August 28, 2010

Fangoria Frightfest- Final Overview

We watched them, we cringed, and in the end, we shake our heads at Fangoria and their half-baked Frightfest. It's a shame really, as Fangoria is the Holy Grail of horror print and happenings and has been for over 3 decades, and they seem to have picked some very lackluster films to slap their name on and promote. A few were good, a few were decent, but the majority of the Frightfest films were sub par and forgettable. The verdict(s): Fragile: B+ Grimm Love- B Hunger- C Dark House- C Roadkill- D Pig Hunt- D The Tomb- Do Not Want. The Haunting- Did not watch. We didn't even watch The Haunting. We tried, but by the time we sat down to give it a go, all of our patience had been drained by the other movies we had to endure, and we turned it off about 20 minutes in and called it a day. It could rock, it could suck... we don't know, and right now, we don't care. That sounds shitty of us, but man, Fango really took the wind out of our collective sails with the FFF, and we are just finished. If Fangoria does another round of the Frightfest in the future- which is bound to happen- we can only hope that they pick a group of better films than this one was, because frankly Tony Timpone and his crew is better than this.
Check out the reviews below!

August 23, 2010

If this doesnt make you crave a blood orgy...

...then nothing will, my friends.

Frightfest Review: Dark House (2010)
A little girl who witnesses a mass-murder of other kids grows up to be an acting student, and finds herself being drawn back to the scene of the slaughter... all for the sake of her craft, and for the benefit of her acting school.

Once her Improv Troop arrives at the creepy mansion where said massacre took place, the evil ghost of the child killer starts dispatching everyone on site... using computers.

This movie could have been kick-ass, but as it is, it's more along the lines of "not bad." Dark House definitely fills the gore quota, is mildly witty, and fairly entertaining, but in the end it felt a bit too cheesy for us to fully enjoy.

She's behind... err... to the side of you!
So, the evil spirit of the child murderer possesses the computer of the people setting-up in the house... fine. The fact that every few minutes the film cuts to a scene of her spinning around or vibrating wildly in some sort of cyberspace (for lack of a better term) was not fine. It felt really lame out of place, and killed any hopes for mood that the film had.

Jeffrey Combs was fun in this one, as he always is, but his wit and quirky delivery wasn't enough to make the movie truly humorous, and it tried so hard to be amusing, that it never really felt like much of a creep-fest.

Pretty creepy, but why so spin?
I'm not generally a fan of confused or middle-of-the-road type movies, and this one felt like both. It's very possible that it's just me, and this type of Horror flick just isn't what I like; I can admit that personal preference doesn't always jibe with the quality of something, but while it didn't totally suck, Dark House just didn't do much for me.


Meghan Ory and Erin Cummings are in this.

Frightfest Review: Pig Hunt (2010)
A guy takes his city friends on a hunting trip to the backwoods farm where he grew up, only to find that they are the one being hunted! Clever, huh?

There's also something about a Hillbilly Gang that grows weed, an odd black dude that has a harem of naked whores running around the woods, and also a freakishly large pig that eats people...

Scrolling through the user reviews on IMDB, one would think that this is a masterpiece of low budget Horror... until you realize that most people that comment about flicks like this on IMDB are shills, and they like to lie. This movie sucked. Plain and simple.

But it had nudity. Lots of nudity.
As if the premise about a killer pig isn't lame enough, the fact that they didn't even show the titular beast until there were only about 10 minutes left in the movie, was a serious slap in the face. At least when they did finally show it, there was no CGI to be found, the filmmakers instead opting to use old-school methods to bring the massive sow to life. That was pretty cool.

I can imagine that some people will like this movie, claiming it to be a bloody, funny, Grindhouse-like piece of schlocky gold, but I'm not buying it. The story is not only hollow and MORE THAN FAMILIAR, but it starts out as a Backwoods Monster thing, switches gear to an Angry Hillbilly thing, segues into becoming a Russ Meyer whore-fest cult movie, and then with 8 minutes left, the movie is about a killer pig again.

Oh boy.
I will give this movie 2 things:
  • Les Claypool of Primus did the film's music, and he's all kinds of cool.
  • There's a pretty awesome scene with about 10 naked sluts towards the end, rubbing and kissing each other. That was neat too.

Other than that though, it's all been done many, many times before, and far, far better.

Oh, just make out already!
Another clunker. I have to wonder why Fangoria selected some of these films for their signature DVD line.


Tina Huang and Marissa Ingrasci are in this.

August 22, 2010

Frightfest Review: Fragile (2010)
Ally McBeal is a Nurse now, and her skinny ass is still causing all kinds of hi-jinks and hilarity, and getting herself (and everyone else around her) into all sorts of wacky mischief... only this time it's with a bunch of sick kids, so it's not as amusing. Then again, Ally McBeal was never really amusing to begin with...

Anywho, there's a vengeful spirit lurking on the 2nd floor of this creepy Children's Hospital, and by vengeful I mean it breaks the bones of the already sick kids for laughs. Enter Ally McBeal as the children's only hope?

Having seen all 8 of the movies now, we can honestly say that this is the best that the Fangoria Frightfest has to offer. I expected absolutely nothing from this one (seeing as it stars Calista Flockhart, and has been sitting on the shelf for the better part of 5 years), but I was eating crow about 30 minutes into watching it, and spitting out the feathers for the duration.

