Not one, but TWO new posters featuring Amber Heard!

What's better than a double dose of Amber Heard? Trick question, because nothing is better than that. Nothing I say! I will see both of these films. Twice.

Day 17- Sunday, October 17th

 #48- Return of the Living Dead (1986)

It may be played for laughs, but this is definitely one of the best zombie movies of all time. The Tarman alone would propel this one into the awesome flick stratosphere, but there's so much else to love about this movie.. like Trash. played by a naked, slutty, Linnea Quigley. Or... the Zombie that gets on the horn and says "send more cops." They're clever in this one! Clu Gulager and James Karen are what really make this movie fun though. They provide most of the comedy, and their scenes (together or apart) are just brilliant. Between their crazy antics and the actually great zombie scenes, this movie is a pure joy to kick back and watch. If you love Zombie movies and you haven't seen this one yet, you aren't really a Zombie fan at all. Get to it!

#49- Return of the Living Dead Part II (1988)

Warning: There was absolutely no need for this movie to have ever been made. Since it was made however, I guess we will have to move to the next level of warning: There is absolutely no reason for anyone to ever see this movie. Ever. Everything that made the first movie into an instant classic is absent from this movie; there's no charm, no style, no laughs, no good gore, and most definitely, no scares... only suck-age. Skip it, and re-watch the first one instead.

#50- Cujo (1983)

I always used to think this movie was called Culo, not Cujo... which amused my Mexican friends to no end. It's about a rabid St. Bernard though, and not a rabid ass, so they shut up quickly enough. A movie with a very simple premise, Cujo ends up being one of the more terrifying movies that we've ever sat through. If you have kids, I think you'd agree. It's hard to imagine that a movie about a woman and her kid trapped in a little car by a 200 lb rabid St. Bernard could be terrifying, but it is. Really terrifying. Do you see that we thought his movie to be terrifying? I've said a much 3 times in three separate sentences. I'm just sayin', it's creepy.
 #51- The Beyond (1981)

...and we close out the day with another classic Zombie movie, this time of the Italian variety. The Beyond is one of the greatest movies in the repertoire of master film maker Lucio Fulci. His stylized visuals along side of his penchant for over the top gore, makes for interesting and squeamish viewing. We've said it before on this site; most old school Italian Horror films make little sense, will confuse or confound you, and might even feel comical in their efforts at times, but... but, but, but... more often than not, they're bold, daring, extremely violent and nasty, and have a style that just compels you to watch them. The Beyond, while being silly in parts (stop shooting them in the stomach Giuseppe, the first 100 shots that did nothing should be a clue!), had some brilliant moments; from Jill getting her head blown off, to the blind eyes of the psychic, Fulci just knew how to kick you in the nuts visually, and leave you wanting more. I dare you not to say "WTF?!?" at the ending though.

That's 51/100 movies watched so far, so we had better get back to it... finally, we've passed the half way mark... Holy Christ this is time consuming and rigorous!

Day 16- Saturday, October 16th

#44- Shutter (2008)

 Not my idea folks. If you want to bitch at someone for including this movie in our festival, talk to Z. She didn't think this movie was that bad. Yeah. About this "movie", I originally wrote: "This movie should be called Shitter, and at least the title would be right. As remakes go, this one was just painfully bad; Pacey from Dawson's Creek? The guy has the emotional range of a potato... Seriously, sit and watch a potato for 90 minutes, it's the same thing. That's not to mention the lame jump-scares, slow pacing, and lack of atmosphere of the film itself." That all still holds true.
 #45- Dead Snow (2009)- (FULL REVIEW HERE)

So George tells me that he and the wife went and rented this modern day Zombie classic (I say so, that's who), and it got me all kinds of giddy. Having seen it already, I knew that they'd have a good time with it, because they have awesome taste like me. For those of you who haven't seen this movie, let me just say two words: Nazi Zombies! Really, how does that not scream awesome to you? Sure it's over the top, nonsensical and a bit crazy, but it's bloody as hell, the Zombies look awesome, and it's the only movie that I've ever seen in which people fend off a Zombie attack with a snowmobile. If you got a kick out of Zombieland, you should enjoy this one too. If you don't, then we can't be friends anymore. Sorry.
 #46- Scarecrows (1988)

