Blu-ray Review: Housebound (2014)

(aka Those Crazy Kiwi's!)
Release Date: October 17th.
Country: New Zealand.
Rating: Unrated.
Written & Directed by: Gerard Johnstone.
Starring: Morgana O'Reilly, Rima Te Wiata, Glen-Paul Waru, Ross Harper, and Cameron Rhodes.

There aren't a lot of Horror movies that come out of New Zealand, but we tend to enjoy most of the ones that do. At the top of our Kiwi Horror list are films like The Devil's Rock (review), Black Sheep (review), The Ugly, and of course, Peter Jackson's early, low-budget Horror efforts like Bad Taste & Dead Alive (review.)


NZ Horror flicks usually have their own unique feel & way about them, for better or worse (usually for better), and so we went into Housebound with a familiar sort of optimism.

For us, the end results were mixed.

After trying to rob an ATM machine with her boyfriend (and failing miserably), Kylie is sentenced to house arrest, which doesn't sit well with her at all, because the sentence is to be carried out at her mother's house. You see, Kylie is a bit of an angry bitch who hates her odd-duck mother, so to be tethered and trapped in a crappy old house for eight months with Mum and Stepdad is like hell on Earth for her.

EIGHT MONTHS? SHE WON'T MAKE IT EIGHT HOURS WITH MUM! LET THE ODD COUPLE HI-JINKS BEGIN!

After listening to her mother go on about how she thinks their house is haunted, Kylie begins to hear odd noises coming from the basement, which of course she decides to investigate. After she's grabbed by something in the dark, which sets off her tether, her probation officer, Amos, comes to investigate... and reveals that he just so happens to be an amateur paranormal investigator, so, that helps.

DO NOT EVER INTERRUPT AMOS WHEN HE'S PARANORMAL INVESTIGATING!

As they investigate all of the weird and creepy things that are happening around them, Kylie and Amos learn that the house used to be a halfway house that was closed after the murder of a young girl. They also learn that the neighbor is a creep who may just be the one who killed her... and so they decide to sneak into his house to find evidence. You can pretty much guess how that one goes... or can you?!?

WHOEVER IT IS, JUST STAB THEM IN THE GUT WITHOUT LOOKING AT THEM.

Will Kylie and Amos solve the mystery of the dead girl and the creepy neighbor? Is there something far more sinister lurking in the walls of Kylie's new home/prison? Is there something even more sinister than that lurking in plain sight? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you here, but suffice it to say that this movie has more wacky twists and turns than a New Zealand Highway. *We're not actually sure if NZ highways are notoriously twisty or not, we just went with it.

THE CREEPIEST PART OF THE MOVIE.

Housebound was a fun and quirky little movie that we enjoyed, but didn't love, and that's mainly because Kiwi humor isn't really our bag. Not to generalize, but in our experience, the humor found in most Horror Comedies out of New Zealand tends to be of the slapstick and zany variety, and it always feels a bit too simple-minded for our tastes. We may be off the mark with that analysis, but that's just how it usually feels to us, so it's really more of a personal preference issue than anything.  

That being said, Housebound is a fairly funny movie (or at the very least, an extremely witty one), it's just not the type of funny that makes us laugh all that much. You know?

THIS IS ABOUT HOW MUCH WE LAUGHED THROUGHOUT THIS ONE...

Housebound is also at times a pretty creepy movie, boasting a few dark scenes that were genuinely unsettling and intense... of course then some humor would pop up and kill the creepy mojo that those scenes had just established, but hey, the world is an imperfect place.

From what we gather, Housebound was also filmed in pieces by director Gerard Johnstone; he would find inspiration for a scene (but no idea how it would fit into the story), and he would just film it, improv style. Then he'd go back later and somehow work it into the story, which in the end, made the movie as a whole play like some sort of patchwork quilt. You can see it in how oddly disjointed that Housebound felt at times. That sounds like a recipe for disaster to us, but he somehow made it work, to decent effect. Whether that is a good thing or not, is up to you to decide.

AT LEAST THE MOVIE HAD ONE REALLY GOOD GORE GAG.

There's nothing particularly likable about the movie's main character Kylie, but that was by design, so fine. Morgana O'Reilly is a fine actress, and she plays her part really well, it's just that she's such an unbearable asshole to everyone for most of the movie, that it was kind of hard for us to root for her. Then again, her surly demeanor is part of the reason that the movie worked as well as it did.

We liked Amos though. We rooted for him.

IF ONLY SHE WOULD HAVE STARTED RANDOMLY STABBING PEOPLE...

