Blu-ray Review: Housebound (2014)

(aka Those Crazy Kiwi's!)
Release Date: October 17th.
Country: New Zealand.
Rating: Unrated.
Written & Directed by: Gerard Johnstone.
Starring: Morgana O'Reilly, Rima Te Wiata, Glen-Paul Waru, Ross Harper, and Cameron Rhodes.

There aren't a lot of Horror movies that come out of New Zealand, but we tend to enjoy most of the ones that do. At the top of our Kiwi Horror list are films like The Devil's Rock (review), Black Sheep (review), The Ugly, and of course, Peter Jackson's early, low-budget Horror efforts like Bad Taste & Dead Alive (review.)


NZ Horror flicks usually have their own unique feel & way about them, for better or worse (usually for better), and so we went into Housebound with a familiar sort of optimism.

For us, the end results were mixed.

After trying to rob an ATM machine with her boyfriend (and failing miserably), Kylie is sentenced to house arrest, which doesn't sit well with her at all, because the sentence is to be carried out at her mother's house. You see, Kylie is a bit of an angry bitch who hates her odd-duck mother, so to be tethered and trapped in a crappy old house for eight months with Mum and Stepdad is like hell on Earth for her.

EIGHT MONTHS? SHE WON'T MAKE IT EIGHT HOURS WITH MUM! LET THE ODD COUPLE HI-JINKS BEGIN!

After listening to her mother go on about how she thinks their house is haunted, Kylie begins to hear odd noises coming from the basement, which of course she decides to investigate. After she's grabbed by something in the dark, which sets off her tether, her probation officer, Amos, comes to investigate... and reveals that he just so happens to be an amateur paranormal investigator, so, that helps.

DO NOT EVER INTERRUPT AMOS WHEN HE'S PARANORMAL INVESTIGATING!

As they investigate all of the weird and creepy things that are happening around them, Kylie and Amos learn that the house used to be a halfway house that was closed after the murder of a young girl. They also learn that the neighbor is a creep who may just be the one who killed her... and so they decide to sneak into his house to find evidence. You can pretty much guess how that one goes... or can you?!?

WHOEVER IT IS, JUST STAB THEM IN THE GUT WITHOUT LOOKING AT THEM.

Will Kylie and Amos solve the mystery of the dead girl and the creepy neighbor? Is there something far more sinister lurking in the walls of Kylie's new home/prison? Is there something even more sinister than that lurking in plain sight? Far be it from us to spoil anything for you here, but suffice it to say that this movie has more wacky twists and turns than a New Zealand Highway. *We're not actually sure if NZ highways are notoriously twisty or not, we just went with it.

THE CREEPIEST PART OF THE MOVIE.

Housebound was a fun and quirky little movie that we enjoyed, but didn't love, and that's mainly because Kiwi humor isn't really our bag. Not to generalize, but in our experience, the humor found in most Horror Comedies out of New Zealand tends to be of the slapstick and zany variety, and it always feels a bit too simple-minded for our tastes. We may be off the mark with that analysis, but that's just how it usually feels to us, so it's really more of a personal preference issue than anything.  

That being said, Housebound is a fairly funny movie (or at the very least, an extremely witty one), it's just not the type of funny that makes us laugh all that much. You know?

THIS IS ABOUT HOW MUCH WE LAUGHED THROUGHOUT THIS ONE...

Housebound is also at times a pretty creepy movie, boasting a few dark scenes that were genuinely unsettling and intense... of course then some humor would pop up and kill the creepy mojo that those scenes had just established, but hey, the world is an imperfect place.

From what we gather, Housebound was also filmed in pieces by director Gerard Johnstone; he would find inspiration for a scene (but no idea how it would fit into the story), and he would just film it, improv style. Then he'd go back later and somehow work it into the story, which in the end, made the movie as a whole play like some sort of patchwork quilt. You can see it in how oddly disjointed that Housebound felt at times. That sounds like a recipe for disaster to us, but he somehow made it work, to decent effect. Whether that is a good thing or not, is up to you to decide.

AT LEAST THE MOVIE HAD ONE REALLY GOOD GORE GAG.

There's nothing particularly likable about the movie's main character Kylie, but that was by design, so fine. Morgana O'Reilly is a fine actress, and she plays her part really well, it's just that she's such an unbearable asshole to everyone for most of the movie, that it was kind of hard for us to root for her. Then again, her surly demeanor is part of the reason that the movie worked as well as it did.

We liked Amos though. We rooted for him.

IF ONLY SHE WOULD HAVE STARTED RANDOMLY STABBING PEOPLE...