"Scarecrows is about five bank robbing mercenaries who steal three million dollars from Camp Pendleton and take two hostages, a pilot and his daughter. As the robbers fly towards Southern waters, one of the robbers steals the loot and parachutes into a dark field. The remaining robbers land the plane and head for a broken-down house. The house has a demonic history, which causes scarecrows guarding surrounding graves to resurrect and slaughter any trespassers, dooming their victims to live on as scarecrows for all eternity." This is pretty much the holy grail of killer scarecrow movies, even if it's only because there are hardly any killer scarecrow movies out there. Fun, creepy, and 80's-style cheesy, Scarecrows is a great little movie that absolutely fits into any Horror watching lineup. This one used to scare the hell out of me when I was a kid, and though it's not nearly as creepy now, it's still packed with some effective atmosphere, and remains one of my sentimental favorites.
 #47- Ninja Assassin (2009)

I wasn't going to even mention this movie on these pages, as it isn't Horror at all, but good lord was this a bloody Gorefest! I won't say it's Tokyo Gore Police's level of gore, but it's awful damned close, and it was a really, really awesome movie. Basically a ninja revenge movie, Ninja Assassin is an all out, balls-to-the-walls, kill-fest of a flick; it may not be a Horror movie in the slightest, but dammit it gets our seal of approval. If you like bloody action flicks in the slightest, and especially those that are well made from top to bottom, see this movie now. I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to it. Also, I don't know exactly who this Rain guy is, but he needs to be in some more shit. Now! 

That's 47/100 movies watched so far, so we had better get back to it... almost half the way home...

Day 15- Friday, October 15th

#41- Mirrors 2 (2010)

Well I'll be damned. Did I like this sequel better than the original? I think I did! 2008's Mirrors was an alright flick; it had a few bloody good moments along with Amy Smart naked in a tub, and was a fun watch for the most part. Overall though, it was fairly underwhelming. Mirrors 2, I think, is a better movie because the story is just more straight forward. "A" happens, which causes "B" to happen, which means that everyone is screwed until "C" finds out what happened, and then "D" gets revenge. That all just made sense to me. What I mean to say is that it's not trying to be all clever and twist at every turn. Shit happens, which makes other really bad shit happen. Simple and sweet. Nick Stahl is the hero in this one, and his character is just more sympathetic than Keifer Sutherland's was in the first movie. Besides, The Greatest American Hero is his dad, and how is that not a bonus? Throw in a few cool kill scenes and Emmanuelle Vaugier, and you've got a pretty enjoyable time on your hands.

B+ Different, but more satisfying than the original, Mirrors 2 is a pretty decent little flick that plays it straight and entertains for it's entire 90 minutes. You won't go wrong checking it out.
 #42- Reunion of Terror (2008)

As the poster implies, this movie is about a reunion that is filled with terror. The poster also implies that the terror-filled reunion will be attended by sluts; lots of hot, dirty, sluts. Clocking in at whopping 1 hour, 15 minutes, I can't help but wonder if this movie is going to be painful. About 5 minutes in, and I already have my answer... this movie hurts worse than a red hot fire poker crammed deep within my pucker ring. This movie meanders and is just bad. Nothing really happens. And the big, shocking reveal at the end... lame. Had the movie had some better actors in it, maybe it could have been salvageable, but most of them were as tough to endure as the bland, uneventful story. Aside from Hallie Bird (who actually shows some promise), there couldn't have been one professional actor in the movie. I'd be shocked if there were. "God Dammit! We're in the middle of nowhere! Where am I supposed to find some cock jackets?" Seriously? Who wrote this shit? Avoid this one at all costs.

 DO NOT WANT
 
#43- Staunton Hill (2009)

George Romero's kid directed this one, huh? Well let's see if he's a chip off the old block or not. Be right back... 1 hour and 20-some minutes later... and I'm back, and with the verdict. Aside from the gore that pops up in the last 20 minutes of the film, which was really intense and awesome, the movie was pretty flat. Poorly conceived and handled. Unoriginal. Bad. First of all, it's absolutely a retread of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, odd and murderous back roads family and all. There's even an old granny in a wheelchair who hits one guy in the head with a hammer, as her kin yells "Get it mama!" or something to that effect. Really, there's nothing remotely original to see here. On top of that, nothing happens for most of the movie, aside from cliche upon cliche. The fat, retard brother; the fat, overly kind mother; the cranky wheelchair-bound meemaw; The "pretending to be nice" father and son... all retreads. There's also some lame subplot about a girl needing body parts or skin to live, but none of that was ever made clear. As I mentioned above, once the gore starts, it's pretty damned fantastic. No CGI, slow and brutal, and definitely in the vein of Romero gore-fests of old. I really don't get why movies like this get made. At least come up with an original idea, pack it full of action and gore, and go for broke. Suck or not, I'd respect that. This movie, however, gets no respect.

