Quick Review: Atrocious (2011)

"The events in this movie really happened. It says so right in the movie."

*In Limited Release now, via AMC Theaters.

With any Found Footage movie, you need to be able to buy into the concept and the set-up for it to be effective. If you can't accept what you're seeing on the screen as real -as in "it truly happened"- then all is lost.

Atrocious does a pretty good job at keeping things real for the most part, though it does get a bit mired down in the trappings of its own sub-genre. Much of the movie is spent with characters walking and filming, running and filming, and doing everyday life things which adds to the realism of it all, but does wear thin after a while.

Most girls her age have cameras just like that.

Atrocious is the story of the Quintanilla family, who was found murdered in their creepy old vacation house in Stiges, Spain. The family's two oldest kids, Christian and July, just had to poke their nose into the old legend of the Girl in the Garraf Woods; both of them running around through a massive and creepy forest maze looking for proof of her existence.

Here's some proof.

It's not long before strange and eerie things begin to happen to them, both in the woods and out: they find strange altars, a foreboding pavilion, and even an old "you know you're screwed now" wishing/drinking well, all of which screams "you're about to die painfully!" to me. Add to that odd noises and goings-on around the house at night, and by the time the dog disappears, you just know they're all screwed.

Aww, un perro! (He dead)

The problem here is that everything seems all too familiar, which doesn't have to be a bad thing, but seeing as there are so many Hand Held/Found Footage flicks out there now, they need to start standing out a bit more.

Think about it like this; after the original Halloween and Friday the 13th, Slasher flicks started popping up right and left in the early 80's. Some were good, some were alight, but looking back with an honest eye, a lot of them sucked. They retreaded the same territory over and over again until they became almost a parody of themselves. People eventually grew tired of it all, which is why by the end of the 80's, the Horror genre was pretty much DOA, and didn't get much life back until Scream came along in 1996.

Atrocious is kinda like those mediocre slashers of old; it delivers what it's supposed to, but we've seen it before and done far better, so in the end it all feels kinda blah. That's not to say that there aren't some great moments in the movie, because there are. Some of it is genuinely creepy and even unsettling, but like most Found Footage flicks, most of its running time is spent on set up to give us that "It's soooo real" feeling.

There's some blood in this.

The twist at the end was interesting enough, though it changed the movie for us in retrospect, and gave everything a different feel. For us, Found Footage movies work when they show us glimpses of the unknown, highlighting supernatural and unknown horrors that lurk about out there somewhere, whether in a forest or an old home. They're a warning.

Here, when we actually get an explanation as to what's going on, it somehow becomes a bit less creepy. 

Yeah, that's about right.

 

Good enough for what it is, Atrocious is middle-of-the-road entertainment for the most part. It gets some things right, really right, but overall it's bringing nothing new to the Found Footage genre. If you haven't seen many movies like this, or just can't get enough of this sub-genre's offerings, you will most likely have a good time with Atrocious.

For those of us who have seen too much of this kind of thing, and are a tad jaded about our movies, it will only inspire strong feelings of "meh."

C

So Yellowbrickroad sucked, Rammbock was good, and Atrocious was alright... Cold Fish had better be good, or Bloody Disgusting and whatever the hell "The Collective" is, have pretty much dropped the ball with their "select" partnership with AMC Theaters.

The overall results so far have not been much better than the average AD Horrorfest year, or even the Fangoria's Frightfest... and that's not a good thing.

Review: The Orphan Killer (2011)

Cast Members of Note- Diane Foster, John Savage, Karen Young, and James McCaffrey.

The Orphan Killer is the story of Marcus and Audrey Miller. As kids they were the closest of siblings, until they witnessed their parents being brutally murdered. Afterwards, they see themselves promptly shipped off to the local orphanage where Audrey is a perfect little lady, sweet and lovable, while Marcus turns out to be a creepy little fucker; after pretty much beating a fat kid to death with a baseball bat, the pious nuns of St. Nobody Wants You beat him mercilessly, try to drown him, and force him to wear some nasty looking skeleton mask, because he's a sinner. But they're Orphans, so it makes sense, right? Happens all the time in Orphanages.

Love is all he needs.

Anywho, Audrey gets adopted, and Marcus gets all pissy about it, because he's apparently a family man. Marcus is locked in the attic and left there, and I'm pretty sure they eventually forget he's there, because he's still up there like 20 years later? Of course that just serves to warp him more than he already is, and he eventually emerges in search of his long-lost sister, and looking to hack anyone who works for God into bloody little pieces...

