I Spit on Your Grave (2011)

"The poster blurb really does say it best... If you can handle it, see it. Indeed."

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE
Sub-Genre- Revenge
DVD PREMIERE- Feb 8th, 2011

Cast Members of Note- Sarah Butler, Jeff Branson, Andrew Howard, Daniel Franzese and Chad Lindberg.

What's it About?- Jennifer is a sexy little writer who decides to rent a cabin in the woods to work on her newest book... right there you know she's destined to get raped, killed and/or terrorized in some way, right? It's so obvious. Hot chicks can not go into any back woods locale alone, and hope to find any sort of comfort or solace. I think that's a law in most states. Especially in the South.

Yes, you should have known better. Now stop pouting.
Anywho, after spilling water on the rube at the gas n' go, and making out with the town retard, Jennifer decides to drink a few bottles of wine, smoke some marijuana cigarettes, and walk around her cabin half naked. With all of those elements aligned, it takes about 4 seconds for jethro and his dim wit crew of yokels to show up, and put a good rapin' on the city whore's ass.

"I should go look in there..."
Left for dead, Jennifer gets herself cleaned up, builds some crazy traps, and sets off on a mission to make the rape gang from petticoat junction wish they taint never done seen her pretty city titties... It really is your standard rape revenge story, but I feel it appropriate to say that Jennifer doesn't play around, and she gets quite nastay in here revenge tactics. This is exactly why I don't rape people. Well, that and I'm not to that level of creepy.

I think at this point, I'd stop calling her a whore if I were you...
The Good- Well made and superbly acted by everyone involved, ISOYG 2010 is a nasty, unflinching little remake that should please most jaded horror fans. If you've seen the original, then not much here will come as a surprise to you other than the fact that the remake is a far better film than it's 1978 namesake.

Rape/revenge movies are an acquired taste. They're usually stark and brutal, and on most levels, they're profoundly disturbing. Sure, the revenge aspect of things seems to make it all right in the end, but the slow and brutal build up that comes before is a tough thing to sit through for most folk. There's a reason that these movies were big in the 70's for a while and then disappeared for the most part... there's not a lot of fun involved for the audience.

That being said, these types of movies do have a strong and necessary message in them that begs to be heard, and it's basically "do unto others..." Sadly, in real life, these types of crimes go mostly unpunished for the most part, if they're even reported in the first place, and therein lies the beauty of a movie like this... the sick fucks of the world whom prey upon the innocent and chaste get what they deserve and more, even if it's only on film. It's almost like our own personal revenge, and damn if it doesn't feel good to see, even if it's incredibly tough to watch.

He got punched so hard his eyes are red!
Sarah Butler will make you like her, feel for her, feel her pain, and cheer her on through all of the unspeakable acts she partakes in, because she deserves her revenge. She's also a cutie, which never hurts. Conversely, the villains of the film will make you seethe with anger, and especially Johnny and The Sheriff; they're played to evil perfection by Jeff Branson and Andrew Howard. You will hate them. I'm talking an extra special hate. The bottom line is that the cast did their jobs admirably, and pulled exactly what they were supposed to out of us.

The Bad- One criticism I have of this flick is this: how does a sweet, innocent type like Jennifer turn into a viscous, death dealing angel of no-mercy so quickly? I get it, but I mean she concocts some pretty elaborate "traps" if you will, and dishes out some really rough, slow torture to her victims. It felt a tiny bit odd to me. It really is a small issue, as the movie worked well overall, but I felt it worth a mention.

The Downright Horrendous- When are city folk going to learn that you do not head off for an idyllic weekend in the country, unless you're armed for bear and willing to kill? You're just asking for trouble if you think otherwise.

The Gory- Rape, torture, rape, anal shotgun violence, rape, eye torture, rape, hedge clipper to the groin, rape, face melting and rape. There's so much rape in this movie, that even one of the bad guys get raped... albeit by a shotgun, but it still counts. This is a visually tough one to sit through, and will most likely make you flinch and squirm throughout.

Personally, I'll take the fishhooks in the eyes, if I get a choice.
The Naked- We do get to see the nice little body of Sarah Butler in various stages of undress, but considering the subject matter, it's not very enjoyable. She's very nice too look at before the nastiness starts though.

What did we learn?- If you're going to rape someone, you should really be prepared to have your dick cut off. I mean, you pretty much have it coming.

The Master Says- A As remakes go, this one managed to improve on the original in most ways, and add enough flair of its own to make it more than just a simple retelling. You have to like the whole rape revenge/female empowerment sub-genre to truly appreciate this one, because its a tough watch, but don't discount it as simple or no more than exploitative. This flick delivers the uncomfortable, messy goods.

