September 30, 2012

Our 31 Days Pre-Game warm up!

 

It's that time of year again!

October is our month; There's a creepy chill in the air, the trees are losing their leaves, and the best day of the year is only mere weeks away. Halloween is our Christmas, and that's why we celebrate it not only on the 31st, but for the 30 days leading up to it as well.

This year for our 31 Days of Horror countdown, we're mixing it up a bit. On some days, we're going to do a double feature with like-minded movies, on others, we're going to watch multiple flicks in a series. Sometimes we'll just watch one flick. Depends.

Some days during the 31, we're going to check out new releases at the Theater; with full crowds to scream along with us.

To get us in the mood for tomorrow's day 1 kick off, we're watching one of the most seminal Halloween flicks ever made. If this one doesn't get us in that dark, cold, fall-is-here type of mood, nothing will.


Trick r' Treat is to Halloween what A Christmas Story is to Christmas; it's an essential, almost seminal Holiday movie-watching experience. It's a mood setter. It's a modern day classic. It's a movie about the actual spirit of Halloween, and what happens to those foolish enough to not follow its rules.

There's no better way to get ourselves into the Halloween mood.

See you tomorrow for Day One!





September 28, 2012

The Theatrical release date list has been updated...


And yes, it does take time and effort, so it's a big deal. How else are you supposed to know when the exciting final chapter of the Twilight Saga is coming out, hmm? Hmmmmmm?

That's what I thought.

Anywho, check it out to stay abreast of all of your theater going needs by clicking the picture above, or using the handy navigation bar under our header. We're handy like that.


The Theatrical Trauma of September 28th


The end of September is extremely fucking nigh (heh), and she's giving us one last batch of horror flicks to enjoy in theaters, like the good little month that she is.

Looper is the big one to go see this weekend. JGL playing the younger version of Bruce Willis, who is sent back in time to kill himself.. or his older version is sent back to be killed... whatever. It looks awesome. Rian Johnson knows how to make a good flick (Brick, The Brothers Bloom), and this one looks to add some prestige to his small but impressive resume.

We gave a quick review of The Hole (HERE) two years ago, and it is finally seeing a U.S. release, which is a good thing for horror fans. It's a creepy, well made little flick that is friendly family to boot. If it's playing near you in limited release, definitely give it a go. It's worth your time.

Solomon Kane (REVIEW HERE) is another flick that we saw many moons ago, and is just now seeing a limited U.S. release. It's a serviceable sword and sorcery flick full of demons and plenty of anti-hero brooding. Lots of people love this flick, and you just might too.

The Barrens is the new Darren Lynn Bousman flick, and it looks pretty decent. Bill Compton from True Blood and Hector (aka Hammerhead) from The Unit are in it, so we'll give it a go. Also, Mia Kirshner is hot, so there's that too.

We'll go ahead and leave Hotel Transylvania for the kids.

So, you have a few good reasons to take your happy arse's to theaters this weekend, so get to it. All the cool kids are doing it.

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September 25, 2012

Bait 3D (2012)

Ever since we saw a little movie called Burning Bright, I've enjoyed the look on people's faces when I've tried to explain its premise to them: "A girl and her Autistic little brother are trapped in a house with a pissed-off Tiger during a Hurricane." When I tell them it was a really good flick, they always look at me like I'm a bit off (even more so than normal.)

The premise of Bait 3-D feels similar to me in that same ridiculous way: "A Tsunami traps a bunch of Aussie's in a grocery store & parking garage with some pissed off Sharks."

The difference between the two movies and their crazy-sounding plots, is that Bait 3-D wasn't very good at all.

Now, if you like your average schlocky, cheap, killer shark movie, then you may like this one. It's not any worse than Shark Night 3-D, but it's not really any better than let's say 2-Headed Shark Attack or Sand Sharks. So really, it's all about the level of pain you can endure for the sake of your entertainment.

Boom, Gill-Shot!
I personally dig bad movie pain. I'm all for some cheesy, shitty movie that makes me laugh, at it as long as it entertains me on some primal level, quality be damned. Bait 3-D wasn't very fun though, and it didn't inspire me to laugh at very much in a so-bad-it's-good type of way. There was one scene that involved a guy drowning in a cage-suit that was supposed to be touching that did make me laugh, but that was about it. Oh, and the dog getting chucked into the water (as bait) was funny too, but that was it. The rest was just blah.

Cage-suit guy was doomed from the get go.
The SFX were halfway passable at times, and cheesy bad at others. In the opening scene in the movie, we see the shark do a Sharktopus-like jump out of the water, and it looked no better than the SFX that Syfy uses on their movie of the week. I'm not sure where the $20 million (Australian) budget went, but it must have been to the actors.

Yes, us too.
Ah, the actors. I'm going to go ahead and guess, because I have no idea whatsoever, that most of the people who showed up in this movie are Aussie TV stars... of the weekly Soap Opera variety. Maybe they're good in their other roles, and maybe those roles are better written and plotted out with better care than the ones in this movie are, but the pretty people in this one didn't bring much to the table.

Never watch the dailies while you're shooting a bad movie!
Keep it. We've got enough shitty shark movies floating around here to tide us over until next Saturday when Syfy will premiere their brand new shitty shark movie. It's pretty much a regular thing with them. Bait 3D isn't the worst B-Movie we've seen, but it certainly wasn't good enough for us to find enjoyable. Some will love its cheesy goodness, but having seen it, we wished we had just taken a pass on the whole thing.

