Solo Review: Eden Lake (2008)

Sub-Genre- Survival
Cast Members of Note- Michael Fassbender (of 300 fame), and the lovely Kelly Reilly.

A dumb British couple decides it would be romantic to drive into the deep woods (where nobody lives except a bunch of ill-mannered, homicidal Chavs), and go camping for the weekend. So determined are they to have a fun weekend, that not even a bunch of rude, foul-mouthed, tire slashing kids can stop them from having a good time!

Aren't you glad you stood your ground and didn't go home?!?

The kids decide to play a game with the fun loving couple called "we're going to kill you," which involves chasing them throughout the vast expanse of the woods, and torturing them in many horrible ways. It's almost like a game of Ghost in the Graveyard really, except in this version, you really may end up passing away and becoming a ghost. Good times.

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but let me just say that it's no wonder that Chavs are usually such shitty people, because they have even shittier parents.

"I'm Cook!"

This movie is a pretty tense and disturbing ride. I mean, watching a group of violent kids torture and terrorize a vacationing couple in twisted ways is not the least bit comfortable to watch. The social fears played upon in this movie are what make Eden Lake truly disturbing; a bunch of kids acting this way isn't something that is too unimaginable, and it makes us all feel as if we could be next at some point, if we were dumb enough to go camping in the deep woods. Which we aren't, of course.

It's also kinda fun to see a pre-fame Michael Fassbender in a Horror flick.

Someday, he'll be a star.

Just once in a Horror movie, can someone do the sensible thing and get the hell out of dodge before things that are already bad, get even worse? And seriously, would you really drive out into the country, pop a tent on a beach filled with white trash punks, and just think nothing would happen, especially after calling them dicks? There were some things that the main characters did that were just plain dumb, and only served to aggravate their situation. Would you camp for a second night where some kids had flattened your tire earlier? Wouldn't you think that things could only get worse from there?

The main characters really make some dumb decisions in this movie, and in the end, it makes me sympathize with them far less.

Yes, I am judging you.

Chavs; Great Britain's answer to white kids that think they're 50 Cent. Cock the hat sideways, drop the pants, and start writing rhymes... then run 'round actin' awl tuff an what not, terrorizing any ponce what doesn't show you da propa respect, mate! UGH.

He's Cook, so he's allowed to Chav it up a bit  if he wants to.

People tied up with barbed wire, random cutting and slashing, a box cutter rooted around in a mouth, glass shards to the neck... this movie was full o' blood.

You should have stayed home, luv.

This movie did not make the most of Kelly Reilly's magnificent rack.

Sweet Jesus.

"I'm not going to be bullied off by a bunch of 12 year-olds." Indeed.

Asshole kids are a worldwide epidemic. Also, people in small English Villages are not all that friendly either.

You're showering wrong.

Maybe I'm too harsh on Horror movies, because people acting stupid are pretty necessary for them to exist, but I'm tired of watching flicks where I think "who would honestly do that?" This one was great in a lot of ways, but it could have been much better with a healthy dose of realism/common sense thrown in the mix. Still, it's a fun watch, and you should definitely check it out.

C

Eden Lake is available now on DVD, and VOD.

Kelly Reilly may be the hottest redhead to ever come out of England.

Review: Dead Set (2008) *The little British Zombie mini-series that could!

The series is set in the U.K. Big Brother house, and was first aired on E4 on 27 October 2008. The five episodes, aired over five consecutive nights, chronicle a zombie outbreak that strands housemates and production staff inside the Big Brother house.  

Episode 1- (45 minutes) We start in the U.K. Big Brother house on eviction night; both in the house with the contestants and behind the scenes with a frantic crew trying to make sure everything goes perfectly. It's got the "live action" feel without all of the sparseness of most movies/TV shows that have the "live action" feel.

One thing I loved right off the bat is that the British allow plenty of foul language and gore to be aired on a TV Show; Can you imagine a line like "It smells of fingering in here" getting past the suck-ass U.S. censors? I'm guessing channel E4 must be the Brit equivalent of a cable channel over there.

It takes about 15 minutes for the Zombie shit to hit the fan, the show avoiding an overly long buildup to get to the good stuff, and hit the f'ing fan it does; once the Zombies make their move, it happens in a lightning quick attack or blood and viscera. If you hate the idea of fast moving Zombies, then this one won't be for you. I prefer the slow, old school, Romero/Fulci-esque zombies myself, but that fact didn't lessen my liking of what I was seeing. I love how the Big Brother housemates are pretty much left in the dark once everything goes haywire; they have no contact with the outside world and start to freak out when they realize what's going on.

So far: Good plot, writing, acting, production values Some hot British birds. A ton of blood and gore. Holy shit. Tons of creepy atmosphere...

Why can't we have a Zombie TV Show like this here in the U.S.?

Episode 2- (23 minutes) The rest of the episodes from here on out are short ones. This episode deals with the housemates coming to terms with what's happening and trying to figure out what to do about it. This episode maintains the feeling of dread and panic created in the first one, and has all the trappings of a familiar Zombie story. Good stuff.  

