Random Picture Round-Up: The Bloody Valentine's Edition!

We spend a lot of time here at THC searching for great Screencaps to use in our reviews, for our banners, and for whatever else strikes our fancy. It's not always easy finding the perfect screenshot, but when we do find pictures that make us laugh, say "What the hell?," or are just plain awesome, we save them.

Unfortunately, we never use them all, and so they just sit there in our picture folder, waiting... which is why we decided to start posting them in random groups on a weekly basis!

Every week, we'll take a handful of the coolest, funniest, and maybe even sexiest pics that we come across, gather them into one post, and share them with you. This time out, we're going to share some pictures that are Valentine's Day friendly. Most of them are probably going too involve sex in some way... hell, that's all they're going to involve, who are we kidding. It's all romance though anyway, right?

• You can click each pic to find out what movie they're from (if you don't recognize them.) The movie's titles are also in the file name of the pictures, if you decided to save them to your computer.
• We have no clue where we found the first pic, only that it's from a Slasher flick from the 70's or 80's. 
• Enjoy!

The Obligatory: 10 Horror Movies to watch on Valentines Day!

Most "Horror movies you have to watch on Valentines Day!" lists tend to involve the same old movies; My Bloody Valentine (both versions), Valentine, Lovers Lane, Zombie Honeymoon, Dracula (any version of), Candyman, Play Misty For Me, Fatal Attraction, or any other Horror movie with any variation of the words Bride or Love in the title.

Sure, most of those titles are absolutely appropriate for a Valentines Day celebration (anti or otherwise), but they're also more than obvious. There are plenty of Horror Movies out there that deal with the topic of love; most of them happen to deal with the sicker and more twisted aspects of love, but that's what we're looking for to begin with, right?

So let's dig a little deeper to find the movies of our genre that show love in all of its many forms; incest, necrophilia, rape, gay rape, abuse, bestiality, revenge, obsession, cuckolding... sometimes, they even contain more than one of these elements at once! The following movie romances are the ones that have gone way wrong, and some that were just never right to begin with, but who are we to judge!

*Warning* As a general rule, I'd avoid eating dinner while watching most of these.

Calvaire (2004)

Calvaire is the story of a lonely old man whose whore wife ran away and left him feeling all lonely, because she was a whore; and of Marc, a shitty lounge singer who becomes the lonely old man's new "wife." There's lots of creepy nuzzling and forced cuddling in this one, and also plenty of man-on-man rape. Hell, the townsfolk are so hungry for love in this movie that they even gang-rape a pig. Bottom line is, it's a love story for all ages. And species. (Our Review HERE.)

Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

Amityville II isn't a love story per se, but it does showcase a creepy love affair between a brother and sister that most likely drove one of them to kill their whole family. Sure, that kind of love is all forbidden and everything, and it obviously invites Demonic Possession, but Diane Franklin was so cute in this movie... that's not to say that we endorse sibling coitus in any way... but we don't not endorse it either. *Ambiguity intensifies* (Our Review HERE.)

Antichrist (2009)

Worst married couple ever? Maybe not, but He and She from Antichrist come very close to winning that title: She crushes his jewels with a millstone, and then makes him orgasm blood; He strangles her to death. Oh, there's plenty more that happens between the unhappily married couple, but the point is that their unique love play is the kind of thing that makes a marriage strong... at least in Lars Von Trier's world.  (Our Review HERE.)

Audition (1999)

Guys, you never, ever, wait to call a woman for more than a day after a date, because if you do, you end up being tortured in indescribably horrible ways. Also, your dog ends up dead. This movie is a warning to all careless playboys that creepy, insane women have hearts too, and that breaking them will cost you limbs and organs. Kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri kiri! (Our Review HERE.)

Buio Omega (1979)

Frank loves his girlfriend so much, that he continues to date her even after she's dead. He injects her corpse with some semen (to preserve her), and then proceeds to romance her cold, rotting husk like any normal man in love would do. Problems arise though when his nanny gets jealous, and a not-erotic-at-all love triangle develops. This movie goes to show you that true love never dies; it just rots a little bit, each day. Slowly. (Our Review HERE.)

