The Day Before the Top 31 Begins... The Honorable Mentions

The Horror Club presents:
The 31 Days of Horror!

What is about to unfold over the course of the next 31 days will not be a perfect compendium of each decade's horror films; the order as well as the inclusions and exclusions of certain films could be argued for days. Weeks. Forever even... and we would still not be able to make a truly 100% definitive list of the genres best offerings.

What we can do, and what we will do beginning tomorrow, is offer 31 of the best horror films from the 70's, 80's, 90's, and 2000's, and pay them homage. One post with one movie from each decade per day, until we get to the best movie that each decade had to offer us.

Before we do that though, let's take a moment to mention a few movies from each decade that got left off of the lists, but certainly could have made them. For the record, each decade had more than 5 movies that deserved honorable mention, the 80's being the craziest; I swear I had a list of 21 movies from the 80's that didn't make the top 31 cut.

Anyways...

The Honorable Mentions:

The 70's
The Horror Express- I can still hear the creepy theme song in my head.
Magic- Dolls are freaking creepy. Another genre movie by Anthony Hopkins! (Audrey Rose)
Salo- I include this because it may be the most disturbing movie ever filmed. Google it.
The Stepford Wives- The story of my dating life.
Trilogy of Terror- The Zuni Fetish doll... seriously one of the creepiest things ever filmed.

The 80's
Demons- Another Argento classic. He may not have directed this, but it has his name ALL over it.
The Entity- One of the creepiest ghost stories I've ever seen.
Fright Night- The 3rd best 80's vampire movie. You'll see the others soon enough...
The Lady in White- One of the most underrated/unknown ghost stories ever made. Proof that a "PG" horror movie can actually work.
Scanners- Cronenberg's 6th best movie, it has one of the most iconic scenes in horror history.
Silver Bullet- An absolute sentimental fave.

The 90's
Bordello of Blood- Ok, not the best movie, but what a great bunch of vampire fun!
The Craft- One of the better "teen horror" movies of the 90's.
Cronos- Del Toro is a master film maker. End of story.
In the Mouth of Madness- Clive Barker... Where has he been?!?
The Ugly- An underrated gem.


The 2000's
House of Wax- Paris Hilton gets murdered... need I say more? A surprisingly good flick.
May- A great little movie that you May not know about. See what I did there?
The Mothman Prophecies- For some reason, this one gives me the willies.
Undead- A fun, funny zombie flick from down under!
Vacancy- Far from perfect, this one had me creeped out for most of it. The ending could have been better though.

And because we didn't include anything earlier than 1970, we definitely owe these classics at least a mention...

The 60's
The Birds
Black Sabbath
The Haunting
Night of the Living Dead
Psycho
Rosemary's Baby
Village of the Damned
Wait Until Dark

The 50's
The Blob
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Godzilla, King of the Monsters
Horror of Dracula
House of Wax
The House on Haunted Hill
Invasion of the Body Snatchers

1900- 1949
Cat People
Dracula (1931)
Frankenstein (1931)
The Mummy
Nosferatu The Vampire
Phantom of the Opera
The Wolf Man


See you all tomorrow, with Day One!

The 31 Days of Horror- Criteria and errata explained...

This is just a quick post to give a little info on how we picked these movies. It can be one thing that makes a horror movie great, or a combination of a bunch of different things. Read on...

The Criteria:
Was is scary/terrifying/horrific?
Was it bloody/gory?
Was it well made?
Did the plot make sense?
Was it visionary?
How big of an impact did it have when it was released?
Did it change or define the genre?
Are we sentimentally attached to it?
Did it stay with us after all of these years?

Be sure to keep this in mind too; every decade that we're dissecting here had its strong and weak points.

The 70's were basically Horror's birthplace; That's not a knock on anything that came before 1970 at all, but just think about it. It really wasn't until Romero came out with Night of the Living Dead and Polanski gave us Rosemary's Baby, both in 1968, that audiences became obsessed with the occult, and wanted a harsher brand of terror. They changed an entire genre.