Final Thoughts- Sarah Butler is destined to be a genre great, if she's so inclined. First though, she's intent on finishing this puzzle...

I know where one piece fits...

January in Review

So what exactly did the first month of the new year give to we, the horror faithful?

Well, Theatrically we got a Nicholas Cage clunker about some knights and a witch, with Season of the Witch. Not a great way to start the year off. We also got a pretty good possession flick in The Rite, though it had some issues and could have been perfect had they gone a different way with it.

The annual After Dark Horror Festival only went theatrical in 10 theaters this year, so it looks like most will have to wait for DVD if they want to catch them. That's probably not the worst decision that After Dark has ever made...

On the DVD front, we got a mixed bag...

We got some good ones- The Last Exorcism *, Machete *, Pirhanha 3-D *, Buried *
Some average ones-Bitter Feast, Case 39 *, Dark Skies: The Complete Series, Death Race 2, The Traveler *
And some just plain bad ones- Saw 3D: The Final Chapter **, Let Me Die Quietly, The Shadows, Wolvesbayne, Halloween Night, Psychosis.


So overall, it looks like a slow, uneventful month for the most part. February already looks more promising, so let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

January was a C, at best.

Vanishing on 7th Street (2011)

Here's what amazes me: Some of the "Big" horror sites, which considered 2010's A Nightmare on Elm Street an abomination of epic proportions beyond any and all comprehension, oddly found some way to gush over this movie, which was honestly a mess from the get go. Why is that? I'm not looking to start a debate here, but it makes me wonder about a lot of things that they print.

Let me back up for a second here.

I'm a Metro Detroiter. Go ahead and make your Detroit Jokes, I get it. I can't argue with most of them. The city itself, is pretty much a joke. Still, being born there, and living in its suburbs, I have a sense of pride about the place, kinda, and it tickles me to no end to see how many movies are being made here in the area of late. SE Lower Michigan has some great locales, great culture, and a ton of untapped potential. Plus I'm here, so it's obviously an awesome place.

Add to that the fact that I love Brad Anderson's work -from The Machinist and Session 9, to most of his great TV series work- and this movie had me all sorts of giddy when I first became aware of it. Brad Anderson shooting a horror flick in my own backyard.. hells yes! No, make that fucks yes! Awesome Stuff, right?

Well, after seeing the movie, I have to say not so awesome.

While not an abomination, this movie certainly makes its fair share of missteps, and feels haphazard. Lazy even.

Basically, the story starts with Hayden Christensesn waking up to find that pretty much everyone in the city has vanished, leaving piles of clothing behind as the only sign that they had been there at all. He's safe when it's light out but once it get's dark and the light fades, shadow creatures pop up out of nowhere and turn you into another pile of clothes. Fine. Interesting premise.

John Leguizamo, Thandie Newton, and some cute little black kid pretty much round out the cast as the other survivors. They all meet up, freak out together, and fight like hell to keep a light on while they figure out what's happening. Still interesting, a ton of possibility...

We then get some flashbacks of the characters before everything "went dark." We get plenty of moments showing the light juuuust about to wink out with the shadow people closing in to make the kill, only to be foiled by a last minute light display of some sort. We get some cheesy, cliche' moments involving both dialogue, and poor decisions that seem to be there only to give the movie another chance to scare us. And we for sure get a shitty ending that resolves nothing save for the fact that we should have seen another movie.

What we don't get is any sort of resolution, strong hints towards whats going on, what caused it, what the shadow people are, why our main characters didn't die immediately like everyone else seemed to... Croatoan you say? I guess so, though it still explains nothing.

And no, I don't need to be spoon fed, and actually prefer ambiguity in movies like these, but there's so little here to chew on and digest, that drawing my own conclusion just seemed pointless. It had its moments, don't get me wrong, but there were just not enough of them.

Also, there's no 7th Street in Detroit. That's downriver a bit in Ecorse. I'm just sayin'.

Night of the Comet meets Pulse, but far less satisfying. that's pretty much the story here.

C- Not the Brad Anderson movie I'd have someone unfamiliar with the man's work start with, Vanishing on 7th Street needed to be tighter and a little bit more substantial. I'm not saying don't watch it, I'm just saying don't expect anything remotely close to the quality of Session 9 if you do.

Oh, and back to the point I opened with... politics. I blame politics.

Season of the Witch (2011)

"This movie is a perfect example of why studios dump certain movies in the theatrical wasteland that is the month of January..."

SEASON OF THE WITCH
Sub-Genre- Supernatural/Witchcraft

Cast Members of Note- Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Stephen Graham, Claire Foy and Christopher Lee!