He mad.

As a Gorefest, this movie absolutely nails it; it's bloody, messy, wet, and really graphic. If you love unrelenting gore and endless kill scenes, this is your flick. It definitely hearkens back to the gritty Slashers of the 80's, where plot and acting meant nothing, because skin and viscera was the draw. Movies like this serve their purpose.

On the flip side of this particular coin is that everything in this movie other than the gore is nothing to write home about. If you'd believe most of the 23 "Reviewers" that have so far posted their thoughts about The Orphan Killer on IMDB, it's "the best Slasher flick of all time!" It's not even the best Slasher movie of this week, let alone ever, so grains of salt must be taken.

I have to admit that the shots of young Marcus standing around in his mask were really creepy, and made us wish we had seen more of his childhood carnage.

Gore Galore.

As a film, The Orphan Killer isn't winning any awards. When I first heard about TOK, it was called Marcus Miller: The Orphan Killer. Catchy title. I thought maybe it would surprise me like Leslie Vernon did, or even Malevolence. Both were low budget Slashers, and both were pretty fun. TOK is fun, insofar as the blood and gore goes, but most everything else that surrounds it is painful to endure.

Save for the female lead, most of the acting is abysmal. At one point during the movie I was convinced that the director had grabbed a homeless person off the street, dressed them in a nun costume, and told them "just keep saying "We have to leave!" over and over again." It was bewildering. Then again, this movie exists to shock, not dazzle.

It is dazzlingly shocking though.

When someone watches a movie and decides to post a review about it, they should be able to. Love it, hate it, it's their right to sound off as they see fit.

If you happen to frequent the IMDB pages of your favorite flicks, you may notice that it's an open forum for opinion, good or bad. We personally love to opine. We do not, however, love when opinions are censored because someone doesn't agree with them. We don't censor comments here, and we were once told that we should shoot ourselves. True story. It's all in the Megan is Missing comment section.

Point is, we let them say it. To see that actual reviews were taken down off of TOK's IMDB page is alarming. If someone doesn't like your film, it's not the end of the world. Maybe you listen to what they say and try to be objective, because feedback is always good, even if what you've done is perfect. Don't like the review? Ignore it. If someone has the right to pimp their movie to the ends of the earth as the best thing ever, then someone else has the right to say "no, I don't agree." Man up and take the feedback.

Yeah, we're talking to you, asshole.

Gore effing galore in this one. If you're in it for the kills, and especially if you like them extra messy, you will adore this movie. In fact, this will become one of your instant faves.

Nasty.

Not only can Diane Foster act, but she's also good at taking a shower, which we were pleased to be able to watch. There was all kinds of wet and willing flesh on display, and for that we are truly thankful.

Wunderbar!

I don't know who proclaimed Marcus Miller to be the 2011's new Horror Icon (aside from the director), but they were wrong. This movie is cheap and unremarkable, and exists only to showcase a crazy amount of gore. It does that last bit really well.

TOK gets an A+ for gore, a D+ for everything else.

D+

The lovely Diane Foster is in this.

 

Quick Review: The Bleeding House (2011)

"The Boring House."

As so many indie Horror flicks seem to be of late, The Bleeding House is big on concept, but the execution of that concept doesn't match its imagined scope.  

The Bleeding House is the story of a troubled family living out in the middle of BFE, who are harboring a dark secret. You see, the daughter, Blackbird (no, she's not Native American, just wonky), did "something" in the past which prompted her mother to lock up the utensils and cast a constant suspicious eye on her like she's a black man in a Korean party store. (you know that shit happens, so do not judge my attempt at humor!)

Blackbird.

After a tension-filled dinner (ooooh), a mysterious stranger named Nick shows up, oozing southern charm and an overtly polite drawl. "Might I trouble you for some help good neighbor? I do fear that my vehicle has met with some unfortunate malady, and has been rendered inoperable." Yeah. The thought of enduring dialogue like that for the remainder of the movie is enough to terrify most moviegoers, even if nothing else about the movie isn't anywhere near as scary.

Too bad his character wasn't mute.

Long story short, Nick is creepy, and once invited inside by the family, he proceeds to "punish them for their sins," or some such nonsense. Unfortunately for him, Sparrowface, or whatever her name is, is also creepy, which sets up a mano-a-mano creepy person showdown, kinda. It basically turns into a Torture Pornish kind of thing that delivers some blood, and far too much preachy dialogue.

