October 31, 2011

And so we say goodbye to October...

... and all of these creepy little bastards as well. 31 of the creepiest kids in horror movie history, that's what we have here. There's no Regan, no Damian. No Malachai, no Samara. You already know they're amazing, you don't need to be told that again. They obviously deserve love on any creepy kid list, but we wanted to dig deeper and find something other than the same 5 to 10 kids that seem to pop up on every creepy kids list available on line. They rock too, but they are only the beginning. There's always great stuff below the surface if you dig. We dug, and we found some greatness. Now, go experience them for yourselves.

31 Days of Creepy Kids- Day 31, Sam (Trick r' Treat)

As we come to the last day of October, it's only fitting that our final creepy kid is the actual spirit of Halloween. Trick 'r Treat is an absolute gem of a movie that was shelved for years before finally seeing a DVD release. No one on this planet will ever be able to convince me that this movie couldn't have drawn people to theaters, because in many ways, it's the quintessential Halloween movie. Yes I know, it's blasphemy, because 1978's Halloween is the quintessential Halloween movie. Well it is too, but you know what? Trick 'r Treat deserves that title every bit as much.
We love Halloween, Sam... so don't kill us.
The movie takes place on Halloween night in a small town, and shows the paths of various trick or treater's and party goers, as the spirit of Halloween lays waste to the wicked. Wicked as in they don't respect Halloween, so they gotta go. I know it sounds like were kissing ass here, but this movie really is magical. The main source of that magic is Sam; the creepy kid with the sack on his head, who just so happens to be the vengeful spirit of All Hallows Eve... that's not necessarily a fact, but we're pretty sure that's the case. If he isn't the spirit of Halloween, then Halloween sent him here to kill. One or the other, take your pick.
Maybe he's both.
The movie is broken up into different segments, and Sam ties them all together, making subtle yet important appearances in all of them... although there's nothing subtle about his appearance in the last segment. That one is all him. Vampires, serial killers, werewolves, zombie kids, hot chicks, and ghosts... this movie has it all.
He likes to watch.
The Master Says- If you haven't seen this movie yet, really, go and buy it now. Netflix it, rent it, watch it on Fearnet all day today... just see it. Trick 'r Treat is to Halloween what A Christmas Story is to Christmas. We really just said that, and even more shocking is that it's a true statement. If there's such thing as a perfect horror flick, this is it. And really, Sam is an amazing character... who needs a sequel!
If the new shorts on Fearnet are any indication, we will be seeing more of Sam.

October 30, 2011

31 Days of Creepy Kids- Day 30, The Terror Tykes (The Brood)

Is their any creepy kid movie better than David Cronenberg's The Brood? I mean the guy virtually created his own sub-genre with Body Horror, by infusing elements of science with existential body dis-figuration...and all kinds of crazy psychological stuff. What he did with The Brood, and its unforgettable Terror Tykes, is simply masterful.
Something about kids in hoods...
The Brood is basically about a crazy doctor that hypnotizes some crazy chick into breeding mongoloid monster kids on her tummy. I think that sums it up just about perfectly.
She licks them clean, then they go play "Come with us to your death, outsider."
These Terror Tykes will attack anyone if they sense anger coming from their "Mother", which they do psychically by the way. So really, if you piss mom off, you're going to have a gang of crazy midgets trying to bite you to death. Is there anything more terrifying than a woman's mood being able to kill you? No, no there is not.
Another PMS induced attack.
The Master Says- The Brood is an all time classic that needs to be a part of anyone's horror repertoire. As far as terrifying children go, it doesn't get much better than this. If you don't know this movie, you need to become familiar with it. Real familiar... like over-eager date familiar. That's right. Touch it. No means yes.
It looks like they may want hugs...