Housebound is one of those movies that you may have to be in the right mood to watch. At least for us it was. It's more of a Black Comedy than it is a straight up Horror flick. It's fun and clever, and it did exactly what it set out to do in grand fashion, even if the end result didn't work as well for us as it did for so many others.

Housebound is definitely worth a rental, or a buy if you're a big fan of goofy Horror flicks.

C+

Housebound is available now on Blu-ray (Amazon Exclusive), DVD, and VOD.

Morgana O'Reilly is in this.

VOD Review: The ABCs of Death 2 (2014)

It's hard to rate a anthology film like The ABCs of Death as one movie, with one grade, as there are 26 filmmakers giving us 26 wildly different short films here, each of which is going to differ in quality, for better or worse. If we're being truly objective about it, we'd rate each short film and then come up with some sort of a median grade for all of them as a whole.

We are absolutely not going to do that though, for multiple reasons.

So whatever grade we assign to this movie, or any other Horror anthology film, it will be for the overall experience of it as a whole. The sum of the parts, if you will.


We found the first ABCs of Death (our review HERE) to be pretty entertaining overall. It was big, bold, and its good aspects outweighed its bad, even if it was only slightly. With The ABCs of Death 2, we get more of the same, and even if there is no short in this collection that stands out quite like D is for Dog did in the first movie, there are some really great efforts to be seen here. A few are even exceptional.

Below, we'll give a brief summary of all 26 short films, and we'll do our best not to spoil any of their reveals for you. Also, we'll only be using pictures for the entries that we really liked, so that they stand out a bit more.

A is for Amateur (Directed by E.L. Katz) This first entry takes place in an air vent, showcasing a bumbling hitman that isn't quite the assassin he imagines himself to be. Aside from the silly ending, we liked this one. 

DON'T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB.

B is for Badger (Directed by Julian Barratt) This one, about Mother Nature giving a jerk of a TV Show host exactly what he deserves, was supposed to be funny, but it did nothing for us.

C is for Capitol Punishment (Directed by Julian Gilbey) A small town lynch mob dispenses their own brand of justice to a man accused of killing a young girl. This one was pretty good, and fairly nasty on the violence front.

D is for Deloused (Directed by Robert Morgan)  An odd, creepy, nightmare that is told through the magic of claymation, this one reminded us of something you'd see in a Tool video. Pretty damned creative.

"I AM JUST A WORTHLESS LIAR. I AM JUST AN IMBECILE."

E is for Equilibrium (Directed by Alejandro Brugues) Two men who are shipwrecked on an island come to blows when a hot chick washes up on shore. A bit too goofy for our tastes, especially the ending.

F is for Falling (Directed by Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado) The directors of Big Bad Wolves bring us this interesting short about an Israeli soldier hanging in a tree, and what happens when an Arab soldier finds her. Strong commentary, and a solid entry.

YOU KNOW WHAT CAN BRING ABOUT WORLD PEACE? MORE CLEAVAGE.

G is for Grandad (Directed by Jim Hosking) A jerk-off grandson finds out that his grandad isn't quite the wanker that he makes him out to be. Literally. This one was fun in an odd way, and the ending made us cringe.

H is for Head Games (Directed by Bill Plympton)  An odd bit on animation that was really not our thing, we checked out Twitter messages during this one. Blah.

I is for Invincible (Directed by Erik Matti) This one, which involves a family trying to off their matriarch to get an inheritance, was pretty fun and gruesome, if a little bit silly.

J is for Jesus (Directed by Dennison Ramalho) A solid entry about two priests trying to exorcise the gay out of a guy, and how the guy's father learns that his son isn't the one possessed. Not bad.

K is for Knell (Directed by Kristina Buozyte and Bruno Samper) A woman on a balcony witnesses everyone in nearby apartment buildings being murdered, and then finds herself in danger. This one didn't make a lot of sense in the end, but it's the one that we liked most out of the 26 entries. Creepy stuff.

WTF IS GOING ON HERE?

L is for Legacy (Directed by Lancelot Oduwa Imasuen) This goofy, cheesy story a tribal sacrifice and a dude in a bad monster suit, left us cold.

M is for Masticate (Directed by Robert Boocheck) This slow motion entry, about a guy causing havoc while running down the street, was entertaining, and the ending made us laugh. Nice job.

METH: NOT EVEN ONCE.

N is for Nexus (Directed by Larry Fessenden) We wanted to like this one, about a group of costumed people converging on the streets on Halloween, but it just came off as dumb to us. I mean, what kind of an idiot rides a bike in a Halloween mask while talking on the phone? Meh.

O is for Ochlocracy (Mob rule) (Directed by Hajime Ohata) This one was a nice spin on the overdone zombie genre, and was definitely one of the better entries of the 26.
 

PRETTY COOL PEZ DISPENSER.

P is for P-P-P-Scary (Directed by Todd Rohal) This bunch of bullshit fuck-baggery made us want to punch someone. Honestly, if we had been in a room with this Todd Rohal guy while watching this tripe, he would have caught a smack. Or three.

Q is for Questionnaire (Directed by Rodney Ascher) This was a fun one, even though we're not quite sure what the point of it was. Nice bit of gore at the end too.

R is for Roulette (Directed by Marvin Kren) The more we think about this one, the more we like it. It took us a second to realize what happened at the end, but once we realized what Marvin Kren had done, we were duly impressed. One of the best entries of the collection.

NEXT TIME, PLAY WITH A 9MM; THE GAME WILL GO FASTER.

S is for Split (Directed by Juan Martinez Moreno) This one, about a husband on the phone with his wife as a hammer-wielding intruder is chasing her around the house, was pretty intense and satisfying. The reveal at the end made it extra fun.

"SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT DINNER ISN'T READY YET?"

T is for Torture Porn (Directed by Jen and Sylvia Soska) Expected way more from these two, as American Mary was such A great flick, but this short is a pandering mess. Easily one of the worst shorts of the 26. *It really hurts me to say that.

U is for Utopia (Directed by Vincenzo Natali) Ugly people do not fare so well in this dystopian society where the beautiful ones rule. This short boasts top-notch visuals and was a lot of devilish fun, even if the message was a pretty fucked up one.

WE ASSUME THAT THEY ALSO HAVE A "NO FATTIES" POLICY AS WELL.

V is for Vacation (Directed by Jerome Sable) This one got on our nerves, mainly because the one guy was an annoying dick, but it's a pretty effective and nasty effort, none the less.

W is for Wish (Directed by Steven Kostanski) This one was pretty great at the beginning, as it reminded us of the toy commercials that populated our Saturday morning cartoon-watching, but it didn't finish quite as strong. A fun watch though.

X is for Xylophone (Directed by Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustilo) For the love of Christ, does Beatrice Dalle always have to play the creepiest bitch in the universe? Whoever would hire her to babysit their kids deserves exactly what they get. Grisly ending here.

Y is for Youth (Directed by Soichi Umezawa) Another great entry, this one deals with a teenage girl who grows tired of her parent's shit, and the price they pay for earning her contempt. An odd, but great entry.

OH, JAPAN. ONLY YOU.

Z is for Zygote (Directed by Chris Nash) A woman, pregnant and abandoned by her husband, is determined to keep her unborn baby in the womb so that it can't leave her too. This one was just disturbing as hell, and equally as weird. And good.

The ABCs of Death 2 is a solid sequel that improves upon the first film, for the most part, and it should greatly please those Horror fans who like their stories short and sweet. It's definitely worth a rental.

B

The ABCs of Death 2 is available now on VOD, and is in theaters on October 31st.

The ABC's of eye-candy.

Review: The ABCs of Death (2013)

(aka Better Than V/H/S.)
Release Date: On VOD now, In Theaters 2/28.
Country: USA and New Zealand.
Written by: Too many to list.
Directed by: Too many to list.
Starring:  Again, far too many to list.

As the poster above states, The ABCs of Death is made up of 26 different short films, helmed by 26 different Directors. Why tell you that info when the aforementioned poster already has? It just feels disingenuous to assume that every last person will read the small print on a poster, that's why.

Anywho, most of the 26 Directors have a pretty solid resume behind them, and their contributions to this movie are all crazy and wildly different. Even the contributions that suck are pretty unique and creative, so at least there's that.

In fact, so unique were some of the entries, that I was able to tell who directed a few of these without even knowing they were involved in the film to begin with. For example, I knew O for Orgasm was helmed by the same chick that gave us Amer, because of the color schemes and its Giallo feel. Point is, that each Director brought their trademark vision and skill to the table here, and it shows. Not every entry was good, but it still shows.

Since this is a really different type of movie experience, we're going to break it all down with reactions and skip plot elements. Each part that makes up the whole should be seen without being explained beforehand, so we'll just give you a quick impression for each vignette.

These were the standout segments for us. The ones that made the movie worth it. 

A Is for Apocalypse- Pretty good entry from the Director of Timecrimes. I like his style.

It's always good to open  a movie with a crazy bitch brandishing a bloody a knife.

