Some posters that intrigue us...

With so many horror flicks out there, it's hard to know what to take a chance on (we get confused easily.) In most cases, aside from reviews and buzz, it's the poster/box cover that arouses our curiosity and sucks us in. Here are a few that have been arousing us lately... Vampegeddon- This movie looks more like Whore-geddon, and we likey. Chloe- Who cares what the movie is about... look at that face! Especially those soft, supple lips. And if you are familiar at all with Amanda Seyfried, you know she has groovy boobs too. Plus, Liam Neeson instantly makes any movie he's in better, so we must see this movie. Bottomfeeder- The retro feel of this poster makes us smile. The fact that it's by the creators of Black Devil Doll makes us wonder if it will be anything more than mildly amusing, cheesy schlock. Babysitter Wanted- Sold! Splice- That's a great looking, clever little poster. We can't wait to meet Dren on June 4th. I Spit on Your Grave- Yay, another remake of a classic (that's debatable) 70's horror flick. Awesome poster, but I have a feelig this will be far less satisfying than last years Last House on the Left remake was...

Review: Vertige (2010)

When I first saw the trailer for Vertige, I don't know why, but I somehow got it in my head that it would be like The Descent but on a mountaintop. I could swear I remember them getting to the top of an isolated mountain and finding some Descent-like creatures waiting for them, and having to fend them off. They so could have called it The Ascent to be clever... 

Anywho, I was wrong. Vertige (The Ascent) was about a group of smarmy French kids who drive to Croatia to climb a dangerous mountain, because they're idiots. Of course they can't just climb, have a laugh and go home... no. They have to enter the Forbidden Zone and take the climbing trail which was "closed for repairs," which of course lands them in all sorts of trouble, mostly involving some Mutoid Croatian Mountain Cannibal-guy, and of course, gravity. Murder ensues.

This movie had some stunning photography.

The first half of this movie was breathtaking, showing us all sorts of death-defying mountain climbing in a gorgeous locale, all with perfect scenery. Where the movie loses it, aside from the characters being morons, is once the "killer" shows up and starts picking them off, one by one. It has all been done before, and better, and just felt a bit uninspired. The killer himself looked a little too plain, which I guess is more realistic plot-wise, but it kinda sucked. There was some decent gore towards the end, but the best part of the movie was really everything to do with the climbing itself.

Gorgeousness and beautifulosity.

It wasn't bad, but I'm not sure I'd make the stretch and call it good. If you like the average Backwoods Cannibal stalk-n-slash flick, then you will most likely dig this movie. If you get tired of the same old thing, skip it. I also think that anyone who truly loves mountain climbing would loves this movie, especially in the early going. 

The first half of the movie and it's grand visuals, A
The second half of the movie and it's trite, overdone storyline, C- 

In parting, I have to say that Fanny Valette is pretty hot, aside from her name being Fanny. It would be perfect though, if her name was Fanny Melons. That's funny because she has a nice butt and boobs.

Review: Legion (2010)

... is that it wasn't as bad as I had been led to believe.

The first time I saw the trailer for Legion, my geek-meter went into overdrive and I hit the roof, and I was left needing to see this Angelic Apocalypse flick asap. When it hit theaters, our very own Machine got to check it out before I did, and reported back that he was not thrilled with the final result. Apparently he was not the only one, as it met with plenty of lukewarm reviews.

The less-than-stellar reviews the film garnered saddened me. It also made me not see it in Theaters and wait for the DVD release, because I'm moody like that.

She's even moodier than I am.

Months after the fact, as it hit DVD, I had to get a copy and find out for myself, despite everyone telling me not to waste my time... and I found that it really didn't waste my time.

The premise of God sending his angels to destroy mankind is an excellent one, and quite compelling whether you are a religious person or not. I was hoping to see a bloody culling of mankind by swooping legions of angels, but I instead only got to see Michael and Gabriel go at it, which was fun, but not as grand as I had imagined.

It was grand enough, though.

Paul Bettany is awesome as Michael in this, as he has a natural intensity about him that just screams bad-ass, and L O S T's Kevin Durand is equally as bad-ass as the human-hating Gabriel. Adrianne Palicki looks hot as the knocked up slut whose baby just might save mankind, Tyrese is pretty good as the cool black guy. The kid who plays Jeep is just about as effective as he was in Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (not very), and Dennis Quaid is just Dennis Quaid.

Just run.

All in all, the cast did a pretty good job. Except Jeep. The action was awesome, the Demons were pretty creepy, and the Angelic scenes were, well, Angelic. It was a little looser in some places than I would have liked, and it wasn't even close to being epic, but it was pretty fun, and definitely worth a watch.

Don't drink the Haterade that other's will offer you regarding this movie, and see it when you get the chance.

B-

Did I mention how hot Adrianne Palicki is? Well she is, and so is Willa Holland.

Review: The Dead Outside (2010)

"Just as good as Romero's latest zombie offering..."

Cast Members of Note- Sandra Louise Douglas, Alton Milne, and Sharon Osdin.

In the long line of viral world-killing epidemics, The Dead Outside is another tale of a world ravaged by evil bacteria. This time though, it's the "antidote" that turns the simply infected into stark raving mad viral zombie things, whom are angry, paranoid, and seem to bleed from the mouth a lot.

Even when dead, they still bleed profusely from the mouth.

One of the survivors, Daniel, breaks into a farmhouse owned by another survivor, April, who instead of shooting him like any smart person under these circumstances would, lets him stay. Alone in the middle of the Scottish Countryside, the two of them form an alliance rife with mistrust, secrets, and a lot of arguing in thick Scottish accents.

She has trust issues.

As if April's bitter ranting and piss-poor attitude weren't bad enough, another stranger shows up and they let her stay too... which of course is when everything just turns to total shit. Will trusting strangers finally spell the end for April and Daniel? Can they fend off the roaming infected zombies, and make a happy life on the farm together? Will Daniel realize that April is only 16-years-old, and he should stop hitting on her? I don't know about any of that, but this dog is really awesome.

Seriously, this dog's name should be Awesome!

The Dead Outside was interesting. It was moody, dark, and the characters were just likable enough for me to mostly care about what happened to them. The whole "viral zombie" thing is wearing a little thin on me, especially since the movies that fall into that category all tend to walk the same lines, but then again something about that premise also excites me and compels me to watch. The atmosphere of this movie was nice and dreary, and presented to us in an almost washed out fashion, which adds to the dread of it all. For what it was, it did its job fairly well.

She is the hero, not an infected zombie.

When are people in these movies going to stop with the "we have to help them!" and the "we can't just turn them away!" routine. You CAN turn them away, and you should. The more people, the more drama, and the last thing you need in a world-gone-zombie is a bunch of people with different agendas screwing up the works because you didn't tell them to piss off.

Don't listent  him, shoot!

There were points in this movie at which I had no clue what they were saying. Of course I'm an American, which means I'm lazy and my linguistic skills suck, but the Scottish accent was just a wee bit thick at times.

"I... I don't understand what we're saying either."

This one is light on the gore, though there is some blood and "zombie" violence to be had if you look close and quick enough.

Nope. Scottish people apparently do not get naked.

Shoot first, trust later.

Just like that.

there's really nothing new to see here, but I found myself having a pretty good time watching this one despite the fact. The farm setting was interesting, and it was better than most low budget zombie movies tend to be, but it just lacked that certain "kick" to make me love it. It's worth checking out, especially if you're a fan of zombie flicks, just keep the expectations low and and everything should work out just fine.

C

She looks like a bundle of joy, doesn't she? Still, there's something cute about her...