Housebound is one of those movies that you may have to be in the right mood to watch. At least for us it was. It's more of a Black Comedy than it is a straight up Horror flick. It's fun and clever, and it did exactly what it set out to do in grand fashion, even if the end result didn't work as well for us as it did for so many others.

Housebound is definitely worth a rental, or a buy if you're a big fan of goofy Horror flicks.

C+

Housebound is available now on Blu-ray (Amazon Exclusive), DVD, and VOD.

Morgana O'Reilly is in this.

VOD Review: Extraterrestrial (2014)

(aka Space Encounters.)
Release Date: November 21st.
Country: Canada. 
Rating: Unrated.
Written & Directed by: The Vicious Brothers.
Starring: Brittany Allen, Melanie Papalia, Freddie Stroma, Gil Bellows, Michael Ironside... and Emily Perkins! 

As "Alien Invasion" flicks go (or maybe it's more like an Alien Abduction flick?), Extraterrestrial was a pretty fun watch. Its story was predictable, and its characters were seriously annoying (for the most part), but The Vicious Brothers have made a visually impressive little movie here.

Five friends head to the middle of nowhere for a weekend of sex, drugs, and arguing amongst themselves (because 70% of Horror movies exist based on that premise), but the weekend is really about April preparing her family cabin for sale, while simultaneously dumping her boyfriend Kyle; because that's the emotional tie-in that makes us care about these characters. Or not.

SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT WEEKEND.

While partying and fighting, the friends see a mysterious object crash into the nearby forest, so they head off to investigate, because this is a predictable Horror movie and it's in the script. They discover that the crashed object is an Alien Spacecraft, and that its pilot is on the loose. Panicking for their very lives, they head back to the cabin where they encounter said Alien, and end up shooting him dead... which really pisses off his Alien friends.

WELL, THERE GOES THAT GREAT WEEKEND THAT WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT...

From here on out, it's Dumb-ass Humans vs. Pissed-off Aliens, and it's not real hard to imagine which side is more likely to win that fight... and that side is the U.S. Government! They always seem to win every fight, don't they? Anal probing ensues.

"AYY LMAO."

We went into Extraterrestrial expecting very little, because we weren't the biggest fans of The Vicious Brothers' first directorial effort, Grave Encounters (our review.) We seem to be in the minority with that opinion, but the movie just didn't work for us. As far as Extraterrestrial goes however, it's definitely got its share of issues, but it's a much better overall effort than was Grave Encounters, and we really enjoyed a lot of it.

WE ENJOYED THAT PART THE MOST.

Let's start off by saying that Extraterrestrial has some issues, the main one being that it's an uneven effort. Half of the time, this movie wants to be funny and almost meta, and it tries really hard to be, but it never quite gets there. We're pretty sure that The Vicious Brothers played this one for self-aware laughs on purpose, at least to a point, but the writing and acting just wasn't sharp enough to make it fully work. If that was their intention to begin with, of course.

AND THAT ENDING HAD US ALL LIKE...

The way that the cliche-ridden and tongue-in-cheek story plays out (whether intentional or not) is one thing, but where the sub-par writing really hurts the movie is with its characters. None of the characters in Extraterrestrial are solid enough to make us buy into their plight, or even tolerate their personalities. For example, the asshole of the group (because there always has to be one) is so utterly shitty and annoying, that it took us about 8 seconds to pray that he would die painfully. That's how it's supposed to go with characters like that, but the rest of them weren't much better, and that is a big issue.

COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO A SHITTIER GUY.

The rest of the time, Extraterrestrial is an intense stalk-and-slash flick, that worked pretty well on a few different levels. It was pretty fun and gory when it was going full tilt, and every part that involved the Aliens was entertaining on at least some level. The FX in this one were done really well, especially considering the film's smaller budget. We really loved the way that the people got sucked up into the Alien ships, and everything that happens to them once they do, was really cool as well. Visually and atmospherically, Extraterrestrial was pretty solid.

THE ALIENS OF EXTRATERRESTRIAL LOOKED FANTASTIC.

Michael Ironside playing the crazy, all-knowing, gun-toting neighbor was fun too, even if his character was a bit over-the-top, and Gil Bellows was great as the Sheriff, even though his role was not as "important" as we would have liked it to have been.These guys were the best characters in the movie, by far.

IT WAS NICE TO SEE EMILY PERKINS IN THIS ONE AS WELL, EVEN IF HER PART WAS SHORT AND NOT VERY DEEP.

The bottom line is that If the first half of Extraterrestrial had been as enjoyable as its second half, then we'd be talking about a B+ movie here instead of a C.

At least it wasn't Found Footage.

THE ALIENS ALWAYS HAVE THE LAST LAUGH!

