July 29, 2008

Blu-ray Review: Battle Royale (2000)

A Japanese Junior High Class gets to go on a field trip! Granted, most field trips involve a day at the zoo, or a visit to the local prison to do "dances" for the inmates (I'm still sore from my 8th Grade trip), but this one is way more fun than that; because on this trip, the kids get to kill each other!

Literally blind vengeance.
Luckily, Mr Rourke lets them use Fantasy Island to host their crazy little roustabout, although Tattoo isn't too happy about it. You see, Mr. Rourke promised him a week alone together on the island, filled with back rubs and candy canes... and with all of that thrown out the window in favor of kid-on-kid murder, he's a sad little midget. One of the kids kills him with a cheese grater right out of the gate anyways, so no worries.

"Aloha my ass... You owe me a rubdown bitch!"
With the half-man out of the way, the kids proceed to off each other in various ways; Karate, machine guns, barbed-wire toothbrushes... one of them even gets the pleasure of using the most dangerous weapon of all: an electrified rag-doll!

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but suffice it to say that no one makes it back on the bus. You knew what this was.

"You want to hug Zappy, mister?"
What a wicked little movie! The concept of Junior High kids killing other kids in order to ensure their own survival is a pretty strong meditation on society. These days, it even feels as if we're all headed in that direction as a people, doesn't it? It's also a pretty cool premise for a Horror movie.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the movie.
I expected this one to be much more uncomfortable to watch than it was; don't get me wrong, it was disturbing, but it just wasn't as over-the-top or offensive as I'd imagined it would be. I know the term classy seems out of place when discussing most Horror movies, and especially a film with a premise like this one, but this movie is classy. This quote from the director pretty much sums up the message of the film: "He described the end message in the film, 'Run', as his advice to the next generation."

It's all a pretty disturbing meditation about Governmental control, and just how far one might go to keep its people subservient, and afraid to rebel. 

She's not afraid of anything.
Seriously? Lego toys?

I can't lie, that's kinda cool.
They're planning a U.S. remake of this movie... what a surprise. If there is a God, he won't let it happen.

*Addendum- The storyline of The Hunger Games is oddly similar to that of Battle Royale. Only one of the series is a worldwide phenomenon though. Go figure.

The original Katniss Everdeen?
It's kids killing kids, so you know that there's plenty of brutality on display here. Even though most of it is on the psychological level, there's plenty of visceral nastiness here to satisfy most Horror fans.

You have failed Math for the last time, Yuriko!

The love scene that almost happened.
"If I survive, can I go home?"
"Yes, but only if everyone else is dead."

Listen to your teacher! Also, Big Brother is watching... and controlling... and manipulating...

"Who else didn't do their homework? Huh? HUH?!?"
This is what top-tier Horror should be; smart, disturbing, and thought provoking. Battle Royale is a movie about the ills of Governmental control, and what a chilling topic it is. I recommend owning this one for sure, as it is a Modern Day Classic in every sense of the word.


Battle Royale is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.


Go-Go is in this!

July 27, 2008

Horror Hotties- Carla Gugino

Fine, so she hasn't been in a ton of Horror projects; Rise: The Blood Hunter, She Creature, and The Unborn, but let us not forget two key factors here...

1- She's no stranger to genre flicks; Sin City (which was awesome), Watchmen (which I loved, though many others seemed to hate), and Sucker Punch (which was amazing if you put the TV on mute, and just watch the pretty visuals.)

2- She's ridiculously, insanely hot.

So according to my calculations: 3 Horror movies + 3 cool Fanboy geek movies + ridiculously hot= Horror Hottie! (My site, my rules)

If you didn't love her in Sin City, you might just be insane.
Few people know that Carla Gugino came to Earth from some sort of crazy time/space warp. It's a long story, and one that our puny Earth-brains couldn't possibly begin to comprehend, but basically she became too hot for her own planet to handle anymore, and was forced to flee to our world, both for safety's sake and the sake of our enjoyment. The whole thing is really odd considering that her home planet was called Sexyworld. You'd think they'd be able to handle her...

Her super power is sexiness.
She became an actress at a young age, starring in some classic episodes of shows like ALF, Saved by the Bell, and Doogie Howser M.D. Her first step into the world of Horror came when she starred in Son in Law... Pauly Shore was terrifying as "The Weasel", and his cries of "Woooo buddy!" still give me chills to this day. *Quick, random side-note: Carla also has a huge rack.

Believe me, Carla, we know.
She began to show how much she liked girls in her next Horror movie, The Mermaid Chronicles 1: She Creature. Who wouldn't want to kiss a mermaid though? She has also kissed hot girls in Jaded, Rise, and Center of the World... What a brave actress/total freak, both of which we totally support. 

She totally dropped the ball when it came time to kiss Connie Britton in Girls in Trouble, though. Shame on everyone involved in that decision!
Rise: Blood Hunter was her next Horror flick. Hot Vampires drinking blood and having plenty of casual sex... aside from the potential health risks, there isn't much that's hotter, is there? Seriously, slutty Vampires who have lesbian sex are among the finer things in this world, and yes, they really do exist.

She is about to rape Lucy Liu.
The Unborn was decent enough, although Carla had a smaller, supporting role in that one. Still, it was interesting to see her and Gary Oldman take the backseat to Odette Yustman and her scene stealing... wait, why in the hell did they take the backseat to her again? At least Carla looked good in this one, so, meh.

She looks to be in need of a sexorcism. Heh.
So not only is Carla Gugino smoking hot, but she's no stranger to genre work. She seems to revel in taking on roles in Horror and Sci-fi-based projects, all the while starring in all kinds of other mainstream movies and TV shows. She's versatile, folks, and that's why she's always been one of our faves, and likely will be until the day that we die. Or she dies. Whichever comes first.
Watch it there, Officer Peeky-Creep!
It is baffling to us that as not-shy as he  is, that in the two movies where she plays Porn Star Elektra Luxx (Women in Trouble, Elektra Luxx), that she was not naked at all. Go figure.