What's it About?- *Warning- religious joking ahead (because they're funny)* Behmen and Felsen are fierce warriors of the crusades, carving their way through the innocent and guilty alike in the name of Jebus. when they decide that killing women and kids is just too much, they renounce their quest for Jebus, and run away. I think it's all a cop out, because if you can't slaughter innocents and non believers (or touch young boys in the pants) in the name of God, who can you slaughter? Or touch. The Catholics have been doing it forever, and they grew into pretty much the biggest company of all time.

Praise him indeed, Homer. Praise him indeed.
After a lame sword fight that really doesn't prove them to be fierce warriors at all, Behmen and Felsen are captured and forced to tend the weeping wounds of a plague stricken king. The two are then forced to choose between escorting an imprisoned witch to her "fair trial" or say 42,000 Hail Marys as penance for their cowardly desertion. Behmen then lets it be know, about 52 times, that he will do it, only so that the witch girl can receive a "fair trial." He is so pious.

In search of the elusive "fair trial."
Together with Al Capone and a priest named Ballsack, they ride around through the forest, cross a bridge, talk, fight some wolves, ride around in the forest, fight amongst each other, talk, build a leaf fort, brood, snap off some witty one liners, play tag/hide and seek with the witch, and ride around in the forest. It's all very compelling stuff. There's also something about a book. And then everything turns into The Exorcist. Kinda.

"Are you familiar with the book of Enoch?"
Will Behmen and Ballsack ever figure out the mystery of the witch? Will she receive the fair trial that she's been promised over, and over, and over again? Will January ever be a month that we can expect decent, let alone good movies, to be released in theaters? Yes, no and probably not. There's always February though...

She's even cute when she's all dirty and creepy.
The Good- If this movie were an episode of some syndicated fantasy show on the CW or Spike, it wouldn't have been so bad. It didn't make a strong movie, but works perfectly well for the Zena or Legend of the Seeker fans of the world I'm sure. I don't like those types of shows, but hey, they serve a purpose, and obviously plenty of folks love them.

Had they stuck by the original premise of the movie, you know, which involves a witch, this could have been fun. But once the dreaded and obligatory "Twist" arrives, there's no more fun in the movie. It had it's fun moments, but those were interspersed with slow, non exciting moments that either induced laughter or a roll of the eyes. Or a quick nap.

It just get's so lost in direction, and becomes so dull and pointless, that there's nothing to really care about for we the audience. I'd like to know how this movie ended up such a mess since they re-shot and re-tooled it and worked on it for so long...

Ron Perlman, who is pretty much the b-movie version of Michael Caine, is always fun to watch, even when the material is sub par. Same goes for Nicolas Cage; he's in his share of shitty movies, but they guy has a likable quality that usually sucks us in. They both deserve better material to work with that they had here though. We hope to hear more from Claire Foy as well, as she's a cutie who pulled her weight in this one, though the weight they gave her wasn't much to write home about.

And it's always great to see Christopher Lee still going at age 89. That makes us happy.

The Bad- The CGI was pretty shabby in this one. The green screen battle scenes were bad enough, but the way they went with the demon... that just ruined it all for me. It's bad enough that the story became about a demon, but to have it look and act so... cheesy... just felt like a big cop out. If you're expecting something akin to the look and feel of lets say an Army of Darkness (sans humor, of course), you're not going to get that here. Not even close.

The Downright Horrendous- What kind of movie was this supposed to be? For a minute, it was a medieval battle movie (though a poorly rendered one at that), then it became a movie about the evils of the church and religion. It was a movie about a battle hardened warrior who finally decides he has morals and refuses to kill unjustly, and then it became a movie about "Let's kill that bitch!" It jumped around so much and left so little impression on any of the themes it was trying to maintain, that in the end it really felt like it was about time to leave the theater. See what I did there? I'm clever.

"Just keep staring at the screen and pretend you're not on a sound stage... Aaaaaand action!"
The Gory- There's violence to be had here, but nothing all that good or graphic.

The Naked- No.

Best Line- Anything Ron Perlman said, because he's always just cool or anything Nic Cage said, because he's funny to watch when trying to play it straight while being way too melodramatic.

What did we learn?- January is Hollywood's dumping ground/graveyard for mediocre, embarrassing films that they have absolutely no faith in. In most cases, they're right to think that way. Also, if you aren't familiar with The Book of Enoch, then you need to check out Fulci's The Gates of Hell. It's good stuff.

The Master Says- D+ It's not hard to see why this movie was pushed back from a summer 2010 release date, to this January: it's a shoddy little mess of a flick that doesn't look or feel truly complete or coherent. We didn't hate it, though it feels like we should, but it certainly isn't a very good start to a new horror year. We love Nic Cage, love Ron Perlman, and we love good stories about witches, but this movie is really, really hard to love. Or even like. See it at your own risk if you like it cheesy and aren't much on quality.