It's all a good idea on paper, but on film it's a slow and drawn out bunch of un-eventfulness that doesn't really manage to scare or entertain much. Through all of our movie watching adventures, we have found that the more stylized and unique a movie tries to be, the less it tends to be; Tarantino did it perfectly with Pulp Fiction, Rob Zombie did it equally well with The Devil's Rejects. So many other movies try to capture that same lightning in a bottle, but can't manage to do it, and let's be honest, even Rob Zombie could only do it once.

She crazy.

I'm not sure how the villain in this movie, Nick, is supposed to come off as creepy or menacing. Patrick Breen does his best with the character, but the whole "Southern Gentleman" routine got old really quick. I half expected him to break out a "Why I do, why I do declare!" ala Foghorn Leghorn every other minute, though he never did. It was close enough though. The whole pious Man of God looking for some demented retribution thing just didn't work for us.

*SPOILERS* We do have to say that the idea of the daughter being a murderous sociopath, and her family being terrified of her, is an interesting one. Too bad it wasn't explored more. *END SPOILERS*

Guess you shouldn't have locked up the utensils, huh?

It's not a completely wasted effort, but in the end The Bleeding House just isn't enthralling enough to make us want to suffer through its annoying bits. Had it been a little faster paced and cut way back on the verbiage, it could have been one hell of a sleeper Horror flick. I'm sure that this movie will be right up some of your proverbial alleys, but for most people it's going to inspire boredom and not much else. It will find its audience, we just won't be amongst them.

D+

Alexandra Chando is in this.

Quick Review: Blitz (2011)

"This movie makes up for the awfulness that was the Transporter series, both Crank movies, and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Movie..."

Jason Statham is a 50/50 kind of actor; half the time, he's in awesome movies that get my blood pumping, and half the time he's in shit movies, that get my naptime going.

We've listed a few of his worst in the blurb above. Thankfully, Blitz isn't just a cool movie, it's a movie that lets Jason Statham do what he does best: act like a bad-ass, and hurt people that really deserve to feel some pain.

Blitz is the story of... well, a serial killer named "Blitz." Kind of a lame name for a Serial Killer, we know, but he's British, so his idea of cool is off to begin with...

Not cool, bruv.

Anywho, Blitz (short for Blitzkreig, which is even lamer) is running around England doing-in Coppers that have done him wrong throughout his life, and he does so in very nasty ways. Also, he seems to have a good sense of humor, which is always a plus.

Statham plays a burnt-out, by-his-own-rules, tough-as-nails, wise-cracking Cop, who dispenses his own brand of justice with his fists! He's hot on the trail of Blitz, and he has help from a Gay Inspector played by Paddy Considine, who as it turns out is also tough-as-nails, in addition to being quite the interior decorator. Sure, all of those cliches about Cops and Gays sound a bit generic, but I'm just telling you what the movie's about. Plus, cliches can be fun. Especially Gay cliches.

"I ain't gay mate, I'm just shirtless and fabulous, yeah?"

Blitz is just a cool flick. If you like British Cop Thrillers, Serial Killer flicks, Gay Cops, or karate, you can't not love this movie... well, you can, but it really is a fun flick, so don't be so closed-minded. Statham is Statham, and in this one, that is a very good thing. He looks like he feels comfy in his role in Blitz, just kicking ass and acting all tough and what have you. Add to the mix three of the UK's best actors: Paddy Considine, David Morrissey, and Aidan Gillen, and you have a movie filled with grisly death and great scenes played out by great actors.

Hell of a cast.

Don't get me wrong, this is a simple movie filled with a lot of simple things, but that doesn't mean the boys don't bring the goods. Aidan Gillen is our stand-out fave in this one. Many say he over-acts, but we do not agree with that simplistic, haterade-fueled assessment of his talent. Here, he's just grimy and creepy, and his character feels very reminiscent of "The Scorpio Killer" from Dirty Harry; an ordinary guy who just so happens to be a nut-job. We've said it before and we'll say it again; if Gillen at some point doesn't play a Bond Villain, someone is asleep at the "Awesome Bond Villain" wheel.

Doing what he does best.

If you like Serial Killer Actioners, this movie is definitely worth a look, if for the "curbing" scene alone. This is the kind of shite that we here at THC eat up. In the vein of great Serial Killer/Cop Flicks like Dirty Harry and The Chaser, though not quite to their level, this is definitely a movie that deserves a place in your DVD library.

B+

Christina Cole is in this, though barely credited.