Burial Ground (1981)

Amidst the outbreak of a Zombie Invasion, a mother and her son learn to love each other, and in doing so, manage to become even creepier than the horde of undead that are trying to kill them. Little Michael is one of the creepiest kids ever committed to film (he's played by an adult, by the way), and to see he and his mother canoodling and rubbing each other up will forever be one of the most uncomfortable things that we've ever witnessed. Yes, even worse than watching James Spader sing "We Walk the Night" in Tuff Turf. (Our Review HERE.)

Haute Tension (2003)

This movie is a testament to the power of love, and how it can drive you insane, especially when you're insane to begin with. I mean, what kind of chick in their right mind takes off after a bloodthirsty maniac who has just kidnapped the love of your life, after he's slaughtered her whole family? French chicks, that's who. Lesbian French chicks. If nothing else, Haute Tension goes to show you just how committed a woman can be. Literally, and figuratively. (Our Review HERE.)

Possession (1981)

Infidelity will kill a relationship quicker than anything else, especially when your significant other is cheating on you with some mongoloid Cthulhu-like thing, and letting it put its tentacles wherever it damn well pleases... all while rubbing your face in it! A situation like that just can't really end well for anyone involved. The fact that the whole thing came off like some crazy cuckold porn didn't help matters either. (No Review.)

Macabre (1980)

Taking the whole "true love can never die" thing to the nth degree, this bitch right here decides to keep her dead lover's head in her freezer... so that she can continue to make passionate love to it (especially oral love.) The final shot in this movie will make you believe that Cupid is in fact out there, and that he uses his bow for the sake of evil. Also, that poor blind guy... all he ever wanted to do was to get laid!  (Our Review HERE.)

Sleepwalkers (1992)

The bond between a mother and a son is a strong one indeed, but in Sleepwalkers, that bond involves sex, so, the sweetness is sucked out of that romantic notion pretty quick. The movie also proves a long-held theory of ours, that cats hate incest; Clovis and his feline army put an end to that twisted shit pretty damn quick! Also, Madchen Amick is pretty adorable in this one, and if she doesn't inspire feelings of love in you, then you've never really watched Twin Peaks. (Our Review HERE.)

So there you have it; 10 horrific movies that take the wonderful notion of love, and twist it beyond any and all recognition. Now go and find these movies, watch them, and enjoy your special day of romance!

As we say goodbye to yet another Valentines Day...

... let's take a moment to pay tribute to love in all of its creepy, vile, and just-plain-wrong, glory. Maybe some of the Horror flick romances below captured our hearts and souls, or maybe others made us feel the need to go and take a cleansing shower... Who are we to judge, though?

Let's just celebrate amore' and ignore the fact most of the examples below are creepy as hell.

Who doesn't think raping a hot dead chick is romantic? You? Well then, don't watch Deadgirl, because that's pretty much what the movie is about. That, and love.

She's talking about her penis, Oskar, because she's got one. Gives a whole new meaning to the title Let the Right One In, doesn't it?

Jennifer's Body was an awful movie, but the sex scene between Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox did make us believe in love again.

"Mmm, Mom." Yes, Sleepwalkers went there.

Ron Jeremy's man hammer loved everyone in the movie One-Eyed Monster; in fact, it detached itself from his body and went on a porn-whore rape spree.

I'm not even touching this one. Labyrinth.

Yes, this crazy whore from the movie Macabre did make love to a rotting head named Fred, which is horrifying on many levels, but you have to admire her conviction.

Snowy knew exactly what he meant when he told her "I'm going to flock the shit out of you." She didn't much like it, but she knew.

The Loved Ones taught us that In Australia, the love between a father and a daughter involves sex, torture, murder, and a basement full of Mongoloids.

That's it for this year's Valentine's Day Massacre, and look, you all survived. Now I hope whoever is sending me wet leather gloves that smell like pickles will stop, because, VD is over. Also, it's really creepy.

It's Valentine's Day!

Who doesn't love commercial holidays that exist just to guilt consumers into spending crazy amounts of money out of a sense of forced obligation, or in the hopes of getting some ass at the end of the night? Well love it or not, what might be the most polarizing day of the year has arrived. Some love the sappy sweetness of Valentine's Day, while others revile it for forcing them to conform.