Final Thoughts- Aw, she's a cute witch.

What craziness is this?

This movie sounds like it could suck the big one, but were diggin' the poster. It has that old school 70's feel to it.

The Traveler (2011)

THE TRAVELER
DVD Premiere- Jan. 25th, 2011

Val Kilmer stars as Mr. Nobody; a portly, mystery man with no fingerprints who shows up one Christmas Eve night at an old motel that's supposed to be a police station (?) wanting to confess about some murders or something. It's clear from the start that something is off with Mr. Nobody, who is very cryptic in his words, whistles a lot, and looks as if he's made of pale play doh. A mysterious game of mental cat-and-mouse ensues, and the deputies must fight for their very lives against a killer who might not be a killer, but is trying to kill them all for almost killing him. Mmm hmm. That's really the plot.

In the early going, this movie had me hooked. It had an interesting feel to it, and did a good job at setting up a creepy atmosphere. The set up was at least interesting; I wanted to know what happened to the little girl. I wanted to know what Mr. Nobody's story really was. I really wanted to see Camille Sullivan's rack. In the end I got everything I wanted (sans the rack), but it was delivered so haphazardly that I didn't really want to know anything anymore.

Somewhere along the way, the movie went from interesting to cheesy. It's as if Val Kilmer tried to hard to be too mysterious and clever with his words and mannerisms, and the movie suffered for it. I dare say he overacted. The kill scenes were a bit lame as well. The sequence where one officer writhes around in a locked car being suffocated to death, while her fellow officers repeatedly yell "Get down!" and fail to shoot the windows out, was nearly funny. It seemed to last forever too.

Confused about your choices in movies, Val? Us too.
And why was this called The Traveler? I think they meant to imply that he was a drifter, but traveler makes me think he just got off a plane from somewhere and is in a hurry to catch a bus to somewhere else. Trust me, Mr. Nobody is in no hurry in this movie. They should have called it "The Whistler" or "Death Came Whistling." Maybe even "Why is this happening?" All three titles would have been fitting, in one way or another.

We've seen worse, but we've most assuredly seen way better too. As for Val Kilmer, I don't know how he gets roped into some of the movies he's in lately; he does a great movie, then he comes back with 3 or 4 sub par b-movies in a row. Then he does it again. He's still a good actor, but a lot of his movies lately aren't.

The Traveler isn't a total mess, and it certainly has its moments, just be warned that it's uneven and might make you snap the next time you hear someone whistling.

C-

She's in this.

Attention sheeple: a new image from Breaking Dawn has just hit the internets!

Here's a newsflash for those of you out there who have your bar for quality control set low enough to be Twilight fans: This picture makes no sense, because he's dead, which means there's no beating heart pumping blood throughout his body, which means no blood flow to his glittering penis, which means he can't get an erection, make love, and most assuredly can not get someone pregnant.

If you don't buy into all of this crazy science business, by all means bury your heads back in the fucking sand, and continue to take it in the ass from this terrible series (and I mean both in the literary and cinematic formats.)

Oh and don't forget to set your dvr's for The Bachelor, as that represents true love fairly well too.

Carry on.

Upcoming Movie Spotlight- Rubber (2011)

I can't remember the last time I saw such an... odd concept for a horror flick:

When Robert, an inanimate tire, discovers his destructive telepathic powers, he soon sets his sights on a desert town; in particular, a mysterious woman becomes his obsession.




Now, you can call me crazy, but this movie looks fun as hell. A telepathic tire out for revenge? We are all in on this one. If it sucks, it still has Wings Hauser...

Available on VOD- February 25th

My Soul to Take 3D (2010)

I was really, really looking forward to this one. as were all of my fellow THC freaks.. Wes Craven is who he is after all, and despite a few lackluster efforts lately, he makes good flicks. Well, this one is lackluster too, I'm afraid, and it made us sad.

Forget the 3D aspect of the movie, it was an after thought (like it seems to be with most 3D movies these days), and was nothing more than a marketing gimmick here. It did nothing to enhance the movie or make it more fun. At all. So forget about that mess, and let's concentrate on the plot.

It's 1994 and the Riverton Ripper is on the loose. His name is Abel. He's killed a bunch of girls, and after killing his pregnant wife, he calls his doctor for help because he feels like he's "losing it." Just as he's about to kill his 3 year old daughter, the police burst in and shoot him. They check to see if he's dead, and he grabs a gun and shoots his doctor. They shoot him again, and he vows to return. On the way to the hospital (why?), the cop and paramedic talk about souls or something, only to have Abel sit up and slash the paramedics throat with a hidden knife. Yeah.

The ambulance flips over due to the knife violence, and everyone escapes before it explodes. Abel escapes into the river, as do all of our hopes for this movie.