 DO NOT WANT

That's 43/100 movies watched so far, so we had better get back to it... after 2 DO NOT WANT's in a row, we need some quality horror to make the tears stop!

Day 14- Thursday, October 14th: The Hellraiser Series (1987-2005)

#'s 33-40- The Hellraiser Series- (1987-2005) It took us the better part of the last two days, and we fell asleep during a few of them, but we did it. We watched them all. And for the record, these 8 films are all pretty much of varying degrees of quality, and sometimes in a big, big way.
 Hellraiser (1987)

Clive Barker gave the Horror world the great gift of a perfect mythos when he created the Cenobites. And though their origin story -The Hellbound Heart- contained not a single trace of Pinhead, the instantly classic icon became the epitome of awesome from the moment he uttered his first line. It's all rather ingenious. This isn't storytelling so much as it is world building, and that is why Hellraiser is one of the best Horror stories ever put to film. The box, the lament configuration, the very idea of the Cenobites; what they represent and the things that they do to humans foolish enough to summon them... that's the marrow of it all, and what makes for such a compelling experience. Aside from a few shoddy special effects (it was 1987, we give them some slack), this is as perfect as a Horror movie could hope to be. Also, it's crazy how many awesome quotes and lines of dialogue come from the earlier films, and especially this one. We should make a post about the quotes. That would be fun.

A+
Hellbound: Herllraiser II (1988)

Almost as good as its predecessor, Hellbound has the same feel and care as the first one, while going a step further and brining us directly to the hell that Pinhead represents. It goes perfectly hand in hand with the first movie, giving us more of what made the first movie so compelling; Demons and the hell from whence they came. the hell that waits for us all, if we aren't careful. One of my favorite all time lines from any film in any genre, is in this movie, coming as the Channard Cenobite is revealed for the first time; "And to think... I hesitated." Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant.
  
A
Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

I may be the only Horror fan I've ever talked to that doesn't completely despise this movie, but I kinda liked it. Sure, it felt more commercial and far less original than the first two installments, and it may not have been developed and created as carefully and lovingly as they were, but it had some good moments. I mean, how can you not love seeing a pre-Cenobite version of Pinhead show his human side. I don't know, it may be shit, but I find it tolerable. Sometimes, I am pleased by the sub par.

C+
Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

Here's where I'm prepared to take some shit; I loved this movie. Loved it. To me, it feels closer in tone and quality to the first two films than do, and I love how it spans different time periods. They show the origin of the box and its construction, and through the lineage of the box maker, they end up in the future making a crazy space station designed to stop the Cenoobites once and for all. I can hear you mocking me out there. Whatever. I think it's cool. Our very own Erin even calls BS on my shameless love for this film, stating that it's ridiculous that Pinhead went into space. She's no fun.

B+
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)-Far too little Pinhead, far too much bland exposition. The Hellraiser movies ARE the Cenobites. Period. So when a Hellraiser movie is Cenobite-lite, it is cause for worry. I appreciate the subtlety of it all, but in the end, it felt more like a pure psychological drama than a Horror film, and certainly felt out of place in this series. Good movie, not such a great Hellraiser movie.

D
Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002)

Another sequel that felt slow and not-so-horror like, this one was a bummer. The return of Ashley Laurence to the series should have been a great thing, but she came back to a movie that was more police drama than anything else. I guess when Pinhead and his crew start punishing mean husbands, it just feels off to me. Since when are Demons allowed to be the moral police? Again, a decent, well made movie, but what in the hell happened to this franchise?

D
Hellraiser: Deader (2005)

Oh yeah, the one with Kari Wurher. This is the sequel that is made up of 2 scripts; the first half of the movie was originally supposed to be a project having nothing to do with the Hellraiser series which fell through, and so it was tacked on to the beginning of the second half, which was the script for another pending Hellraiser flick. Yeah. This one has a few good moments in the early going (the original script) but just doesn't ever find its footing. Without Clive Barker, this series has really floundered.

D
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)

And finally, we come to the one with Lance Henrickson. Remember him? The awesome guy from Aliens, Near Dark, and a bunch of other cool action flicks? He was Chains in Stone Cold for God's sake! He deserves better than this. So, the Cenobites now have a website that kills people. And something about a Cenobite rave party, where people show up and die... come on. What is this mess, other than a cash in on the name of a franchise? Bah!

Again, a D.

