May 17, 2008

Review: Zombie (1979) & Zodiac (2007)

So finally, the first meeting of the The Horror Club's second branch took place. Remember, in the interests of me not having to sit through every horror movie we have twice (going A-Z), this group will be starting in reverse and working Z-A.

In Attendance- Me, Machine, Geo, Chris, Christian (he shows up sometimes), and Sadie (She's a dog.)

Good luck trying to figure this one out; Italian horror is usually about as hard to follow as a butterfly on Meth. It's also just as strangely captivating. I'll give it my best shot though, because that's what I do.

When a boat drifts into the Harbor of N.Y.C., we find out that the Big Apple is now populated by lip-syncing Italians. Giuseppe and Paolo find a Zombie stowaway, and then proceed to prove that they're the worst Cops in the history of the World. Turns out the boat belongs to some scientist who has been incommunicado on a tropical island, which worries his not-really-all-that-pretty daughter, so naturally, she and some random strangers head to Ooga-booga Island to find Dad. What they find instead is a plague of Zombies unleashed by an evil native Witch Doctor, who you never see... although you hear his tribes drums playing all throughout the movie...

Needless to say, Zombie carnage ensues. I won't ruin the ending for you here, but let's just say that New York finally gets what it deserves.

Never forget.
This one is truly an all-time Zombie classic. With Zombie, Lucio Fulci delivers a great slice of Italian splatter that helped to change the landscape of Horror itself. It takes a while, but when the good stuff finally hits, it delivers the gore, flesh eating and dread, in spades. This move was banned in a bunch of countries when it cam out in 1979; it wasn't until 2005 that Great Britain's BBFC let an unedited cut be released with an 18 rating.

This movie also contains one of the most infamous scenes in Horror Movie History.

#98 on Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments
As with most Italian Horror flicks, it starts slow, is paced slow, and it can be a test to make it through the whole thing for the average person. Also, it practically makes no sense whatsoever. 

Did any girl in the 70's have boobs bigger than a B-cup? I'm just sayin'.

Zombies and sharks hate each other. Hate!

You'd think the shark would win that fight...
Zombie is an all-time classic, and a must own for both Zombie aficionado's and Horror fans in genral. Few pull off the Zombie aesthetic as well as Fulci did; when a hardcore Horror fan thinks of Zombies, they think Fulci, Romero, and then everyone else pretty much comes after that. If you're a newer Horror fan, you've got to check this one out.


Zombie is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Machine's Random Musings: He loved the part where the girl got her throat ripped out... He actually purred. Creepy bastard.

Let's go to that Island, they said.Everything will be fine, they said.
In Attendance- Me, Machine, Geo, Chris, Christian (He shows up sometimes), and Sadie (She's the dog.)  

Basically, Zodiac is a story about how inept Cops were in the 60's and 70's, and how they sucked so bad, that they let one of the most infamous Serial Killers in U.S. history pretty much go on killing and get away with it.

The gay cowboy from Brokeback Mountain is hired as a cartoonist for the "Reach-around Pass Gazette," and becomes obsessed with doing the Cop's jobs for them, setting out to catch the Zodiac Killer all on his own. The Zodiac, who seems lonely, writes letters to the Police and newspapers telling them that all he really wants is a pen pal. He says he will keep killing until he gets one, and so California is screwed because pen pals are gay.

I won't ruin the ending for you here, but it involves a burly, bald guy, some random tools and hardware, and a smoky man-look reminiscent of Brokeback Mountain.

Boo! I'm the Zodiac! Just kidding... kiss me.
Here we get the rarest of all things: a great Horror movie as well as a superbly made film all in one package. David Fincher has made his finest film to date with Zodiac, and it's brilliant in every way. From Robert Downey Jr. acting his ass off yet again, to Jake Gyllenhall making me forget all about gay cowboys, to the pacing, cinematography and even the script. Oh yeah, its creepy as shit too. Any self respecting Horror fan needs this movie in their collection.

While we're at it, let's get one thing straight here: Zodiac IS a Horror movie. It involves a Serial Killer that terrorizes an entire city with his murderous ways, and that's definitely Horrific material. All of the ass-necks out there who whine about "It's a drama, Horror has to have like scary stuff in it" need to shut up and start learning how to understand things better. That is all.

The "basement scene" in Zodiac is one of the scariest things we've ever seen. It's perfect.
I'm not sure why he didn't, but Iron Man should have used his suit to fight the Zodiac Killer. He so would have won.  

Why would you want to kill this cutie pie?

What a waste of a good cutie pie.
Never go in the fucking basement. Never, ever, fucking ever.

A tour de force in film-making, Zodiac is one hell of a thrill ride. If you haven't already, you need to see this if not own it.


Zodiac is available now on Blu-ray, DVD, and VOD.

Machine's Random Musings: I could hear him crying inside of his leather gimp mask during this one.

That elusive bastard.


  1. Him going into the basement was probobly one of the creepiest moments ever.

    "I drew all these posters. *clangclang*"

    "What was that?"

  2. The water friendly walking dead was the selling point for me in "Zombie."