May 21, 2008
A few miscellaneous ramblings...
And the next two movies for The Horror Club are... Group A will be treated to a Lamberto Bava double feature: A Blade in the Dark, and Macabre; a decent introduction to the Giallo genre. Should be interesting. These movies will be the 6th and 7th watched by group A, and The Vanilla Gorilla has yet to lose his mind. Group B will gladly skip over Zombi 3&4 (Which should be considered bad movies anyhow), and instead get Wolf Creek and Wrong Turn. Don't worry guys, Witchboard and Wishmaster 1-3 are right around the corner. In remake news... As if it weren't bad enough that F13, Elm Street and The Karate Kid are being remade (The last involving Will smith and his kid), Hollywood has again managed to turn into our dirty old uncle and finger-bang us with the announcement of a Highlander remake. At least it's being written by the guys who wrote Iron Man... I guess. I'm sure the PG-13 rating and the CGI will make it so much better than... Ugh. I can't do this. Um, there can be only ONE, guys... And here he is. My Bloody Valentine 3-D is moving right along the remake trail, and maybe in the right direction: They're shooting for an R rating. Since the 3-D thing isn't a joke, maybe bucket loads of blood and Harry Miner's pickaxe swinging into the crowd might be kinda cool. 3-D boobs would rule too, as would a 3-D, all girl threesome... a 3-Dsome. Mmm... The first set pics look decent enough...
James King is in this.
Midnight Meat Train is still coming... I think
One of Clive Barker best short stories is still coming to theaters, and while it expands quite a bit on the original story, it looks like a good time. Recent test screenings produced screams and high scores, and if this pic is any indication, me likey. Machine really likes it to; he's considering moving to New York just to have a meat train of his own... the kind where you kill people, not like the one he has in his pants, although he has killed people with that one too.
Where's my money!
Steven Seagal leaves his greasy pony-tailed mark on horror!
The man wowed us with slow martial arts moves and stellar acting in the late 80's and early 90's; he wowed us by getting fat, becoming a total douchebag, and making more direct to video movies than Jean Claude Van Damme in the 2000's; He has also wowed us by releasing really important music:
Try, "Songs From my Dirty Asshole", Steven.
Now, he is set to wow us by fighting vampires... According to Moviehole.net, Seagal is starring in Last Night, the futuristic fright-flick tells of a group of people in a hospital who are transformed into bloodsucking vampires. Seagal plays the commander of a troop of soldiers sent in to obliterate the neck-biters!
Wow. I guess it's fitting that he fight the undead since his suck ass career refuses to die. Now all we need is Dolph Lundgren as a ninja zombie, and Jean Claude Van Damme as a killer mime, and Hollywood can officially go fuck itself.
No one can emote like Seagal.