Horror made the jump from being mostly campy, to being visceral, gory and terrifying on a whole different level. Blood and sex replaced rubber suits and cheesy monsters. The movies became raw and brutal, offering a dystopian view of society, in some ways reflecting the horrors of Vietnam. This was a feeling out period for horror film makers, exploring the genre in ways that both shocked and delighted audiences. It was raw and fresh in many ways. Much of it was new.

The MPAA instituting a ratings system in 1968 changed things too.

The main themes of the decade (although not the only ones):
The Devil
Possession and Reincarnation
Evil children
Vampires
Exploitation
The Deluge of Euro Horror
The birth of the Stephen King movie


The 80's saw Horror moving ahead full bore, the major theme being "masked maniac preying on helpless female victims." The slasher violence was basically a metaphor for rape in most cases. Werewolves also had a strong run for a while, and were better represented on screen throughout the decade than vampires were for the most part. The market for horror was absolutely flooded, which ultimately lead to the genre's decline by the beginning of the 90's.

The main themes of the decade:
Slashers
Teen Horror
Horror Icons and the series they spawned
Sequels
The Decay of Suburban America
The Birth of VHS and Direct to Video Horror


The 90's saw a serious decline in Horror, both in quality and demand. Audiences were so bombarded in the 80's that they just lost interest, and apparently, Hollywood lost the ability to come up with a bunch of fresh, new ideas. There were a bunch of other reasons too, but this isn't a term paper, so lets just say that the 90's was a weak decade for horror for the most part. We can basically thank Wes Craven and 1996's Scream for putting the paddles on the chest of horror and shocking it back to life.

The main themes of the decade:
Sequels- Too many of them, and most of them crap.
Teen Horror- You know, that late 90's Dawson's Creek crap.
Cerebral Horror
High End Horror
The Emergence of J-Horror


The 2000's started off dead quiet. Luckily for us though, the remake machine began to roll and liven things up! Ugh. There have been some great horror movies so far this decade, but they sit side by side with an equal amount of remade, cookie cutter, unimaginative crap. Thank God for the French.

The main themes of the decade:
Remakes
Reality Horror
Psychological Horror
A return to violence and gore- Thank you torture porn.
The Emergence of French Horror- Thank you France!!!!!!!!!
Revisiting old themes from other decades.


So you may look at some of the top 31 films we have selected for the 90's and say "Really? That made the list?" and the answer is yes. The 90's was pretty weak overall.

You may say "Why in the blue hell was XXX left off of the 80's list!?!" That answer is easiest of all; there are about 60 movies that could easily be in the top 31, so at some point you just have to pick and choose.

"Where are the Sequels? Evil Dead 2 was much better than the first one!" Yeah, maybe so, but it didn't have the same impact as the first one.

Were not perfect, but we think we got it mostly right:

The top half of the 70's was easy to pick; pretty much any of the top 20 could have been top 10. Once you start looking at #20- 31 though, some more obscure films come into play; films that deserve to be included, but may baffle some people who haven't seen a ton of old horror movies.

The 80's was the easiest and hardest to do; Tons of great movies to choose from, but good luck fitting all of the deserving one's in, and getting the order right. No matter how many times I rearrange that list, I won't be satisfied. Most likely, neither will you.

The 90's was the hardest; it was a thin decade for really good horror movies. If you omit the 12,000 sequels that make up a majority of what was released, you don't have much left. Still some good quality though, just less of it.

The 2000's were perplexing; how do we tell what is a modern day "classic" when most of it is still fresh to us. Do we include remakes? What about these foreign films that a lot of people may not have been exposed to? In many ways, this decade was the most fun to do though, because of these questions. This is where we get to say "See it if you haven't yet!"

Fun times. See you on October 1st!

Solo Review- The Entity

The Entity (1981)
Sub-Genre- Supernatural

In Attendance- Only me... and it sucked, because this movie is freaking creepy.

Cast Members of Note- Barbara Hershey, Ron Silver, and Alex Rocco (Moe Greene from The Godfather!)

What's it about?- You know, I really want to inject my usual amount of sarcasm and humor into this, I really do, but just having finished watching this movie leaves me feeling not so witty... I will give it my best though.

A single mother of three, who was possibly molested by her father; was married and knocked up at 16 to an alcoholic punk (who died pretty much after they got married); was abandoned by the dad of her other two kids; and who looks really good taking a bath, is abused and raped by a vengeful spirit. Repeatedly.

Luckily for her, she goes to see a Doctor who really wants to help her, and maybe get in her pants, but he thinks she is insane. Still, he offers her his "Help."

The Doctor.
Some serious mayhem ensues from this point on; the ghost raping and attacking her a bunch of times; her son is attacked when he tries to help her; her friends house is demolished when the ghost follows her there; She actually ghost rides her whip; and all the while, everyone thinks she is a fucking nutjob.

"Tell me I'm crazy to my face!"
I wont ruin the ending other than to say the last scene is seriously fucking scary.

The Good- The Entity is based on a true story; whether you choose to believe that it was "real" or not, this movie is a serious creep-fest. Is there a more disturbing premise for a movie other than "Angry spirit violently rapes woman?" Perhaps the premise of Inside, but I don't know. This is some harsh stuff.

This is one of the creepiest movies I've ever seen; and that's saying an awful lot. From the beginning, everything about this movie is scary. The music, the lighting, even some of the dialogue is just damn creepy. I actually got goosebumps when I watched this, and I've seen it before... I knew what was coming.

I swear that the music in this movie may be some of the creepiest ever.

Ron Silver is a hell of an actor. I've always loved his work, and I wonder why he was never a "Bigger" star. He was pretty much the prototypical 80's character actor. Barbara Hershey is pretty damn good too. And hot. We must never forget that she's hot.

Hot.
The Bad- Ok, so you've been raped by an evil, violent spirit once, attacked a second and you flee the house; you're so terrified, that you don't come home until the next night. When you do come home, you walk around the house without turning one light on? Screw that.

The Downright Horrendous- Moe Greene, you are not a man sir! Pussy.

The Gory- No gore. This is a psychological horror movie, not so much visceral. There are 6 rape scenes though, that while being bloodless, are quite disturbing.

The Naked- You know, normally I'd be all excited because Barbara Hershey was all kinds of naked in this, and she looked great. Since she was naked only when she was attacked/raped though, it's a creepy kind of naked. Not good creepy either.

Best Line- "Welcome home C**t." A seriously creepy line, from a seriously creepy scene. And yes, it's a harsh word at the end of the sentence, so I didn't type it outright. I have hardly any class, but I do have some.

What did we learn?- Don't watch creepy shit at night. Ever. Especially if you are prone to peeing yourself. Also, screw this movie.

Rating- A I have no choice but to give The Entity an A; This is one of the most effective ghost stories I've ever seen, and it still creeps me out to this day.

Final Thoughts- Any woman that Sayid Jarrah (from my favorite show, Lost) loves, is aces in my book.

Valentine (2001)

Valentine (2001)
Sub-Genre- Teen Terror/Slasher

In Attendance- Me, Geo, Chris, Christian and Machine.

Cast Members of Note- The yummy Denise Richards, The yummy (X2) Marley Shelton, Katherine Heigl's boobs, and the guy who played Angel.

What's it about?- A long time ago at the school dance, the poor ugly geek of the school asked the pretty girls to dance with him. Of course they all laughed at him, because ugly guys don't really count, and he had to resort to making out with the fat chick of the class. The hungry ones are always easy pickings, even for greasy geeks.

Thank god Angel is here. His "sexy" will save you!
When the popular kids catch geek boy and hungry girl making out, she cries rape, and they proceed to strip and beat geek boy unmercifully. It was a sort of quasi gay-geek bashing thing, which really, makes you realize that fat chicks cant be trusted.

Random hot picture.
Years later, all of the kids are grown up and still assholes, even the fatty (who is now mostly cute.) Of course their all still friends, because it moves the plot along far easier that way. When they start to disappear and show up dead, they all start to worry. "OMG, who is killing us! And like, why and stuff!" Yep, turns out the world is a better place without them anyhow.

At least the least annoying of them is the last girl still alive...
I wont say anymore so as not to ruin the end of the movie (also, because I don't want to talk about it anymore), but suffice it to say that you're in for a shock!

Not really though.

The Good- So this one is an average stalk and slash movie, packed with hot chicks, some good kill scenes, and not much else. I'm all for some mindless horror, but this is basically the same movie that's been recycled 1000 times since 1980:

Someone was wronged/humiliated/mutilated/killed in the past... years later all of the people who wronged/humiliated/mutilated/killed said victim are all still in contact with one another... The victim, now a revenge seeking maniac, returns to even the score... The "Bad" people are all shallow, pathetic, no one-will-miss-them type yuppies... One by one, the "Bad" people are picked off, oblivious to what's truly happening until the third reel of the film starts... Then, the final girl is left to face the killer, and the "Shocking" reveal happens... Then the final twist/shock/jump/ oh-my-god moment happens, and the credits roll.

At least there was eye candy...
Again, this type of flick serves its purpose, I just wish it would have offered a little bit more in the way of originality is all.

The Bad- Too many Hotties, not enough nakedness. Also, haven't I seen this movie before? And wasn't it done better?

The Downright Horrendous- What was with "Jason"? Do guys actually think that talking about yourself in the third person is manly or attractive? Loser.

The Gory- This movie did have some good kills in it, although nothing overly spectacular.

The Naked- A lot of teasing, but not much skin. With all of the hotness on display in this movie, couldn't at least one of them have gotten naked?!?

Just... just... move your hand!!!!
Best Line- "Wax it!" or "Roses are red, Violets are Blue, They'll need dental records to identify you." Aww, how sweet.

What did we learn?- Hot chicks need to be punished. Also, speaking in the third person is really annoying. Also, don't pick on the loser kids in school, because they will eventually kill you.

Rating- C- A fairly typical, yet mostly decent teen slasher; it's far from perfect, but it's not horrible either. Catch it on cable, or give it a rent rather than buy it.

Final Thoughts- Damn, she's special...

Coming in October: 31 Days of Horror!

Sounds really original, right? Bear with me here...

We have to do something fun for October; as horror fans, it's our month. We get 31 days to celebrate horror, and everyone in the country pretty much does the same. It's our month long party!

I originally thought that doing a "1 movie a day" thing counting down the 31 best (of course that's subjective as hell) horror flicks of all time would be cool, then I got to thinking... That's a hard thing to do. There are so many classic horror movies, all with different things about them that make them classic, that it makes picking one over the other tough as hell; and the amount of great movies that would be left off of the list would be unfair.

I can give you a list of a bunch of them though, and tell you why they're so great. So...

Why not do one post a day, with one movie from each of the 70's, 80's, 90,s and 2000's, counting down the 31 best movies of each decade simultaneously? By the time we get to the top 10 (7 actually), the 31 best movies will all be represented, and all of the "Damn, that should have been on the list!" flicks will get the recognition that would have escaped them if we were doing a straight top 31 list.

Chances are, 1000 of us could come up with an "All time" list, and we would have 1000 very different lists. Now, 124 movies will get some props, and the best will still be at the top of the list.
I think. LOL.

This should be fun.

That's us, hand in bloody hand, getting along. Aww...

*Note- I'm leaving out anything Pre-1970 for a few reasons, but mainly because we all know Dracula, Frankenstein, Psycho, etc... are classics. Plus, 4 decades is enough. Geesh.

Solo Review- Mirrors (2008)

Mirrors (2008)
Sub-Genre- Supernatural

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Keifer Sutherland, and the uber-yummy Amy Smart.

What's it about?- Jack Bauer has been suspended from duty and is forced to take a night job at an old burned out department store that used to be an insane asylum decades before... deep breath... and his wife doesn't want him around because he drinks a lot, so luckily his hot-ass sister takes him in, and we get to see her nearly in the bath later on in the movie... Whew, long sentence.

Yeah, go see what that noise was, dumbass.
Jack begins to see and hear odd things as he patrols the creepy old abandoned department store that used to be an insane asylum back in the day; things like mirrors trying to kill him. They also send him messages, which he doesn't understand and cant quite decode before people around him start dying, all because he's slow. The mirrors kill them out of spite basically.

Not that wide honey... seriously, stop!
As the mystery deepens, so does the level of creepiness that agent 24 must deal with. I don't want to say too much more here, since the movie is still relatively new and I don't want to spoil it for anyone, but suffice it to say that demons are creepy.

The Good- I was waiting for Mirrors to be the movie that came out of left field and blew me away, but it never quite reached that point. Don't get me wrong, it was good, and some of it was great, but it was another case of a foreign director who made an amazing film in his home country (Haute Tension, France), coming to America and making just another Hollywood horror flick.

I did love how this movie lulled me during it's first half, then became exactly the kind of movie I like in it's second. It's almost as if Aja combined elements of The Ring and Rec, and shook them all together, making a climax that I thought was pretty satisfying. Demonic possession is always fun.


It was by no means epic, but it certainly had its moments. It starts slow, but makes up a lot of ground the longer it runs.

The Bad- I think I'm scared of mirrors now.

The Downright Horrendous- Do any horror movies these days have happy endings?

The Gory- A nice opening throat slash; A wicked bathtub scene; Plenty of other disturbing images of violence, decomposition and possession. Not Aja's bloodiest, but he still brings the red stuff.


The Naked- Amy Smart Naked Alert!!! You only see a side view, but it was still dreamy.

Best Line- "Don't be scared, mommy. He just wants to come play with us."


What did we learn?- Mirrors are evil. Also, Dodge Avengers are bad ass cars.

Rating- B While I wish Mirrors would have pushed the envelope a bit more in some areas, the overall experience was satisfying and fun. Rent it for sure, but it if you can, either way it's a pretty cool flick.

Final Thoughts- Yummy...

Solo Review- Don't Look Now (1973)

Don't Look Now (1973)
Sub-Genre- Supernatural/Slasher

In Attendance- Me

Cast Members of Note- Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie.

What's it about?- When two parents let their little girl drown in a lake because they are too busy to be watching her, they naturally do what any couple would do; they head to Venice to restore an old church.

There's candy at the bottom. Go ahead and grabs some.
The husband keeps seeing a little girl in a red Macintosh running around in Venice, and begins to wonder if its his daughter, because she had a red Mac too. Forget that shes dead, or that she was 6 before dying and would have no way to make it to Venice on her own, it has to be her. The wife is no less nutty, making friends with a blind psychic who can see her daughter and says she's happy in death. Then why is she running the streets of Venice? Huh?

Soon, murders begin to plague the water logged town, and as the sightings of the little girl in the red slicker increase, the husband feels it necessary to chase after her.

I wont spoil what happens next here, but I will say that the creepy thing in the raincoat isn't their dead daughter.

Daddy's little princess?
The Good- To me, this movie is like an American version of a Giallo film. The old "Killer is on the loose" gag is used as a great accent to the crazy shit going on in the foreground of this picture. Slow moving, methodical, laced with hints and foreshadowing, and just genuinely creepy and unsettling, Don't Look Now is a solid effort that works throughout most of its run time.

This is a subtle film bookmarked by a disturbing beginning, and a shocking end; filling us with the dread and despair that the main characters feel following the loss of their daughter. They can't communicate with one another, nor come to terms with things separately, both trying to escape the memory of what happened until they are finally forced to face their feelings.

In a lot of ways, this movie is exactly what early 70's horror was all about; horror movies back then were more like dramas with horrific elements thrown into them, rather than an all out assault on the senses. I wonder how a movie like this, or even The Exorcist would fare if they were released today.

The Bad- It's never easy watching kids die in movies, unless its that little fucker from the Problem Child movies. Tell me you wouldn't have smirked if you'd have gotten to see him die on screen.

Not even remotely close to cute.
The Downright Horrendous- Was it necessary for us to have to see so much of Donald Sutherland's bare ass? Also, what was with his hairdo?


The Gory- Not much on the gore, although there is a nice scene that's fairly bloody towards the end. There are some disturbing images peppered throughout though, mostly of dead bodies.

The Naked- We get to see the famous sex scene between Christie and Sutherland that to this day is rumored to be true.

Best Line- "If the world is round, why is a frozen lake flat?"

What did we learn?- Stay away from kids standing in corners. Also, Venice is a pretty creepy city.

Rating- B This is a solid movie that gets under your skin and gives you a good shock at the end. Repeated viewings are a good idea to be able to fully appreciate this one. Check it out.

Final Thoughts- Julie Christie was pretty hot back in the day.

A quick note to our friends...

Due to two hospitalizations of family members and a pretty serious injury to one of our own, neither of the groups have gathered in a few weeks to watch their movies.

Obviously, movies come a distant second when such things occur.

We didn't want you to think that we were giving up, that wont happen; we love you stopping by, dropping us lines and sharing your thoughts with us. I've still been posting some solo reviews and other articles here and there, because one person alone can do wonders at 1 in the morning. Even me. Really, go look. It's pure genius.

So many blogs come and go, but not us. Remember, we started this thing because a group of friends like having a cool reason to get together, and also because we feel the need to impose our views and wills on the world as a whole.

This week we should see Group 1 and Group 2 get back into the swing of things... Even Machine, who swears he will never go near another sorority house again. Especially with an ice pick and a flail. Bad Machine!

Remake Heaven/Hell- Suspiria

Anathema!

Suspiria was the last feature film ever processed in technicolor; The village voice called it the 100th best movie of the 20th century; It's so stylized visually, sonically and atmospherically, that it forces you to regard it in as being of a separate class of horror film; It's a classic. An all-time classic. If you don't understand that, horror may not be for you.

So many things will have to go right with this remake to make it watchable, let alone good. Even the rumored involvement of Natalie Portman may not be enough to save this project.

I love you Natalie, but I'm scared. Be gentle.
Does Hollywood get that It's not supposed to make sense? Do they see that the dreamlike surrealism, use of color, score, and over the top gore has purpose? Legitimate, artistic purpose. This was a mans vision, not just some movie that he directed. There were no cheap scares in the original, no jump cuts, no lame ass twist endings... Suspiria was meant to be beautiful, and to scare the crap out of you, both of which it managed to do brilliantly.

Good luck getting this past the MPAA of today.
If you require a tidy plot, all telling information dumps, a crappy soundtrack filled with crappy bands, cookie cutter-stereotypical characters, or a good wrap up at the conclusion, you should go watch 99% of what Hollywood puts out each year, and leave this one for the big boys.

Vision is required here; a twisted and bold sense of vision. Someone who gets horror and loves it.

David Gordon Green, the supposed director of the supposed upcoming remake had this to say:

“No, it doesn’t make a lick of sense, but it’s wicked. I love it, plot holes and everything. Suspiria is a classic for me, I want to be scared. I want to be afraid. It’s an opportunity to take all artistic excellence and be inspired by what was a low budget Italian 70’s gore movie, where the art world meets the violent and supernatural. I would love to get every geek that loves torture porn and every old lady in line to see ‘Phantom of the Opera’ to come and have this insane experience.”

Promising words form a pretty good director (I just saw his Snow Angels, and it was a great film, technically and stylistically), but still, the whole thing just makes me nervous.

I have two things left to say:
-This at very least needs to be rated R.
-There better not be any use of suck job CGI.

Release date- Unknown

Verdict- This one may be destined for remake hell

HBO's True Blood ep.3

I just caught Episode three, in glorious Hi-Def, and for me it was a mixed bag.

Bill lays claim to Sookie in order to protect her from a cadre of his vampire friends. At Merlotte's, Sam and Tara seek refuge from their respective problems and Jason asks Lafayette for help.

This episode wasn't as good as the first two, but it was still good. I do like how Lafayette looks to be getting a bigger role. He's pretty funny, and looks like he had a darker side which might be fun.

Highlights and things I liked:
-Bill loses his temper.
-Lafayette, the gay cook/hooker/drug dealer/V dealer, is funny as hell.
-Anna Paquin is still hot.
-Hep D is bad news.
-I like how they hint at the vampire hierarchy.
-The gay dance scene was funny; he deserved it.
-The previews for next week look really good, and the weeks beyond look like they get pretty intense.