That's just the opening sequence.

16 years later (of course), we find out that 7 kids were born on the very night that the Riverton Ripper died/didn't die, and they have a party to celebrate every year on the anniversary of his death/undeath. As if you didn't see it coming, the "Riverton Seven" are killed off one by one, and of course the creepy kid of the school gets blamed. The creepy kid, Bug, has to figure out the mystery of Abel the Ripper, and why he can't get laid by the hottest girl in school. 14 plot twists later, it all makes perfect sense, and yet no sense at all... Come on... baby and big sister... Bug and his cranky, older sister... Think hard.

Riddled with cliches and a janky plot, I can't imagine how in the world anyone thought this movie would be good. It's predictable, safe, and at times, nonsensical. When the big reveal hits us (about Bug), it isn't compelling other than it compelled us to shake our collective head in disgust. The next big reveal (the one that "explains it all") was even worse.

By the time the ending was in sight, my attention was anywhere else but on the screen.

Maybe Hollywood is fine with making half-assed movies like this and marketing them to teens, whom they obviously think are complete morons. They are coming out with a Rubik's Cube movie after all. Fine, teens can suffer through crap easier than an older audience, but still, can't they make the crap less crappy at least? I can hate Twilight for everything that it is (and isn't), but it still make more sense than this movie ever could. I just said that. Trust me, that's saying a lot.

I'm getting tired of making excuses for our genre's great directors, and the bad films they've offered us in recent years. Hell, the remakes of Wes Craven's classic movies are better than most of what he's given us since maybe the first Scream. Maybe guys like him just lose their touch. Maybe they don't have the power to fight the execs that sit behind the desks and demand profit over quality. Whatever the reason, we're the ones suffering for it.

My Soul to Take sounded interesting enough, but delivered on none of that promise. Unless you're 14 and have no clue what good movies are yet. I would have liked it when I was 14. Maybe.

Let's hope we get a better effort from Mr. Craven with Scream 4, because we didn't get much of one here.

A running tally of the years movies so far...

Her is the archive of reviews for the year 2011. Think of it as a handy reference.

The movies below are grouped by letter grade, alphabetically so as not to give the impression of "order."

Movies that are in bold are movies we've seen, but not reviewed. They are grouped in with other movies in their probable grade range, had we reviewed them. Some we will review, maybe.

A+
The Troll Hunter

A
Battle : LA
I Saw The Devil
I Spit on Your Grave
Megan is Missing
Rare Exports
Scream
Stake Land
Tucker & Dale vs Evil

A-
The Shrine
Red, White & Blue
The Man From Nowhere

B+
A Horrible Way to Die
Amer
Bereavement
Blitz
The Devil's Rock
Drive Angry 3D
I Am Number Four
In Their Sleep
Insidious
Little Deaths
Mother's Day
The Thing
The Tunnel
Wake Wood
Wrong Turn 4

B
Paranormal Activity 3
Rammbock
Black Death
We Are What We Are

C+
Alyce
Prowl
The Resident

C
Blood Runs Cold
Breadcrumbs
Hatchett II
Psyche:9
Quarantine 2
Red State
Vlog

C-
Burke & Hare
Dawning
Fritt Vilt III
Priest
The Traveler
Uninhabited
The Vanishing on 7th street
Vertige
The Ward
We Are the Night


D+
The Bleeding House
Creature
The Orphan Killer
Season of the Witch
Yellowbrickroad

D
11-11-11 D
The Anniversary at Shallow Creek
Choose
Don't be Afraid of the Dark
Exorcismus
Fertile Ground
Grave Encounters
Siren
Dylan Dog


DO NOT WANT

8213: Gacy House
Bloodlust Zombies
Bunnyman
Closed for the Season
Episode 50
F
Fading of the Cries
Hellraiser: Revelations
Hidden 3D
Pelt
The River Murders
Rubber
Shark Night 3D
The Violent Kind
The Bleeding

The Possession of David O'Reilly (2010)

The more I think about this movie, the more it just kinda pisses me off.

The story is simple; David arrives late one night at his friends house, carrying on about how his wife is a cheating whore, and his friends tell him to stay the night. During the night, he starts seeing demons creeping around and trying to "get him", wakes his friends, rants a lot, and they just say "Calm down mate, stay here as long as you need, despite you acting crazy and unstable."

Despite his wife telling him that something feels wrong about the whole thing and that they need to tell David to leave, Alex dismisses her and invited the obviously unwell man to stay as long as he needs to. Out of guilt I guess? Now, if you're really someone's friend, you stick with them even through the worst of times, that's just how decent people act, but let's be real here; it was obvious that something happened to his wife and that David was either in the same danger or losing his grip on reality, so either way a good friend would have called the police or someone in the mental health field to truly help their friend in need.