We here at THC are lovers, so were fine with V-day, although we do have our own special way of celebrating all things love and sex which doesn't involve candy or flowers. It involves blood, sex and death; the three cornerstones of life. *That's a scientific fact.

Forget the chick flicks; here's what you need to be watching with your sweetie.

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (1981)

It may seem obligatory to mention My Bloody Valentine on a Best of Valentine's Day Horror list, and that's because it is. There aren't many Horror flicks with actual Valentine themes running through them though, so you have to start with the story of Harry Warden, his heartbreak, and how he copes with the lack of love in his life.

It's a good old school Slasher that has some awesome kills (in the un-cut version, that is), and celebrates love. How can you go wrong with that? .

MY BLOODY VALENTINE (2009)

Hey look, it's the 2009 remake of the 1981 classic! No, it's not as good as the original, but that's not to say that it's without it's own strong points.

Guess what the original MBV didn't have that this remake does? A nearly 3 minute long, full-frontal nude scene in 3D, involving a hot blond (the incomparable Betsy Rue) having sex and running. In 3D. Fully naked.

Yeah, that is the stuff that dreams are made of.

The rest of the movie is basically the same as the first, just this time around the heartbreak of Harry Warden is in 3D... and not as good. Still, it's a fun flick.

VALENTINE (2001)

Yes, we're reaching a bit on this one, but it's the last of the Horror flicks that exist with the word Valentine in the title, so it's appropriate.

This is a glossy, by the numbers Slasher flick that isn't as bad as you might think. Everyone in it is pretty, there's some good gore, and it involves Valentines Day. And bloody candy.

It's fun enough if you can stomach watching David Boreanz try to act for 90-minutes or so. It really could have used some more nakedness though.

AUDITION (1999)

Now here's a flick that truly addresses the issue of love gone wrong; and of course as with any relationship, the gone wrong part is supplied here by a bat-shit-crazy woman. Don't get all riled up ladies, you know you get a little maniacal when it comes to love.

Audition is a tender story that illustrates why it's a bad idea to bang a chick and then kick her to the curb.

The final act of Audition is especially moving, when the troubled couple tries to work through their problems, and make love last. "Kiri, Kiri, Kiri!"

CEMETERY MAN (1994)

Can you still love a woman after she's died and become a zombie? If that woman is Anna Falci, then hell yes you can!

This movie is one of the best Horror Comedies ever, and one of our favorite zombie flicks to boot. It's filled with sex and zombies, and has Anna Falci more naked than she really needed to be. We aren't complaining of course, because it all serves the plot. The sweet, romantic plot.

Even creepy little Gnaghi falls in love with a hot chick's zombie head.

This movie is just filled with love.

HAUTE TENSION (2003)

Our next Valentine's viewing pleasure may be the most romantic of them all; It's the story of a woman loving another woman, and how she will go to any lengths to protect and keep her safe. It really is a sweet story. Sure, it may be overtly bloody and violent, but that's all a metaphor, isn't it? A metaphor for the trials and tribulations one must endure to find the love that they need.

Oh, and how odd; it's centered around another bat-shit-crazy woman... see ladies, we told you so. Ha!

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)

A love story between a bullied 12-year old boy, and a hermaphroditic vampire girl who takes on the role of his protector... and becomes his girlfriend, I think.

LTROI is a sweet, shocking coming of age story that will make you believe in the power of Innocent, sexually ambiguous, underage Swedish love.

TEETH (2008)

A girl's vagina bites off her rapey step-brother's penis, and then feeds it to the dog.

I think this is about feminism or something.

HOSPITAL MASSACRE (1981)

Also known as X-ray, Hospital Massacre was originally titled Be My Valentine... Or Else!, which makes us cringe just thinking about it. It's about some little kid who get spurned by the girl he loves on Valentine's Day, and so when he grows up, he decides to chase her around a hospital, and make her his.

At least Barbie Benton was 80's hot in this one. 

So there you have it; 9 awesome flicks that uphold the sacred spirit of Valentine's Day, and really say more about love than your average Hallmark commercial ever could. And don't despair, we've got more Valentine's Day goodies up our proverbial sleeves...  or maybe they're up our pant legs. Wink, wink. Heh.

Just stay tuned...