We've said it before, and we'll say it again; a good
Werewolf movie is hard to find.
Vampire and
Zombie flicks? Hell, they're a dime a dozen these days, and always have been. A lot of them end up being quality efforts too. Quality
Werewolf movies though, are a rare find indeed.
Wer is really not a
Werewolf movie at all though, as it's more of a
Wolf Man type of story. If you're sitting there thinking "what in the hell is the difference, asshole?" let me explain;
Werewolf movies involves men shape shifting into feral beasts.
Wolf Man movies involve men growing a bunch of facial hair and longer teeth, but remaining mostly humanoid.
Whatever kind of movie that
Wer is or isn't though,one thing is for sure; it's not a very good one. That's not really a big surprise, considering that
Wer was written and directed by the same guy that gave us the abysmal
The Devil Inside, but we were hoping for better. We really were.
Wer opens with a woman in a hospital bed recalling her family's camping trip, which involved the full moon and some sort of creature that killed her hubby and kid. Once again we have a movie that offers quantifiable proof that heading into the
French Countryside is basically suicide.
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| Le chew toy. |
A creepy local man named
Talan (play on words?) is taken into custody for the murders, and hot little defense attorney
Kate rushes to his aid. Even though she has a brilliant
Criminal Minds, she soon discovers that her client may be doomed... because he is a
Werewolf! A
French Werewolf, which is probably the least threatening kind of all were-creatures, but a
Werewolf none the less.
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| "Le growl!" |
She is aided in her defense by a wispy
British guy who thinks he's tough, and an
American dude who looks like the
Indian guy from
Chuck (because he is the
Indian guy from
Chuck.) Together, they head deep into the woods (smh) to
Talan's house to interview his
Mother, who seems shady as fuck. Also, the wispy
British dude gets more annoying by the second.
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| Le meow. |
After a battery of tests,
Talan finally loses his shit and kills all of his doctors, and escapes into the heart of
Paris... where he kills a bunch of other people, most of whom didn't deserve to die at all. They guy is clearly on a mission of some sort... Can
Kate calm the savage beast that lives inside of
Talan? Will
Talan kill everyone in
France, thus making the world a markedly better place? Will this movie end with a fight scene so cheesy that felt like it belonged in the
Twilight-verse? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you here, but suffice it to say that we're not exactly sure just
wer this movie went wrong.
 |
| No. Just, no. |
Wer is a movie that tries really hard to put a different spin on the
Werewolf story, but ends up falling mostly flat in the process. To be fair,
Talan is more of a
Wolf Man in this movie than he is a
Werewolf, so right off the bat this movie is more comparable to
Wolf or
The Wolfman than it is
The Howling or
Dog Soldiers.
Either way would be fine by us, just so long as the story and visuals were compelling, but with
Wer, both are sadly lacking. Once in beast mode,
Talan looks more like an angry caveman than he does any sort of feral beast, which for us, never allowed the movie to feel all that intense or frightening. Add to that a boring plot, and characters that we really didn't give two shits about, and
Wer left us mostly cold.
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| Really? You're doing push-ups now? |
The plot made very little sense at times as well. For instance, after
Kate,
Talan's lawyer says "I'm not defending him anymore" why does she stay?
Human Rights activist or not, there's absolutely no reason for her to run around chasing after
Wer-boy with the
French Police, thereby putting the lives of her and her crew in danger. Misunderstood or not,
Talan is a mass murderer who kills more and more people as the movie wears on, and yet she's follows after him like she herself is some sort of superhero, all in hope of saving him? Blah.
Let us not forget the ending that was so cheesy and predictable, that we actually laughed through most of the final sequence.
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| French microwaves are weird. |
Wer is also a movie shot in that
Found Footage/
POV style, though it's not truly a
FF flick, which makes it both interesting and nauseating at the same time.
Shaky Cam is the
Devil's tool, you see, and it would be a really good thing if it were never used in another
Horror movie, ever again. Especially when the movie utilizing its nauseating stylings isn't even a true
FF movie to begin with.
We do have to admit that both of the "eye" scenes in
Wer made us cringe in a good way, as eye trauma is never an easy thing to endure. Some of the bloodletting was fun also, although it was punctuated by some truly goofy wire-fu mechanics that made it feel a bit too over the top and fake.
We also enjoyed
AJ Cook in this one, even if she had very little to work with, script wise.
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| We'll always have the tunnels under Paris, AJ. |
Maybe some of you out there will get something out of
Wer that we weren't able to. We found it to be clumsy, boring, and underwhelming, and not at all the fresh take on the
Werewolf trope that we had hoped for. Maybe though, fans of all things
Lupine will find something to love about this one, and if so, then good for you, because you're of a stronger mind than we are.
D+
Wer is available now on
VOD, and will hit
DVD on
Spetember 23rd.
AJ Cook needs to be in more movies, especially since we gave up on
Criminal Minds about three seasons ago. She's too much of a
QT not to be in more genre efforts.
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