The torment of David by demons/his paranoia (we aren't ever sure which it is) grows worse and worse, and with his sane yet ignorant friends standing by and doing nothing about it, we are treated to constant jittery camera moves, long shots of doors, rooms and hallways, and by the time we get to the end, it's a little creepy but just makes too little sense and frustrates us so much that it all ceases to matter.

And what about the ending sucks so bad? Well it's absolutely ambiguous, as we get no clear resolution of anything. I am all for open endings and guessing games in my movies, but there has to be something else there to support those kind of choices, or it just doesn't work. Had the movie that come before been compelling as the filmmakers intended, the ending could have passed as interesting. Instead, it just feels like a cop out for a story that never knew what it really wanted to be.

The movie relies too much on forcing us to ask "what's going on here?" to be enjoyable, and coupled with the found footage-esque visuals, perpetual darkness, and jumbled feel, it takes us right out of anything that was meant to be suspenseful or creepy.

Was there anything good about it?: Sure, there were a few things.
-The creatures -what very little we got to see of them- did look creepy and pretty cool.
-The acting is fairly solid all around, though the character of David is too jittery and disjointed, making him annoying more than convincing or sympathetic.
-The premise was interesting, though nothing very interesting was done with it.

I can imagine that some people will like this movie, though I can't really imagine why. It's NOT a Paranormal Activity clone, so don't go thinking that, although the director seems to think that this movie gave the makers of Paranormal Activity their film's foundation. That's a pretty bold statement considering that one movie sucked and one movie didn't. I guess it's up to you to decide which is which.

As for us....

In Their Sleep (2010/2011)

"Something must be in the water in France, because they just keep on turning out one solid genre flick after another these days..."

IN THEIR SLEEP
Sub-Genre- Serial Killer/Thriller
France 2010/World 2011

Cast Members of Note- Anne Parillaud, Arthur Dupont, Thierry Fremont and Jean-Hugues Anglades.

What's it About?- Let's keep it simple so as not to ruin any of the twisty plot points, shall we?

In Their Sleep is about a sexy MILF who drives her son to jump out of a window and her husband to leave her, thus leaving her all alone in the French countryside with only her guilt to live with. I think she also has a cat named Henri, but we don't see much of him throughout the film, as he's most likely outside chasing mice around in the grass. Or something.

Do not trust this woman! She's like poison to young men!

After nearly killing a patient with her incompetence b-ecause she's basically the worst nurse ever- our MILF is sent home in the middle of the night to contemplate why young men in her life always seem to come so close to death when she's around. Fittingly enough, she hits another young man on the road, nearly killing him too. No, she is not the serial killer, but it does seem like a trend, doesn't it?

A nap? After a bloody car wreck? Well the movie is about people sleeping after all...
Feeling guilty, she takes her latest victim home to throw some band-aids on his wounds, but she is not alone... a bloody maniac nearly drives them off of the road and follows them to her house, hell bent on killing the kid that she nearly killed herself. From here on out, it's a fight for survival as the MILF and her hit-and-not-run victim try to fend of the madman and his bloody rage...

Why you mad though?
Will the madman get his way and see them both dead? Will our MILF heroine finally get it right and save the life of a young boy instead of nearly killing him? Will Henri ever show up on the porch with a newly-caught mouse in his teeth? I'm not going to spoil what happens here, as things do get pretty twisty as the film goes on, but I will say that I think Henri is dead. Poor kitty.

R.I.P. Henri. We will miss you, mon ami.
The Good- I don't want to say this movie is a whodunit type of a thriller, but it certainly does a good job of keeping you guessing at different things throughout its running time. I don't know what it is, but the French sure do have a knack for making some smart horror/thriller flicks, and Dans Ton Sommeil is a clever little beast that actually uses the ever so popular and cliche' "twist" to good effect.

The serial killer aspect of things is pretty creepy and effective, and leads to a few nasty kill scenes which is always fun. Arthur Dupont and Thierry Fremont (one of whom is a cold blooded killer) do great jobs at both playing creepy while oddly sympathetic characters, and manage to keep you guessing at their motivation throughout. Anne Parillaud looks damn good for a 50 year old, and she still has the acting chops too. I'll always think of Nikita or Innocent Blood when I see her, but she can carry other movies quite capably as well. She proves that here.

The Bad- Why are people so damned trusting of one another? I hit a guy on the road, I'm calling the cops, not taking him home to my place to tend his frigging wounds. To me, that just invites all sorts of trouble that I don't need, and I prefer to play things safe. Too safe.

The Downright Horrendous- *Kinda spoiler/tamtrum* The scene in which our heroine gets behind the wheel, starts speeding and driving crazy, lets go of the wheel and flips her car left be a bit cold... it just felt forced and out of place with the rest of the movie, and I hate it. It's stupid! Dumb scene! Waaaa! *end tantrum*

Don't pout, Anne Parillaud, you know I'm right.
The Gory- Slit throats, car wrecks and stabbings galore! Well, maybe not "galore", but there's enough wet stuff in this one to keep us satisfied.

The Naked- The ladies get some full frontal male nudity and the guys get a mostly naked Anne Parillaud taking a shower.

What did we learn?- Never pick up hitchhikers, even if you hit them with your car and feel bad. Also, once again France proves to be a creepy and dangerous place!

The Master Says- B+ We've been on a run of great movies as of late here at THC, and In Their Sleep definitely continues that trend. Smart, tense, and clever, this French thriller gave us a twist or two that actually added to the plot rather than left us feeling cheated. That's nice to see for a change. France hits another solid home run with this movie, and further solidifies themselves as one of the best horror making countries in the world. This movie is playing on IFC On Demand right now, so plop down 7.99 and treat yourself to a great little thriller. IFC is always a worthy cause to spend our cash on anyhow.

Final Thoughts- At 50 years old, Anne Parillaud is still a sexy, sexy woman.

I Saw the Devil (2010/2011)

"South Korea has given us one of the best serial killer movies of all time..."

I SAW THE DEVIL
Sub-Genre- Revenge
2010(S.Korea)/2011 (Sundance)

Cast Members of Note- Byung-hun Lee and Min-sik Choi.

What's it About?- Kyung is a creepy bastard. He like to rape and murder women (and maybe men or dogs for all we know) in sick, twisted, and creative ways. When they beg for mercy, he bitch slaps them and yells "You no talk!" When they talk again, he kills them real good. For the record, I would not talk if he told me not to. Then again, I find it hard to talk through tears.

Oldboy is not to be trifled with.
Ju-yeon is a hot Korean chick who can't change a flat tire, which apparently is an offense punishable by death in Korea. I'm pretty sure that's what drove Kyung to torture and kill her. Or... it could be that he's just a really sick twist, and he was bored. Either way, killing is his business, and business is good.

"You no learn change tire, you die!"
Dae-hoon is the secret agent who is engaged to Ju-yeon. When she is killed, he takes a week off of work to go bat shit crazy, find Kyung, and visit on him 10,000 times the pain he inflicted on his true love. He promises her ghost that at her funeral, so he has to follow through. And, he does. Although to be fair, 10,000 times any amount of violence is pretty much an impossible goal, though it's a nice sentiment.

Look out Dae-hoon, that tricky bitch is behind you!
And so Dae-hoon chases Kyung across Korea, messing with his head, torturing him at will, and teaching him a lesson in revenge! Will Dae-hoon ever kill Kyung? Will Kyung instead kill Dae-hoon? Will innocent people die when they don't have to, all to teach Dae-hoon that revenge has its price? I don't know about all of that, but let me say that even in Korea it's important to never poke the bear. Bears don't like that.

Even in a wheelchair, this bear is scary.
The Good- I think it's fair to say that I Saw the Devil is the best serial killer movie we've seen since Se7en. We see them all too, because there's something about a good hero vs. serial killer drama that just tickles our horror bones. This one tickled us so much that we peed a little. Figuratively, of course.

This movie has a level of tension that is palpable, and combined with brutal violence, compelling characters brought to life by a great cast, and some pretty sharp directing by Kim Ji-woon, it sucked us in instantly and became an instant favorite. South Korea is putting out some great films these days, and even if they are on the bloody side of thing sometimes, they shouldn't be missed.

It's great to see Min-sik Choi back in front of the camera again in a major role since his self imposed exile from film (he's political or something.) He is brilliantly intense as Kyung, and scared us a little bit with his portrayal. If you're unfamiliar with his previous work, you need to check out Oldboy; revenge movies don't get much better than that. And it has to be said that Byung- hun Lee was great as Dae-Hoon as well.

The Bad- In all honesty, as amazing as this movie was, it could have withstood about 10 or so minutes of exposition trimmed off to make it leaner and meaner. That's not to say that it's boring or slow, just that it could have been that much more effective with a cut here or there.

The Downright Horrendous- Character aesthetics aside, why not just kill the ruthless killer when you have the chance? I mean, why toy with the guy? I understand that Dae-Hoon went off of the deep end and wanted to make Kyung suffer, but letting him go over and over again only to catch him and inflict more pain each time is like trying to make out with a cobra... you just know it can't end well.

This is not the guy that you let go.
The Gory- Between the sadistic serial killer and the equally sadistic hero of the movie, we are offered a wet, messy plethora of violence and gore; ankle violence, some beheading, multiple stabbings... it's plenty gory.

