July 29, 2008

Solo Review- Battle Royale (2000)

Sub-Genre- J-Horror
Cast Members of Note- Go-Go Yubari from Kill Bill is in this!

A Japanese Junior High Class gets to go on a field trip... Granted, most field trips involve the zoo, or a trip to the local prison to do "dances" for the inmates (I'm still sore from my 8th Grade trip), but this one is way more fun than that; because on this trip, the kids get to kill each other!

"Aloha my ass... You owe me a rubdown bitch!"
Luckily, Mr Rourke lets them use Fantasy Island to host their crazy little roustabout, although Tattoo isn't too happy about it. You see, Mr. Rourke promised him a week alone together on the island, filled with back rubs and candy canes... and with all of that thrown out the window in favor of kid-on-kid murder, he's a sad little midget. One of the kids kills him with a cheese grater right out of the gate anyways, so no worries.

With the half-man out of the way, the kids proceed to off each other in various ways; Karate, machine guns, barbed wire toothbrushes... one of them even gets the pleasure of using the most dangerous weapon of all... an electrified rag-doll!

I wont ruin the ending here, but suffice it to say that no one makes it back on the bus.

"You want hug Zappy, mister?"
What a wicked little movie! The concept of Junior High kids killing other kids in order to win their own freedom is a pretty strong meditation on society. These days, it even feels as if we're all headed in that direction as a people, doesn't it? It's also a pretty cool premise for a Horror movie.

I just really liked this picture.
I expected this one to be much more uncomfortable to watch than it was; don't get me wrong, it was disturbing, but it wasn't over the top nor offensive. I know the term classy seems out of place when discussing most Horror, and especially a film with a premise like this one, but it fits. This quote from the director pretty much sums up the message of the film: "He described the end message in the film, 'Run', as his advice to the next generation."

It's all a pretty disturbing meditation about Governmental control, and just how far one might go to keep its people subservient, and afraid to rebel. 

Seriously? Lego toys?

I can't lie, that's kinda cool
They're planning a U.S. remake of this movie... what a surprise. If there is a God, he won't let it happen.

*Addendum- The storyline of The Hunger Games is oddly similar to that of Battle Royale. Only one of the series is a worldwide phenomenon though.

There is plenty of brutality on display here, and even though most of it is on the psychological level, there is plenty of visceral nastiness to satisfy most Horror fans.

You have failed Math fo the last time, Yuriko!

"If I survive, can I go home?"... "Yes, but only if everyone else is dead."

Listen to your teacher! Also, Big Brother is watching... and controlling... and manipulating...

"Who else didn't do their homework? Huh? HUH?!?"
This is what Horror should be; smart, disturbing and thought provoking. Battle Royale is a movie about the ills of Government control, and what a chilling topic it is. I recommend owning this one for sure, as it is a Modern Day Classic in every sense of the word..


Go-Go is in this!

"Go-Go! No, I mean it... go. You're scaring me."

July 27, 2008

Horror Hotties- Carla Gugino

Fine, so she hasn't been in a ton of Horror projects; Rise: The Blood Hunter, She Creature, and The Unborn, but let us not forget two key factors here...

1- She's no stranger to genre flicks; Sin City (which was awesome), Watchmen (which I loved, though many others seemed to hate), and Sucker Punch (which was amazing if you put the TV on mute, and just watch the pretty visuals.)

2- She's ridiculously, insanely hot.

So according to my calculations: 3 Horror movies + 3 cool Fanboy geek movies + ridiculously hot= Horror Hottie! (My site, my rules)

If you didn't love her in Sin City, you might just be insane.
Few people know that Carla Gugino came to Earth from some sort of crazy time/space warp. It's a long story, and one that our puny Earth-brains couldn't possibly begin to comprehend, but basically she became too hot for her own planet to handle anymore, and was forced to flee to our world, both for safety's sake and the sake of our enjoyment. The whole thing is really odd considering that her home planet was called Sexyworld. You'd think they'd be able to handle her...

Her super power is sexiness.
She became an actress at a young age, starring in some classic episodes of shows like ALF, Saved by the Bell, and Doogie Howser M.D. Her first step into the world of Horror came when she starred in Son in Law... Pauly Shore was terrifying as "The Weasel", and his cries of "Woooo buddy!" still give me chills to this day. *Quick, random side-note: Carla also has a huge rack.

Believe me, Carla, we know.
She began to show how much she liked girls in her next Horror movie, The Mermaid Chronicles 1: She Creature. Who wouldn't want to kiss a mermaid though? She has also kissed hot girls in Jaded, Rise, and Center of the World... What a brave actress/total freak, both of which we totally support. 

