Blu-ray Review: Cherry Falls (2000)

"An undiscovered gem of the new millennium."

(aka Virgin Killer.)
Release Date: October 20th, 2000.
Country: USA.
Rating: R.
Written by: Ken Selden.
Directed by: Geoffrey Wright.
Starring: Brittany Murphy, Michael Biehn, Jay Mohr, Gabriel Mann, Candy Clark, and a bunch of cameos from future stars.

In 1996, Scream kicked-off a new trend of Teen Terror flicks that spawned movies like The Faculty; I Know What You Did Last Summer; Cry Wolf; Urban Legend; and Final Destination, among many others.

A lot of those movies were alright, but even the good ones felt like sanitized, by-the-numbers showcases for whichever really good looking young actor/actress was hot at the time. Take some good looking kids, have a killer bumping them off in clever ways, and then have some shocking reveal at the end which would set up a sequel. It was the new incarnation of the Slasher flick for the new millennium, and fans ate it up.

Cherry Falls was one of those flicks, and while it never got the chance to earn itself the popularity that many of its contemporaries did, it was certainly amongst the best of them. At least to us it was.

While a teenage couple is making out up at at Inspiration Point, a black-haired figure who kinda looks like Sadako from Ringu (or maybe Joey Ramone) shows up and stabs them to death. The small town of Cherry Falls is naturally shocked to see something so horrible happen to two of their own kids, especially since the killer carved the word Virgin into their corpses; those poor kids died without ever having been laid!

"BUT MAYBE A KISS BEFORE YOU GO..."

After another girl is killed in the same way the next night, sweet, virginal Jody begins to wonder if she should just have sex so that she doesn't meet the same grisly fate. Her boyfriend is all about it (because he's a dick), but her dad (who is also the Sheriff investigating the murders) thinks that it's an awful idea; she's his little buttercup after all, and he's the only man that she should ever have feelings for. I know that sounds kinda creepy, but the way that they act towards each other sometimes...

DUDE, GET OFF OF HER!

Being the daughter of the Sheriff at least has its perks, like learning how to defend yourself, which comes in handy when Jody is able to fight off the killer every time they come after her, which ends up being about 12. Why is the killer focusing on Jody like that? Probably because the meddling girl is trying to figure out who's killing her friends, and in doing so uncovers some long-buried secrets that are motivating them to kill... which the killer wants exposed anyway... but that they kinda don't want exposed, because then she can't keep killing. It's complicated.

NOT IN THE BUTT SHE'S NOT.

As more and more teenagers are murdered, all the other kids decide to get together and have a massive orgy at some old abandoned house, so as not to be virgins anymore, and escape the wrath of the killer. Sounds rational to us.

Heavily-edited murder and sex ensues. 

THAT'S ONE ROUGH ORGY.

As the Teen Terror/Slasher flicks of the late 90's/early 2000's go, Cherry Falls was one that got passed over by most people. That's mainly because the MPAA wanted it cut to shit, which took it from being a theatrical film to one that was heavily trimmed and dumped on Cable TV. That's where we first saw it, and even though it was obviously cut for content, we still got a pretty big kick out of it.

Like many of its fellow Teen Terror flicks of the time, Cherry Falls utilizes pretty people, humor, and plenty of stalk-and-kill mechanics to tell its story, but it's really the way that it shakes all of those conventions up that makes it stand out. Usually, having sex in a Slasher flick means that you're fated to die; here though, having sex will actually keep you alive. I really would have like to have seen that concept brought to life in a totally unedited way as the director intended. It's still pretty cool as is though.

BRITTANY MURPHY GONNA HAVE TO SLAP A BITCH?

The thing that we love the most about Cherry Falls (aside from Brittany Murphy), is its killer; avoiding anything that would spoiler the killer's identity (not that it's very hard to figure out to begin with), we'll just say that when they were on the hunt or killing, they were ferocious. The person who played them did a hell of a job coming off as being truly disturbed.