Hottest nurse ever.
This movie does a really good job of setting the mood and then creeping you the hell out with the story. It's not the scariest thing ever, but it's genuinely effective.

Jaume Balaguero (the guy who directed [REC], [REC 2], and another creepy fave of ours, Darkness) also lensed this one, and it all makes sense to me now... all of the aforementioned films have the same dirty, Demonic feel about them, and they manage to suck you into their worlds and keep you shitting kittens until the end. The guy has a deft touch when it comes to nuance and making things creepy. We are big fans of you Jaume (however you pronounce your name), and we can't wait to see what you'll do next. 

Run for your Goddamn life!
If you love Haunted House flicks, then this one should satisfy you on most levels... even though it's more of a Haunted Hospital flick, really. Still. You know what I mean. This is the tops of the Fangoria Frightfest, and if you only see one of its 8 movies (not to die for), then make it this one.


Calista Flockhart, and the crazy hot Elena Anaya are in this.

August 21, 2010

Frightfest Review: Grimm Love (2010)

Finally, one of the Fangoria Frightfest films delivers the goods...
Keri Russell plays an Emo-ish (borderline Goth-ish) Grad Student who is writing a thesis on the subject of Gay Cannibals (because obviously gay guys like to eat each other.)

She's all mopey and has a dark side that shines through now and then, which sends her on a mission to find out the truth about a supposed Gay German Serial Killer... It's supposed that he's a Serial Killer, not gay. Everyone is pretty sure that he's gay.

Anywho, what she finds instead is a bunch of creepy Germans who have a fetish that involves eating each other (and not usually in the pleasant way.)

Cannibalism is not love!
 This is one of those slow burn movies that feels tainted from the get go, and gradually gets more morbid the further into it you get. By the time the last scenes of the movie arrive, you're most likely going to be cringing and saying "What in the hell is wrong with people?"

This movie tackles two difficult and uncomfortable subject matters in Cannibalism and Gay Sex... if you have a problem watching either on screen, you may want to skip this one as there are plenty of suggestive and visceral images of both on screen throughout.

Is it a love story? In a way. It's more a story about some lonely, mentally-scarred people finding each other, while at the same time finally finding a purpose. Either that, or it's a story about some fucked up German Serial Killer who was the first to exploit and use the Internets as a tool for his craft. Either way it's interesting, and even better than that, it's really dark and incredibly creepy.

Terrifying, even.
There's a particularly spooky email exchange towards the end which really drove our Creepy Meters through the roof, and finally gave Keri Russell what she wanted... and more! Dun, dun, dun! But seriously, it was pretty eerie, reminding us of the basement scene from Zodiac; you never know who is where, and why or how they are there, only that they are there and lurking there to give you a message or scare. (I have no idea what I just wrote.)

Subtle, eerie, uncomfortable and just downright spooky, Grimm Love delivers the creepy goods. (I know I just used eerie, spooky and creepy in the same sentence, which is really redundant and sloppy grammar, but it needed to be done!)

Christ Almighty.
I was very surprised to find that this movie has basically sat on the shelf since 2006, and couldn't find any kind of release, because it's definitely a flick worth seeing. A solid entry to the Frightfest, I can only hope this is a sign of things to come with 4 movies left to watch...


Grimm Love is available now on DVD and VOD.

Keri Russell is in this.

Frightfest Review: Hunger (2010)
Some dweeb who ate his mother as a kid abducts a bunch of people, dumps them down a well, and starves them until they feel like eating each other... sounds like a cathartic exercise for an insane mind, to me. That's what I'm guessing, anyway.

I'm pretty sure that this was the script originally intended for Saw XVII, but it was so bold and brilliant the the Filmmakers just had to let it stand on their own. You already know the cast; The stripper, the hot Final Girl chick, the bland hero guy that everyone cant help but love, the street savvy loose cannon, and the timid geek... all whom are at the mercy of Kenny Rogers' gimpy looking son!

What are they looking at?
This one had some merit to it, especially with as bloody as it got in the later going, but in the end it just wasn't my thing. Too many flashbacks for my taste, and most of them involved the "bad guy" whom I didn't give one shit to know more about. For the record, the bad guy/killer of the movie looked about as threatening as Kenny Rogers, beard and all, and every time they cut to him, he was making odd faces or adjusting a button or something... I just didn't buy into his menace.

The gore was pretty good though.
The whole "several strangers who are connected to each other somehow find themselves trapped in some inescapable place together as part of a game/experiment" thing has worn out its welcome with me as well. Too many low budget Horror flicks have tried to walk the line that the Saw films have drawn in the sand since 2004, but most just tend to be cheaper and less engaging shadows of said series, rather than bold, fresh new takes on a clever story.

The movie is not without merit however, especially as everything got a little bloody and nasty in the third reel, and the ending was fairly satisfying, which was a nice change of pace. Aside from the "mental games" aspect of the movie, some of the action was fun and definitely messy, so it has its appeal.

Jigsaw has gone too far this time!
Overall, I think that a lot of Horror peeps will really like this movie, while I am more inclined to just call it decent. Of the three we've seen so far, this is the Fangoria Frightfest movie to rent... if you're feeling brave and don't mind taking a risk that you may be as underwhelmed by it as I was.


Lori Heuring is in this.