November 16, 2009

A quick roundup: Jennifer's Body (2009) & A Perfect Getaway (2009)

All in all, this wasn't a totally horrendous movie; it looked good, Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried looked GOOD-GOOD, it even had a very nice lesbian kiss & grope scene between the lead Hotties, but in the end it was truly doomed by the awful writing of Diablo Colby, or whatever her name is.

Devil Coby's writing (mostly when it comes to dialogue and monologue) is so callow, annoying, putrid, and painful to listen to, that I have no choice to assume that she's decided to use her writing to spark trendy new buzz-words and phrases, pretty much with every other line. No one talks like that Devil Coby, not unless they're 14 or mentally slow. By trying to show how hip and "in touch"" she is with the Teen world, she proves just how much she really isn't.

Example(s) Taken from IMDB because I refuse to remember them on my own:
"I need you hopeless." (What? Who the fuck says that?)
"You need a mani-pedi bad. You should find a Chinese chick to buff your situation." (Maybe the perfect example of Cody's suck.)
"These are like smart bombs, you point them in the right direction and shit gets real." (Do kids who talk like this really not know how lame they sound?)
"I just got Aquamarine on DVD. It's about a girl who's, like, half sushi. She must have had sex with a blowhole or something." (What does this even mean?)
[Having been stabbed in the stomach and bleeding profusely] "Got a tampon?" (Oh, that's funny. I get it.) "You're totally lesbi-gay." (Stop making stuff up! Right now!)

It's really better to mute the movie and just watch and try to guess what's happening, rather than suffer the trendy crap Coby spews.. The story itself was cheesy and predictable, but at least the actors made it far more interesting than it should have been. Yes, even Megan Fox, and we all know she can't act her way out of a dirty hamper. Again, unless you're a Teen who hasn't developed taste yet, or a mentally challenged adult, skip this one when it hits DVD. You won't be missing a thing. Except the kissing scene, which was seriously fantastic.

I don't know, maybe I'm being picky lately, but this one just made me say "meh" after it was all said and done. It was good, had gorgeous locations, and I loved the cast; Olyphant and Zahn alone make most things watchable, and Mila... well, she's just special. Need I mention why Marley Shelton is so damned special? Throw in Nikki from L O S T, and I'm pretty much all set... so then why did it feel lack luster?

I liked the guessing game of it all, the twists and turns if you will, though some of it felt pretty obvious. I'm going to chalk it up to seeing it at the wrong time I think. When it hits DVD I'll pick it up and watch it again, and maybe it will please me more than it did this time. I think you should check it out, and let me know if it was better than I initially thought.


  1. Haven't seen Megan Fox's body...but I mean doesn't she get partially naked in this?

    Perfect Getaway is crap, then a twist, then crap.

  2. I too had mixed feelings about The Perfect Getaway. I actually liked it more than I thought I would, but I wasn't completely into it either. I think it was just the Hollywood style of it that drifted in and out clashed with some of the more creative, unique aspects of the movie.

  3. Given that I don't find Megan Fox or Amanda Seyfried even remotely attractive (esp. Megan Fox: I don't think I'll EVER understand what all the fuss is about... give me Danielle Harris or any number of raven-haired scream queen hotties over her any day), this movie was a dead loss for me. Actually, Diablo Cody is probably more pleasing to mine eye than Fox, but I still wouldn't exercise any mercy if I was presiding over the decision to revoke her director's license (I thought Juno was godawful as well).

  4. I quite liked "The Perfect Getaway" but enjoyed Jennifer's Body, c'mon, how can you not love:

    Megan Fox: "I'm gonna go play Hello Titty with the barman..."

    That's funny dammit!

  5. Zac, while I don't agree about Jennifer's Body, It's nice to see you leave a comment! Hope you've been well :)

  6. I watched Perfect Getaway. The film is directed by David Twohy, who directed Pitch Black. He also directed a horror/thriller called Below in the late 90's early 2000's.
    At the time that I saw Below I was pretty impressed--but I recently watched it again and found it a bit stilted. Twohy runs into timing problems in every movie he makes, and seems to get stuck in dreary second acts that move slowly--by the time the third act comes around we know everything, and don't really care exactly what happens, so long as it eventually ends.

    The Perfect Getaway deserved a proper theatrical release. Although it is mediocre, it contains a sense of humor and a fleshing out of characters that we normally don't see in a Hollywood horror. Milla couldn't handle that level of expression, and resorted to playing it cool and delivering cliched acting at times, but she is amazing when she is in action. But the film falters and sputters around the second/third act, and feels a bit overwrought in those last few minutes. But I would recommend this over a lot of the other crap (Unborn, The Box) coming out over the past years.

  7. For the record, I'm a big fan of Twohy's work, Especially Pitch Black.

  8. If it wasn't for Milla, I would probably check out Perfect Getaway. She can't act, and I don't find her attractive.

  9. Actually, a tampon does a very good job on gunshot wounds. Not so sure about a knifewound though.

  10. A Perfect Getaway is a badass film. Anybody who bashes it deserves to have their hands slashed in half.