Some of these later films have some alright aspects about them, some decent scenes here and there, and fun parts I suppose, but they just feel amateurish and detached from what the Hellraiser story is all about. You know, the mythos that Clive Barker so skillfully created. Barker's stories tend to be compelling because they are perverse. Pervasive. They show the weakness of the human soul, and that there are forces standing by to exploit those weaknesses for their own pleasure if we let them. Pain is related to ecstasy. Suffering is divine. The secret song at the center of the universe beckons to us all, and the weaker amongst us can't resist its melody. That is what this series needs to get back to. We sincerely pray that one day, it will.

 That's 40/100 movies watched so far, so we had better get back to it... we really need something different and good to cleanse the pallet...

Review: Night of the Demons (2010)

Cast Members of Note- Shannon Elizabeth, Monica Keena, Diora Baird, Tiffany Shepis, Bobbi Sue Luther and... Edward Furlong! Oh boy.

Angela is a sexy, slutty DJ/Party Promoter, and she's throwing the Halloween bash of the year, where $20 at the door will get you all of the drinks and eye-candy you can handle! She even announces that everyone should get drunk, high, and fuck, so it's pretty much a part of the package. What a nice girl/good promoter.

Good girl, Shannon Elizabeth. You're learning.

Unfortunately for everyone invited, she's throwing her party in the fabled Broussard Masion, New Orleans' most feared haunted hot spot. You see, there are some Demons laying around in the basement of the mansion, just waiting for seven unsuspecting humans to come along and jam a hand in their corpse mouths, thus re-animating them, and enabling them to wreak havoc once again. 

"Jam your hand in my fucking mouth!"

Somehow the mansion ends up empty save for seven dumb-ass partiers who don't take the hint that they need to leave, and so the Demons begin to possess them one by one. The Demons only have until dawn to unleash their unholy magic, so they have to work efficiently and quickly. Possessing stupid people always helps. *I hate the Demons in this movie for the simple fact that they do not respect a good game of spin the bottle, and because they broke up some perfectly good girl-on-girl kissing!

It's a trap!

Can the hapless crew of dolts survive until morning? Will the Demons possess all seven of them, and be free to roam the earth? Is there a good reason that these girls are not more naked than they are?!?!? I don't know about all of that, but I will tell you that yes, that lipstick came out of Diora Baird's cooter. Really.

What in the fucking fuck?!?

As remakes go, this movie wasn't horrible, but it was rather disappointing. If we're being honest, the 1986 original was no tour-de-force of Horror filmmaking either, but it certainly had its moments, which is basically the case here: it had its moments. Monica Keena is someone we love to watch do her thing (ever since the short-lived TV show Undeclared), and Diora Baird is a sexy beast who is always nice to stare at. That's pretty much all of the good stuff. I mean, the movie tried to do some good things, but it just didn't push hard enough to accomplish them all.

Final Girl: adorable style.

 

Is it just me or does Edward Furlong look like he's one more hit of meth, or a deep-fried bacon doughnut away from having a massive coronary? Not only is he doughy and peaked, but has he ever been able to act? How does he keep getting work?

John Connor what happened?

This movie wasn't as nasty as I thought it would be. Where as it could have pushed the envelope and given jaded Horror fans like us some supreme exploitation and sleaziness, it mostly just teased those things, and then never delivered them. Where are the gratuitous T&A? Where's the high body count and overtly bloody carnage? For a movie about blood-thirsty Demons stalking a bunch of drunk party sluts, it's far too tame.

Drink up, girl!

Not only does Diora Baird gets killed by anal sex in this one, but she jams a lipstick into her nipple, and then kegels it out of her hoo-ha! There's some other bloody bits and messy fun to be had throughout the movie, though not as much as we'd hope there would be. Diora's bits were definitely the best of the bunch.

You thought I was kidding?

There's far less nudity in this move than there should have been. Sure, we get a little bit of faux lesbian kissing, but for a movie that boasts such an impressive cast of gorgeous ladies, there's just not enough skin shown. It's an absolute under-use of resources.

...and she was so ready to get wild, too!

Diora Baird is seriously underrated. Also, Linnea Quigley is timeless.

Don't trust her, kids!

This remake of Night of the Demons is a slightly below-average Horror flick. It's kinda fun, if a bit uneven and uninspired, and it even has a fun little cameo by Linnea Quigley... and yes, we get to see her panties again just like we did in the original. I can't explain the presence of Edward Furlong, and the lack of nudity was fairly disturbing, but all in all this was an alright way to spend 80 minutes. Maybe give it a rent on Oct. 19th when it hits DVD. Or maybe not. Either way, you'll live. 

C-

Night of the Demons is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

It's always a good thing to see Monica Keena... and Diora Baird... and Shannon Elizabeh. In fact, if you're so inclined, you can see much more of them on their very own Horror Hotties post, right HERE!