If only all Big Brother contestants would die like this, we'd actually watch the show.

Episode 3- (24 minutes) Some of the housemates make a run for medical supplies to help another who has been bitten. The gay guy blows it in this one! I'll shut up so as not to spoil it... Also, I really liked the shower scene, although the creepy-perv housemate made me feel dirty about it... And damn, using the bathroom while trapped in a tiny room with a hot chick is seriously nasty... This series isn't getting any less violent or bloody. Or gross. Or creepy. Or good.

Attractive Zombies confuse our penises.

Episode 4- (24 minutes) "What would you have done if there was one of those things in there?" "Outrun you." I love it.  

Damn.

Episode 5- (25 minutes) This is the last episode, and I won't say anything about it so as not to ruin what happens, but I will say that you should ALWAYS KILL THE ASSHOLE. Holy hell is this show violent.  
 

"You wot m8?"

 

This was an excellent 2+ hours of Zombie mayhem; it was well acted, well made, absolutely gory and horrific, tense, full of dread, and above all else, it was fun. Dead Set was released on Region 2 DVD on November 3rd, and if you love anything Zombie related, you must check it out.

A+ 

Dead Set is available now on All-Region DVD.

Jaime Winstone is way hot in this...or anything, for that matter.

Carissa Capobianco: A future Horror Hottie?

Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part, and any other straight male who saw Dance of the Dead, but the Horror Genre could sure use more of Clarissa Copacabana.

She's obviously cute; She could so be the Final Girl in many a Horror movie, using her virginal adorableness to rise above the rest of the slutty chicks in the movie to survive, and very possibly be in the sequel.

"You're so sweet!"

She appears to enjoy wearing Cheerleader outfits; so obviously, she's a bit freaky? Sweet she may be, but she could certainly play the evil slutty chick with ease... Smoking, drinking, acting catty, sleeping around and getting what she deserves in the end. Sounds good to us.

"Um... no?"

She really should get naked; Don't be a prude Clarissa, they're only boobs. Plenty of Horror Hotties before you have become legends just by showing the twins now and then... and the butt... and by doing lesbian shower scenes...

"... ..."

She also looks good covered in blood; Sure that sounds pretty creepy, but isn't that a prerequisite for being a hot Horror chick? Yes it is, so don't judge me.

By this time, Carissa is not interested in anything else we have to say. Fair enough.

She was pretty good in Dance of the Dead, both acting-wise and hotness-wise, so we as a fan base must demand more from her. Lifetime movies about slutty teenagers are great and all, but what can you really accomplish on Lifetime? Go ask Meredith Baxter Birney about that one, Carissa, because she's in every other one of their lame movies, and guess what? She's not naked in any of them!

Don't let us down Carissa!

Solo Review: Dance of the Dead (2008)

Sub-Genre- Zombie Horror
Cast Members of Note- The yummy Carissa Capobianco. (I don't know who she is either, she's just really hot...) The rest of the cast are unfamiliar to me...

A bunch of rejects that can't get dates to the Prom become their classmates' last hope when Zombies attack; this is obviously based on a 100% true story. I think it happened in Wichita or something...

Who's Prom wasn't like this?

The rest of the flick is a bunch of kids destroying zombies, getting eaten, and saying cheesy things, and there are even a few twists thrown in for good measure. I won't ruin anything else for you here, but I will say that my poor, sexy, whorish little Cheerleader does not fare so well...

Poor baby.

This was a pretty fun little flick. It was far from perfect, but it reminded me a lot of Horror comedies like Night of the Creeps and Slither; although this movie far less polished than either of them. It's plain and simple fun, nothing mind-blowing, but satisfying none the less. This is an above average movie, and if you don't expect perfection, you should pretty much enjoy it.

Carissa Capobianco, the hot cheerleader in the movie, isn't only a decent actress, but she's hot too. She may be one to keep an eye on, and I hope she decides to do more Genre flicks.

"I so should have, like, blown that dude..."

A bigger budget and some tighter characterization would have been nice, but that's not a huge complaint.

Zombie sex involves more biting that anything else.

It also involves stomping.

Some pretty decent gory action for a low budget flick. I especially like "The spine pull" scene. Not bad at all.

Johnny Knoxville?

What kind of movie about High School has no nudity?!? Most of them, you say? Well, whatever, they dropped the ball on this one!

"It's not rape if you don't scream."

 

"But I don't know how to shoot a machete!"

Hot chicks should always have sex with the nerds, because someday they will save them from Zombies. It's a fact. Ask the Science Club.

She so has to have sex with him now.

Not a bad effort at all, Dance of the Dead was a very fun and pleasant surprise. It's definitely worth a rent, and if you like this kind of Horror Comedy, then a buy.

C+

Dance of the Dead is available now on DVD and VOD.

Carissa Capobianco is a Hottie to the Nth degree (whatever the hell the Nth degree is.)

Party weekend!

Were celebrating a birthday and the arrival of a new baby here at THC tonight, so no new posts until Sunday evening... There will be syringe's filled with 151 run though :)