Remake Heaven or Hell- An American Werewolf in London

Another one bites the dust...


It was bad enough when some asshole decided that An American Werewolf in Paris was a great idea for a sequel, but with news of the impending An American Werewolf in London remake, I've officially resigned myself to the fact that Hollywood just doesn't give a shit anymore.

No doubt the remake will boast lazy CGI, replacing the Academy Award winning FX of Rick Baker that made the original so great. That's right; it won an Academy Award!

Better than CGI.
My only question is how is Dimension going to ruin this one for us? Make it edgy and dark, forgoing the black humor which made the original work so well? Maybe they'll make the 2 backpacking tourists chicks? How about a pack of CGI werewolves instead of just one? Maybe cater to the pre-teen Twilight crowd by casting a bunch of shirtless tween actors to pout at each other for 90 minutes?

Any way you slice it, this idea just sucks. Me no happy.

Release Date: Too soon
Rating: Probably PG-13

Verdict: Dimension can blow me.

June 2009 Wrap-Up

June was a pretty decent month. True Blood is back and firing on all cylinders), we got some pretty cool flicks at the box office, even though they are limited releases, and even DVD gave us a decent handful of goods.

At the Box-Office we got...
Dead Snow- Awesome Nazi-zombie flick, this is one of our faves of the year so far.
-Moon has been getting all sorts of praise, and looks great.
-Limited runs of Surveillance and Blood: The Last Vampire; the first one we saw and liked, the second one we'd like to see, but we're not sure if we'll like it or not.
-True Blood returned with its second season!

On DVD we got...
Own it- Gozu, Friday the 13th (2009), Sauna, F13th 4-6.
Rent it- Elsewhere, Backwoods.
Skip it- Razortooth, Anaconda 4, Trail of Blood, Silent Venom, Ghosts of Goldfield, Born, Terror at Bloodfart Lake, The Cell 2, The Tribe.
The ones we haven't seen yet- Retardead, Second Coming, The Seventh Seal, Platoon of the Dead, Killing Ariel.

June was ok, but July looks even better on the theatrical front; Orphan could be interesting, and we're dying to see Chan-wook Park's Thirst. DVD is bringing us some summer heat too, with movies such as Acolytes, [Rec], and Near Dark. Sweaty and bloody, July looks like it's ready to soak us either way!

*Make sure to check our Release Date List to stay up to date on what's coming out and when.

June Week 4- The week in "Do Not Want!"

Only one this week. It feels good for a change, though something tells me this next week will bring us more than one clunker to sit through...


Born- I should have known the minute that the title screen popped up that I was in trouble... did they use a Commodore Vic-20 for that graphic? It doesn't get much better from there, with scripting, acting, and a plot that are mostly awful. This movie may have been going for dark humor (then again it may not, I couldn't tell) but it failed.

A few good points, and I use the word "good" very lightly:
-Alison Brie's boobs were awesome, as was her pregnant tummy. She's just awesome.
-Nudity galore. Sex galore. Even some alleyway lesbian action!
-Plenty of gore.

Everything Else:
-When Kane Hodder is the best actor in the movie, run. No offense Kane, I'm a big fan, but come on.
-Wow, is Joan Severance looking old.
-What happened to Denise Crosby? She's a good actress, and yet winds up in this mess?
-The acting in this movie may be the worst I've seen in a LONG time; especially the dad (grandfather?) and slutty sister. The script didn't help much either.
-A dad checks his daughter out to make sure her hymen is still intact... with her sister holding her legs open? What?!?
-"Pin the tail on the pussy, Grandpa!" That actually happened.

Daybreakers!

This trailer looks wicked to the point that Ethan Hawke even looks cool. That's saying something.

Deadgirl (2009)

Meh. This one should have been so much better...


DEADGIRL
Sub-Genre- Zombie/Teen Terror

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Candice Accola, Shiloh Fernandez, Andrew Dipalma, and the ever trusty Michael Bowen.

What's it About?- Ah, High School. A magical land of cliques, intolerance, girls that turn slutty way to early, and math. Also, awkward mutual-masturbation sessions between friends, but I only read about that on the internet... Anyways, Ricky and JT are High School losers who skip school, drink beer, and dabble in rape together. They live on the edge.

Rebels with no cause, whatsoever.
Together they find a naked chick chained to a table in an abandoned old insane asylum, and decide to use her as a sex slave. JT (who looks/acts like Christian Slater's retarded cousin Clint) is all for the rape, especially since she's "Dead", and even gets some other friends in on it. Soon enough, the dank basement turns into an after school gang-bang hang out. Doesn't that just remind you of your own High School years? No? Me neither.

