"The French version of The Strangers, and Stephen Sommers murdering more of our fond childhood memories..."
The Hidden Gem:
Them (Ils) (2006)
The Master says:"The French strike again, this time with their own version of The Strangers. The whole concept of mostly-unseen killers terrorizing people who are stuck out in the middle of nowhere is pretty creepy to me, and add to it the identity of these killers (which I won't spoil here), Ils is a thoroughly unsettling slice of modern horror cinema. To this day after watching this movie, I do a barrel roll and hide whenever I hear that awful noisemaker-thingy clicking sound. Especially when I'm in Europe."
The Train Wreck:
Van Helsing (2004)
The Master says:"Maybe it's not a pure horror movie, but when you shit on the classic Universal Monsters like this, you must be called to task by the horror community. Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman... they aren't characters, they're institutions, and you don't CGI them up and dumb them down like this! After watching this, The Mummy movies, and the recent abomination that was G.I. Joe, it's more than clear that Stephen Sommers should never be allowed to make anything other than crappy kids movies ever again. Sorry Hugh Jackman, you're cool and all, and we know Kate Beckinsale is always hot, but sitting through this movie is about as fun as giving your grandmother a back rub... with your face, minus the smell of Vicks Vaporub and decay."