Quick VOD Review: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)

It's not often that an action movie comes along and blows us away anymore. There's never a shortage of them, you understand, but the truly great ones that leave you wanting more are simply few and far between.

We've definitely come a bit late to the Kingsman party, and shame on us for that; having just finished watching this one on VOD, we truly regret not having seen it on a big screen back in February, because this is exactly the kind of movie that begs to be seen in theaters.

No matter where it's seen though, Kingsman is one of the craziest, most enjoyable action movies that we've seen in a long time. Maybe even since The Raid 2.

This is going to be a pretty brief "review."

Kingsman is basically about a troubled kid whose father is killed while working for a top secret British spy organization, and his subsequent recruitment into said organization years later by the spy whose life his father saved.

I know that's a simplistic way to put it, but we went into his movie knowing even less than that, and I really feel like knowing so little made it a better experience for us. Plus, we have a lot of actual Horror movies to get to, so we're here to make our point, and be gone.

HARRY HART, GENTLEMAN ASS-KICKER.

"Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day." That line from the movie not only sums it up perfectly, but explains exactly why it worked so well overall; Kingsman knows what it is, and more importantly what it wants to be, and it swings for the fences on both counts.

This is a crazy, self-aware movie that is as humorous as it is fun. And violent. In a way, it plays almost like a family-friendly action movie like Spy Kids... if you were to infuse Spy Kids with a liberal dose of Kill Bill's violence... although for all of its overt violence, it's relatively bloodless. Or maybe it feels more like Kick-Ass. Yeah, it definitely has that Comic Book feel about it, which makes sense, because it's based on a Comic Book.

If any of that made any sense to you, then you're one-up on us... and we wrote it. 

WE OFTEN HAVE NIGHT TERRORS JUST LIKE THAT.

As crazy and violent as this movie was, and it really was, it's great to learn that Colin Firth and Taron Egerton did almost all of their own stunts. As action-packed as this movie is, that's a pretty impressive feat in our eyes. And like everyone else who has seen Kingsman, the Church scene was probably our favorite.

As much of a focus as the action was in this movie, it was the cast that really made this one come alive like it did. First and foremost, Colin Firth makes for a perfect ass-kicking gentleman spy. He's always been a top-notch actor, but in this one, he became something of an action star, which was as enjoyable to watch as it was surprising. In what was basically his first leading film role, Taron Egerton was pretty good as Eggsy as well. For our money though, it was Mark Strong who we enjoyed the most here. That's no slight to the rest of the cast, but he was just perfect as the Kingsman handler.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS GUY...

I will admit though that as good as he was in this movie, Samuel L. Jackson's lisp felt a little out of place. I mean it definitely fit in with the movie's quirky oddness, but it was just a bit distracting.

The soundtrack, and how they used it, was pretty great too. Never in my life did I imagine seeing the finale of any movie, let alone an action flick like this, play out to the sound of Give it Up by KC and The Sunshine Band. I loved every second of it.

DOES THIS LITTLE GUY LIVE OR DIE? WE'LL NEVER TELL!

"I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. Hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon madam."

Perfection.

WE NEED  MORE HARRY HART IN OUR LIVES. SEQUEL, PLEASE.

We were definitely tempted to give Kingsman the rare A+ grade, because we absolutely loved the hell out of it, but if we're being honest, it's not perfect. Then again, what movie is? So maybe it is an A+ then, perfection be damned!

Stupid letter grades aside, this is one kick-ass, fun, awesome movie that impressed us way more than we ever expected it to. When it hits Blu-ray in June, we'll be adding it to our collection without hesitation, and so should you. *At least rent it, guys. It was so much fun.

A

Kingsman: The Secret Service is available now on VOD, and will hit Blu-ray & DVD on June 9th.

Roxy, Gazelle, and the anal Swedish Princess; they all rocked it in this movie, so how could we possibly pick a favorite?

Theatrical Review: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)

(aka Avengers: Dissemble.)
Release Date: May 1st.
Country: USA.
Rating: PG-13.
Written by: Joss Whedon.
Directed by: Joss Whedon.
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, James Spader, Elizabeth Olsen, and Paul Bettany.

Going into Avengers: AOU, we basically knew what to expect: lots of big action scenes, a few "Holy shit!" moments, plenty of humor, plenty of sentimentality, and maybe some cool Easter Eggs. The real question was how well would they work. For us, me in particular, the main thing that I wanted from AOU was for Vision and Scarlet Witch's debuts to be awesome, which they were. Everything else being good would just be a bonus of sorts.

As far as that everything else goes, AOU is a busy, cramped, and sometimes rushed movie, that tries to pack far too many things into its 141 minute runtime, but for the most part, it worked well.

So was it better than, worse than, or the same as the first movie? All three, actually.

After finally putting Hydra out of business, The Avengers discover that they were doing some sort of secret experiments on Loki's old scepter. Not to be outdone in the realm of scientific experiments, Tony Stark and Bruce Banner take the scepter back to their homebase and start experimenting on it themselves, the result of which ends up being a new A.I. that Tony envisions being an armor for the world.

