December 30, 2011
Is this list in order, from the worst to the 10th worst Horror flick of 2011? Not really, because each in their own way was the worst genre movie of the year. Make a game out of it and make up your own order if you like. We just want to talk about them one last time, and then put them out of our minds as quickly as we possibly can.
The Aching of our Balls." Yes, this movie was painfully tough to endure. Like a bad episode of Goosebumps with 1000 hollow CGI shots, some awful CGI blood, and an aimless and plodding story, Fading of the Cries manages to make a movie that makes even SyFy Channel garbage seem like Schindler's List. Actually, Schindler's Fist would be appropriate, because sitting through this hack-job has to be similar to being fisted by a creepy Nazi. Seriously, it hurt so bad that we wished with all of our hearts for it to suddenly transform into Twilight.
Horror movie history so badly? Pinhead was a joke in this movie. Laughable. Pathetic. The overall story could have been alright, but the movie was so poorly made, that not even the best story in the world could have saved it from ruin. So maybe everyone involved needs to go study a certain gay Horror writer's butthole for inspiration, because everyone involved in this train wreck seriously needs some.
GetGlue account. Here's what we had to say:
"This movie is going to blow more than George Michael in a dirty rest stop. *For the record, we love Wham.
Is somebody kidding?.
Jesus fuck, even the music is painful. I'm pretty sure this singer is having a seizure.
Yes! Please kill yourself so that you can heal immediately and... the movie can continue. Fuck.
Whoever wrote this shit ought to be beaten with a book. A big book.
Q: Which is worse, the writing or the acting? A: Yes.
Still haven't seen a werewolf...
What a surprise, a gaggle of shirtless guys.
This movie makes me long for Twilight... and that's the same thing as longing for death."
That should just about cover it.
Darren Lynn Bousman's. I don't know that we saw a more dull or uneventful movie this year. Did he make 11-11-11 just to capitalize on the date? We hope so, because if he actually though he had a good script on his hands, were scared to trust his judgement anymore, going forward. Unremarkable, that's maybe the best way to describe this effort It's one of those movies that you forget while still watching it.
Check below for the rest of the naughty list of 2011 movies...
We understand that making a movie is a tough job; even the worst of movies have a cast and crew of people behind them that break their ass, and try their absolute hardest to make something great, but they just fall short. For those folks, having their movie on a Worst of list should be a learning experience. It's the movies that sucked kid, not you. Take the feedback, learn from it, and make a better movie next time. Plenty of great filmmakers and actors have made some shit movies, and yet they rebounded just fine. Keeping telling your stories from the heart, and people will eventually listen.
For the other kind of filmmakers, the ones who either don't care, or think they're great when they actually suck, just give up now. This category is most reserved for studio execs who greenlight crap movies to turn a quick buck, and sucker well-intentioned fans into wasting their time and money on movies that had little or no effort and creativity put into them. You assholes need to stop wasting our time and money. There are filmmakers out there with talent and genuine passion that can use the resources and promotion that are wasted on your films, so give over and let them shine.
That being said, before we get to the 10 Worst flicks of the year, here are the also rans. It could have been worse, right?
The movies on this years Middlin' list were either not good enough to be on any Best of list, or not bad enough to be on the Shit List. They all had equal amounts of good aspects and troubling issues. So then should you see these movies, if they're so average? Sure. If one of them strikes your fancy, give it a shot, You might love it. Just remember, you also might not.