Things I didn't like:
-I was pulling for him at first, but Sam is kind of a tool.

Best Line(s):
Tara- "He barks in his sleep."
Lafayette- "Yeah, then white folk are a whole lotta fucked up."

A decent episode, though what comes next looks way better.

I'd bite her neck too.

Solo Review- The Devil's Chair

The Devil's Chair
Sub-Genre- Supernatural

In Attendance- Me... and me.

Cast Members of Note- No one of note really, just a bunch of hot British birds.

What's it about?- A bloke (Nick) and his bird (some slut) decide it's a great idea to go poking around an old abandoned hospital, and maybe do some drugs and have sex while inside. Sure it's dirty and creepy, and there may be some transient hobo's hiding somewhere inside ready to rape them both, but bollocks to that! We're young and wild, who needs common sense!

They find a chair to sit in, and of course, she services him. When she takes her turn to get a lil' somethin' somethin', the chair pretty much kills her. The police don't believe him, because no one ever gets murdered by chairs, and the lock him in the loony bin. Years later, a creepy old guy writing a book springs him out and drags him back to the scene of the crime to do some "research."

At this point, everyone who comes along for the trip wants to sit in the chair, and one by one they all get sucked into hell, where a creepy cow-head demon wants to feed off of their blood.

"Hi, I'm Stanley... Now make with the blood, bitch!"
I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say, that twist endings usually suck. I mean, just once these days can we not have a twist/shock/jump cut ending?


The Good- This one worked for me on a lot of different levels; I loved the grainy look of it all; the blood and gore content was plentiful; The characters, save for one guy, didn't drive me nuts and male me wish them dead; I thought the use of a running voice over was pretty effective, and cool to boot... The British are great at voice over in film; the story was interesting, and had me intrigued; and the visuals were creepy and I loved them.


Then came the third act and its "Twist" ending, and it kinda ruined the whole thing for me. Now don't get me wrong, we still have a very cool horror movie here, but it just... I cant say much more without spoiling, so I'll stop. I'm just tired of the damn twist endings...

The Bad- Will people ever cease trying to use abandoned old buildings to get laid in? Geesh.

The Downright Horrendous- This one lost it in the third act, big surprise right?, when it pulled the ole' "Twist ending" out of its ass, thereby invalidating the plot as a whole. Can't we just get some straight forward, unexplainable shit for a change?

The Gory- Wall to wall blood! People covered in it, people crawling through it, a haunted chair that extracts it from people, bloody killings, bloody set pieces... A bloody good time! Yes, that was my obligatory British pun. Let's move on.

The Naked- Some simulated oral sex and that's about it.


Best Line- Something about bangers and mash, but I cant quite recall.

What did we learn?- Stay out of abandoned buildings. Also, never make fun of the crazy guy.

Rating- B- This one had a lot of A grade things about it, but I just can't get past the twist. Still, a really good, bloody, creepy, fun and sometimes funny movie, that you should definitely check out.

Final Thoughts- She is in this:

Solo Review- Scar 2-D/3-D

Scar 2-D/3-D
Sub-Genre- Torture Porn

In Attendance- Solo!

Cast Members of Note- The ever-creepy Angela Bettis, and the cutie with the cool name, Kirby Bliss Blanton.

Kirby... In't she cute?
What's it about?- A couple of easy, weed smoking girls decide to go watch the local mortician masturbate one night, but instead find that he enjoys torturing people to death instead. Realizing there's no weed in it for them, one of the girls sucks the creeps guts out with an embalming tool, and steals his cigarettes.

The easy girl grows up and comes home years later, and we find out that she's less hot than she was at 17. She also appears to be insane, and of course gets blamed when dead kids start showing up all over town, tortured the same way she was as a child. Freaked out, she returns to the funeral parlor where it all began, looking to steal more cigarettes.

Virginia Slims? Dammit!
I wont ruin the end here, but suffice it to say that she gets no more cigarettes, and cuts off her own thumb.

The Good- Scar has the distinction of being the first ever HD 3-D movie in the history of the horror genre, Horror in 3-D I'm not sure about; it does make the nasty uncomfortable stuff more in your face though. What about DVD though? There better be cool glasses included!

Though I only got to see it in 2-D, this one was better than I thought it was going to be heading in; it was a bloody, gory, visceral and often times uncomfortable movie to watch, all which bode well for horror. This movie took no prisoners when it came to the torture porn aspect of things, and for that I say bravo.


It had its misgivings, mostly in the way that it allowed itself to get caught up in stereotypical genre trappings that made me roll my eyes, but overall it was a fun ride. The plot was fairly interesting, although the "Game" the killer played will no doubt draw comparisons to Saw.

The Bad- Oh come on, not the old "You've got to believe me" routine!!! Even better... "It's finally over!" And my personal favorite; the whole "It was only a dream" thing. Ugh.

The Downright Horrendous- Finally, we get a non-stereotypical black guy in a horror movie, and he still buys the farm. To make it worse? They cut off his peener. Will it never end?

The Gory- If the amount of blood and twisted violence in this movie aren't enough for you, then you probably shouldn't be allowed around children. Or pets. Scar is wet with the crimson splendor, and the torture is not only plentiful, but you get to see it all. Nasty goodness!

That had to hurt.
The Naked- We get to see some boobies!

Best Line- "Bishop... oh Biiishop!" (You'll understand when you see it.)

What did we learn?- Never trust the creepy loner. Also, it's never "just a dream", although sometimes it is. But not really.

Rating- C This one had a ton of blood and gore, and was great visually; unfortunately, when it fell back on genre cliche' a few times throughout, it lost some of its impact. I say see it, just know it's not perfect.

Final Thoughts- This movie contains some hot chicks. Several, in fact, and in various stages of hotness.

Bettis is a cutie.

The House on Sorority Row remake meets... The Hills?

Please pardon this short rant...

It's bad enough that Hollywood keeps remaking movies because apparently they have no new ideas, but this one crosses the line into sad news. Audrina Partridge, co-star of MTV's fake and far beyond annoying "Reality" show The Hills, will be starring in the remake of The House on Sorority Row.

Now, for those of you not familiar with the show, here's basically what happens in each episode:

A bunch of shallow and self absorbed 20 year-olds, with the brains of mentally impaired third graders, sit around and stare into space, talk about nothing, stare into space, gossip, act catty, stare into space, and kill humanity's will to live. Slowly.

Scene:
"Like OMG, can you , like believe how mean she is and like... stuff." LC stares at friend.
"I know, right." Other whore stares back.
LC gazes still, obviously contemplating.
Other Whore sips drink, continues to stare. (makes me want to punch self.)
LC sips drink.
Crap music begins to play as they both stare, deep in no thought whatsoever.
Roll credits.
(I then attempt to gouge my own eyes out with the remote control, to no avail.)

12 year old girl or gay male aside... anyone watching this crap doesn't count anymore.

So obviously you put one of those girls in a horror movie remake, right? Seriously, remakes don't suck enough (usually), so why bother to try and make them as good as possible; just cast a name that teenagers will know, even though they cant act their way out of a moldy colostomy bag, and roll with it.

She better at least get naked or have a cool death scene.

Coming Soon- Sauna

I'm doing a post about this movie for two reasons:

1- It's from Finland, and I've never seen a Finnish horror movie before. They turn out good hockey players, so why not film, right?

and

2- Early reviews from the TIFF (Toronto Intl. Film Fest) have called this a highbrow horror, one with intelligence and plenty of psychological craziness.

It looks interesting, and seems like a decent change of pace for a change. I like the idea of not feeling stupid as I watch a film. I know, silly me.

The Trailer
IMBD page

A cruel horror film bathing in the Finnish sauna culture, in the no-zone between Christianity and paganism. A story of two brothers, who leave a young girl to die and become haunted by her, as she follows them in supernatural form, her face pouring with endless filth. The brothers escape with a commission marking the border between Russia and Finland to a Russian-Orthodox village. In there they find a sauna - The sauna where all sins are washed away. Seeking for forgiveness, the brothers step into the sauna…