Our Theatrical Release Date List has been updated!

We know it's exciting, but try to contain yourselves. Please.

We've updated the list through the end of June to include not only the big genre flicks that we all know are on their way, but the smaller Limited Releases that deserve some attention too.

Plan accordingly, people.

She didn't plan accordingly, and look what happened to her...

The Theatrical Trauma of March 22nd

This week it's all about Gerard Butler saving 'Murica! from terrorists, and Selena Gomez's tits.

Olympus has Fallen is the big one of the week, and we're down for anything that stars Gerard Butler killing a mass amount of bad guys, so count us in for that one. For the record, we'd watch anything starring Morgan Freeman too, so, double bonus for us!

Spring Breakers has generated some positive buzz on the Festival Circuit, mainly because it showcases Selena Gomez and the chick from Pretty Little Liars having sex and behaving badly. Meh. It's not that we don't love young whores, or James Franco for that matter, it's just that we aren't going to pay to see this movie in Theaters. We'll catch this filthy chuck-wagon of shattered innocence when it hits Blu-ray, you know? Yeah.

What is interesting this week, is all of the smaller horror flicks seeing VOD/Limited Theatrical releases. There's a bunch of them, so take your pick, but our money is on A Resurrection and Windsor Drive... if we had to bet, that is.

*These little flicks are the ones that need our support, so if anything, maybe take a chance and catch one on VOD. 

So it's either Gerard Butler doing his "This. Is. Murica!" bit, or some barely legal Disney stars behaving badly... which just strengthens our belief that April 5th cant get here soon enough, because, Evil Dead.

I hope all spammers die.

 
I know that sounds rather harsh, but after finding 38 comments awaiting my approval that involved incoherent ramblings about Felshlights and Penis Blogs, it's well deserved. That's just how I feel.

Do random spammers in Guam honestly think that their crazy rambling spam comments are fooling anyone? "I have make an Blog site about this topic, here my link is and you come buy Fleshlight because penis need love from science!"

Well, they aren't, so there!

Word verification is back on, because I'm tired of sifting through sludge to post and respond to real posters with real comments.

Sorry for the lame Captchas that you'll have to type just to leave us some love/hate/wisdom.

... and now, back to it.

The Digital Dread Report for March 19th

We're going to consider this week to be the calm before next week's storm; next week, there are a lot of must have titles hitting shelves such as The Collection, and Blu-ray versions of From Beyond and Phantasm 2.

Still, this week boasts a few good flicks worth checking out.

We're not honestly sure how we feel about The Hobbit. It was good, but it just didn't strike a nerve with us like the first three LOTR universe movies did. We're going to own it, just not today. We're probably going to be in the minority on that one.

Gorgo is a gem of a flick for lovers of monster movies. It holds a special, nostalgic place in our hearts, and we are definitely adding that one to our collections.

Zero Dark Thirty is a must have title for some of us. I don't see myself watching it over and over again, but it was good none the less, and worth a buy.

The real gem of the week is the 4 pack of cheesy action movies. If you love watching the "so bad they're good" titles of the world, you need to own this. Hell, I'd pay $10 for Alienator alone. Grab some beer, gather your peoples around you, and laugh your asses off.


Timerider is a cheesy classic, and Shadow People and Hellgate are pretty interesting. The rest all look interesting, so we'll be renting them to see what they're all about.

It's not that we hate sexploitation flicks, but we're certainly not buying or renting them. Just not our thing. So unless they come on cable, we have to skip them.

Hidden in the Woods (2013)

For us to enjoy an Exploitation flick, it has to have at least some semblance of a plot going on in-between all of the the rape and over the top violence that we already know we're in for. It has to have characters that we empathize with and fear for, and most importantly, cheer on, when it comes to getting their revenge and /or escaping.

The average Exploitation flick has to be entertaining, and not just an all out assault on our senses.

What we have here is a movie that bombards us with horrific act after horrific act, and then gives us some even more horrific acts followed by some even more horrific acts than those... sounds like a perfect Horror flick, right?

Well, no.

Hidden in the Woods left us cold, not because it was so violent and depraved, but because it felt like director Patricio Valladares packed this movie with as much nasty, crazy shit as he could, all for the sake of shocking film-goers.

Of course, we could be wrong. We could have missed the point of the whole thing, but I'm pretty sure we didn't.

