DVD Review: Resident Evil (2002)

(aka The Alice Show.)
Release Date: March 15th, 2002.
Country: GER/FRA/UK/USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Paul W.S. Anderson.
Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson.
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Eric Mabius, James Purefoy, and Michelle Rodriguez.

Milla Jovovich kicking ass; that's the main reason that this movie is any good, and the only reason that the Resident Evil movie series exists. Without her, this one would have no spark, and it probably would have been a one-and-done like so many other video game adaptations are. 

Now if only Milla had starred in Silent Hill...

Far below Raccoon City is The Hive; a top-secret genetic research facility owned by the massive, Walmart-esque Umbrella Corporation. When some asshole breaks a vial of the deadly T-virus and then hightails it out of The Hive, its sentient watchdog/overlord The Red Queen locks everything down and kills everyone inside. She's saving the world.

THIS IS WHY I'D NEVER WORK MILES BELOW THE SURFACE OF THE EARTH.

Up on the surface, Alice wakes up alone and naked in a mansion, with no idea how she got there, or who she is. Quickly realizing that she's a part of the Lindsay Lohan Initiative, she gets dressed and prepares to do the walk of shame, when a bunch of commandos break through the windows and tell her that the mansion is an entrance to The Hive, and that she's it's guardian. They also tell her that something has happened in The Hive, and all of them, Alice included, have got to travel to the chamber of The Red Queen, to deactivate her.

ROUGH NIGHT. 

Of course shutting down The Red Queen means that everything else shuts down as well, and doing so releases the newly reanimated T-virus zombies, as well as some dead dogs, and some monsters that like to lick people to death. Trapped far below ground with the deadly monsters, Alice and her new pals have to fight their way to daylight before Umbrella nukes Raccoon City and kills them all.

Poor girl just can't catch a break.

SO, THAT HAPPENED.

The Resident Evil movie series is an odd one. As each installment gets progressively worse, at least from the standpoint of everything that makes a movie "good," they also get more and more enjoyable. That's really the strength of these movies; they kinda suck, and they're definitely cringe-worthy at times, but damn are they fun to watch. The Resident Evil movies are kinda like the Fast & Furious movies of the Horror world; stupid, but highly enjoyable.

This first Resident Evil is more of a "traditional" movie in that it had more of a plot, and it wasn't anywhere near as over the top and silly as its sequels were. We enjoyed all of the movies in this series, to different degrees, but it will always be the first one that we can say that we honestly loved.

Resident Evil is a guilty pleasure, plain and simple.

Milla Jovovich is really the saving grace of this film (and franchise.) She's a strong, skilled, and deadly female who exists only to kill zombies and monsters, and strike cool poses while doing so, and she does it all flawlessly. She's not quit as deadly in this one as she is in the subsequent sequels, but she still owns this movie.

GO AHEAD, TAKE IT.

Resident Evil was originally going to be directed by none other than George A. Romero himself. Can you imagine that? This series could have been some next-level shit with him at the helm. We would have loved to see how the master of the zombie movie would have treated this material, but I guess it was never meant to be. Read Romero's original script HERE, and judge for yourself.

FIRE ROMERO OFF OF THE MOVIE, BUT STILL REFERENCE HIS FILMS. CLASSY MOVE.

It's obvious that developing the characters in this movie (aside from Alice) was something that no one was interested in; they all felt generic and interchangeable, which made the whole thing feel a bit generic overall. Maybe Rain wasn't generic, but then again that was only Michelle Rodriguez doing her "way too masculine, pissed-off tough girl" shtick that she does in every single movie that she's in, so in a completely different way, she was pretty generic too.

Also, some of the dialogue was pretty bad, especially when it came to the supporting characters like the scientists, the Hive employees, etc..

TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, MICHELLE.

Zombies eat people, people dispatch of zombies, people get cut apart by a laser... this one is plenty gory. I think that the body count in this movie was north of 80, so there's plenty of death to go around.

HE COULD PROBABLY SURVIVE THAT.

Milla gets nearly naked in this one, and you can see flashes of her naughty bits if you pause the movie at the right time, but its all very quick and harmless.

THAT'S RIGHT, PUT 'EM ON THE GLASS.

"I've been a bad, bad girl."

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?"

Milla Jovovich kicks ass. Also, she's incredibly sexy. Also, watching her kick ass is incredibly sexy.

MORE LIKE RESIDENT BONER, AM I RIGHT?

Resident Evil isn't necessarily a good movie, but it sure as hell is an enjoyable one. Even more important is that it's an above-average video game adaptation, and those aren't easy to come by. It's definitely a Hollywood type of Horror flick (slick and brainless), but at least they went the Rated-R route with it, which means more blood & gore for us. If you can deal with a convoluted plot and some cheesy dialogue, then this one is definitely worth your time. Just don't expect anything more than a fun popcorn flick, and you'll most likely be happy.

