ICYMI: Our Stranger Things Season 1 Review

"The worst thing about this show is that it was over way too quick."

(aka John Carpenter's E.T.)
Release Date: July 15th.
Country: USA.
Rating: NR.
Written by: Matt and Ross Duffer.
Directed by: Matt and Ross Duffer.
Starring: Winona Ryder, David Harbour, Matthew Modine, Finn Wolfhard, Millie Bobby Brown, Gaten Matarazzo, Caleb McLaughlin, Natalia Dyer, and Charlie Heaton.

Stranger Things is a love letter to the 80's. We grew up in the 80's, so the Dungeons & Dragons gaming sessions, the infectious pop music, the rotary phones, and TV antennas felt like a snapshot of our past to us.

In a way, we were the kids in this show. We were way cooler (obviously), but we played D&D, rode our bikes all over the place, and were totally afraid to talk to girls. Alright, fine. Maybe we were awkward too, but we're cool now. We think.

Even though we're going to keep things as vague as possible, mild spoilers do follow.

Hawkins, Indiana, 1983: After a particularly harrowing all-day session of Dungeons & Dragons in which Demogorgon lays waste to the entire party when one of the players rolls a shitty 7 (all you needed was a 13!), four middle school friends call it a night and part ways. One of them, Will, never makes it home.

"HAVE FUN NOT MAKING IT HOME."

Will's mother, Joyce, is frantic the next morning when she realizes her kid never made it home, and heads off to report him missing to the local Chief of Police, Hopper. He, along with everyone else, thinks that Joyce is crazy, because she kind of is, and so they aren't sure whether to believe her or not.

I WONDER IF SHE HAS CALL-WAITING?

Will's friends are worried, and since no one else is making any progress finding him, they decide to take matters into their own hands, and search the woods for him. What they find instead is a little girl in a hospital gown with a shaved head, and a penchant for remaining silent, named Eleven.

And that's all we're saying.

YEAH, THINGS GET STRANGE.

From the get-go, Stranger Things did not feel perfect to us. The story felt all too safe and familiar; the acting was cheesy at times (calm down, Winona!); and even the cast felt odd at first, as most of the kids weren't your cookie-cutter, good-looking Disney types (which was a really good thing, btw); but man did it ever pull us into its world and keep us engaged through its entire 8 Episode run.

Stranger Things is a show that is deeply rooted in the 80's, and not just because it takes place then; it feels like E.T. and The Goonies meets The Monster Squad, with a bit of old-school John Carpenter flair thrown in to make it darker. It also had obvious nods to Alien, and it reminded us of Silent Hill more than once, so really, it's a bunch of things thrown into one big, 80's-centric pot that made us nostalgia in a big way.

Had "Steven Spielberg and John Carpenter Presents" popped up during the opening credits, it wouldn't have shocked us at all.

US, CIRCA 1983.

As nostalgic and comfy as the word of Stranger Things feels, there's a steady stream of darkness and danger that runs through it, which makes it much more than some kid-friendly throwback. The monster is real (and creepy as hell); Eleven is dangerous, and we're never sure just who she's going to take her anger out on; and the proverbial "men in black" are a real threat who kill indiscriminately to cover their tracks and get back what is theirs.

It's all very dire, and as sweet as it can be, it's all very serious.

It was also over far too quick, and it left us hanging on a few plot points that have us really hoping that Netflix gives it a Season 2. Seriously, the waffles!

IS THAT A OUIJA BOARD PAINTED ON THE WALL?

Violence aplenty in this one, but the gore factor is low.

WINONA WENT DARK IN THIS ONE...

There's a bit of sex, but nothing gratuitous at all.

THE PANGS OF FIRST LOVE ARE APLENTY THOUGH.

One of the coolest things about Stranger Things is how it uses 80's music to accent its story. It's like an awesome mix-tape. Our faves were:

Should I Stay or Should I Go (The Clash)
Africa (TOTO)
I Melt With You (Modern English)
Waiting For a Girl Like You (Foreigner)
Sunglasses at Night (Corey Hart)

*GOONIES THEME SONG INTENSIFIES*

Sentimental, intense, nostalgic and creepy, Stranger Things took us by total surprise. It's one of the best things that we've seen all Summer, and we can't wait to see the story continue in Season 2. There's going to be a Season 2, right?

If you have Netflix, stream this bad boy asap.

A

Stranger Things is streaming on Netflix now.

From the I we saw her in Lucas, Winona Ryder was one of my biggest crushes as a kid. She's still beautiful today.

VOD Review: Super Dark Times (2017)

"A chilling coming of age story."

Remember the 90's?

When you had to look people up in the yearbook, because there was no Internet like we have today? When we had to use landlines to call people? When scrambled porn was a thing, and damn it if it wasn't worth sitting through, just to see a 2-second flash of an un-scrambled boob?

I love the latest trend that sees movies and TV Shows set in the 80's and 90's, because they feel like simpler times. They weren't of course, things have always been complicated, but many of the simpler" things that anyone who grew up in those decades got to experience are long gone now.


They just felt like more innocent times.

Maybe that's why this movie is so damned disturbing, because it shatters that innocence, weather pierced or not, with a bloody impact that still has us reeling.

It's honestly best not to discuss the movie's plot, and especially how it develops, too much, as this is a movie that deserves to breathe on its own, so we're going to keep things simple here.

Zach and Josh are best friends. They spend their days riding bikes, drooling over girls, and watching scrambled porn. They both have a crush on pretty Allison, though she seems to like only Zach in return.

SHE IS ON THE PROWL.