She obviously wants it, that's why she's chained there naked against her will.
From here on out, really horrible kids make some really asinine decisions, and flat out defy any semblance of reality with their actions. Even the girl, whom we feel for throughout the movie, seals her own fate by being a moron. Just desserts all around.

The Good- Deadgirl achieves a pretty high level of disturbing, that for all its faults, is still fairly engaging. It's one of those movies that make you feel dirty while watching it, and long after, which I suppose is its job. It's nasty, sometimes creepy, disturbing and horrific. The acting is far better than the script is, with the cast doing their jobs pretty well.

A tool with a tool. How apropos.
Candice Accola was definitely one good thing about this flick. She's a good little actress, and also a hottie. Aside from this, check her out in On the Doll; not a horror flick, but disturbing in its own right.

More please.
The Bad- Why do I get the feeling that the filmmakers totally dropped the ball here? Great premise, fairly well made, and yet I failed to sympathize with any of the characters, even the ones that were supposed to be sympathetic. I'm tired of horror movies making their characters do completely moronic things for no reason other than to actually advance a plot. I get that realism and horror seldom go hand in hand, but there is/should be a limit to the amount of shit we have to swallow.

The Downright Horrendous- I know the level of ignorance, apathy and recklessness is way worse amongst teens now than when I was in school, but the kids in this movie are pieces of shit. The rape, gang rape, "Pay me $10 and I'll let you into our rape club" shit was just insane. Worse still, the "nice guy" of the group that thinks what's going on is "wrong", doesn't have a bit of fucking sense in his head to call the police? Death to them all, and any others of their ilk.

The Gory- This movie definitely has some blood and gore... The bathroom scene. Jesus. The "mouth" scene was nasty too. There are plenty of nasty bits spread throughout this one to make the gorehound in you happy.

"Wharrgarbl!"
The Naked- The Deadgirl is naked the whole time, but it's a creepy kind of naked. Plenty of it though. Oh, and tons of rape. No hotness to be found here, aside from Candice Accola.

Best Line- "You should have fucked her when you were 9, you had the chance boy!" or "Yeah? Why don't you go for the mouth then?" Nasty.

What did we learn?- Hollywood thinks that all teens are blithering idiots. Also, do not mess with fat chicks... they will fuck you up.

We also learned that this dog rules.
Rating- C (5.5/10) This was a pretty good movie, but it had some big flaws that frustrated the hell out of me, and ultimately made it much less of a movie than it could have been. If you can forgive the absolutely ridiculous premise, and abide some of the worst characters ever, then you might like this. Rent it before you buy.

Final Thoughts- Candice Accola is a doll.

Trailer Round-Up

I rarely post trailers here, for many reasons; and I'm not going to tell you what they are. I do need to start posting links to them though, because some just need to be seen.

So once a week I'll do a lil' round-up, which will give you all a chance to see some cool new trailers, and will make me feel like I'm a better person for sharing. I'll link you to pages on other sites that get exclusives, have full staff's with time to post more than I do, and deserve to be checked out anyways.

I still say we have the most comprehensive Release Date List though... (Top Left------>)

Anyways, on with it...

The Box (Wow, The Box looks like one hell of a flick.)
Dark House (Could be good.)
Orphan (mmm, Vera Farmiga. Movie looks decent too.)
Thirst (Oldboy's director strikes again!)
Skeleton Crew (Looks messy!)

A few we've reviewed:
Acolytes (Loved this movie.)
Deadgirl (Our review coming soon.)

*Thanks to: Quiet Earth, Bloody Disgusting, and Dread Central.

Remake Heaven or Hell- The Stepfather (2009)

I'm not sure why they remake the good horror movies of yesteryear; certainly they could VASTLY improve on such shitty 80's horror flicks as Witchboard, The Stuff, or Neon Maniacs, or something along those lines. Why mess with a movie like The Stepfather, that in no way can you hope to improve on?

First problem: You can't top Terry O'Quinn.
Sorry, but he was dead solid perfect as the insane step-dad, and he creeped us all out. You can't touch O'Quinn, the guy is a fantastic actor with sick presence. The new guy (Dylan Walsh) looks like an angry computer geek. Dylan Walsh is a fine character actor, but he's no Stepfather.

