills and poster art.
• Glossy 12 page booklet containing liner notes by legendary 42nd Street historian Bill Landis (author of SLEAZOID EXPRESS) and Eli Roth.
• BONUS CD - original soundtrack album by Budy-Maglione - newly remastered in stunning 24 bit/96khz sound from the original studio master tapes, and including never-before-released alternate takes.
• Beautiful embossed slip cover.
• AND OTHER SURPRISES!

"Shocking, brutal and totally politically incorrect in its outlook, Island of Death is a gruelling cinematic experience devised by director Mastorakis to out-do the excesses of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, which he was hugely inspired by. Now fully uncut and newly-restored from the original negative, fans can enjoy Island of Death in all its sleazy, lurid glory."

Arrow Video U.S. has been releasing some great titles so far, and bringing this former Video Nasty to market is only making us love them more. We've never seen Island of Death, but now we have the perfect opportunity to take the plunge.

• Brand new restoration from the original negative.
• High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) and Standard Definition DVD presentation.
• Optional English SDH subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing.
• Brand new interview with director Nico Mastorakis.
• The Films of Nico Mastorakis: the director hosts this documentary covering his varied career in cinema, including a look at Island of Death.
• Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Graham Humphreys.
• Collector's booklet featuring new writing on the film, illustrated with original archive stills and posters.

"Years ago, Madman Marz violently murdered his family only to escape into the woods before his execution could be completed. Legend has it that anyone who calls his name can summon him back to continue his bloody rampage. But teenage Richie, away at camp, doesn't believe the old legend and calls his name. As night falls, strange things start happening at at camp and soon Madman Marz is back, axe in hand, to finish the killing spree he started decades ago. One of the true classics of 80's slasher cinema, Vinegar Syndrome proudly presents MADMAN on Blu-ray for the first time, newly restored in 4K from the camera negative!"

Continuing their tradition of releasing obscure Horror flicks from decades past, Vinegar Syndrome is bringing this cheesy 80's Slasher to a Blu-ray player near you! This isn't the best movie overall, but it's plenty bloody, and it's got that unique 80's Horror vibe about it... which makes it worth checking out, especially considering its low price.

• New 4k restoration from the 35mm camera negative.
• Original Theatrical Trailer.
• TV spots.
• Cast/Crew interviews.
• The Legend Lives (91 minutes.)
• Audio Commentary track by The Hysteria Continues.
• DTS-HD MA 2.0 Mono.

"Ray Donovan, a professional "fixer" for the rich and famous in LA, can make anyone's problems disappear except those created by his own family."

If you love great TV crime dramas then Ray Donovan is probably a show that you should check out. It's got a top-notch cast, all kinds of intense action and plot points, and it's one of the few shows that are actually worth watching during the long Summer months. Of course you should probably see Season 1 before you go watching Season 2, but they're both worth it. We actually enjoyed Season 2 a lot more that we did the first one, and we loved the first one.

• Audio Commentary: "Yo Soy Capitan" by Jon Voight and Pooch Hall
• Audio Commentary: "Walk This Way" by Liev Schreiber
• Shooting Ray Donovan
• Liev on Ray
• Jon on Mickey
• Musically Ray (via eBridge technology)
• "The Affair" Season One, Episodes 1 & 2
• "Penny Dreadful" Season One, Episodes 1 & 2
• "Happyish" Season One, Episodes 1 & 2 (via eBridge technology)

There are actually a lot of worthwhile titles being released this week, even if most of them look to be on the B-Movie/Exploitation side of the fence.

• We love 2-Pack Blu-rays, and this week, Scream Factory is releasing two of them for us to geek out over. Of course, you have to really dig Killer Animal flicks from the 70's & 80's to appreciate them, but if that is your thing, these releases are perfect for you.
• If you're looking for a cheesy martial arts fix this week, there are three new releases that can satisfy that craving: Enter the Ninja (Franco Nero) and Revenge of the Ninja (Sho Kosugi) are B-Movie 80's classics; and Samurai Avenger is a newer flick, but we're curious to see what Synapse does with the Blu-ray. They haven't let us down yet.
• We've been told that Gun Woman is all kinds of insane fun, and we'll be watching it soon. We're always up for some Japanese craziness.
• Let Us Prey is another one that we're eager to see, if only because it's got Liam Cunningham from Game of Thrones in it. How can you not love The Onion Knight? 
• We've also heard that Seventh Son is better than a lot of folks give it credit for. We'll most likely catch both it, and The Loft when they hit Netflix. Can't buy everything, you know. 

On the DVD front...

• Nightlight (our review HERE) left us cold, but we have to imagine that there are a lot of fans out there who will probably like it, at least a lot more than we did.
• Everything else, as always, is a crap-shoot.

VOD Review: The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence (2015)

I'm honestly not sure what Tom Six was thinking when he made this movie. I know he's a maverick filmmaker who does what he wants, and doesn't care what anybody has to say about it, but there's a limit to how far up your own ass you can go with the "I'm an artist!" bullshit when you make a sorry movie like this.

I also know that art (and its worth) is a subjective thing, so let it be known that I'm not dismissing the guy out of hand just because he made a movie that I didn't like.

You can say what you will about the first two Human Centipede movies, but at least they were fairly straight-forward Horror flicks that made some sort of logical sense.

This third, and hopefully final, entry in the gross-out series though, seems more like an in-joke that we weren't privy to. Like we were late getting to the party and we only caught the punchline of an elaborate joke, and while everyone else is laughing, we're just wondering what in the hell we missed... and we'd like to think that we're smart enough to get most jokes.

"Taking inspiration from The Human Centipede films, the warden of a notorious and troubled prison looks to create a 500-person human centipede as a solution to his problems."