NO ARMOR, JUST ULTRON.

This new A.I., Ultron, comes up with a plan to destroy humanity (because why not), and with his two mutant cronies, Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, in tow, sets off to turn a city into a meteor, thus causing an Extinction Level Event that will... You know what, just forget about the convoluted plot. Let's just go with Ultron is bad, and The Avengers need to stop him.

Really, what else is there to say?

BEST BROFIST EVER.

For an 11th movie in a "series," AOU gets an awful lot right, even when it's getting things wrong.

You could look at this movie as one massive set-up for future movies like Ant-Man, Captain America: Civil War, Doctor Strange, Thor: Ragnarok, Black Panther, and the Infinity Wars sequels, because it basically is. We don't mind that at all though, because for all of its "We have to cram 90 things into this one movie" craziness, AOU is a fun, and sometimes even great movie.

SHE WAS GREAT.

Here's what they got right:

• Vision: They not only got him right, they got him perfect. Much like The Hulk did in the first movie, Vision owns the sequel's best moments. Paul Bettany was the perfect choice to play the enigmatic Avenger.
• Scarlet Witch: They got her pretty right too, and Elizabeth Olsen was an equally inspired choice for the role. She's a powerful mutant (although she can't ever be called that in the MCU, for legal reasons), and it was awesome to see a hint of that power at the end.
• Hawkeye: For some reason, we loved his story in this one, and we would have gladly stayed in his world for far longer. He really needs a solo movie. 
• Thor was extra cool in this one, and any part that involved his hammer pretty much owned the movie.
• James Spader as Ultron: Sure, Ultron was a bit more humorous that we expected him to be, but there's just something about him that made for an awesome villain. We credit James Spader for making him come off as great as he did. 
• The Hulkbuster-Hulk brofist.
• The Action: There was a ton of it, and most of it felt very comic book-y. That's a good thing.

PERFECT.

Hopefully the parts of the movie that we took issue with will play better when the Extended Cut comes out on Blu-ray; if it ends up being near 3 hours long as rumored, then it might go a long way toward smoothing out some of the movie's rougher patches.

"HULK, MAD!"

Here's what they didn't get all that right:

• The movie was too busy: There were a lot of plotlines in this one, both big and small, and at times they felt way too cramped together. This movie needed another 30-40 minutes of "room" to allow the story, its plotlines, and its characters to breathe.
• The Twins: As great as their characters were, their storyline, and the ways that it went, seemed rushed. Magneto's children deserve better than that!
• There was a little too much wit in this one. We like wit, and the actors in the Avengers flicks are great at delivering the witty lines, but it seemed like every other minute that someone was cracking wise, snarking, or trying to be cute. That's mainly a Joss Whedon thing though, and we won't have to deal with that anymore going forward. 
• The romance between Black Widow and Bruce Banner felt a little forced. If anything, they've played up a romance between her and Hawkeye, or her and Cap, far more in previous films, and it just kinda felt like their new-found love came out of nowhere. 
• Baron Von Strucker, a classic Marvel villain, was basically just a bit player in AOU, and that kinda sucks. He was absolutely wasted here.

"HULK, LOVE!"

The Superhero Death: Without spoiling it, we will say that someone dies, and it sucks because they were great, and there's a lot that could have been done with their character.

YEAH, THOR, YOU ALMOST LOST ASGARD!

Paul Bettany is underrated. Also, the Quicksilver in Avengers is way better than the Quicksilver in X-Men.

YOU SEXY LITTLE ENCHANTRESS.

Age of Ultron is not a perfect movie, and there's a lot about it that we wish had been different, but we came away from this one excited about too many things to let its missteps discourage us. Like we said above, a longer cut on Blu-ray would go a long way towards fixing some of its issues, but as it stands, this is one fun Summer Movie that is a worthy addition to the MCU.

See it, and enjoy.

B+

Avengers: Age of Ultron is in theaters now.

Thanks to Lizzie Olsen, Scarlett Johansson may not be the hottest Avenger any longer... or at least it's just not as clear cut as we once thought it was. It is safe to say that Cobie Smulders is the hottest S.H.I.E.L.D. agent though. By far.

VOD Review: The Raid 2 (2014)

Only two short years ago, filmmaker Gareth Evans blessed moviegoers with one of the best action flicks of all time, The Raid. Read our Review of The Raid HERE.

The Raid was full of violence, blood, mayhem, and some expertly choreographed Pencak Silat fight scenes, which mesmerized us. In a world that sees far too many half-assed, uninspired action flicks released every year, The Raid was a magnificent breath of fresh air.

From the moment the first movie ended, we wanted more. We wanted more of Rama's story, and with the way that it did end, we knew (hoped) there would be more to come.

Now, like an answered prayer, Evans has returned with a sequel to his modern-day classic that is bigger, badder, and meaner than the first one, and we are ecstatic... but of course now we really, really want The Raid 3.

Sometimes, there's just no pleasing us.