Following an ill-advised game of "Let's play with this sharp, sharp sword", someone is left dead, and the friends do their best to cover up the messy accident, and move on with their teenage lives... which proves to be near impossible.

Super Dark Times truly do ensue.

PROTIP: THE WONKY ONE DIES.

For much of its runtime, Super Dark Times doesn't feel like a Horror movie at all. It starts off as a coming of age story about two best friends, following them through their daily lives that are full of girl drama, bullies, and feelings of inadequacy. Then, it becomes something like 1986's River's Edge, where a kid gets killed, and how that tragic event sends shock waves through the lives of those involved. Then, in its third act, things get intense as suspicion is cast, bonds are tested, and everything comes to a truly macabre and unsettling climax.

The movies has a gorgeous look about it, calling to mind movies like Donnie Darko in its retro dimness. The whole thing is cast in a dark tint, which really makes the title into a literal description, both visually and metaphorically. This is a truly unnerving movie, and it's the way that the whole thing is played so quiet and understated that makes it so disturbing.

The cast does superb work here. Charlie Tahan, who genre fans may remember as the little kid from Burning Bright, makes for an ominous counterpart to Owen Campbell's shy, nice kid. They re best friends on the surface, but underneath, there are different things that make them tick, and that dynamic powers the movie.

Elizabeth Cappuccino also gives an eye-opening portrayal of the girl whom both boys are crushing on.

YEAH, HIDING ISN'T A BAD IDEA.

A sword wreaks some pretty bloody and disturbing havoc.

AND SO DOES HE.

Not that kind of movie, unless you count a brief bit of 90's era scrambled porn.

THIS THREESOME NEVER REALLY GETS OFF THE GROUND.

This is a finely-crafted story about the lives of a group of kids in a sleepy town whose lives spin out of control following a tragedy. It feels real, dark, and it's disturbing on a profound level.

Watch it, and bask in its disturing, 90's-feel glory. It's easily one of the best movies of 2017.

A

Super Dark Times is available now on VOD.

More like Super Sexy Times, am I right?

Netflix Review: The Babysitter (2017)

"If John Hughes made a Horror movie..."

A great Horror Comedy is a rare thing.
 
Over the past few years, some really great Horror Comedies have come our way. Movies like Deathgasm, Cooties, What We Do in the Shadows, The Final Girls, and Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse have entertained the hell out of us in their own special ways, and they stand above their peers in quality.

We're happy to say that The Babysitter can join that short list with pride, as it's the most fun we've had watching a genre flick all year.

*This review is going to contain some spoiler-ish material, but we won't spoil anything the trailer didn't give away.

Cole is a timid yet lovable 12-year-old kid who's afraid of needles, gets bullied at school, and has the hottest babysitter that has ever been know to man, Bee. Bee is a sexy, witty, closet nerd who really likes Cole, and they spend their time together nerding-out about Sci-Fi flicks and discussing how Cole should put the moves on the neighbor girl.

BUT UNDERSTANDABLY, COLE IS A BIT TOO IN LOVE WITH BEE TO GO MESSING WITH OTHER GIRLS.

Bee is also an insane Satanist who needs sacrificial blood to make the dark spells in her evil book come to life. Cole is supposed to be sleeping when Bee and her Satanic Scooby Gang decide to offer their latest sacrifice to Gog, but instead he witnesses the act, which puts him at deadly odds with Bee.

...and we've already said too much.

SHE'S ABOUT TO LOSE HER SHIT.

Gory, funny as hell, sexy, and oddly touching, The Babysitter is one of the best genre flicks that we've seen this year. Somehow, McG made the crazy plot (and even crazier visuals) work, where they should have made for a silly mess of a flick.

And the real surprise was that the movie had some sentimentality going for it, in the form of Bee and Cole's friendship. Sure, Bee is a crazy Satanist and all, but she genuinely cares for Cole, and the way that played out gave the movie a John Hughes-esque quality. Samara Weaving and Judah Lewis made the movie special.

Speaking of Samara Weaving (Hugo's niece), she's a star in the making. Not only is she gorgeous, but she's got range; she's got these insane looking eyes that go from wicked to tender on command, and even though she's the movie's big bad, we couldn't help but love her character. She was the heart of this movie, and she rocked it.

And to be honest, everyone else in the cast delivered as well, every one of them making us laugh. Robbie Amell is surprisingly funny, and I don't know where in the hell Andrew Bachelor came from, but dude had us rolling.

The only part of the movie that didn't jibe with us was the part with the car, but that's a small thing considering how much fun the rest of the movie was.

AND LET US NOT FORGET ABOUT BELLA. SHE SPECIAL.

The blood flows freely in this one, including some creative fire poker usage, gun violence, throat slitting, and neck skewering.

HE PROBABLY HAS AIDS NOW.

Aside from Robbie Amell going shirtless, there's no nudity here. There is, however, a kiss between Samara Weaving and Bella Thorne that makes the sapphic kisses from movies like Jennifer's Body and Wild Things look like amateur hour.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!

"All that blood was just in his boner."
"Carrie would have been better is she was black. She would have been covered in Hennessy."
"What the hell are you wearing? Lookin' like Big Bird's side-bitch."
"Why is he shirtless?"

BIG BIRD'S SIDE-BITCH.

Wat a genuinely pleasant surprise this movie was. Where we expected The Babysitter to underwhelm, it instead spent 90-minutes making us laugh, and left us marveling at how clever it all was. McG still has a stupid name, but if he keeps making movies like this, we might just end up being fans of his.

See it, and see it now.

A-

The Babysitter is streaming now on Netflix.

Samara and Bella might be the sexiest babysitter tandem ever.