John Locke wins.
Second problem: The trailer sucks.
The remake looks like another PG-13, jump scared induced, lame-a-thon. The original was taut, tense, and definitely for mature audiences. Let's compare and contrast:

The Original
The Remake

Sure, the original looks "80's cheesy", but it's a great movie. The remake looks too glossy to me. I could be wrong of course, but as of right now I'm not excited.

Third Problem: It's a son this time instead of a daughter.
Jill Schoelen was the daughter in the original, and she was adorable; she was like every guy's teen dream, and we felt her terror because she was so sweet and vulnerable. I think it's much harder to feel for a son though, as they are stronger and tend to have more fight in them. Less vulnerable. Why didn't they make Amber Heard the new daughter?

Look how vulnerable she is. And wet. Very wet.
One good thing: Amber Heard.
Need I say any more? I'd like to devote a webpage to Amber Heard; clothed or naked, either'd be fine with me. Or both.

Seriously Amber, drop me an email. think of it as charity work.
One more good thing: A strong supporting cast.
Fine, it looks like ass, but the movie does boast some good actors like Christopher Meloni, Sela Ward, Jon Tenney, and Sherry Stringfield. I'm not sure that they will be enough to save this movie though...

Release Date: October 16th
Rating: PG-13

Verdict: This could be remake hell, mainly because the original was so effective, and it looks like Disturbia. Also, I love John Locke, so good luck topping his Stepfather. We will have to wait and see, but it doesn't look good.

Backwoods (2009)

After the debacle of films from the last batch left me in despair, this one was actually pretty decent...


BACKWOODS
Sub-Genre- Backwoods Horror

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Haylie Duff, Ryan Merriman, Danny Nucci, and a bunch of other people I don't know.

What's it About?- A group of stereotypical yuppie-larva, computer geeks head into the woods for a team building retreat, and of course, since they're so absolutely clueless, they act stupid in every possible way that they can to upset the locals. With their dumbest move of all, they take the advice of "Jasper", the "ain't right in the brain" barkeep at the gas station, and head to some more "out of the way" camping grounds.

I'd trust him.
After a fun, crazy, slo-mo swimmin' hole scene, the Young Republicans have a drunken bonfire and make camp for the night... they need to save their energy for the big paintball game in the morning! They also need to save their energy to fend off the rape inclined murderous hillbilly's that want to rape and murder them; and not necessarily in that order.

"Let's hurry up and finish this game so we can get us some rape!"
Needless to say, ignoring dead animals hanging from trees, random booby traps, a trashed campsite, and snooping around in someones home gets them in a world of trouble. Can they fight off the large family of "Deliverance Folk" with only paintball guns? Will it all end like Ruby Ridge did? Will Haylie Duff ever unleash those sweater puppies for us all to see? I'm guessing no on that last one.

Prude.
The Good- I was actually impressed by the way they handled the whole hillbilly horror thing; instead of a bunch of deformed inbred mouth-breathers, the clan was a well organized, intelligent religious cult who just hated the government. I also liked how the victims actually got to fight back instead of all dying off one by one, as they do in so many of these movies; Backwoods was unconventional in that aspect.

This movie is fairly generic, and it's plot is certainly reminiscent of plenty o' other horror flicks (Wrong Turn) for example, but it manages to be decent despite that. The cast is pretty decent too, and managed to have me actually rooting for them.

Am I the only one who thinks he looks a tad "dainty" in this picture?
The Bad- Token black guy; check. Token Asian guy; check. Token sweet, white final girl; check. Token mousy, mopey, white, "nice guy"; check. Token inbred country folk; check. Token slutty blond chick; check. Token "Bring it!" type jerk that you can't wait to see die; check. Lame, by-the-numbers script... oh, you get the point.

The Downright Horrendous- Why no boobs? Seriously, WHY NO BOOBS!?! I know there's more to life than T&A, but tell that to my testosterone.

The Gory- The gore in this one was kinda tame, but the violence was plenty; it was more like watching an action movie than a horror flick in terms of bloodletting, if that makes sense.


The Naked- No nudity, but we do get a bunch of tight shirts and cleavage which is still pretty nice.

Best Line- "This is your home now" or "Call me boy without that redneck gun in your hand!"

What did we learn?- Haylie Duff has nice boobs. Also, white guys should never say "for shizzle." Ever.

This is "The Rape Guy." Even if he wasn't, I'd still run from him.
Rating- C (6.0/10) An average time waster, Backwoods is worth a look if you like the whole "stuck in the woods with murderous mountain folk" type of thing. Don't expect too much, and you may just enjoy this flick.

Final Thoughts- My second favorite Duff Sister.