The Naked- We get one sex scene that is fairly graphic, a near rape, and assorted glimpses of girls in various stages of undress, though none of it lasts too long.

Best Line- "Hey Retard, who hit your penis?"

What did we learn?- Revenge is best served quickly. Also, South Korea makes some crazy good movies.

The Master Says- A+ I Saw the Devil is about as close to perfect as a horror-thriller flick can get. Not since Se7en has a movie about a serial killer been so engrossing and well executed, with a storyline that not only shocks but keeps you on the edge of your seat until the very end. With A Tale of Two Sisters, Three Extremes II, The Good, the Bad, the Weird, and now I Saw The Devil under his belt, Ji-woon Kim has become a director whose work I covet. You should too. This movie is aces.

Final Thoughts- She's in this. You're welcome.

The Horseman (2010)

"Think Taken meets Father of the Bride, but with a dead bride and fishhooks... and that really doesn't begin to cover the dynamics at work in this movie..."
We finally got a chance to see The Horseman, after missing out on it for one reason or another throughout most of last year, and we're sorry that it took us so long.

It's an inexpensive looking little movie; not to say it's cheap at all, but you can see that it's a smaller budget (about $10,000 actually), "realistic" looking flick. I think that the look and feel of it all lends itself to the overall grit of the movie, which was much like sharpened diamond chips to begin with. The director uses digital medium here to good effect.

The movie is about Christian, a grieving father that snaps and goes on a revenge spree to avenge the death of his daughter at the hands of evil Aussie pornographers. He exacts his brutal, unflinching revenge on each man who had even the smallest part in the events that lead to her death, but what makes it interesting is that you can see it tearing him apart as much as it's satisfying him. Fish hooks, air pumps, hammers... and tears? Why not? It's an interesting mix for a change.

Along the way he meets a young girl named Alice, a troubled "runaway" that reminds him of his own troubled daughter. Thus, he takes her under his wing, trying his best to give her the help that might have saved his own daughters life. The dynamic between the two is effective and works wonderfully. Of course he unwittingly drags her into his own sordid mess, and has to fight not only to avenge the memory of his child, but to save Alice as well...

From the get go, the blood and violence flow freely and often, and never let up until the end. Some of it, most of it, is tough to watch. Again, the realistic feel of the movie made the nasty bits, and there were plenty of them, feel all the more nasty. I almost want to use the words torture porn here, but the movie really isn't that. unlike most graphically violent flicks of the genre, The Horseman never sensationalizes the on screen atrocity. It's honest. Sincere even. And amidst all of the horrible things you're watching, the movie tugs at your heart strings.

You are so screwed, mate.
I found it to be pretty powerful and entertaining, if painful to watch sometimes... I mean come on, torture makes you flinch. Right? It does me. It was bearable here though because I believed in the main character. Not only did Peter Marshall do a great job playing Christian (I'd love to see him get some more genre work), but the character was written and directed honestly. I bought into his mission, and cheered him on. My heart broke a little bit for him, despite the nasty things he was doing. Sure, his daughter wasn't a perfect kid and had some issues, but the vultures that preyed on her absolutely got what was coming to them.

What father wouldn't do the same for his own kid?

The Master Says- A Visceral yet honest enough not to be pure exploitation, The Horseman is one you should check out if you can stomach a ton of brutal violence to go along with your exposition. I hope the director, Steve Kastrissios, shows us some more of what he has to offer soon, because he made an effective little film here, with next to no resources. Had we seen it sooner, this would have been in our top 10 of the year for 2010.

It's nice to see that true creativity with heart still exists in horror cinema.

It's time for 10 Posters again...

You know the drill; horror movie posters/DVD box art can be misleading, so we are here to look at 10 posters that caught our eye, and pass judgment.

It's what we do.


The trailer for this one doesn't look so bad... I'm kinda shocked.

Does this poster not scream "House of Twinks?"


Not even her cleavage could save this clunker...


Okay, maybe I'm crazy, but for a movie that claims to be the first ever movie filmed in one continuous take (not cuts), are there not a ton of cuts in this clip alone? Maybe the opening scene doesn't count. Check the CLIP here, and decide for yourself. Also, the chick on the cover is hot, but can't act to save her life.


The ass is intriguing, but I know it wont be worth sitting through this one..


Love the old school-ish looking poster, but not being able to find a trace of a trailer online tells me to look no further than the neat art...


I hope that the bear wins...


With lines like "This isn't terrorism... these are snakes!" I have to wonder how is Tara Reid not doing porn yet?


Is someone kidding? Check the TRAILER


My God Ami Dolenz was so hot back in the 80's... This movie is pure suck though.