As for the lovely, gone-too-soon Brittany Murphy, her performance here showcased everything that we loved about her, and that made her such a special talent: She's adorable, and sexy in an offbeat way, but her greatest quality is how she manages to come off as awkwardly sweet and believable in such a natural way. She starred in many great movies over the span of her career, but Cherry Falls will always be one of our sentimental faves of hers.

WHAT A HELL OF A FINAL GIRL SHE MADE.

The fact that the MPAA forced this movie to cut and alter so much of its content, really pisses us off. Even with this new Scream Factory Blu-ray release, the film still remains cut to hell, which means that somewhere out there is a bloodier, nastier, more tawdry version of the movie that we'll probably never get to see.

It's fine as is, but it could have been so much better had the kills been shown, and had the producers not had to cut the movie's racier elements to please the asshole MPAA. Man, what could have been...

THAT'S PRETTY MUCH HOW WE FEEL ABOUT THE MPAA.

Given that she died so young, and under such mysterious circumstances, it bums us out to watch anything with Brittany Murphy in it anymore. She was beautiful and talented, and she always came across as so genuinely sweet on film, that trying to enjoy her work while knowing what would eventually happen to her just smarts.

WE MISS YOU, GIRL.

There's all kinds of bloody kills in this one, but most of them happen off-screen, so none of it ends up being too crazy. The part where the killer was slashing everyone a the party was cool though. It's really too bad that so much of this movie was cut to hell.

OH HEY, THE MPAA FORGOT TO CUT SOMETHING!

There's actually a High Schooler orgy in this movie, but it contains no nudity. There is some brief nudity in an autopsy scene though. Again, what a shame.

THAT'S ABOUT AS NAKED AS THIS MOVIE GETS.

Scream Factory's release of Cherry Falls looks and sounds great, considering the fact that the print they had to work with wasn't the best, and that Universal probably didn't care enough to have them do a really pristine job on the transfer. That sounds like a condemnation, but it's not; Scream Factory has made Cherry Falls look as good as it ever has, and the fact that it could look better is not their fault.

The only problem I really have with this disc is the fact that it isn't the Director's Cut. Again, it's not Scream Factory's fault, as they tried to get their hands on the uncut material from the film, but the fact that whoever owns it won't give it up to allow it to be restored really sucks. It's a huge (and pointless) wasted opportunity.

We really dug the commentary track with director Geoffrey Wright, where he talks about the film (obviously), but specifically about its troubles with the MPAA, and the untimely passing of its star, Brittany Murphy.

Special Features:

• Audio Commentary with director Geoffrey Wright.
• Lose it or Die: The Untold Story of Cherry Falls- interviews with writer and Co-Executive Producer Ken Selden and producer Marshall Persinger.
• Cherry Falls Deputy Mina – an interview with Amanda Anka.
• Vintage Interviews with Brittany Murphy, Michael Biehn, Jay Mohr and director Geoffrey Wright.
• Behind-the-Scenes footage.
• Original Script.
• Theatrical Trailer.

THE "FALLS" IN CHERRY FALLS ACTUALLY TASTE LIKE CHERRY. TRUE STORY.

One of our favorite underrated gems of the new millennium, Cherry Falls is a Slasher flick that delivers the goods, even if it isn't a perfect movie. Most of the credit for its appeal comes from the presence of Brittany Murphy, but it's a fun film that stands out from the pack in other ways too, and is one that we'll always have a sweet spot for.

If you have yet to discover this one, now is the time to give it a go.

B+

Cherry Falls is available now on Blu-ray.

Plenty of beautiful ladies inhabit Cherry Falls, chief amongst them, the immortal Brittany Murphy.

DVD Review: Bubba Ho-Tep (2003)

(aka Hail To The Kings.)
Release Date: October 10th, 2003.
Country: USA
Rating: R
Written by: Joe R. Lansdale and Don Coscarelli.
Directed by: Don Coscarelli.
Starring: Bruce Campbell, Ossie Davis, Ella Joyce, and Heidi Marnhout.

"I felt my pecker flutter once, like a pigeon havin' a heart attack."

From the moment that Bruce Campbell said those words, we knew that we were in for something special with Bubba Ho-Tep.