True Blood- Season 2, Episode 2

Holy shizz, tonight's episode was nasty; Lafayette digging through a severed leg to find something to pick his lock with was the best. I hope it gets even gorier in the future.

Some observations:
-At some point this season, an orgy is going to break out. Maybe two. Mark my words.
-Lafayette's request to Eric was cool.
-The "Bill and Jessica's family" scene was awesome.
-The Maenad is apparently horny and hungry all of the time.
-Eric's viking-like hair is gone... and I miss it.
-Jessica has daddy issues.

"I wouldn't try anything rash if I were you. I'm still hungry."
"Not only will I be a badass vampire, but I'll be your badass vampire."

Jason Stackhouse get's laid way too much...
Season 2 is shaping up to be kick ass, so you'd better not miss it!

Next...

The last batch left me feeling cold, as most of the movies were fairly bad. This batch of flicks looks way better, and if they're not, then they too shall feel my pouty vengeance!





My pre-viewing observations:
I've been waiting to see Backwoods, as I love Haylie Duff and really want to see her tortured.
Born sounds and looks interesting, I just hope it doesn't end up sucking like screamo music does..
Deadgirl is one I've been dying to see for about a year now. I have HIGH hopes for this movie.
Downloading Nancy looks really good to me, although it's more drama than horror I think. Still, it looks creepy enough to check out.
Embodiment of Evil looks nasty and wicked. Coffin Joe is back!
I'm hoping that Plaguers turns out to be like Alien Raiders; a little under the radar sci-Fi/Horror gem.

And here we go...

This batch was not so hot...

This has to be the worst batch of flicks I've/we've seen all year. 2 C's and 4 DO NOT WANT'S... I pray that the next batch of flicks is better, or I may have to start reviewing foreign comedies or something. The reviews are below somewhere, as are the DO NOT WANT'S.

Autumn- DO NOT WANT. Just poorly done in all aspects.
Bane- DO NOT WANT. Boring and convoluted.
The Cell 2- DO NOT WANT. Yes, it's as bad as it sounds.
Dead Wood- DO NOT WANT. Bright spots, but overall it was slow and uneventful.
Elsewhere- C Could have been far better, but it was decent in its way.
Parasomnia- C- A mixed bag for me at best.


DO NOT WANT cat was not happy this time around.

A quick review of Parasomnia

My first instinct was to put this one in the "DO NOT WANT" bin and forget about it, and I'm not a fan of doing that unless necessary, but... to write a review for this blog takes between 2-4 hours worth of prep work, research, creating, editing, googling/IMDB'ing, blah, blah, blah... so when a movie sucks or even kinda sucks, it's hard to muster the energy to put into reviewing it fully... hence why the "DO NOT WANT'S" of the world get such a brief treatment.

So here is a "Quick" version of a real review for Parasomnia, because it's not quite a DO NOT WANT.

In this sinister twist on the Sleeping Beauty legend, an innocent beauty suffering from a rare sleep disorder falls victim to a menacing mesmerist and serial killer who draws his vast arsenal of hypnotic weaponry to take control of her fragile psyche.

The Good/Decent-
-The acting was ok, but the script was pretty bad and didnt give anyone much to work with.
-Jeffrey Combs is always fun to watch. He flat out rocks.
-The serial killer (Volpe) was pretty cool. He's played by Patrick Kilpatrick who is one of my favorite character actors, and he's great here. I can't believe he's 60 years old!
-Cherilyn Wilson was pretty good, and also hot. She looks awesome naked.
-The gore was fun.

The Bad-
-Goofy, goofy, goofy. Cheesy at times even.

The Downright Horrendous-
-The CGI was pretty bad.
-The whole thing where he breaks her out of a mental hospital with ease was just lame, as was a lot of what came after.
-The ending... LOL

Grade- C- Some people will like it, some won't at all. I'm just not sure which of those I am.

June week 3- The week in "Do Not Want!"

We've seen them, we don't want to waste time reviewing them, we advise you to skip them.

*Keep in mind our litmus test for "Do Not Want"- Aside from a movie just being total crap, any movie that we would flip to on cable, watch for two minutes and say "Oh god, how does this crap get made?!?", and then flip away again, is a DNW flick. So crap/forgettable/unwatchable movies. Plus anything made by Uwe Boll. Ok, let's continue...


Terror at Blood Fart Lake- A few points about this movie:

-Yes, this movie actually exists.
-This movie may have the worst title in the history of Motion Pictures.
-It's utterly horrible and unwatchable. Painfully so.