I took that synopsis from the movie's IMDB page, because I just don't have the strength in me to try and break down the plot like I normally do for most movies. I'm not even sure that you can say that this movie has a conventional plot to begin with, so who am I kidding. A behind-the-scenes "making of" would probably make for an interesting documentary though
 
At least there's that.

YEP. THAT'S A BIG CENTIPEDE.

There's really not a lot that we can say about The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence that is good. It didn't actually feel like much of a movie at all to us, rather than a 100-minute improv exercise for Dieter Laser, that was interspersed with some gore gags every now and then. I honestly wonder if there was even a script for this movie, and if there was, just how much of it actually made it to the screen.

The biggest problem that we had with this movie, was Dieter Laser. As much as we enjoyed him in the first movie, we couldn't stand him in this one. He overacted in such an over-the-top way in this one, that it was not only distracting, but it ground our nerves to dust by about 10 minutes in. Maybe even less than that. 90% of the movie focused on him screaming, acting crazy, or trying to look sadistic, and none of it was convincing at all. There was nothing scary or funny about him or his performance, and his heavy accent doesn't do him any dramatic favors in such a dialogue-heavy movie. By the end of it all, we honestly felt bad for him.

As for his character, Bill Boss, most of the movie was nothing more than him screaming, ranting, calling people "Nigger" "Tits" "Cunt" and a bunch of other random, offensive names, which made us wonder if Tom Six let a group of teenage boys write the script. As an adult (simple-minded as I may be), a bunch of nasty words don't make something feel edgy or gritty to me anymore, although I'm sure I would have been fairly shocked by such things when I was 12. I'm sure that it's all meant to shock, but that doesn't make it any more enjoyable, or even tolerable, to watch.

WHY?!?

The movie itself is abysmal, and not because of its premise, and not because it's an artistic statement that most people (including us) aren't going to get, but because it was a genuinely bad movie. The first hour and twenty minutes are spent watching Bill Boss talk, scream, yell, and act crazy, in-between scenes of him waterboarding people with boiling water, abusing prisoners verbally and physically, waving his gun around while screaming about respect, cutting a prisoners balls off and eating them for lunch, mouth-raping his hot secretary, being raped in a hole in his side by a group of prisoners, raping his comatose secretary... There was a lot of rape in this movie. And racism. And misogyny.

I can't imagine that Tom Six is a hateful person that wants to hurt certain groups of people with ugly words or horrific acts, and even if he was, we're not interested in soapboxing about how wrong he is, so we'll just chalk it up to him using such controversial tools to make a statement of some kind. Statement or not though, it all felt fairly absurd. 

RAPE, TORTURE, OR BOTH; SOMETHING BAD IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN.

The acting in this one is bad across the board. It's not like we were expecting Masterpiece Theater from a Human Centipede movie, but man it was all just so bad. Then again, actors can only do so much with what they're given, so it's not really the fault of guys like Robert Lasardo or Tiny Lister that things turned out so horribly. When you look at someone like Bree Olson, who is a Porn Star by trade, and think "she's actually pretty good in this," then you know something is really wrong. That's no knock on her specifically, but she's not "really" an actress, and she was a standout here. And what Eric Roberts was doing in this movie, we have no idea. Dude was nominated for an Academy Award, and yet here he is in this shit-pile. Maybe he owed someone a favor?

YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS, ERIC ROBERTS!

The gore is actually pretty good in this one, and is really the movie's only saving grace... although it doesn't save it at all. As violent and gory as it does get at times though, there isn't really a lot of Human Centipede action until the end of the movie. They show a lot of the cutting and sewing that creates the massive prison yard centipede, but it doesn't last all that long, and we only see the actual centipede in action for a few quick minutes. There's also a Human Caterpillar in this one, so...

MAYBE IF THE MOVIE HAD FOCUSED MORE ON BREE OLSON INSTEAD...

Tom Six should have let this series end with Part 2, and moved on to something else.

AGAIN WITH THE YELLING!

As much as we liked the first Human Centipede, and thought that the second one was at least a great gore-fest, this third, and hopefully final entry in the series leaves us wondering what in the hell happened. Maybe Tom Six had his one moment in the sun, and now he's just retreading the same old ground in far worse ways, because he's got nothing else to give us. Maybe he tried to do something radically different with this movie, and make an artistic statement of some kind. Or maybe, and this one is probably it, The Human Centipede 3: Final Sequence is just a really shitty movie.

Rent it if your curiosity gets the better of you, but know that this is a massive step down in quality even from the 2nd movie in the Human Centipede series, which itself was a pretty big step down in quality from the first one. Depending on how you feel about either of those films, that's saying an awful lot.

D- (and that's being generous.)

Let's not act like Bree Olson hasn't been involved in at least one Human Centipede in her real life, alright?

What's New on Netflix: The Mid-May Edition

Netflix has added some solid movies to its lineup over the past few weeks, and here are the best & worst of them.

The Best of Them: Inglorious Basterds may not be a Horror flick, but it's an A+ of a movie that definitely deserves our love; Zombeavers is a lot of campy fun; Late Phases is one hell of a werewolf flick; Extraterrestrial is a decent alien abduction flick; and The Sixth Sense is a neo-classic that you surely already know about.

The Worst of Them: Jinn was one of the worst genre movies that we endured in 2014; [REC] 4: Apocalypse underwhelmed us to death; and the first episode of Between was like a bad CW show.

The Rest of Them: We haven't seen After, Hybrid, or White Haired Witch, so we can't really comment on those. We can say, however, that Hayride 2 looks as bad as it sounds. Make of that what you will.

So click the pics below to read our reviews, or to be guided to each movie's IMDB page, and click the banners to see our full What's on Netflix page. Above all else though, happy streaming!