Review: Trollhunter (2011)

"Oh, hell yeah!"

Sub-Genre- Hand Held/Found Footage/Creature  
Cast Members of Note- Otto Jesperen... is the Trolljegeren!  

Essentially this is Norway's answer to The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield, except that there's not a witch involved, and it's not a lame rip off of Godzilla. This movie is about trolls; not the kind that wreak havoc on Internet message boards, but the kind that live under bridges, turn to stone in the daylight, rape goats, and eat sheep. People too. Maybe it's just a Norwegian thing...

So this movie is based off of a musical? Who knew?

Long story short, a film crew full of slacker dip-shits hook up with, and follow around, Norway's answer to Chuck Norris. Blasphemy you say? No one is as bad-ass as the greatest white karate man of all time? Well, his name is Hans, and until Chuck Norris fights a 100 metres tall troll with a flashlight, he wins the title of king bad-ass. (Chuck Norris, if you're reading this, ignore what I just said. It's all propaganda for the sake of a movie review. You will always be the king. Sir. )

Fights a 100 metre tall trolls with a flashlight... think about that.

There are a bunch of different types of trolls in Norway you see; some have three heads; some are as big as mountains; some look like Gerard Depardieu... and due to something or other about power lines, they have been misbehaving of late. Hans, being the Trolljegeren (more like troll murderer actually), knows the types of trolls, their traits, and their weaknesses... and most importantly, how to kill them. Gloriously.

See that tiny little thing on the ground in front of the troll? That's a hummer-like vehicle with Hans and his rooftop flashlight cannon...

That's basically the plot; Hans and his film crew buddies track a bunch of naughty trolls through the forests and mountains of Norway and kill them. Add in a Government conspiracy to keep all talk of trolls on the DL, and it makes for some interesting moments. I won't spoil what happens towards the end here, but suffice it to say that Trolljegeren-ing is dangerous work. Also, it smells pretty bad too. It's all about rubbing troll-fat butter on your crotch and armpits... I'm just sayin'.

Gerard Depardieu is in this.

This movie was so much fun that I'm still smiling thinking about it. Aside from an ending that left us a bit wanting, we cant remember the last time we sat through such a fun, well made, and fresh Horror flick. Maybe Trick r' Treat? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Raglefant. Tussealadd. Rimtusse. Dovregubben. Harding. The massive Jotner. There are all kinds of trolls, and they are spread all over Norway; in the forests, in the mountains, under bridges. They kinda look like big, smelly, hungry puppets with phallic noses, almost cartoonish. Make no mistake though, they are intimidating and they want to eat you. They feel like something out of a fairytale, but are presented to the audience as a natural predator in such a realistic way, that I'm not entirely sure that Norway doesn't really have trolls. Alright, I know they don't, but it all sure felt real.

As far as the Found Footage genre goes, this movie is aces. It feels real. Nothing feels forced here like in so many other FF movies. Especially with Hans; he's just a gruff old timer who has a job to do. He hunts trolls. Not one thing about it scares him either, like he's hunting deer, or duck or something. He's a bad-ass because he's really just someone like your Dad or Grandfather, only he kills monsters.

The movie also does a good job of not only keeping you on the edge of your seat, but in letting us know just how huge, imposing and dangerous these creatures really are. It's almost like watching a documentary on the National Geographic Channel. They did a great job conveying the realism on this one.

Hans and his RPG flashlight... the dude is fighting a walking mountain!

Where are you going, Hans? You're in the middle of fucking Norway, which is all ice and snow mind you, so maybe wandering off into the desolate tundra isn't the best idea... at least tell us why! He always was a lone wolf.

The Norwegian Chuck Norris.

The ending. Sure, as a Found Footage flick you have to expect that at some point the footage has to just end, and abruptly, but what happened? Were they shot? Did the one guy hitch a ride? Did Hans ever finish his hike? Are the trolls doing well? I need answers. Sequel please.

What happened?!?

Troll piss, troll poop, troll slime (I don't want to know where it came form), sheep abuse, trolls explode, people are rent limb from limb... it's not really a violent movie overall, but the gross stuff is there.

Nope. Well, do the trolls count as far as a nudity quotient goes? If so, then there's all kinds of skin on display in this one.

People in Norway are tough enough to fight trolls. Also, trolls have penis noses.

And they smell. Bad.

This movie needs to be seen by all genre fans, and as soon as possible. It is not perfect, so don't let a great grade make you think that it is. What Trolljegeren is though, is a hell of an entertaining movie that does the Found Footage genre right, and puts Cloverfield and its ilk to shame. I can't imagine how someone could not have fun with this movie.

See it or suck.

A+

 Trolls, trolls everyewhere!

Review: Skjult (Hidden) (2010)

"I wanted to like this movie, but in the end it left me feeling cold and indifferent..."

Sub-Genre- Supernatural/Backwoods Horror
Cast Members of Note- Kristoffer Joner, Cecilie A. Mosli and Karin Park.

Kai Koss is a creepy guy with an even creepier past; it seems as if his evil Mother used to lock him in a secret room in the basement, torture him and... well, torture him. After years of said abuse, Kai escapes his dungeon home, runs through the woods, and kills another kid's parents. The kid runs off into the woods, and falls off of a cliff, making Kai responsible for his death too. Or was he?