Next...



Bane- I just couldn't get into this at all. Maybe it's because I saw Martyrs first, and this movie reminded me on a poor man's version of it. But not really. I don't know, it just sucked.

-First off, I hate the "HD CAM" look; movies shot with cheap hand-held's look cheap and shitty. -Second, this movie went on for about 40 minutes too long; it's not like the script was so rich that it needed room to breathe, or that the actors were so dynamic that the director just "let them go" because their brilliance just had to be captured on film... No. It sucked, and dragged on, sloooooowly.
-Third, what a convoluted bunch o' crap.
-Finally... no, I pretty much said everything I have to say about this one. We're done here.



Dead Wood- I don't like to shit on the smaller films. I know in a lot of cases that TONS of heart goes into them, but in the end bad is bad; there are a few bright spots, but for the most part, NOTHING HAPPENS. The last third of the film starts to deliver on the horror promise (especially with some really good FX work), but by then I was just not interested.

-30 minutes in, and the only thing that has happened is camping.
-Every bit of dialogue in this movie must have been re-dubbed in the studio; it sounded hollow and tinny. The dubbing distracted me the whole time. If I'm wrong, and it's not dubbed, then the sounds sucked really bad.
-The acting is pretty bad. The script isn't much better. For these two reasons, it's impossible to give a shit about the characters, and therefore, feel scared for them.
-1 hour in, more camping, some running, a spinning camera, one creepy scene, and two people disappear. The movie is only 1 hour 25 minutes long.
-Where is the tension? Film crew members rustling trees and bushes with their hands doesn't count. Neither does shaking/spinning the camera.
-Whats with a guy being named "Milk" anyways?
-Overall it just takes to long to get to the point, and even when it does, it isn't very good. Consider me disengaged.


Dazed Ditz says "These are like so much worse than other stuff."

The Zombieland trailer is here!

I just saw this trailer for the first time, and it kicked my ass. Not only does the movie boast Woody Harrelson as a bad-ass zombie hunter, but he fights the undead along side Abigail Breslin, Jesse Eisenberg, and Emma Stone. Oh yeah, Bill Murray and Amber Heard play zombies in this one too. Awesome.

Check out the Zombie trailer mania!


More Amber is always good.

The official H2 poster rocks.

I know some of you are strong haters of the Rob Zombie remake of Halloween, and I won't fault you for that; it wasn't perfect and wasn't at all necessary, but... I liked it. It comes nowhere near being what the original was and still is today, but aside from a few complaints, I thought it was a pretty good flick in many ways...

I guess that's why I'm all geeked out over this poster. Seeing as this sequel will be an "original movie", I'm hoping that Zombie can use it to take the franchise places it's never been before.


Love it or hate it, Halloween 2 will meet you in theaters on August 28th.

Two really quick reviews...

Alien Raiders and Outlander are two movies that I saw a while ago, and decided not to cover here because I thought that they were more Science Fiction than anything else, although they do have some horror elements about them. Finally I said screw it and decided to do a quick write-up of both films, as they are cool little "under the radar" flicks that are a hell of a lot of fun.


Alien Raiders- I thought I'd hate this little Sci-Fi movie right from the get go, and that was based on the title alone; it's a goofy title which screams "I'm a B movie" at the top of it's lungs. Thankfully for us, the movie sings a different tune altogether.

A supermarket full of people is taken hostage by some well trained "Terrorists", who turn out to be "Raiders" of the alien variety; they're after the source of a contagion that could doom mankind, and as rogue scientists, they aren't opposed to cutting off thumbs or hooking aliens on drugs to root out that hidden scourge...

I don't know how some low budget films "get it", and some don't; if you do it right, you don't need a ton of money to make a great movie (although it surely helps.) The creators of Alien Raiders seem to understand that though, as they made a movie that was tense, gory, fun, and managed not to do the one thing that MANY, MANY, MANY low budget sci-fi/horror movies do all the time; insult my intelligence and piss me off.

I like how they told us very little about the aliens; less is always more with me. Most films tend to lose it when they feel they have to explain or even over-explain themselves. I also love the "testing" of the hostages... it felt very "The Thing" to me, but not in a rip-off sort of way. I'm glad that this movie seems to be getting a lot of positive buzz... Sites like Dread Central and Bloody Disgusting gave the flick 4 out of 5's, and deservedly so.

The look, pacing, acting, story... it's all pretty tight and engaging. Maybe The Sci-Fi Channel (soon to be Syfy... wtf ?!?!) should hire Ben Rock and his boys to be their in house movie production team, because Alien Raiders is the best movie they never made.