Immediately following the conclusion of The Raid, we see some skeevy gangster named Bejo execute Rama's brother. After learning this, Rama agrees to join an anti-corruption task force in an effort to both take down some gangsters and the crooked Police Commissioner, as well as keep his wife and baby safe from Bejo. Also, he probably wants some revenge for his brothers murder. He just really has a lot of good reasons to do this.

You do not threaten the safety of this man's family.

Rama is forced to go undercover to jail where he fights 80 guys, and earns the trust of Uko, the son of feared gangster Bangun, by saving his life. After their release, Rama finds that he has a job with the Bangun Gang, which means that he has to fight 250 more guys, all while trying to do his job and keep his cover in tact.

These guys fight dirty. Zing!

So Bejo's Gang, Bangun's Gang, Goto's Gang, the Japanese Yakuza, The GhangBang Gang, the Getalong Gang, Kool & the Gang, and the Wu-Tang Clan all come to blows, starting a crazy gang war on the streets of Jakarta.

Oh yeah, and there's also Prakoso. He's pretty much a one-man gang.

Will Rama take down the gangsters, thus saving his family's lives? Will there be anyone left alive in Indonesia once this movie is over? Will there be a Raid 3? Far be it from us to spoil things for you here, but the streets run red with blood, countless people are killed in crazy violent ways, and none of it ends well for about 90% of those involved. So yes, there will be a Raid 3. Eventually.

Eka's response to this guy was our favorite bit in the movie.

This movie was an absolute blast. If you've seen The Raid (Our Review HERE), then you already know what to expect from the sequel, but just know that it is bigger and yes, even better, than the original. We were so swept up in the awesomeness of the Raid 2 that its near 2 hour and 30 minute runtime felt like it went by far too quickly. For us, the mark of a good movie is despairing over the fact that "there's only 30 minutes left!" We loved every second of it, and it left us wanting more (but only because we're greedy like that.)

We'd gladly watch another movie starring Hammer Girl.

This is fast, mean, bloody, exhilarating, inventive, and exhausting action filmmaking at its best. We loved the film's structure, like how there were a mix of "Bosses" for Rama to fight; Hammer Girl; Baseball Bat Man; The Assassin; they made Rama's journey at the end feel like a video game on expert mode.

Everyone in the cast was fantastic, both in their acting and fighting abilities. Iko Uwais and Yayan Ruhian deserve to be International action stars after these movies; both men are at the top of their craft, and are an inspiration to watch. Yayan Ruhian is probably our favorite part of both Raid films; the guy is a little powder keg of presence and ferocity, the likes of which we haven't seen in a very long time.

Dyn-o-mite!

So many of the cast are relative unknowns, that it makes how well they performed their on-camera feats truly amazing. Cecep Arif Rahman (The Assassin) is responsible for the best fight of the movie -which makes sense because he's a master of Pencak Silat- but in real life, he's an Elementary School Teacher. The gorgeous Julie Estelle (Hammer Girl), had absolutely no martial arts background when she took this role, and yet she came off as convincingly deadly as did anyone in the movie.

It's things like that about The Raid 2 that blow our minds.

One of the best fights that we've ever seen committed to film.

You could find things about the movie to pick apart if you were so inclined, it isn't perfect after all, but why would you want to? It's so fun and energetic that bitching about its weaker points seems silly to us. In the effort of fairness though, we will point out a few issues that exist with The Raid 2.

• It was a long movie, and it could have probably been trimmed down to about the 2 hour mark and been slightly better off for it.
• The plot of the movie was big and sprawling, and at times, felt a little to grand for the proceedings.
• We have to admit that at one point towards the end of the movie, we honestly wondered how Rama could keep his one-man-army routine going and not collapse from exhaustion/injury.
• It's subtitled, and those folks who find them to be a distraction (not us) will no doubt be irked by their presence, hence, dissuaded from watching the movie.
• We were also pissed off that Yayan Ruhian's role in the sequel was far smaller than it was in the original. We love that guy, and had The Raid 2 been all about his character, we would have been absolutely fine with that.

All that said, we could care less about the movie's issues, because it was so much damn fun that they just don't matter all that much. That's not us giving it a pass for its faults, that's us saying that if you're picking apart the few, small issues that the movie does have, you're absolutely missing the point.

There's even a 8-bit Raid 2 game!

The Raid 2 is not only the action movie of 2014, but it is one of the best action movies that we've ever seen. If you haven't seen The Raid, then go and get yourself a copy, and watch it back to back with its sequel... and revel in the masterful fun of it all.

The bottom line is that The Raid 2 is a must see for those who are lovers of action movies, and it's good enough that it may even convert those who are not. See it, and support it.

The Raid 2 is available now on Amazon Instant VOD, and will be released on Blu-ray and DVD on July 8th.

It's not often that we come across a gorgeous woman that also likes to viciously kill people with hammers, so we can't help but love Julie Estelle. Indonesian women are ridiculously gorgeous as it is, but this girl with her French-American and Tionghoa heritage takes that beauty to a whole new level.