Solo Review: Don't Look Now (1973)

Cast Members of Note- Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie.

When two parents let their little girl drown in a lake (because they're too busy with other stuff to be watching her properly), they naturally do what any grieving couple in their place would do; they head to Venice to restore an old Church.

There's candy at the bottom. Go ahead and grab some.

In Venice, The husband keeps seeing a little girl in a red Macintosh running around all sneaky-like, and he begins to wonder if it's his daughter, because she had a red Mac too. Forget that shes dead, or that she was 6 before dying and would have no way to make it to Venice on her own, it just has to be her.

"I'm telling you, our dead 6-year-old daughter is alive, and she's followed us here to Venice!"

The wife is no less nutty, making friends with a blind psychic who can see her daughter and says that she's happy in death. Then why is she running the streets of Venice? Huh? Soon, murders begin to plague the water-logged town, and as the sightings of the little girl in the red slicker increase, the husband feels it necessary to chase after her. I won't spoil what happens next here, but I will say that the creepy thing in the raincoat isn't their dead daughter. That's actually a spoiler, so, sorry 'bout that.

Daddy's little princess?

To me, this movie is like an American version of a Giallo film. The old "killer is on the loose" gag is used as a great accent to the crazy shit going on in the foreground of this picture. Slow moving, methodical, laced with hints and foreshadowing, and just genuinely creepy and unsettling, Don't Look Now is a solid effort that works throughout most of its run time.

This is a subtle film bookmarked by a disturbing beginning, and a shocking end; filling us with the dread and despair that the main characters feel following the loss of their daughter. They can't communicate with one another, nor come to terms with things separately, both trying to escape the memory of what happened until they are finally forced to face their feelings. In a lot of ways, this movie is exactly what early 70's Horror was all about; Horror Movies back then were more like dramas with horrific elements thrown into the mix, rather than being overtly bloody efforts, like most Horror flicks tend to be.

I wonder how a movie like this, or even The Exorcist, would fare if they were released today.

Yeah, now's the time to break into song, Donald.

It's never easy watching kids die in movies, unless its that little fucker from Problem Child. Tell me you wouldn't have smirked if you had been able to see him die on-screen.

Not even remotely close to cute.

 

Was it necessary for us to have to see so much of Donald Sutherland's bare ass? Also, what was with his hairdo?

Staring intensifies.

This movie isn't much on the gore, although there is a nice scene that's fairly bloody towards the end. There are some disturbing images peppered throughout, but they are just mostly of dead bodies though.

We get to see the famous sex scene between Julie Christie and Donald Sutherland that to this day is rumored to have been 100% real.

The both got it.

Stay away from kids standing in corners. Also, Venice is a pretty creepy city.

"O Sole Mio my ass!"

Don't Look Now is a solid movie that gets under your skin and gives you a good shock at the end. Repeated viewings of this one are a good idea, as it's the kind of movie that gets better with each watch.  If you've never seen it, then you definitely need to take some time and check it out.

B+

Don't Look Now is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Julie Christie was pretty hot back in the day.  
  

Solo Review: The Devil's Chair (2008)

Sub-Genre- Supernatural
Cast Members of Note- No one of note really, just a bunch of hot British birds.

A bloke (Nick) and his bird (some slut) decide it's a great idea to go poking around an old abandoned Hospital, and maybe do some drugs and have sex whilst inside. Sure it's a dirty and creepy place, and there may be some transient hobos hiding somewhere inside ready to rape them both, but bollocks to that! We're young and wild, who needs common sense!

That is not a party place.

While wandering around, they end up finding a chair sitting in the middle of the room. Nick sits in it, while low self-esteem girl services him with her mouth. When they switch places so that Nick can give her a lil' somethin' somethin' in return, the chair pretty much kills her. The Police don't believe his crazy story, because no one ever gets murdered by chairs, and so they lock him in the loony bin.

So a chair did that? Right...

Years later, a creepy old guy who is writing a book springs him out of the nuthouse, and drags him back to the scene of the crime with a group of his cronies, to do some "research." At this point, everyone who comes along for the trip wants to sit in the chair, and one by one they all get sucked into Hell, where a creepy cow-headed Demon wants to feed off of their blood.

I won't ruin what happens for you here, but suffice it to say that twist endings usually suck. I mean, for once can we just have a straight up conclusion instead of a twist/shock/jump cut ending?

"Hi, I'm Stanley... Now make with the blood, bitch!"

