Giallo Month Review: Eyes of Crystal (2004)

*This is a repost of a review from 2009 of a great, little-known, modern-day Giallo.

We start off with some guy has an issue with animals, as evidenced by him torturing and killing an innocent squirrel! To make things worse, he guts it, stuffs it, and puts it on a bed in his creepy lair. He then names it "Tino," and tries to teach it how to smoke Italian cigarettes. Maybe his issues run deeper than just animals?

Poor little Tino; he wanted acorns, he got torture and cigarettes.

The creepy animal hater-guy heads out and attempts to capture a pelican to torture next, when he sees a young couple scrumping in a nearby field (with some 80-year old pervert watching them while tossing one off.) Deciding humans are more fun to dismember and stuff, he sets off on a multiple-murder quest to create a human jigsaw puzzle using body parts. Males sense.

That poor boob.

Detective Amaldi is on the case though, and is determined to solve the mystery behind the serial killings... as soon as he's done banging the hot Guiditta on the regular, having coffee, smoking, playing bocce ball, standing around contemplating what to do next... a Cop's life can be crazy busy!

Will Amaldi catch the killer, or will Giuditta be next on his list? Will the ending make little sense, yet still seem to work? I won't spoil the rest for you here, because it's Giallo and there are plenty of "surprises" ahead, but I will say that I still have no clue what Eyes of Crystal means. Thank you once again, Italian Horror!

"You a no worry, we a look everyone like thees."

I really do love Gialli films, and it's nice to see a modern day Giallo handled so well.

For those who have never seen an Italian "Yellow" movie, it's basically a stylish whodunit with a Slasher sensibility. Nudity, blood, graphic kill scenes, a twisting plot, stylish camera work, and often times really interesting music make up the typical Gialli. Argento, Bava, Fulci, Lenzi, Soavi; these are some of the genre's famed directors, and they've given us some true Giallo masterpieces throughout the years.

This one is stylish and well-executed in its own right; it took me back to the 70's and 80's, and reminded me of the classics from that era that I still love to this day. It's tense and brutal, bloody and atmospheric, and kept me interested for its entire running time. Even the characters get some decent development in this one, and weren't just wooden caricatures as they so often are in these films.

If she's wooden, then she's a soft, supple wood that smells like cocoa butter and curiosity.

 

What was the point of the little boys attempting to rape that doll? And the way the mother smiled when she caught them... just wrong.

You just can't un-see some things...

Who in the fuck tortures a squirrel like that?!? That poor little thing was so scared, and he was shaking...

Feel free to kill her, but leave the animals be!

A chick gets her boob shot off, a squirrel gets murdered, and old pervert gets shot in the junk while rubbing one out in a field, and old chick loses her arms, another loses her legs... It's Giallo, so you know that there's plenty of blood and gore to be found here.

Looks like they just got done making hate.

We get some 70's style bush and some bare boobs and butts. You can always count on the Italians to deliver in this category. Well, usually.

Move your arm, dummy!

 

Killers in Italy always wear gloves. Also, animals around the world are suffering right now as we speak, and we must do something about it! R.I.P. Tino.

At least Gabagool made it, that sweet little furball.

A great modern day Giallo flick, Eyes of Crystal is very satisfying on all levels. This is the best "new" Giallo I've seen since Argento's Opera back in the 80's. Get a hold of this one on DVD and give it a shot, you won't be disappointed.

B

Eyes of Crystal is available on Import DVD.

She kisses girls.Thought it was worth noting.

Review: The Void (2017)

"A fine entry in the Lovecraftian pantheon."

Aside from Re-Animator and From Beyond, and maybe Dagon if we're feeling generous, there aren't very many great Horror flicks out there that come from the works of H.P. Lovecraft. As bat-shit crazy and fantastic as his stories were, I honestly can't figure out why no one has tried to put more of them to film. The concept of human beings messing around with cosmic things that they don't understand, and then paying a terrible price for their meddling, is a hell of a concept, and one that could be milked endlessly, but no go so far.

Can you imagine a Cthulhu/Old Gods movie if it was done right?

There are always flicks that come along though that are very Lovecraftian in nature. The Mist comes to mind, as does Cabin in the Woods, and now we can add The Void to the mix. Sure, its smaller budget doesn't allow for massive cosmic entities to be coming through portals or anything, but it unleashes otherworldly beasts on a smaller scale in grand fashion.

The movie opens with a guy fleeing from a farmhouse in the dead of night, ahead of the bullets from two guys who really want him dead. He gets away, but his girlfriend gets shot in the back and set on fire. Deputy Carter is out on his midnight patrol when he sees the same guy crawling along the side of the road, and takes him to the nearby hospital for care, even though it's minimally-staffed due to its impending closing. How convenient.

HE'S SEEN SOME SHIT.

Soon enough, the two guys who tried to kill the dude show up and have the staff terrified, threatening to kill whoever they have to to get to their quarry... until they look outside and see a group of people in white robes surrounding the hospital. What do they want? Well, blood sacrifice, we imagine, because what else would a bunch of white robed creepers be doing surrounding a hospital in the middle of the night, if not looking for a blood sacrifice?

THE CLAN OF CTHULHU.

Trapped with nowhere to go, the small group of folks have no idea that the horrors that lie in the basement of the hospital are far more terrifying and deadly than any guys with shotguns or wannabe clansmen could ever hope to be. Of course that means that they'll be making their way down there, and none of it's going to end well for any of them.

YEAH, YOU GO AND CHECK IT OUT. I'LL WAIT UP HERE.