B+

Resident Evil is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Not only does Milla Jovovich play one of the most kick-ass Alpha females to ever grace the silver screen, but she's ridiculously hot while doing so.

Theatrical Review: The Voices (2015)

(aka Van Wildest.)
Release Date: February 6th.
Country: USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Michael R. Perry.
Directed by: Marjane Satrapi.
Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Anna Kendrick, Gemma Arterton, and Jacki Weaver.

Ryan Reynolds playing a Serial Killer? Anna Kendrick and Gemma Arterton as his potential love interests? A talking dog and cat, you say?

Well hell, we're in.

Jerry is a happy, upbeat, odd, socially inept, creepy bastard who works in a warehouse, and seems to be thrilled with his life. He's also "special" in that he can hear his cat and dog speak, which allows them to be the best of friends. He's also insane. He's also off his meds.

JERRY IS HALF A BUBBLE OFF PLUM.

He's also hot for his sexy British co-worker, Fiona, and he goes out of his way to get a date with her, even though it's obvious that she thinks he might be slightly 'tarded. Meanwhile, the other hot chick in the office, Lisa, is hot for Jerry, and she goes out of her way to get him in the sack. All the while, his dog urges him to be a good man, and his cat constantly pushes him to kill bitches.

"KILL THE BITCH THEN RAPE HER, JERRY. IT'S BETTER THAT WAY."

When Jerry's crush on Fiona goes terribly wrong, his reality starts to unravel, and his life slowly begins to spiral out of control. We don't want to say too much more about the plot here, because why ruin the fun, but we will say that Jerry's cat is the worst kind of enabler, Anna Kendrick really needs to start getting naked in movies, and the way that this movie ends is... well, insane.

IT'S ALL THE BUNNY MONKEY'S FAULT.

Despite an ending that had us staring at the screen in confused disbelief, we really enjoyed The Voices. We're not exactly sure why so many people, critics or otherwise, are saying that it sucks so bad though; it was clever, funny, gruesome at times, and Ryan Reynolds is the most likable that he's been in forever playing the role of Jerry... so honestly, what's not to like here?

This movie did a great job at letting us see how an insane person's mind works as well. We were particularly impressed at how Jerry saw the world in different ways, depending on whether he was on or off of his meds, the former of which provided the movie's creepiest moments. Speaking of creepy, the "Skylight" sequence was pretty intense. There were enough emotional and creepy moments throughout to make it a worthwhile effort overall

If we're being honest though, it was the dog and cat that made this one so fun, as they provided almost all of the movie's funny bits. We'd definitely watch a sequel starring Bosco and Mr. Whiskers, although I'm not sure how they could make that one work.

As creepy and unlikable as Ryan Reynolds' character is in this movie, he comes off as surprisingly likable. I know that sounds like it doesn't make any sense, but that's just how great Reynolds was in this movie; we should hate and fear Jerry, but it's almost impossible not to like, or at least sympathize, with the guy... even when he's doing horrific things to innocent people. We also could have sworn that Scottish actor extraordinaire Peter Mullan was doing the voice of the cat, but no, Ryan Reynolds voiced all of the animals in the movie. He really should be proud of his Scottish accent.

NOT THE BOOBS, MAN!

Those closing credits... what in the hell was that!?!

YOU'VE CAT TO BE KITTEN ME RIGHT MEOW!

Ryan Reynolds is a better dramatic actor than most people give him credit for, and because he tends to pick projects that end up sucking, he may never get the love that he deserves. Check out The Nines, Fireflies in the Garden, or Buried for proof that he's more than just a funny guy.

ALL HE NEEDS IS SOMEONE TO LOVE HIM, RIGHT, DUMMY?

A few murders, some severed heads that talk, and fairly disturbing scene in which a body is disposed of; there's definitely some gore in this one, but it's never too intense, and most of it is played for comic effect.

HE'S GOING TO BE EATING LEFTOVERS FOR WEEKS.

Aside from one quick and tame love scene, there's nothing sexual in this movie.

Always take your meds. Also, never trust the weird guy.

IT WOULD BE KINDA COOL TO BE ABLE TO TALK TO YOUR PETS THOUGH...

We had a really good time with The Voices. Ryan Reynolds was great as the tortured and insane Jerry (as well as being hilarious giving voice to various animals throughout the movie), and we're just happy to see him in something that we didn't hate for a change.

If The Voices is playing at a theater near you (in Limited release), then take a chance and go see it. If not, then just click the link below and check it out on VOD. Either way, if you dig Black Comedies, then this movie should definitely be in your wheelhouse.

B+

The Voices is available now in Theaters (Limited) and on VOD.

Anna Kendrick and Gemma Arterton make us hear voices of our own; horrible, inappropriate voices.