This one worked for me on a lot of different levels; I loved the grainy look of it all; the blood and gore content was plentiful; the characters, save for one guy, didn't drive me nuts and make me wish them all dead; I thought the use of a running voice-over was pretty effective, and cool to boot... The British are great at voice-over in film; the story was interesting, and had me intrigued; and the visuals were pretty creepy as well...

... and then came the third act and its "twist" ending, which kinda ruined the whole thing for me. Now don't get me wrong, we still have a very cool Horror movie on our hands here, but it just... I can't say much more without spoiling the whole deal, so I'll shut up for now.

I'm just tired of the damn twist endings, that's the main point.

Please hit her with that axe so she stops screaming.

 

Will people ever cease trying to use abandoned old buildings to get laid in? Geesh.

This one lost it in the third act when it pulled the ole' "twist ending" out of its ass, thereby invalidating the plot as a whole. Can't we just get some straight-forward, explainable shit for a change?

He's a twist of a different kind.

 

Wall to wall blood! People covered in it, people crawling through it, a haunted chair that extracts it from people, bloody killings, bloody set pieces... this movie is a bloody good time! Yes, that was my obligatory British pun. Let's move on...

Do you know how dirty and full of germs that floor is?

Some simulated oral sex, and that's about it.

Also, there's a simulated "O" Face.

Stay out of abandoned buildings. Also, never make fun of the crazy guy.

Also, maybe rent a motel next time instead of bringing your girlfriend to an abandoned building for a shag.

The Devil's Chair had a lot of A-grade aspects about it, but I just can't get past the twist ending bullshit. Still, this is a really good, bloody, creepy, fun (and sometimes funny) movie, that you should definitely check out when you get the chance.

B-

The Devil's Chair is available now on DVD and VOD.

Elize du Toit is in this...

Solo Review: Scar 2D/3D (2008)

Sub-Genre- Torture Porn  
Cast Members of Note- The ever-creepy Angela Bettis, and the cutie with the cool name, Kirby Bliss Blanton.

A couple of easy, weed-smoking girls decide to go watch the local mortician masturbate one night, but instead they end up finding him torturing someone. Realizing there's no weed in it for them, one of the girls sucks the creeps guts out with an embalming tool, and steals his cigarettes.

Kids these days...

The murdering easy girl grows up and comes home years later, and we find out that she's less hot than she was at 17. She also appears to be insane, and of course gets blamed when dead kids start showing up all over town, tortured the same way she was as a child. Freaked out, she returns to the funeral parlor where it all began, looking to steal more cigarettes.

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that she gets no more cigarettes, and ends up cutting off her own thumb.

Virginia Slims? Dammit!

Scar has the distinction of being the first ever HD 3D movie in the history of the Horror genre. We're not sure how we feel about the use of 3D in Horror; it does make the nasty, uncomfortable bits feel more in-your-face, but will it work at home on DVD? There better be some cool glasses included!

This movie had its misgivings, mostly in the way that it allowed itself to get caught up in stereotypical genre trappings that served only to make me roll my eyes, but overall it was a fun ride. The plot was fairly interesting, although the "game" the killer played will no doubt draw comparisons to Saw.

Though I only got to see it in 2D, this one ended up being better than I thought it was going to be; it was a bloody, gory, visceral, and often times uncomfortable movie to watch, all which bodes well for a Horror flick, IMO. This movie took no prisoners when it came to the Torture Porn aspect of things, and for that I say, Bravo!

... or is it "Brava!"

Oh come on, not the old "you've got to believe me" routine!!! Even better, we get the "It's finally over!" gag as well. My personal favorite though?; the whole "It was only a dream" thing. Ugh.

Oh man, she going to prison!

Finally, we get a non-stereotypical black guy in a Horror movie, and he still buys the farm. To make it worse? They cut off his peener. Will it never end?

But of course, the white girls live.

If the amount of blood and twisted violence in this movie aren't enough for you, then you probably shouldn't be allowed around children. Or pets. Scar is wet with the crimson splendor, and the torture is not only plentiful, but you get to see it all. This one is full of nasty goodness!

Yeah, it was that kind of movie.

 

Yes, we do get to see some boobs.

Not his though.

"Bishop... oh Biiishop!" (You'll understand when you see it.)

Never trust the creepy loner. Also, it's never "just a dream", although sometimes it is. But not really.

The Cops love this girl.

This one had a ton of blood and gore, and was great visually; unfortunately, when it fell back on genre cliche' a few times throughout, it lost some of its impact. I say see it, because it's a fun little flick, just know going in that it's not perfect.

C

Scar 2D/3D is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

This movie contains some pretty hot chicks. Several, in fact, and in various stages of hotness: