Weekend Double Feature- After the Dark (2014) & Wicked Blood (2014)

We got hoodwinked by these movies. Bamboozled. Duped!

We thought they'd be Horror-ish, or at least Thriller-ish, so as to fit into our creepy purview, but we were wrong.

Wicked Blood is at least a Crime Thriller, and a good one at that, so it fits in well enough with the things that we watch around here, but After the Dark... well, that one is just a silly morality play that literally never leaves the classroom.

Spoilers ensue below, so beware.

Going into it, we thought that After the Dark (aka The Philosophers) was going to be a Post-Apocalyptic Thriller involving some schoolkids fighting to survive, or something to that effect. We were wrong.

What we did get with After the Dark, was a movie about a bunch of students sitting around in a classroom, playing what amounts of a deeply philosophical game of "What if?"

A Teacher basically tells his class to pretend that the world is about to end via atomic bomb, and to imagine that there is a shelter that can keep 10 of them alive for a year. He then asks them to decide who would get to enter the shelter and survive, who would be left outside to die, and why. The try the experiment again, using scenarios involving an erupting volcano, and a pending bombing of a small island.

In the classroom.

Sounds like a pretty interesting premise, right? Well it is. After the Dark is a really well-made movie with a great premise, and it's populated by a bunch of talented young actors... but the story is just so lame and silly that none of those good qualities resonated with us like they should have, had the movie been anything more than a bunch of "what if" scenarios.

After the Dark is not about survival at all, it's about a Teacher riling his kids up because he's a pouty bitch. Nothing really happens in the movie save for a bunch of kids sitting around in a classroom, engaging in discussion. Sure, we the audience get to "see" the imagined scenarios play out on screen, but knowing that none of it is real just robs it of any sort of impact.

We don't know these characters, aren't invested in them, so how in the world are we supposed to be enthralled by them sitting around and talking about the end of the world? I'm definitely oversimplifying the main plot in some ways by saying "sitting around and talking about the end of the world," because at its heart, it's also a story about a jilted lover. Yep.

To us, this movie felt like it was trying to be the Young Adult version of 12 Angry Men. Had the director stuck with that format- the kids just sitting around engaged in heated debate- it may have worked a lot better. Making the decision to add in the "action" scenes, and show us what they are all discussing/imagining, just made it all feel superfluous.

We don't mind movies that twist and turn, or think outside the box, but we do mind a movie that feels disingenuous in its mechanics.

Still in the classroom.

As for the philosophical/moral aspects of the film's plot, here's how I'd play this hypothetical game: "I enter the shelter, along with any of my loved ones who are with me, and anyone who tries to keep me out gets their heads caved in." There's no morality about it. It's survival. Of course everyone wants into the shelter so that they can live, survival is a base instinct shared by all humans. All I'm saying is that there's not going to be some dumb-ass group decision that keeps people out because they are "less important" or some such shit.

If you're going to go with a plot like that, at least make it unfold during an actual Apocalypse of some sort, so that it feels as if it has some weight to it other than "Why do you like him better than me? Waaa!" Because that's what the entire thing was about; a jilted Pedo-Teacher using hypothetical situations to mess with the young girl who dumped him, and the younger, more appropriate boy, that she dumped him for.

Right.

Well give this one a few points for its technical merit, and the fact that the actors did a good job with the material that they were given, but it's that very material keeps this movie from being anything but a frustrating exercise in "None of this shit is happening, but if it was, boy would it be intense!"

If you're expecting this one to be a Post-Apocalyptic movie of some sort, just skip it, because it is not. If you're down with a group of kids Role-playing the Apocalypse, then this may just be your thing. In the end though, After the Dark is a well-made mess of a film that tries to be too lever for its own good.

After the Dark is available on VOD now, and on Blu-ray/DVD on May 6th.

D

Nope, still in the classroom.

Where After the Dark left us cold, Wicked Blood warmed things back up again, and made us feel a lot better about our Double Feature gone wrong.

Wicked Blood is the story of a Hannah Lee; a smart young girl that is surrounded by nothing but skeevy morons, thus is living a lonely life. So alone is she in her level of class, that her only escape is to play chess.

Her Sister is a bit of a bitch (and a slut); her lovable (but pathetic) Uncle is a Meth cook (and user); and her other Uncle (Frank) is the Crime Lord of their small, podunk town (and he's also an intimidating, dick.)

When Hannah Lee gets tired of Uncle Frank's crap, she devises a plan to save her family from the whiskey-tango hell that he's got them all living in. Of course, given her hobbies, it all plays out like a crazy game of chess... only with higher stakes! Yes, it's all very dramatic.

"Check and Mate, bitch!"

What we liked most about Wicked Blood was that even though it was a fairly "generic" Crime Thriller, the talent involved in the movie made it feel like anything but.

Abigail Breslin is a star on the rise, and she's great here as the smart, plotting girl who turns everyone's life upside down. Sean Bean is Sean Bean, so he's always awesome. James Purefoy is an actor that used to rub us the wrong way (not exactly sure why), but who has grown on us in recent years. His character here only served to make us like him even more. Lew Temple was really good here as the sympathetic Uncle, who despite being a bit of a loser, really loved his kin, and tried to do right by them as well as he could. Really nice work here by him.

And when did Alexa Vega change her name to PenaVega? We get why she did it, but it just sounds so odd...

She is way to young for you, dude!

We were really pleased to see how the plot played out in this one; it so could have been a generic mess, but the twists and turns that it took worked, and worked well. Keep in mind when we say "twist" in reference to Wicked Blood, we don't mean some crazy, dramatic reveal, only that the narrative went in some interesting directions.

Best of all, without spoiling anything, was the way that Wild Bill's character arc played out. We were totally waiting for his story to end up being a repeat of some tired old cliche', but it was really nice to see it play out in a different way.

Wicked Blood is a solid little flick, that while not being as "Horror" as we'd thought it was going to be, ended up being a pretty enjoyable watch for us. It's got a decent story, is filled with some solid performances, and should fill the void for anyone jonesing for a Southern Crime story. It's definitely worth a rent.

Wicked Blood is available on Blu-ray and DVD now.

B-

And for the ladies amongst us, here's a little bit of Sean Bean for you to ogle. *This one's for you, Warmy!

Review: V/H/S/2 (2013)

The crime that most Hand Held/POV Horror flicks commit is that they aren't very realistic or they don't feel quite plausible. Usually they give you what are supposed to be average, every day people as characters, who are unexpectedly thrown headlong into some sort of horrifically terrifying situation, and yet they always seem to keep filming things, despite what should be an overwhelming instinct to drop everything and run like hell. Their reasons for doing so are always poor, and it often times comes off as the opposite of realistic.

The creators of V/H/S/ and V/H/S/2 at least find clever ways to make that issue go away, by involving the cameras in their movie's segments in a more natural way, making them feel as if they are an unobtrusive part of things. That's not to say that the V/H/S films are without their share of issues, but they at least try to make things seem more plausible, at least on the "how could they still be recording?" front.

We thought the first V/H/S was decent enough on the whole, and we absolutely expected its sequel to improve on the formula that it established, taking the franchise to the next level.

As it turns out, V/H/S/2 is ends up being about the same kind of affair as was the first; half good, half not so much. *We're going to do our best not to spoil the movie with too many details, as each segment has its own unique hook & twist that is better experienced with no prior knowledge.

Tape 49- The wrap-around segment was solid for the most part, although it did contain some huge gaps in logic. I can't understand what would possess someone to enter a creepy house in the middle of the night, find a creepy room filled with videotapes & TV's that have been left on, and then begin to watch them... with the lights off... without having searched the house first... (I'm trying to make way more sense out of this than I should be.) To make things even worse, they split up in the dark house, which makes even less sense. Then, when one of them gets a headache and starts feeling out of sorts, the other says "I'll run to the pharmacy and get you some aspirin, you stay here!" That's some lazy, insulting shit right there. The segment falls apart a bit at the end too, with the last shot feeling far too cheesy for the terror that preceded it.

C-

She deserves whatever is about to happen to her.