The Void was a blast. We love the idea of a world beyond ours that is filled with unspeakable horrors,and it's great to see a bunch of unsuspecting people be thrust into that world, and watch them reel at what they encounter. The creatures, the creepy cultists, the void itself... this was a cool little world to explore.

At times, this movie screamed of Hellraiser, The Thing, Assault on Precinct 13, and Silent Hill, all wrapped up in a heavily Lovecraftian vibe. It even had a Fulci-esque ending. Honestly, the ending has to be a direct homage to The Beyond.

It did feel like there were too many elements borrowed from classic films at times, but it was such a compelling watch that it didn't ever become a true bother. This is a great throwback flick that was obviously made by some people who love their Genre flicks of the 70's and 80's, even if they didn't quite make it flow in as grand a fashion as said classics did. 

FRANK COTTON: VOID EXPLORER.

This movie has no shortage of bloodletting and great practical FX gags on display, including a scalpel in an eye, people being eaten by creatures, and all kinds of disturbing shit on display. This movie is a visual treat. A wet and messy one.

"DO YOU SEE?!?"

No nudity here.

PRUDES.

We need more flicks with Lovecraftian themes. Like, now.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?

The Void isn't a perfect movie. It's limited budget shows in the lackluster script, and it borrows more than liberally from a handful of classic movies to deliver its punch, but its a visually impressive flick that boasts some great atmosphere and a cool premise that we got sucked right into.

This is a solid little Indie flick, and well worth a rental if you dig otherworldly body-horror.

B

The Void is available now on VOD, and is also in limited theaters.

Kathleen Munroe, Ellen Wong, and Grace Munro make this trip into The Void a prettier one for their presence.

VOD Review: The Girl With All the Gifts (2017)

"A nice departure from the infected norm."

Based on the novel by Mike Carey (which was a pretty good read, by the way), The Girl With All the Gifts is an adaptation that ends up being better than most. That probably has to do with the fact that the screenplay was written by the book's author, which allowed for a certain level of care in the translation.

For those who have read the book, there are changes from book to screen, as there usually are, most notably certain deaths, and the omission of the "junkers" from the story. The ending "holy shit" ending stays faithful though.

Overall, fans of the book should be pleased with this adaptation.

The world has fallen victim to a nasty fungal virus that has left most of its population a mass of rabid zombies, affectionately called "Hungries." In a remote outpost populated by soldiers and scientists, humanity's only hope may lie in the hands of a teacher, Ms. Justineau, who is tasked with teaching a group of second generation "hungry" children who still retain much of their humanity despite their hunger for flesh. But teaching them what, that's the question.

MATH, MAYBE?

These children are treated as prisoners, bound to their chairs and escorted to and from their cells by gunpoint. They even feed the poor kids meal worms, like they're savages! One of the children, Melanie, has struck a chord with Ms. Justineau. Melanie seems human enough, but Ms. Justineau can't be sure if her sweet and lovable act is genuine, or just a tricky ruse to get her to let her guard down, so that she can eat her face off.

HE'S NOT BUYING THE NICE ACT, THOUGH. NOT FOR A MINUTE.

When the outpost is overrun with Hungries, Ms. Justineau, Melanie, Dr. Caldwell (who wants to vivisect Melanie), and a group of soldiers are forced to flee into the wilds, hoping to survive long enough to find a place to synthesize a cure to the plague. Somewhere along the way, they all might just learn to love again, too.

OR MAYBE THEY'LL JUST DIE.

The Girl With All the Gifts is a movie that took a more-than-tired sub-genre, and put a fresh spin on it, the results of which is a well-crafted story that was spun with plenty of care. Sure we've seen this story a hundred times before, but here, that story is smart, and it never reverts to the dreaded info dump or to too many overused tropes to get its point across.

The movie may be about a group of characters trying to survive a plague that turns people into infected "Hungries" that want to eat their face off, and of their mission to find a cure to the madness so that they can go on living, but that's about all that's familiar in this one. The place where the story ends up is pretty bold, and refreshing in a way.

The ending was bold a shocking, to say the least.

We also loved the way that the Hungries would stand around like they'd been paused, until they heard or smelled something edible come close. That made for a few intense scenes that mad us hold our breath.

Newcomer Sennia Nanua is the star of the show here, and she carries the movie admirably on her young shoulders. Considering that she's sharing the screen with top-notch actors like Glenn Close and Paddy Considine, that's saying something. She's all kinds of lovable as Melanie, to the point where you just want to reach through the screen and hug her, but at the same time she gave off a creepy aura of someone who could snap and rip a throat out at any minute. Nice job, kid.

And of course how can we not mention the beautiful Gemma Arterton, who is always a welcomed sight on screen.

CREEPY AS SHIT.

We actually get an R-rated level of bloodshed in this one.

SHE'S A MESSY EATER.

Not that kind of flick at all.

SHE SHOULD REALLY LOSE THAT SWEATER. IT'S WAY TOO CUMBERSOME.

Infected children are our future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way.

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW, NANA!

The Girl With All the Gifts is a well-made spin on the infected zombie sub-genre, although I have to admit that for me, it left me wanting. I'm not sure what it left me wanting, more, I suppose, but that could just be me being picky. Maybe the ending threw me a bit. I don't know.

Overall though, this is a very solid flick that you'd do well to check out.

B

The Girl With All the Gifts is available now on VOD, with a Blu-ray/DVD release to follow on April 25th.

Gemma Arterton has some gifts of her own. Oh yes, she's got some gifts.