She totally dropped the ball when it came time to kiss Connie Britton in Girls in Trouble, though. Shame on everyone involved in that decision!
Rise: Blood Hunter was her next Horror flick. Hot Vampires drinking blood and having plenty of casual sex... aside from the potential health risks, there isn't much that's hotter, is there? Seriously, slutty Vampires who have lesbian sex are among the finer things in this world, and yes, they really do exist.

She is about to rape Lucy Liu.
The Unborn was decent enough, although Carla had a smaller, supporting role in that one. Still, it was interesting to see her and Gary Oldman take the backseat to Odette Yustman and her scene stealing... wait, why in the hell did they take the backseat to her again? At least Carla looked good in this one, so, meh.

She looks to be in need of a sexorcism. Heh.
So not only is Carla Gugino smoking hot, but she's no stranger to genre work. She seems to revel in taking on roles in Horror and Sci-fi-based projects, all the while starring in all kinds of other mainstream movies and TV shows. She's versatile, folks, and that's why she's always been one of our faves, and likely will be until the day that we die. Or she dies. Whichever comes first.
Watch it there, Officer Peeky-Creep!
It is baffling to us that as not-shy as he  is, that in the two movies where she plays Porn Star Elektra Luxx (Women in Trouble, Elektra Luxx), that she was not naked at all. Go figure.

Blu-ray Review: Black Christmas (1974)

Sub-Genre- Slasher
In Attendance- Me, Eryn, The Vanilla Gorilla, Machine, and Nick.
Cast Members of Note- Olivia Hussey, Margot Kidder, Kier Dullea and John Saxon!

Poor Billy is only tying to find someone who will listen to him; too bad he wasted his time on those snotty sorority girls... because they don't seem to care at all! Every time he calls and tries to pour his heart out to them, they laugh and hang up on him and just won't listen. That obviously means that they have to die.
Billy 'bout to kill some bitches.
You see, Billy lives in the attic, so it's easy for him to kill a girl, meow like a cat, hide her body, then wait for another one to kill. He really does like meowing like a cat. He also likes to ski, but nobody ever asks him about that. Not even Agnes, because she's a bitch. Sure, everyone eventually gets whats coming to them... just not Billy. He didn't even get as much as a card for the Holidays.

Far be it from me to spoil the what happens for you here, but suffice it to say that there's a dead bitch in the attic, and her cat is a total asshole.

See, this is why I hate cats... She's dead, asshole. Go feed yourself!

What a creepy classic this one is. Tense, dark, and unsettling, Bob Clark made a Horror movie that was years ahead of it's time with Black Christmas. His use of shadow, odd angles, and tension in place of buckets of blood were genius for its time, and it still holds up well, nearly 40 years later. Not bad for a little movie with a budget of under a million dollars.

This film is not only a Horror Classic, but it was also groundbreaking when it was released; it was one of the first slasher movies ever made; it used the "the calls are coming from inside the house" gag years before When a Strangers Calls did; and it was one of the first movies to show us the action from the killer's POV. This movie deserves to stand alongside Halloween as one of the best slasher films ever, although it tends to be a footnote when the two are discussed. Shame, that.

Merry last Christmas ever!
I may have had certain misconceptions about this movie before I saw it...

Turns out it's not that kind of Black Christmas, after all...
WTF was up with the Cops at the end? I mean do we seriously leave a girl all alone in a house where multiple murders were just committed and where the killer is still at large and we haven't even really searched the house all that well in an effort to find him? That sentence was a HUGE run-on, but it had to be said in exactly that manner.

Everyone is on the phone in this movie.
There were a few on-screen deaths, but they were very light on the blood. Creepy though. Very creepy. 

She must have died mid-Christmas Carol.
 Nope... This one was tame in that department.

"Darling, you can't rape a townie" or "I'm going to kill you."

"But... but I'm a townie!"
When someone tells you to get out of the house, you don't run upstairs with a fire poker.... you GTFO of the house!

"You want us to leave now? Alright, we're on our way upstairs!"
Black Christmas is an all-time classic that every Horror fan should have in their collection, especially those of us who love slashers. It's really interesting that between this movie and A Christmas Carol, that Bob Clark gave the world two seminal (although for completely different reasons) Christmas movies. Maybe he just really loved the Holiday Season?


Black Christmas is available now on Blu-ray and DVD.


Olivia "the" Hussey and Margot "crazy as fuck" Kidder are in this, and both are looking rather 70's hot.