B Is for Bigfoot- I don't know why I liked this one (maybe the naked boobs), but it was simple and fun.

D Is for Dogfight- The absolute best part of the entire movie, Dogfight is a little slice of brilliance. I will buy this movie on Blu-ray the day of its release, just so that I can watch Dogfight in HD, at my leisure. Nice job, Marcel Sarmiento, nice fucking job.

Rex is NOT a happy boy.

I is for Ingrown- We loved We Are What We Are, and Jorge Michel Grau's segment here was every bit as captivating and raw.

L is for Libido- Most definitely the hardest segment for me to watch, but damn if it wasn't effective as hell. It seriously gave me the creeps at one point, because it totally went there.

Yes. That is a jack-off competition. Yeah.

N is for Nuptials- This one was funny, and fun to watch. We've been a fan of Banjong Pisanthanakun since 4bia, and he delivers a lighter, yet enjoyable segment here.

O is for Orgasm- Amer was interesting and had a crazy visual style, and this segment was very, very reminiscent of that. Subtle, yet engrossing.

I'm pretty sure that is her own orgasm raining down on her.

P Is for Pressure- It was fairly disturbing to see how the events of this movie were just no big deal to the protagonist. Pretty effective, and even hauntingly realistic.

R Is for Removed- Nowhere near as disturbing as A Serbian Film (and really, how could it be), this segment from Srdjan Spasojevic was bloody fun none the less.

V is for Vagitus- This one needs to be a full-length feature film, period. Everything about it was fantastic. A lot of work went into this short, and it shows.

This robot will kill a baby, and not even care.

Y Is for Youngbuck- This shit was creepy. Maybe the 2nd best segment of the bunch, Director Jason Eisener now has my attention.*It's interesting to note how the two most effective (IMO) installments in this Anthology both contained no dialogue, only music.

Old Man Rape really likes your hat, kid.

Not all of the segments that we have listed in this section are necessarily "bad," they just either didn't really speak to us, or they flat out annoyed us, quality notwithstanding. For this review, "The Bad" section is more like "The Meh" section.

C is for Cycle- Cycle was alright, but it wasn't much more than a surreal mind-fuck. Not my particular thing.

E is for Exterminate- Kinda cool, but underwhelming. We still love Angela Bettis though.

F is for Fart- WTF is wrong with the Japanese?

What is this I don't even.

J is for Jidai-geki- Again, WTF is wrong with the Japanese?

K is for Klutz- Animated really well, but for us it was just "meh."

Q Is for Quack- Cute, but we wanted more from Swanberg and Co.

T Is for Toilet- Awesome for a fan-submitted short, but Claymation isn't my thing at all.

Clay just can not be scary.

U Is for Unearthed- Neat concept, it just felt a bit hollow. Really clever though.

X Is for XXL- Love Xavier Gens (and how they gave him the letter "X"), but this one was just alright. I expected his segment to stand out more.

Z is for Zetsumetsu- For the last time... WTF is wrong with the Japanese?!? (*For the record, I can't stand the goofy, wacky lengths & places that a lot of Japanese Horror goes to, but that's just me.)

Then again, the Japanese do come up with some cool stuff too.

These are the segments/entries/vignettes/whatever you'd like to call them, that irked us, or pissed me off.

G is for Gravity- Very anticlimactic and vague. Didn't feel very Horror-like at all. 

H is for Hyrdo-Electric Diffusion- I'm sure plenty of peeps will love this one, but it annoyed me so much that I did my best not to watch it at full attention. Goofy shit like this is just not my thing, in any way whatsoever.

Ugh.

M Is for Miscarriage- The fact that THIS is what Ti West contributed to this Anthology, is in and of itself, a miscarriage. He's way better than this ridiculously pathetic and lazy shit.

S is for Speed- I've never been able to buy into, or like, movies that involve tough Suicide Girl wannabes. They almost always put me off immediately, for better or for worse.

W is for WTF?- WTF? is exactly right.

Poor little kitty.

As Anthology films go, The ABCs of Death had more hits than misses, and was a pretty fun experience overall. Some of the segments worked so well, that we wished they had been actual feature length movies, because they left us wanting more. Then again so many segment were so bad or middling, that they made us wish that the Alphabet were shorter.

Either way, The ABCs of Death is a worthwhile watch.

We suggest grabbing some beer and packing your living room with a bunch of friends, ordering this movie on VOD, and having yourselves one hell of a drunken movie night.

B

The ABCs of Death is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

In closing, we leave you with one of our favorite shorts that didn't make the cut, which is  a shame, because it's really good. Sequel, perhaps?