Felipe lives in the woods with his wife and two young daughters, Ana and Anny. He's in the drug trade, managing the stash of local drug lord Uncle Costello, and by all accounts, he does a great job of it. One day, he loses his shit and beats his whore wife to death (for being a whore) right in front of his daughters, which terrifies them. In a effort to comfort his dear children, he rapes Ana, because that's what comforts 10 year old girls in Chile.

Felipe goes on raping and abusing his daughters for years until one of them ends up pregnant. The incest-baby, Manuel, starts life by being shot out of the womb into a bucket, which bodes well for his future. The family decides to keep him in an old piss-shack outside, and feed him raw meat, because he's a feral mongoloid that brings shame upon his family.

Yep, they sure do show that.

When the Policia eventually show up to arrest Felipe for his abusive ways (not sure how they knew about it, or why it took them so many years to do something about it), they end up getting themselves killed because they suck at being Policia. Honestly, they're so inept that they deserved the awful, chainsaw-filled deaths that they got.

Felipe goes on the run, but eventually ends up in jail, which you'd think would be good news for his kids, because he's a shitty parent. Uncle Costello puts a kibosh on the fun though when he sends a bunch of his goons to Felipe's house to get his drugs, and the kids have to flee deep into the woods to avoid being raped, beaten and murdered by them.

While shacked up at some secret cabin in the woods, Ana turns to hooking to provide for her siblings. This is awesome because we get to see a little montage of her going down on a bunch of creepy, skanky men in various locales, and spitting out their... "finish", each time that she does. This, I believe, was the humorous part of the movie. 

While she's out blowing for dollars, Anny is at home in their secret cabin, giving herself a nice sponge bath in front of a big window. Of course two random backpackers happen along, see this going down, and decide "hey, lets rape her." Ana returns home to find her sister naked and covered in blood, and basically eating her attackers...

I think you get the point by now.

You don't bathe naked in front of a window in Chile! What's wrong with you!?!

For us, this movie fails because it seems to exist only to show various acts of rape and extreme violence, while offering little else in the way of story, character, or even sense. There is definitely a portion of Horror Fandom that loves that kind of thing, we're just not amongst that group.

Had the script made more sense and not felt so absurd, we might have bought into the movie as a whole. Unfortunately for us though, the characters were weak and one dimensional, their actions made little sense, and they seemed to exist only to hurt, or be hurt. Every man in this movie is a rapist. They may also be criminals, thugs or all around abusers, but they are all of them rapists. The women of the movie, in turn, existed only to be targets for the men's twisted sexual desires.

There was nothing in this movie for us to cling to as the tsunami of violence and depravity swept over us, and that is the problem. Without balance, a movie like this is hard pressed to work on any level other than shock value.

I don't even know what the deal was with this kid.

We truly hope that Michael Biehn's remake of this movie delivers where the original didn't. With an actual story amidst the visceral horrors of Hidden in the Woods, it could actually work. This versions, at least for us, does not work at all. If you care nothing for plot or common sense, and just need a heaping fix of violence and depravity, then you'll like this movie. Everyone else would do well to skip it and see how the American remake goes.

The Digital Dread Report for March 12th

Having just bought a PS3, I am personally taking it easy this week with any Blu-ray purchases, because I'm not made of money. (*and yes, I came late to the PS3 party, so shush.)

Still, there are some noteworthy releases that may just force me to open the old wallet anyhow...

A Criterion version of The Blob is a cool thing. I much prefer the 1988 remake version (nostalgia), but how can anyone resist watching Steve McQueen vs. an angry gelatinous space monster? This one, we have to get.

Ripper Street is a great little series from the U.K., and much like Luther, Sherlock, and Copper, it's going in our Collection.

Finally we have Willow, which really, if I have to explain why it's a must own, you pretty much have no soul. Excellent flick. First time on BD. Ours.

The Non-Gen stuff is pretty good this week, especially since we're all for bargain-priced 2-packs. Shooter, Gladiator, Troy and The Losers are all must own flicks, especially at those prices.

 
Lots of good stuff in the Rent It section this week, especially of note are Curandero, Hitchcock, and In Their Skin.

We also have to give some credit to Grave Encounters 2; it wasn't a great movie at all, but it did have some pretty creepy parts that worked on us.


I don't really need to explain why we're skipping these, do I? I mean, come on.