"Give mommy a kiss!"

Years later, Kai is called to the morgue to identify the wizened old corpse of his Mom, and bid her good riddance. He gives her a creepy, lingering kiss, she jump-scares him, and he runs. He heads back to his old family home, presumably to close it up and sell it, but instead comes across a creepy ghost that likes to play dodgeball with him. Naturally, instead of running like the wind, he stays and looks around the poorly lit house saying things like "who's there?" and "are you there?" Who wouldn't do the same?

Screw that noise, I would leave.

Soon enough, people start going missing in the woods around the house, prompting the Police to start a manhunt and to look at Kai for the creepy SOB that he is. Or might be. Did something more sinister and "hidden" happen to the little boy in the woods that night? Is Kai Kross insane? Will anyone remember this movie after seeing it once? Yes, yes, and not likely.

"You, sir, are an effing nut-job."

Skjult (Hidden) is a suspenseful, creepy little movie that delivers the visual goods and atmosphere in spades. It's beautifully shot and edited, and a times the movie makes the skin crawl just by the way the scenes are set up and unfold. The acting is a highpoint here, with Kristoffer Joner and Cecilie A. Mosli (both stars of the equally creepy Naboer) doing a solid job of making you believe/feel what is unfolding on screen.

This doll did a real good job too.

As gorgeous as this film is, I was sadly let down by the bland story and obligatory twist at the end. It absolutely gripped me in the early going when I thought it was a ghost story, but then lost me when it changed gears and became an "alone in the woods" stalk-and-slash movie instead. It's a shame that movies like this try to out-clever themselves instead of playing it straight, because that usually only serves to hurt a film's good points.

Q- I that his dead Mom, or is he nuts? A- Yes.

Jump-scares? Really? With all of the attention to atmosphere and mood that the filmmakers put into this movie, why in the world would they ruin it all with cheesy, lame, jump-scares?

Get ready to jump (scare.)

We get some blood and gruesome images, but Skjult is filled with far more jump-scares than it is good kill scenes. For shame.

This was pretty creepy though.

No.

Next time, what say you lose the shirt?

Norwegian forests are very dangerous. Also, I really am starting to despise twist endings.

What is this...

Everything was great about this movie except for the story, which I suppose really makes the whole thing not so great... It's not a bad movie-going experience, just one that made me roll my eyes and left me feeling unsatisfied and a bit bummed. When it hits American Theaters in January as a part of this year's After Dark Horrorfest, I have a feeling that many of you will feel the same.

C

Karin Park and Cecilie A. Mosli are in this.

Review: Naboer (2005)

Another solid Norwegian horror flick... what the hell is going on here?

Cast Members of Note- Kristoffer Joner, Cecilie Mosli, Julia Schacht, and Anna Bache-Wiig.

Naboer is about women, and how crazy they all seem to be. Poor John is an average guy that gets dumped by his girlfriend, but not only did she leave him, she tells everyone about his intimate problems, not respecting his feelings at all! Also, she took all of the A-ha records, which is just low in my book.

"Put down the A-ha CD's or you're going to have to take on me!"

Soon after the shrew leaves him, he meets two odd-yet-hot sluts that live next door, and quickly gets sucked into a world of Fight Club-like sex and fear. I'm not sure, but I think the guy gets raped. I can't say too much more about the plot here or else I risk giving too much away, but suffice it to say that this movie made me feel dirty in a few different ways.

She is dirty in her own special way.

Clocking in at only 72 minutes, Naboer was lean and tight, and kept me intrigued the whole time. Mix some Hitchcock with some David Lynch, and add in a bit of Session 9, and you have the makings of the well-executed psycho-sexual study in paranoia that is this film. The mysterious tension in this one is palpable from start to finish, even when you think you've got the movie all figured out. The sex scene is a good example of this; both alluring and profoundly disturbing at the same time, you find that you can't look away even though you really should.

"Until after-death do us part."

Helping people is overrated, and especially when it comes to helping hot chicks. Are they ever worth the trouble? I don't know; the short term can be rewarding, but in the end you're going to pay the price and be left holding the bag. By that I mean holding your own bag. That's a sexual innuendo.

Right now, she's holding his bag.

I don't ever condone a man hitting a woman, unless it's to actually save your life, because it's just wrong. That being said, some of the bitches in this movie deserved a good crack in the fucking mouth.

The smile is a lie!

There's not much gore in this one, but we do get some disturbing visuals, and a rather bloody sex scene.

Not the sex scene.

This movie is dirtier than Lindsay Lohan's hamper; nasty sex, filthy talk, and a good amount of T&A.

I have nothing to say about this.

"Ssh. Ssh... Ssh." or  "Different strokes for different folks."

I think at this point it's safe to say that women can't be trusted. Also, women don't wear bra's in Norway.

No bra.

This little movie just knocked my socks off. It's tight, intense, disturbing, well-shot and has a nice and quick pace. Check it out if you can find the DVD, though this movie is a few years old. Norway is turning out some pretty decent Horror flicks of late.

B+

Julia Schacht is in this.