Buy/rent the DVD now, and support one of the good ones.

Our Grade- B+ (8.5/10)


Outlander- Vikings vs. an Alien lizard-thing. How can you not love that sentence? This movie is basically Predator, but with Vikings and a "space dragon." Sounds odd, but I'm telling you that this movie is well made, well acted, suspenseful, and a hell of a good sci-fi/horror time.

From IMDB:
During the reign of the Vikings, Kainan, a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth, bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen. Though both man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against them, Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking's Iron Age weaponry.

This movie was a lot of action filled fun.

Jim Caviezel is awesome as always a Kainan, Sophia Myles is both a hot and bad ass viking chick, Jack Huston (new to me) was damn good as Wulfric, and John Hurt and Ron Perlman always rock. I especially liked Perlman as a viking King; he was more bad ass than he normally is, and the guy is Hellboy for god's sake!

If you like Sci-Fi flicks, medieval action flicks, or "I'm the only one that can save you" Road Warrior-esque type action flicks, than this is the flick for you. If you don't, I'm not sure that I want to know you.

Our Grade- B+ (8.5/10)

Elsewhere (2009)

This movie was kinda-sorta ok, hence the following review that I put "very little" effort into...


ELSEWHERE
Sub-Genre- Teen Terror/Serial Killer

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Anna Kendrick, Tania Raymonde, Olivia York, Chuck Carter, Paul Wesley and Jon Gries.

What's it About?- The dangers of internet dating are many; giving computer access to disenchanted teen girls leads to nothing except loads of sex, excitement, a unearned sense of early independence, and most likely, either their rape or murder. Sometimes both. That being said, the internet also gives men of all ages the chance to be those teenage girls newest, dirty, shameful regret... For that, I personally love the internet. (Not the rape/murder part though.)

Their reaction to 2 girls, 1 cup wasn't what I though t it would be...
The town slut, Jillian, has a chain smoking fat pig of a mother, hates her small town life, and has no self esteem, so naturally she turns to the comfort of strange men to ease her pain. Her best friend, the angelic Sarah, is a cute little lame chick, who wont drink, smoke or have sex. Naturally, the "fun one" goes missing after one of her internet trysts, and the boring good girl sets out to find her.
Guess which one's the slut? ...... Wrong! Trick question, they're both sluts!
Will Sarah find her slutty bestie? Does anyone in the town care that she's missing? Does no one else think that the odd girl is really creepy? What comes next is so ground-breakingly fresh and original that you can't possibly see it coming from a mile away, so I'll be careful not to spoil anything here, but suffice it to say that you'll see this one coming from a mile away.


The Good- I guess I'd have to say that this movie worked for what it was; in some ways, its a convoluted mess, many parts had me saying "Oh, come on!", and it was fairly predictable, but on some levels it also worked. Kinda.

Elswewhere tries to be and edgy teen thriller, but tends to come off as more like a sassy episode of Nancy Drew. The movie did have some decent tension and a few scares though, so to me it's a mixed bag. It actually managed to make we want to find out what happened. I also jumped once.

For the record, I've loved Tania Raymonde ever since she starred on LOST, which is the best show ever.

Scarecrows always creep me out.
The Bad- I'm not sure which is creepier; the serial killing internet predator who skulks around town looking for new, young female victims, or... the"nice guy" frat loser who does his best to get girls drunk and then forcefully tires to "get with them." Seriously, is there that much of a difference? I feel for teenage girls. I really do.

The Downright Horrendous- Why, when you see your slutty friend being roughed up by some random internet pervert guy in an alley, would you not help her? Then later, when a killer tells you to back off or die, you don't listen and go creeping around their house, making calls to someones mom while you should be running to the cops? Poor writing sucks, as do these lame plot devices.

The Gory- Not so much; a very little bit of blood, and that's it.

The Naked- No, but we do get some teen girls in undies. Another huge waste of naughty potential, especially considering the premise of this movie.

Such a tease.
Best Line- "You are such a Girl Scout" or "Don't tempt me."

What did we learn?- The internet is evil. Also, I totally need to buy a paintball gun.

Rating- C (5.0/10) I'm very mixed on this one. Part of me could care less about this movie, and yet part of me thought it was fair to middlin... The younger crowd may dig this one, but I think that more seasoned horror fans will just say "meh." I kinda dig it, but still find myself saying "Meh." Go figure.

Final Thoughts- I'm not even gonna say it.