Clinical Trials Phase 1- Excellent premise and idea, poor execution. After losing an eye, a man receives an ocular implant with the stipulation that he allow his day to day life be recorded, and that he turns the footage over to his benefactors for their further research. It turns out that the implant allows him to see ghosts, and the more he sees them, the more they can "touch" him... Like i said, great premise, but the ghosts in this one all just look like normal people standing around, and the scary bits that were thrown our way didn't scare us at all. This segment should have had us creeped out, but instead it left us flat. Also, did his ocular implant have built in audio? Decent effort, it just really underwhelmed us and did nothing to kick this sequel off with a bang.

C-

She actually kicked things off with a literal bang.

A Ride in the Park- Now this segment was entertaining. The zombie genre is probably at its zenith right now, so I suppose that it's fitting to see a zombie-themed segment in an anthology like this one. I wont spoil what they do in this segment other than to say its pretty clever, its really fun, and it gets really gory. It felt a little bit too loose in parts, but it finally got us into the movie, and delivered the goods.

B

Zombies don't usually wear helmets, but if you think about it, it's probably a really good idea.

Safe Haven- This is the segment that makes the entire movie worth seeing. This one was so good, that it honestly could have been (and maybe should have been) a feature length effort. It involves a crew of investigative reporters that convince a cult leader to allow them access into their world, and the price that they pay for gaining it. The story is tight, interesting, and is filled with all sorts of creepy-ass moments. Id say this segment was an A if it weren't for the way it wrapped up. To avoid ruining anything, what I'll say is that everything was aces right up until the... "payoff." When it happened, I was kinda like "alright, it's a tiny bit on the cheesy side, but alright..." and then the very last scene of the segment happened and I was all like "now why in the world would they do that?"

Almost an A, but the ending instead makes it a very solid B+

Kids make everything creepier. Everything.

 Slumber Party Alien Abduction- From the opening moments of the final segment, in which a gang of obnoxious, annoying pre-teen boys are acting like the crew of Jackass, I wanted it to be done. The alien abduction tale that unfolded did absolutely nothing for me, and I wish I hadn't bothered. It was annoying, shaky, confusing, and poorly done.

DO NOT WANT

This segment had us rooting for the aliens.

V/H/S/2 is nothing if not bold. In a genre overrun with cheap Hand Held/POV movies that confound more than they entertain, the collective behind the V/H/S flicks at least try to do things in an unconventional way. Some of the segments may not work for us, but you have to give the filmmakers credit for at least going for something different.

V/H/S/2 doesn't consistently deliver in the scare department like we hoped it would, but when it does work its creepy magic, it works well. The film's atmosphere is gritty and real, and it never feels forced or false. As far as the blood & gore quota goes, this movie delivers plenty of crazy, graphic, and inventive kills. This one is messy, and it pulls no punches in the shock department.

"Wharrgarbl!"

*HERE, THERE BE SPOILERS!* If one thing kills the V/H/S movies, it's the lackluster writing. Why would you ruin a perfectly great segment in an anthology by having a goat puppet say "Papa!"? Why would you make the characters in the wrap-around segment do things that no sensible person in their right mind would ever do, just to allow the story to take place? Why would you make a group of kids so annoying that you have no desire to pull for them to survive? Why in the hell would you have one of the "monsters" give a tongue in cheek "thumbs up" at the end of their segment, which effectively kills the mojo that it spent the whole movie trying to build?

Gaps in logic and poor characterization aside, the random addition (at least it felt random) of dark humor into a movie like this doesn't make things better. For us, it's missteps like that that kill the good parts in this, or any Horror flick.

This is pretty much how we felt through most of this movie.

Two great segments, one not-so-great segment, one really bad segment, and a middle of the road wrap-around made V/H/S/2 a mixed bag for us. It's worth seeing for the good stuff, but the bad stuff is really off-putting. I really hoped that the filmmaking collective behind this one would pull off a tighter, more compelling mix of shorts than they did with the first V/H/S, but that is not the case here. There are too many kitschy and winky "lol" moments that took us out of this one, and that's really a bummer.

