Quick Review: Psych:9 (2011)

We here at THC always welcome an opportunity to see Michael Biehn in a new movie. Aliens, The Terminator, The Abyss, Tombstone, Navy Seals, The Rock... he's been in some of the best (action) movies ever! So back when I originally heard that he was starring in this upcoming creep-fest, I was instantly intrigued.

Having now seen the movie, can we add Psych:9 to his list of great movies? I don't know. I think this one falls into the "tolerable" category way easier than it does the "great" one.

Psych:9 is the story of Roslyn, an obviously disturbed woman who takes a midnight shift job at a closing Hospital, sorting old medical records. She also needs to sort out her life, if I'm being honest, so I guess a new job is just the thing, creepy place or not. As luck would have it, a Serial Killer also happens to be on the loose in town, and he seems to have a taste for pretty young girls. Maybe he's sorting out his life too.

Also just her luck, the Hospital she works in may be haunted, or she just might be having hallucinations because she's crazy.

She looks perfectly sane to me...

That's about as straight forward as the plot ever gets in this movie. Psych:9 spends most of its running time feeling rather confused. Is it a whodunit about a Serial Killer, making us suspect Roslyn's boyfriend, the Cop and the mysterious doctor up on floor 5? Or is it a ghost story, what with all of the creepy noises and occurrences that keep happening around Roslyn? Maybe it's a revenge flick since we see a bunch of flashbacks which focus on some people who have been done wrong, and their anger for said offenses. It could be a movie about a crazy chick too, who invents everything in her head to cope with past tragedy... I'm still not sure.

I guess it's a good thing that this movie has its share of creepy moments, and managed to hold my interest. Most movies don't.

"Come with me if you want to live lol."

I liked the cast and what they did with the material too. Michael Biehn and Cary Elwes are especially good here, and are as enjoyable to watch as they usually tend to be. Sara Foster plays her part well too, making me feel for her while wondering about her place in things at the same time. As for the rest of the cast, I thought Gabriel Mann was James Spader for about 20 minutes or so, and that Winter Ave Zoli is always hot. We're partial to her because we love Sons of Anarchy.

You can't care for a baby laying in a tub full of blood. No wonder they took it away from you.

So was it good? The editing was jumpy and confusing, and the plot suffered for it in places. The ending didn't do much to resolve some lingering questions, and that's never a good thing... but we enjoyed it. We could have done without the "daddy touched me" plot device and the quick flash J-Horror style "creepy" moments, but it wasn't as distracting as it could have been.

So yeah, it was mostly good.

It was creepy too.

A decent effort that could have been great were it just a little more clear on certain plot points. Maybe we just need to watch it again... but then if a movie is truly great, once should be enough, shouldn't it? It's the middle of the road for this one, I'm afraid.

C

Sara Foster and Winter Ave Zoli are in this.

 

The 31 Days of Horror- #19

"The French version of The Strangers, and Stephen Sommers murdering more of our fond childhood memories..."
The Hidden Gem:The Master says: The French strike again, this time with their own version of The Strangers. The whole concept of mostly-unseen killers terrorizing people who are stuck out in the middle of nowhere is pretty creepy to me, and add to that the identity of these killers (which I won't spoil here), Ils is a thoroughly unsettling slice of modern Horror cinema. To this day after watching this movie, I do a barrel roll and hide whenever I hear that awful noisemaker-thingy clicking sound. Especially when I'm in Europe.

The Train Wreck:The Master says: Maybe it's not a pure Horror movie, but when you shit on the classic Universal Monsters like this, you must be taken to task by the Horror community. Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman... they aren't characters, they're institutions, and you don't CGI them up and dumb them down like this! After watching this, The Mummy movies, and the recent abomination that was G.I. Joe, it's more than clear that Stephen Sommers should never be allowed to make anything other than crappy kids movies ever again. Sorry Hugh Jackman, you're cool and all, and we know Kate Beckinsale is always smoking hot, but sitting through this movie is about as fun as giving your Grandmother a back rub... with your face, minus the smell of Vick's Vaporub and decay."

Review: Sauna (2009)

Wow, another good horror flick from Scandinavia...

Cast Members of Note- The show-stealing Ville Virtanen and Tommi Eronen.

Two brothers head off into the deep recesses of 1500's Finland to draw a map with some Russians. Apparently, Finland was once a part of Sweden, but the Russians wanted it so they fought a war... I don't know. Don't ask me about Nordic History.

Brotherly love and/or hate.

The two brothers (one a happy-go-lucky solider that loves to kill, the other a map making wuss), kill a farmer and nearly rape his teen daughter, but decide to lock her in a root cellar instead. For the record, root cellars back in the 1500's were basically holes in the ground. Sounds nice, doesn't it? They just move along, leaving her to fend for herself, because they have a border to define. Men!

"She's either gonna get raped, or left behind to die. Not sure yet."

While trying to fairly divvy up the land that will become Finland one day, they come upon a creepy village with a bunch of old people and an even older building which we find out is a "Sauna." Things start to get really weird here, as one of the brothers becomes haunted by the girl they left behind, and the other by a girl who looks like a boy, whom he may want to rape.

I won't spoil anymore of what happens here, but suffice it to say that no one gets raped, but men do bathe each other gently. Twice.

"Sauna? It looks like a rape shack. I'll wait out here."

Brilliantly directed, and even more brilliantly acted, Sauna is a really damn good movie. Ville Virtanen steals the show as the tormented and war-ravaged older brother, giving a hell of a performance that leaves me wanting more from him.

It's visually breathtaking, moody and dark, and very sparse. Antti-Jussi Annila has a bright future ahead of him in directing, and I hope he does more genre work. I can't say that this movie "scared" me very much, but it did manage to keep me on the edge of my seat and made me yell things like "Don't go in there!," "Run!," and "Don't go in there, just run!" Very atmospheric and effective.

Great shot, great actor.

Not one, but two scenes of naked men bathing each other... say what?!? Things must have been rough and tumble in 1595 Sweden.

Especially for dogs.

What was with the ending? I'm a fairly smart individual (I think), and I'm still not sure what ended up happening.

?!?

Most of Sauna was blood-free, but when we did get the gore, it was pretty messy. The last 10 minutes or so is the big gore payoff.

Eye violence is never enjoyable.

Plenty of man ass and peen, but nothing of the female variety.

"To protect her. From you" or "All you had to do was come back."

Don't rape, kill, or abandon anyone. Ever.

If you do, you'll pay.

A wonderfully acted and produced film, Sauna is subtle yet effective in what it sets out to do. It's basically a morality play fused with elements of dread and head-scratching Horror. See it if you like to feel appreciated as an audience member, because this film will treat you well.

B+

Sauna is available now on DVD.

She's in this.