Oi, Oi, Oi! indeed. Especially Pheobe Tonkin. Good Lord we need more of her ________ (insert something clever about her "Down Under" here.)

 

The Digital Dread Report for September 25th


And so we arrive at what is probably the biggest DVD and Blu-ray release date of this year. Today marks the release of the Mega-Uber massive global Box Office phenomenon known as The Avengers.

The Avengers will be available in different versions and come in different retailer exclusive packages and sets to please casual and die hard fans alike. We will be picking up the 3D Blu-ray bundle for $19.99 at Target, because they have it for $10 cheaper than anywhere else. No matter what version is available to you, this is a must own title.

Aside from the super hero madness, there are plenty of other great titles out today that will help us all break our banks.

There's the Bond 50 Blu-ray Box which has every 007 movie in it for around $150. The Complete Lone Wolf and Cub set is an awesome buy; if you've never seen Shogun Assassin, you're missing out. The Game Criterion Collection edition is a must have for fans of the Fincher classic thriller.

On the Horror front, there are several must own titles. The first season of American Horror Story is one we want if we can grab it at a good price, and The Tall Man is a cool flick that is worth checking out. Let's not forget that Zombie and Maniac are getting Blu-ray releases too, and they are definite must-owns for horror fans.

The Hole is a movie from 2009 that is just seeing release now, and we have no idea why it took so long to see the light of day. We reviewed it years ago and really liked it. It's kid friendly and fun, and definitely worth a watch.

Asylum Blackout, Resident Evil: Damnation, Stripper's vs. Werewolves and all the rest, well those are toss-ups. Take your chances if you like, but there are way too many other great releases this week to give them too much thought.

So yeah, it's a jam packed week, and unless you're hood rich, you just can't buy them all. *If you are hood rich, please send some hood riches our way so that we can get them all this week. If you don't, then you're just being selfish.

Happy shopping.

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September 24, 2012

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

(aka Ooh, Shiny! Part 5)
Release Date: In Theaters now.
Country: USA, Canada, Germany.
Written and Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson.
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Sienna Guillory, Michelle Rodriguez, Kevin Durand, and just about everyone else who has ever been in a RE movie before. Mostly.

You can't go in to a new Resident Evil movie expecting much more than pretty visuals and some crazy action. You just can't. I mean, you can, but you're just setting yourself up for disappointment if you do. These movies are eye candy, and nothing more.

Here in the U.S the RE movies perform alright, or even poorly by most standards. Worldwide however, the RE franchise just rakes in the money. RE: Afterlife made 296 million worldwide (only 60 in the U.S.), so naturally, you knew there was another sequel coming.

The question is, do we really need more of these empty, cheesy, glossy movies, that just exist to show a hot chick killing hordes of undead with her deadly wire-fu/gun-play skill set?

Sure, why the hell not.

If you've seen it once, you've seen it five times; "Project Alice" wakes up in a crazy dream world, dresses up in some sexy outfit, arms herself to the teeth, and has to fight a metric ton zombies (some of which have wonky mouths.) By fight, I mean she does some crazy choreographed flipping and deadly accurate moves that are so ridiculous and over the top that it captivates you. It's like a meth-induced ballet in slow motion.

The plot is fairly irrelevant, and can be summed up with the words "Milla, kill!" Now, this one does take them to the Russian Arctic, and it does make some pretty clever use of past set pieces and scenes in a fun way, but honestly, it's just there to allow for the carnage that RE fans all seem to fiend for.

Who doesn't want to see Milla in this outfit over and over again?
It's the fifth sequel in a franchise based on a video game series with twenty sequels of its own; we know what we're getting here. That's not to say that the movie should automatically be critic-proof because "it is what it is," because it deserves to be ripped apart a bit. Or a lot, depending on how much it pisses you off.

The whole thing is over the top and is supported by a paper thin script, which means that the actors can only do so much, which isn't really much at all. The last few movies in this series seem to us to be like long scenes of crazy action. They never seem grounded to us, they just start, shit explodes, and then it's over, the last shot teasing us about some crazy massive battle that is about to happen... in the next movie.

Alive or dead, she's still hot.
We normally hate this kind of shit, but for some reason we find ourselves loving when a new RE movie hits theaters, and especially when they're released on DVD/BLU. They look so ridiculously good in HD, that we forget how painfully not good the movies actually are. It's style over substance for us with the RE movies, and we don't mind. In a genre where most of what we see is so heavy handed, bleak, and downright morbid, we absolutely cherish our cheesy guilty pleasures.

Oh look, they're back.
Listen, Resident Evil: Retribution isn't anything else other than mindless fun. You have to set aside the bad script, cheesy dialogue, and the almost cringe inducing level of goofy karate moves, and just dig it for what it is. This movie will no doubt be gorgeous on Blu-ray, and so we will gladly add it to our collection when it's released.

Should you see it? Well, if you live in Asia, you're already going to, because this is totally right up your alley. For the more fickle average U.S. viewer, if the trailer looks good to you then you'll like it, because you're expecting nothing more than the fun stuff. It is what it is.

C+ is an above average grade, and in context with everything we just said, a deserving one here.

Mmm, blood.
Does Milla Jovovich ever age? On the doorstep of 40, she's still looking as fit as she ever was. The other Resident Evil chicks aren't looking too bad either. See? Eye candy!