If you liked the first one, then V/H/S/2 is worth a VOD rental, just know that it's an uneven experience at best. If you didn't really like V/H/S, then maybe rent something else.

C-

V/H/S/2 is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

V/H/S/2 gives us some much needed beauty amidst all of its blood & carnage, and that's never a bad thing.

I'm not sure where the gorgeous Indonesian Hannah Al Rashid has been hiding, but she needs to be in more movies, asap. She's like a younger, hotter Catherine Zeta Jones, and she can act too.

The Quick Word- The Raid: Redemption (2012)

(aka Oh, Hell Yeah!)
Release Date: Click HERE for release info by country.
Written and Directed by: Gareth Evans.
Starring: Iko Uwais, Joe Taslim, and a scrappy lil' son of a bitch named Yayan Ruhian.

The Raid: Redemption is purely an action movie, no Horror involved at all (unless you count gratuitous violence and copious amounts of blood), but we just had to take a minute to give it some love.

In Horror terms, it's reminiscent of The Horde; where a small group of people are trapped in an apartment building and are forced to fight their way through a crazy horde of zombies in order to escape the death trap they're in. In The Raid, the Zombies are replaced with some vicious Indonesian gangsters, and the people that are trapped and forced to fight their way out are Indonesian Cops. It's also way more violent and bloody, and by the end, I think there were more corpses lying around... more corpses than a Zombie movie. Think about that one for a second.

They have guns, should be no problem...

It's not often that a movie comes a long and just blows us away, especially when we're talking about the action genre; most action flicks are good, but don't really tend to dazzle or excite us. We've seen so many action movies over the years that we're fairly jaded on the subject. I takes a lot to get our fists pumping and even more to get us to hoot and holler during a movie, especially in public... we generally try to behave and not look like super nerds when amongst strangers.

The Raid: Redemption was so awesome that it made us stand up in the theater and throw karate kicks into the air, while yelling "Hyah!" (*That didn't really happen, but in our hearts it did.)

It's really hard to explain how crazy and action packed The Raid truly is, because at some point while trying to explain it, we'd end up sounding like we're just way over exaggerating things. A week removed from seeing The Raid, with emotion taken out of the equation and our heads calm and clear, we can say that the movie was so full of insane, bloody, mind blowing action, that we honestly can't think of any other movie in recent memory that comes close to its level. Not even kinda close.

It's honestly one of the best martial arts flicks we've ever seen. Ever.

The little guy on the right, Mad Dog, not only kicked crazy amounts of ass on screen, but was the movie's fight choreographer too. We love him.

So intense, unrelenting and overtly bloody and violent was The Raid, that a woman in our small screening audience said "I can't take any more, it's exhausting!" She wasn't being dramatic at all. The level of graphic violence in this movie is through the roof, and by the end, even we the audience felt as if we'd been through the same hell that just unfolded on screen.

It seems as though lately if we're in the mood for a really good thriller or action flick, that countries like Indonesia, Taiwan, South Korea, HK or Japan (among other Asian/Pacific Island countries) are doing them better than anyone else in the world. For an American viewer like me, they films from these countries seem a bit odd or different in some ways, but they always seem to find a way to entertain, dazzle and often times disturb me in great ways. They do it different there, and Hollywood really ought to take note of what makes the average Asian flick so good, and maybe try to emulate them a bit more, instead of remaking already great movies in a sub par way. I shudder to think what Hollywood is going to do to Oldboy, even with Spike Lee at the helm.

Indonesia just gave the world an action masterpiece. You really should go out of your way to find The Raid and enjoy the hell out of it.

Does every guy with dreadlocks always have a machete on them?

One of the best and most exciting action movies we've seen in many moons, The Raid: Redemption satisfies on just about every level that a movie like this possibly can. It's definitely more focused on the visuals than it is deep character development or narrative, but that's not to say it lacks in those areas at all. This is about a perfect as an action flick gets these days, and it really is one that you owe it to yourself to go and see.

Since there are no women in The Raid at all, here are a few pics of some random hot Indonesian actresses... because you deserve to see them.