We originally went to see this movie when it was in theaters (yes, way back in 2003), because Bruce Campbell was in it, which was enough for us, but we weren't prepared for how good this movie was going to be. All these years later, it still ranks as one of our all-time faves.

If you've seen it, you know what we're talking about. If you haven't, then read on, and make a plan to rectify that woeful wrong asap.

We hesitate to break down the plot for this movie, because the more that you know about it, the dumber it sounds, and the less likely it is that you'll give it the chance that it deserves. So read our brief synopsis if you like, or better yet, don't read it at all and just go find a copy of the movie and watch it.

Bubba Ho-Tep is the story of an aging Elvis Presley who is spending his decrepit last days in the Shady Rest nursing home, with nothing but a pus-filled growth on his penis to his name. He has one friend named Jack, who it turns out is actually JFK; after his assassination attempt, Lyndon Johnson had him dyed black, had a bag of sand implanted in his head, and then dumped him off at the nursing home.

JUST GO WITH IT.

When a 4000-year-old mummy (aptly nicknamed Bubba Ho-Tep) starts killing off the elderly residents of the Shady Rest by sucking their souls out of their assholes, Elvis and JFK set out to stop the soul-sucking bastard, because fuck him.

I know, that all sounds pretty insane. Because it is.

BUT IT IS ALSO GLORIOUS.

The real heart of this movie lies in its exploration of what it means to grow old, and more importantly, to be forgotten. Elvis, for his part, feels useless and is full of little more than regret. He wishes he could see his daughter one more time and try to make things right, but he knows that won't ever happen. He's essentially laying in bed with a growth on his dick, waiting to die. This is a story that is all too common with the elderly, as life just has a way of passing them (and eventually us) by.

The way that Don Coscarelli (and Joe R. Lansdale, in his short story), addressed this issue amidst the movie's crazier elements, made it into one of the most different and compelling experiences that we've ever had in a theater. Two old men who are at the end of their lives, standing up and fighting a monster for the very souls of their friends was a beautiful thing to watch.

Bruce Campbell said it best when he called Bubba Ho-Tep a "Redemptive Elvis-Mummy Picture, in that order." Because that's exactly what it is.

"THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH."

We don't really need to tell you how awesome Bruce is, because you already know that. Instead, can we say how great Ossie Davis was in this movie? A WWII Veteran, he starred in over 100 projects during his career which spanned six decades; he was a social rights activist back when it was a dangerous thing to be; and he delivered the eulogy at Malcom X's funeral... and that's just some of what made him so great as both a talent, and a man.

Ossie Davis died in 2005, making Bubba-Ho-Tep one of the last things he ever starred in. It would be disingenuous of us to say that it was his best work, or his most poignant, but it was honest and heartfelt, much like he was throughout his life. He was a true classic if there ever was one.

REST IN PEACE, GOOD SIR.

That damn song, All Is Well... it made us feel feelings that we weren't ready to feel!

NO, IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT!

The people who see this movie and say "It was stupid" or "Nothing happened" make us feel sad for humanity.

Keep swimming in the shallow end, kids.

THEY CAN SUCK THE DOG DICK OF ANUBIS!

This movie is not much on the gore, although a few scarabs get squashed, and there are some deaths.

No, but there was a nice ass shot, and some therapeutic pecker rubbing.

THAT ASS DESERVED A SEQUEL OF ITS OWN.

Bruce Campbell is the man, and Ossie Davis was true classic, in every sense of the word.

HAIL TO THE KINGS, BABY.

If the words Underrated Gem ever applied to any Genre movie, it's surely Bubba Ho-Tep. As crazy as the plot sounds (and is), and as funny as the movie can be, this is really a sentimental drama about the pains of growing old, and learning to find purpose again. Plus, it has a mummy who sucks people's souls out through their assholes, so, there's that.

Yeah, Bubba Ho-Tep is an odd one for sure, but it's a fantastic one as well, and if you've never seen it, you really need to.

A

Bubba Ho-Tep is available now on DVD.

It's not easy finding pictures of Heidi Marnhout online, so this is all you get!