October 29, 2011

31 Days of Creepy Kids- Day 29, Them (Them/Ils)

You may remember a little movie from a few year ago called The Strangers; a couple comes home from a wedding to their isolated country home, and are set upon by a trio of mask wearing killers, who want to make them piss themselves. And die. Well that movie bears a striking resemblance to the much better French film, Ils.
The creepy bus of death.
Ils is also the story of a young couple living in the isolated Romanian countryside, who are set upon by a gang of mask wielding killers, who seem to enjoy making them piss themselves... only the creepers in Ils have two advantages over those in The Strangers; first and foremost they are kids, which makes it infinitely creepier. And second, they have those friggin' noisemaker thingys, which are always creepy, even at parties.
How can you not hear that noisemaker that close?!?
The fact that there are six of them don't help matters either, especially because they really like to "Play" By play, the six year old of the group means kill people and maybe rape them once their dead. Remind me to never visit Romania.
You lost.
The Master Says- Them (Ils) is a great French horror flick that more American audiences need to see. As creepy kids movies go, it's got to rank up there based on sheer brutality alone. And again, those damn noisemakers they use... I still hear them in my sleep sometimes...

October 28, 2011

31 Days of Creepy Kids- Day 28, Lilith (Case 39)

Lots of people give this movie some undue shit, but you know what, it was pretty good. We're not the biggest fans of Pruneface (Renee Zellweger) here at THC, but she was alright in this. Let's not forget Lilith, the creepy demon-child either...
Oh look, the creepy girl from Silent Hill is playing a demon this time!
Once again we have a horror movie showing us that foster kids are evil, and should never be taken in or adopted. In this case, the foster kid is a demon, so really, no one should want her. No wonder her parents tried to jam her in an oven and cook her to death... they knew! When Pruneface takes her home, thing s start to get creepy, culminating in one freaky, intense scene involving her bedroom door. The kid nearly snaps it in half. Creeper.
How can you not want to take her home... and put her in the oven!?!
The Master Says- Case 39 is a decent little creepy kid flick, even though Renee Zellweger is in it. It's also interesting to note that cute little Jodelle Ferdland is milking the creepy kid thing for all it's worth, seeing as she's in all sorts of horror flicks, playing a creepy kid every time. Even when she's not supposed to be creepy... Good for you hun; you can be not creepy when you get older.
That's it, kill the little bitch with a knife!

October 27, 2011

31 Days of Creepy Kids- Day 27, The Eclipse Kids (Bloody Birthday)

This is one of the greatest creepy kids flick ever, and for us, it's because of the premise: 3 children all born at the height of a total eclipse, and because Saturn (the planet of love?) is blocked by the sun and moon, the babies are born without feelings, which makes them all into cold blooded killers.
Fuck that Police! (That's a song, not necessarily our stance on Law Enforcement lol)
Crazy, I know, but damn it all to hell if that isn't interesting too, like the way that Prince of Darkness or Event Horizon used black holes to unleash evil... anywho, these soulless Saturn kids run around killing at will, because they think it's fun and can't feel remorse.
This kid needs either ritalin, or a 9mm pain pill.
There's really not much else to this one. The kids are the draw here, and they do get themselves into all sorts of murderously fun hijinks. And for the record, the girl is the creepiest of the three of them, to us anyways. Look at that fake smile...
Never trust a child when they smile!
The Master Says- Bloody Birthday is cheesy, shameless, early 80's schlocky fun. If killer kids intrigue you at all, you have to add that one to your "seen it" list. Also, it's funny to note that MTV's Julie Brown (NOT the black, British one) is in this, and shows her cans. They aren't bad either.

October 26, 2011

31 Days of Creepy Kids- Day 26, The Kids of [REC] & [REC] 2

If there's been a series of movies that has best utilized the creepiness of possessed/infected/zombie kids in the past 10 years, it's the [REC] series. And no, don't even mention the 15 installments of the Children of the Corn series... those don't count as movies. [REC] 1&2 are the story of a virus that breaks out in a Spanish apartment building, forcing the government to quarantine (hence the name of the American remake) its residents, basically fating them to die painfully, and become infected demon-zombies. Aside from the "Markos Woman" in the penthouse, perhaps the most terrifying aspect of the movies, are the infected kids. There's a bunch of them; some traveling in a pack in the attic; some skittering around in the dark like rats; and some channeling the "demon" controlling them all, and speaking.
As you can see, there are all sorts of little creepers running around in the [REC] movies, and really, they are the stuff of nightmares. If you need a fix of creepy kids doing awful, creepy things, then back to back viewing of these flicks will feed your hunger. The Master Says- If you haven't seen [REC] or [REC] 2, you need to get off of your ass and do so pronto, because you're missing out on 2 really great movies. You're also missing out on the hotness of Manuela Velasco, and that isn't something to be taken lightly either, my friends...