Extraterrestrial is a decent movie, that toys with being a really good one at times. If The Vicious Brothers had played this one straight, we think it would have probably worked better overall. As it stands though, it's a flawed, cliched, and way-too-predictable effort, that also manages to be visually impressive, and pretty exciting towards the end. It's a fun, but mixed bag.

Extraterrestrial is definitely worthy of a rental, just know that it's got its share of issues.

C

Extraterrestrial is available now on VOD.

These poor girls didn't deserve an anal probe... at least not from Aliens! Zing!

VOD Review: Jessabelle (2014)

(aka Family Secrets: Bayou Edition.)
Release Date: November 7th.
Country: USA.
Rating: PG-13.
Written by: Robert Ben Garant.
Directed by: Kevin Greutert.
Starring: Sarah Snook, Joelle Carter, Mark Webber, and David Andrews.

With 2014 rapidly drawing to a close, we find ourselves finally sitting down to watch Jessabelle. Given that the last few movies from Blumhouse Productions that we watched (Mockingbird, Mercy, Ouija) were less than stellar, we went into this one with lowered expectations, expecting more of the same.


The good news is that Jessabelle is probably the best film of the bunch. The bad news is that it's still not that great of a movie.

After surviving a terrible car accident that claims the lives of her fiance and unborn baby, and leaves her wheelchair-bound, sweet ginger Jesse is forced to turn to her estranged father for help. He takes her home to Louisiana to care for her while she recuperates, because she can hardly roll around on her own in the big city.

WE'RE NOT DOUBTING YOU, DARLIN', BUT IT'S A BIG ADJUSTMENT.

While at her father's home, Jesse stays in her mother's old room. Given that her mother died when she was a baby, Jesse is naturally curious about her, so she starts snooping around. She finds a box of old VHS tapes which feature her mother talking to her, and calling her Jessabelle, and saying all kinds of things that make no sense to Jesse, like warning her that there's a presence in the house that wants her gone. When her father discovers this, he flips out and throws her wheelchair in the bayou.

"OH BABY, YOU GONNA DIE."

Soon enough, Jesse starts seeing the eerie visage of a girl creeping around the house, which prompts her to watch another video tape of her mother, in which she warns her again of impending doom. Then she sees more ghosts. From here on out, everything becomes a mystery about who she is, what her mother was up to, and why are all of these ghosts messing with an innocent girl in a wheelchair.

RUN ROLL FOR YOUR LIFE, JESSE!

Jessabelle is one of those movies that plays out like something you'd find on the Lifetime Movie Network; it's very tame, a bit bland and predictable, and in the end, it's not very memorable. That's not to say that we necessarily disliked the movie, because it had its good points, but it's fair to say that we didn't find anything about it to be all that remarkable.

POOR SARAH SNOOK, SUFFERING FOR HER ART...

We take that back; Sarah Snook did a great job with her role in Jessabelle, and the way that she made her character come off as truly likable and sympathetic, is worthy of a remark or two. She gives one hell of a performance as a wheelchair-bound girl whose past is catching up to her in a deadly way, and she was honestly just about the only thing in Jessabelle that kept it interesting for us. She's a good little actress (she was also solid in Predestination), and she'll definitely be one to watch going forward.

DON'T WORRY, SARAH. YOUR CAREER IS NOT IN THAT CASKET.

The big problem with Jessabelle is that its story really never grabbed us. It tries to be a solid Haunted House flick that builds tension from the old tried-and-true "family secrets come to light that could destroy them all" plot, but it never really pulled us in until the third act, when it finally picked up a bit in the action department. The plot moves so slowly though, and gets so over-complicated, that by the time things did pick, it all just felt like it was a case of too little, too late.

IT DID HAVE SOME CREEPY MOMENTS THOUGH...

On the plus side, we have to say that this is a well-made film, especially considering that it had a fairly small budget of only $1 million to work with. The Louisiana Bayou setting provided a gorgeous backdrop for the story, and contributed most of the film's atmosphere.

The cast & crew of this movie put in a valiant effort, and you can see that on-screen, but Jessabelle just didn't have enough kick to it to make us care very much about it, either way. This movie is a perfect example of the term "middle of the road."

WORST GIRL-GIRL SCENE EVER.

Jessabelle is an average little movie that gets a C grade because it's just that; an average movie. In this case, that grade is not a punishment at all, it just means that while Jessabelle was decent enough to be mostly enjoyable, it wasn't anything that we can honestly rave about, or even recommend. At least not wholeheartedly.

You could do worse than to give Jessabelle a rent, because you won't be upset if you do, but you might be better served to wait until it hits Netflix, and see it that way.

C

Jessabelle is available now on VOD, and will be on Blu-ray & DVD from January 13th.

Sarah Snook is a talented actress with a fiery mane, and we're now fans of hers.